With a Little Help From My Friends

What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away
Does it worry you to be alone?
How do I feel by the end of the day
Are you sad because you're on your own

No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love

Would you believe in a love at first sight
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light
I can't tell you but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends

--The Beatles, "With a Little Help From My Friends"

Chapter One: Holey Sheet!!

"Hey, Potter!"

James turned and saw Lucius Malfoy and his two cronies, Crabbe and Goyle, following him. Fifteen years old, Lucius was the exact copy of his father, except he was shorter and had shorter hair. He had a pale, pointed face, cold grey eyes, and silvery-blonde hair. Crabbe and Goyle resembled boulders with arms and legs.

"What?" said James coldly. Sirius, Remus, and Peter had gone ahead to Charms - James had stayed in the Great Hall to flirt with Lily Evans.

"Where're your little friends, Potter?" drawled Lucius.

"On their way to Charms class," James called over his shoulder coolly, turning and walking along the second floor corridor, slightly jostled by the large crowd of chattering students.

"What's that you're wearing, Potter? Reminds me of the rag our house-elf wears," Lucius said loudly - they were following him, instead of going to Potions
James looked down - Lucius certainly wasn't talking about his robes - they were brand new without a patch, stain, or rip. He had to be talking about his pants - they were frayed at the bottom and the knees were torn and bloody.

"They're called pants," James replied, frowning. He had taken a nasty tumble during break - the four Marauders had been taking turns pretending to be Snivellus. James had been prancing around, imitating Severus when he (apparently) gotten a good grade on a homework paper - or he had successfully flirted with Lydia Bullstrode, who was a female Crabbe. Which one, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter couldn't tell. "And aren't you supposed to be going to Potions?" he shot over his shoulder - Lucius, Crabbe, and Goyle were still trailing him.

"Why should we go to Potions when we can harass you? We're going to do all sorts of stuff to you," said Goyle stupidly, scratching his large head.

Lucius elbowed Goyle hard in the ribs, which made his expression even more stupid.

James snorted. "Your heads are all so far up your arses that you can't even see the light of day," he said, grinning to himself.

"Huh?" Crabbe said.

James shook his head as he reached the Charms classroom. Soon the bell would ring, and Lucius, Crabbe, and Goyle would all be in deep trouble. Well, probably not, because Professor James (this was a real riot to the four Marauders, and they spent many happy hours mimicking the professor) favored the Slytherins most definitely.

"Well, Potter, the time has come," Lucius said.

Some day he's going to have a son who's as big of an idiot as he is, James thought. "The time has come for what?" he said, the corners of his mouth twitching - Professor Flitwick was just inside the door, and if the three Slytherins tried something, they would be in waist-deep dragon dung.

Lucius smirked, and Crabbe and Goyle chuckled trollishly.

"Okay, let me in on the joke, Lucius," James said, grinning. This should be interesting, he thought.

"Okay," Lucius said, brushing a strand of silvery hair out of his eyes and smirking even wider. His hand casually wandered over to the inside of his robes and he withdrew his wand, pointing it threateningly at James, who was just waiting for Professor Flitwick to come out into the corridor. "We're going to have a bit of fun."

"HOLEY SHEET!!"

James bolted upright and hit his head on something hard. He wasn't in the corridor anymore - it had to have been a dream. Groaning, stars blinking in front of his eyes, he groped blindly for his glasses on his bedside table. Somewhere to his right, Sirius's voice said, "What the bloody hell is wrong with you, Peter?"

"HOLEY SHEET!!" Peter shrieked again.

James found his glasses and put them on - he had hit his head on his nightstand, apparently - and looked around. To his right, Sirius was flinging off his covers, looking livid. His dark brown hair was sticking up in many places, and there were small dark circles under his brown eyes. He crossed the room to Peter's bed, which was right next to Remus's.
"Peter!" he hollered. "What's wrong?"

Peter was shrieking and wringing his hands together - his dirty blonde hair was all over his face, and his cheeks were bright red. "HOLEY SHEET!!" he screamed girlishly.

"Peter, pipe down so we can get some sleep," Remus said to James's left. It had been a full moon the night previously, which meant night wandering for the four boys in Hogsmeade.

James grinned, his forehead throbbing. He looked over at Remus - there were even bigger bags under his eyes, and his whole body seemed to radiate laziness. "Yeah, Peter, what's up?" he yawned.

Peter was cowering in his bed, and James, rubbing his forehead furiously, hopped out of bed, swaying slightly, and hurried to join Sirius, who was looking exhausted as well as angry.

"I was having a dream about eating cream cheese!" he shouted, almost as loudly as Peter.

Peter let out a dry sob and pulled the sheet up to his chin. James didn't see the problem at all - Peter's sheet was certainly not holey, wet, perhaps, (from Peter's frequent bed-wetting, because he often had very strange and scary dreams - once he dreamed a man-eating marshmallow was trying to eat him, but he managed to eat it instead, which resulted in diarrhea) but not holey.

"Oi, Peter, what's wrong?" James said, sweeping his black hair out of his face.

"HOLEY SHEET!!" Peter hollered again, waving his sheet in the air like a white flag.

"Damn it, Peter," Sirius said impatiently - he often swore when he was hungry, impatient, angry, bored, or constipated, "what the bloody hell is wrong?"

"HOLEY SHEET!!!" Peter bellowed at the top of his lungs.

James shrugged and said to Sirius, "He doesn't seem to have the brain capacity to say anything but 'holey sheet', you know what I mean?"

Sirius shrugged and checked his watch. "7:30, lads, classes start in an hour and a half. Anyone want to play Dare or Dare?" (Dare or Dare is very similar to Truth or Dare, except the options are dare or...dare)

"No thanks, Padfoot," Remus said, turning over so he was facing James's bed instead of Peter's. "I'm to t-t-t-tired," he added, yawning widely.

"Okay," Sirius said, shrugging again. "I can understand that." He turned to Peter, who was looking tearful. "Want to play?" he asked grudgingly.

"HOLEY SHEET!!!" Peter shouted again - he looked tearful.

"That's...what, the fifth time today?" Sirius asked James, who had wandered back to his bed.

James shook his head and grinned. "Nope, six," he said.

"Okay, James," Sirius said. "We've got half an hour. Dare or Dare?"

"Dare," said James automatically.

"I'm surprised you picked that," Sirius said, his eyes wide. "You usually pick Dare."
James shrugged. "Just a little change," he said apologetically. "Sorry, Padfoot."

But Sirius shook his head, smirking. "Okay, give me a minute to think..." He scrunched up his forehead in a Goyle impression, tapping his right temple with his index finger. Then an evil grin spread over his face, and James faced himself for the worst - although nothing could beat the infamous dare in which James had to talk to Lily for at least half in hour in the common room wearing a pair of Remus's briefs on his head and a pair of boxers on the outside of his pants. He wished he could forget the memory...the sight of Lily staring at him like he had sprouted four heads was very unnerving, and he kept tripping over his words.

"Did you hear me?" Sirius said suddenly, his eyes alight with mischief

"Huh? What? Oh no, sorry," James said, reddening. He had been dwelling on those horrid memories for too long. "What did you say?"

Sirius grinned more evilly and broadly than before. He cleared his throat in a perfect imitation of Professor James and said, "I said, during breakfast I dare you to sit by Lily, snap her bra in back" - James reddened - "and ask her if she's a virgin."

James stared at him. He had done some wild dares before, but this was one of the wildest. But he would never back down from a challenge. He smiled coolly and said, "Sure, of course."
Sirius continued to grin evilly and then added, "If she says she's still a virgin, tell her you want to take her virginity and throw it away like a Chocolate Frog wrapper."

"But I don't!" James burst out loudly, and Remus opened one eye and looked at him for a minute before closing it again and mumbling something about boiled cabbage.

Sirius shrugged, still grinning, and said, "Whatever, then you know what you have to do if you turn down a dare."
James knew only too well. If he refused the dare, (which he had only done twice, which was easily outnumbered by Peter, who had refused thirteen times since their first year) then they'd have to wear two pairs of underwear and walk around talking about how good pistachio pudding was. Or, at least, that was the 'punishment' last year. James didn't want to even think about this year's 'punishment'.

"Okay," he said grudgingly, smiling slightly. "I'll do it."

Sirius checked his watch. "It's...7:45. D'you think we'd better get going for breakfast?"

Peter shrieked, "HOLEY SHEET!!"
"Shut up!" Sirius exclaimed, picking up his pillow and chucking it at Peter. "We all know your sheet is holey!"

"NO, IT'S NOT!!!" Peter hollered, tears streaming down his cheeks. He caught the pillow but it unbalanced him, and he toppled down to the floor, screaming once again, "HOLEY SHEET!!"

"He speaks," James muttered to Sirius.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "I'm amazed. That's what...number seven?"

James bit back a chuckle and got out of bed, stretching. He walked over to Remus's bed, where Remus was sleeping peacefully, apparently dreaming about boiled apple cider.
"Hey," James said softly, gently shaking Remus. He came to his senses (because a Marauder never awoke a fellow Marauder quietly) and bellowed, "MOONY, GET UP!! IT'S BREAKFAST TIME!!! AND YOU'RE A PREFECT!!! PREFECTS CAN'T BE LATE FOR BREAKFAST!!"

Remus jumped about four feet in the air. "Wha...? Mmm? Breakfast? Okay." His hair practically standing on end, he got out of bed and began to dress.

"Peter!! Oh Peter!!" Sirius said in a high-pitched voice, apparently mimicking his mum. "Breakfast!!"
"HOLEY SHEET!!" Peter shouted again, hugging Sirius's pillow.

"Shut up!" Sirius roared, grabbing his pillow and throwing it back on his own bed. "Get up, and forget your stupid holey sheet!!"

Peter shut up and sniffled loudly. He stood up and began pulling on his robes and uniform, muttering, "Holey sheet!" under his breath.

James sighed as Sirius stalked over to his bed, breathing heavily and looking very grumpy. James began pulling off his pajamas and began pulling on his uniform and robes.

Finally, all four Marauders were dressed, and they trooped downstairs, talking and grinning and laughing.

"So Peter," Remus said as they walked down the fifth floor staircase, "why do you keep saying 'holey sheet'?"

Peter shrugged and said, "Holey sheet!" very loudly, so that a couple first-year girls in front of them shrieked almost as loud as Peter, who blushed and sputtered, "I...holey...didn't...sheet...holey...sheet...help...I..."
"He's very detailed," James muttered to Remus and Sirius, who nodded solemnly and grinned.

"Okay, we know it's got something to do with a holey sheet. That's something we didn't know before," Sirius said sarcastically, and everyone laughed, even Peter, which was more of a cross between a sob, hiccup, giggle, and burp.

"Sorry," Peter said apologetically as they entered the Great Hall.

"Don't forget the dare," Sirius sang to James.
"I know, I know," James responded irritably, and his heart leapt into his throat when he saw her, sitting there and laughing with her friends. When she saw him she gave him a small smile - they weren't going out, but it was no secret that they were in love.
"See ya," Sirius sang, as James stopped by Lily. James stuck out his tongue at Sirius and said to Lily, "Would you like to sit with me?" He motioned to a semi-private spot right next to the Marauders.

Giggling should be made illegal, James thought furiously as all around Lily the girls erupted into giggles. Lily, however, said with a determined straight face, "Sure."
Grinning, James led her by the hand to sit right by him. Sirius rolled his eyes but Remus said, "Good job, James." He winked at Lily, who smiled back.

"Holey sheet!" Peter wailed from across the table.

"Shut up!" Sirius said, smacking him on the arm.

"What's his problem?" Lily whispered to James, pointing at Peter.

"It's called insanity," James said simply. Lily giggled and said, "It's nice to be sitting over here away from them." She jerked her head at the gaggle of giggling girls farther down the table, who were smiling and giggling (obviously) and winking. Lily waved then turned to James, rolling her eyes.

"Holey sheet!!" Peter moaned, taking a bite of bacon.

Sirius rolled his eyes at Peter, who was now licking his bacon and whispering, "Holey...sheet...holey...sheet..."
Lily laughed nervously, tossing her auburn hair over her shoulder. James resisted looking at her - he knew if he did he would probably end up with oatmeal smeared all over his robes.

"So...um..." Lily said, smiling slightly and piling eggs onto her plate. "Er..." She looked at James shyly, and he felt his cheeks flush.

"Erm..." James thought Lily's face was awfully close.

"I...er...James, I really like you..." Lily said, her face less than five inches away.

"Er...uh...I really like...er...you too, Lily," James said, looking at her stomach. Why did he have to go red like this? Why? Why?

"Holey sheet!!" Peter cried across the table - out of the corner of his eye, James saw Peter looking around, terrified, but James ignored him, and so did Lily.

Lily's face was five inches away...four...three...two...one....She was so close, James could see every pimple, blackhead, freckle, and white head on her face...they were less than half an inch apart....

And then it happened.

The school blew up and Hogwarts was no more.

Just kidding!! No, this is what really happened...

Lily fell off the bench and James, taken by surprise, fell face forward onto the bench - he heard his glasses shatter and Lily shriek as glass hit her. Blindly James groped for Lily's bra, and he found the bra strap and pulled it forward and let go. Lily shrieked more loudly and Remus accidentally pushed James on top of her.

Terrified, James rolled off her, grabbed her by the hair, and whispered into her ear, "Are you a virgin?"

"Yes," Lily gasped, trying to pull away.

"I want your...I mean, I want to take your virginity and throw it away like a Chocolate Frog wrapper!" James hissed - they were drawing attention...many students were standing on their benches in order to get a better look at the scene.

Meanwhile, at the Slytherin table, Lucius and Crabbe were playing a quiet game of Gobstones.

Back at the Gryffindor table, Lily was getting to her feet, James having let go of her hair, and slapped James across the face, growling in his ear, "Never do that again, Potter."

Shocked, his cheek stinging, eyes watering, James saw through his blurred vision Lily hurrying away from the four Marauders and back to her friends, who were giggling harder than ever.

"Holey sheet," Peter moaned from across the table.

"Shut up," Sirius said automatically in reply.

"HOLEY SHEET!" Peter said so loudly that several owls that had just arrived jumped and hooted indignantly.

"Here, James," came Remus's voice off to his right. "Let me fix those..."

James took off his broken glasses and handed them over his shoulder, feeling like a total idiot. He rounded angrily on Sirius.

"Thanks a lot!!" he burst out, turning in his seat to face Sirius. "We were almost kissing, but...but then I had to snap her bra and ask her that stupid question!!"

"Don't blame me," Sirius said coolly, grinning. "You chose to take the dare."

"Only because I didn't want to end up walking around in three pairs of underwear and talking about pistachio pudding!"

Sirius snorted. "That was last year's 'punishment', and it was two pairs of underwear, not three."

"HOLEY SHEET!!" Peter howled, burying his face in his robes.

"SHUT UP!!" Sirius snarled, throwing an egg at Peter's face. Peter moaned and said something that sounded a lot like, "Holey sheet!" Sirius rolled his eyes and mouthed to Remus and James, "He's mental!"

James and Remus nodded solemnly.

"Repairo!" Remus said, tapping his wand on James's glasses. The glass on the floor flew back into the lens, fitting together perfectly. "Here you go," Remus said, handing the glasses back to James, who took them and put them on gratefully.

"Thanks, Moony," James said, "I don't know what I'd do without you!"

"You'd walk around and bang into walls," Remus said, grinning.
"I probably would," James said thoughtfully, "I'm as blind as a bat without my glasses."

Sirius snorted into his cereal and even Peter broke out of his mournfulness and managed to smile.

"Holey sheet," he griped, wringing his hands and shoveling down bacon.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "What did I do to deserve this?" he moaned to Peter, who shrugged.

Three plates of bacon, seven eggs, and eight bowls of cereal later....

"Ahhh, that was a good breakfast," James said as they stood up, rubbing his stomach.

Peter burped loudly.

"Nice one," Sirius said grudgingly.

"So, are you two on speaking turns now?" Remus said, grinning, as they passed the fifth year girls. James's stomach lurched unpleasantly when he saw Lily, who caught his eye but looked away, her face red and angry.

"Yeah," James added, his gaze snapping back to Sirius, "I'm tired of you two quarreling like an old married couple."

"Whatever," Peter said grumpily. "It's not like you -"

"Ah, so you've finally stopped saying 'holey sheet', have you Peter?" Remus interrupted as they exited the Great Hall and sauntered up the marble staircase.

"Yeah, I guess so," Peter said, reddening. They climbed another flight of stairs and walked along the corridor to Transfiguration. James hitched his bag up higher - it was cutting into his shoulder, which he had injured recently when he had fallen out of bed a few days previously, having dreamt that a boy named Draco was chasing him on a dragon during a Quidditch match.

"Care to tell us why you kept saying 'holey sheet'?" Sirius inquired curiously, with just a hint of anger in his voice.

"Oh..." Peter stalled, thinking. "Well...I...uh..."

"Spit it out! Merlin's beard," Sirius burst out as they entered Transfiguration, "you stall more than anyone I know!"

"Sorry..." Peter muttered, going rather red.

"Go on," James urged, eager to know why his friend kept bellowing, 'holey sheet' at the top of his lungs.

"Er...where was I?" Peter said, blushing more furiously.

"Uh...let's see..." said Sirius sarcastically, "oh yeah, you were saying, 'Oh...well...I... uh...'"

"Oh, yeah..." Peter said, reddening more as they sat down at a desk. "Er...oh yeah...I had a dream that James and Lily were..."

"Go on!" said James eagerly, his heart pumping faster.

"No, I can't...it's too disgusting," Peter said, shaking his head. "They...they were doing...it."

Remus's eyes widened, and Sirius gaped at Peter. James's heart leapt up in his throat, and he gasped, "You...you mean...Lily and I were...?"
"Yes!!" Peter sobbed, bursting into tears. "You...you were singing love songs to each other under a holey sheet!!"

"Oh..." James said, blinking at Peter, who was now cowering under his robes.

"Ooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyyy, then," Sirius said, staring at Peter, apparently highly disappointed.

"That was...strange..." Remus said, taking out his book, quill, ink bottle, and a spare piece of parchment.

"So that's the reason you were running around shouting, 'holey sheet'?" Sirius said indignantly, accidentally upsetting his ink well - it fell to the floor and smashed. Swearing, Sirius muttered, "Repairo," and the bottle pieced itself back together, with a very small amount of ink left in it.

"Bad luck, mate," said Remus sympathetically - James was squashed between he and Sirius, with Peter on Remus's other side.
"Yeah...I always seem to have bad luck as a human," Sirius simpered, bending over and retrieving his ink well. He straightened up and put the bottle on their desk. "I have much better luck as a dog..."
"Maybe you could make the change permanent," James suggested absentmindedly, still dwelling on the morning's events.

"Nah, the tail I could live with but the fleas...they murder," Sirius said earnestly.

"I'm sure they do," said James distantly. He was looking over at Lily, imagining them making up, and then making out over a doughnut or two....

"I wonder what's for lunch..." Peter said.
"We just had breakfast!" Remus exclaimed, looking up from his Transfiguration book.
"Yeah, I know..." Peter said, going red.

"Don't tell me you're hungry!!" Sirius cried in disbelief. "Please, please, please, please, please, please with a Chocolate Frog on top, tell me that you're not hungry."

Peter grunted, growing steadily redder by the minute. "I'm...I'm hungry," he admitted, looking around, his round face beet red.

Sirius threw up his hands and made a disgusted noise, and began looking around and trying to flirt with any random girl whom he thought was at least a tiny bit pretty.

Remus ignored his fellow Marauders and read the entire Transfiguration chapter.

James sighed - it was going to be one of those days.