A Thousand Fibres

Chapter Ten

Harry entered the Hospital Wing, feeling more nervous than he had in a long time. The teachers were all gathered around a bed and for a moment, Harry feared he had been too late. Then Professor McGonagall spotted him and smiled tiredly. "Harry," she said.

"Professor," he replied.

"Harry, you're not a student here any longer. Call me Minerva." She shook her head. "The number of times I've said that over the years..."

Snape sneered. "That's why I keep people calling me Professor."

Harry smiled. "Hello, Professor," he said, taking the hint.

"Mister Potter."

Harry went nearer, and met Dumbledore's gaze. "Headmaster," he said softly.

Dumbledore smiled. "Harry, you may call me Albus, you know."

"Albus," Harry tried. He chuckled. "I'm sure you've heard this before, but that may take a while to get used to."

"I do hear that a lot, indeed," Dumbledore said, his voice hoarse. There was a tense silence that no one seemed to know how to fill. There were only teachers here, Harry thought. No former students, and he felt like an intruder, like a kid spying on adults having a serious discussion. "Please," Dumbledore said at last, addressing the other people in the room, "Could you leave us for a while?"

There were more than a few curious glances shot Harry's way as the teachers cleared the room, but eventually, he found himself alone with his former Headmaster.

"Sir?" he said.

"It's good to see you," Dumbledore said. "How are you doing these days?"

He smiled a little. "Pretty well, actually."

"I heard you were teaching."

Harry shrugged a little. "Seemed like a good job."

"You did seem to like it, when you were forming an army."

The feelings associated with that were bittersweet at best, but Harry nodded. "I did. I do. Not saying I'll do that all my life, but for a while, why not?"

"Yes. I was worried, when you left, that you would - " The old man was interrupted by a coughing fit that wracked his body for what seemed like hours. Harry half rose to get help, but a gesture from Dumbledore stopped him. He prepared a glass of water instead, and waited patiently for Dumbledore to stop coughing.

After a while, Dumbledore said, "Sorry."

"That's okay."

"Where was I?"

"You were worried that I would spend my life running, I assume?"

"Ah. Yes."

Harry shook his head. "Pro - Albus, I left because I had no idea what I wanted, I had no idea who I was, and I didn't want to become..." He trailed off, took a deep breath. "I wasn't a hero, just someone marked by an evil wizard and bound by what that wizard wanted."

There was a world of sorrow in Dumbledore's eyes when they met Harry's. "And I certainly didn't help things one bit."

Harry sighed. "No. Well, you made mistakes."

"And I truly apologise for that, my boy."

"I know. I know you're sorry, I know you did what you thought was best."

Dumbledore closed his eyes. "I lost sight of the fact that you were just a boy. Not only our saviour, but a human being, first and foremost. It is easy to find excuses when you think about the greater good. It is a mistake I made too many times. With you, with Sirius, with Severus, in a way."

"And, because people followed your lead, they saw me as that too - when they didn't consider me a threat to their own power." Harry added under his breath, "Yet another reason to leave."

"I'm sorry," Dumbledore said, opening his eyes and looking sadly at Harry.

Harry smiled tightly. "You've said that before. And I know you mean it."

"Leaving you with the Dursleys was inexcusable."

"The way they treated me was their responsibility, not yours," Harry pointed out. "It's not your fault that they were miserable excuses for human beings."

"But I knew they weren't nice people."

"Yes. But that still doesn't change the fact that they had a choice, and made it."

He got up and went to the nearby window. The sun was setting already, Harry realised. "Time flies, when you're having fun," his sarcastic inner Snape whispered.

"I forgive you, Albus," he said, without facing the old man. "For what it's worth."

"Worth a lot," Dumbledore assured, breathless - although it was hard to say whether it was due to Harry's words or his life leaving him. "Do you, really?" He seemed imploring.

Harry went back to the bed. "If I may be allowed some constructive criticism?"

Albus smiled, and raised his hand. "Please."

"I would probably have been less mad at you if I had known beforehand that you were human."

Dumbledore almost laughed. "Severus said the same thing to me, years ago."

Harry snorted. "Figures." He shook himself. "I never had to make these kinds of huge decisions, and part of the reason I left was because I didn't want to become your successor. You had a whole world to consider, and I'm sure you had a hard time living with your decisions." Albus had closed his eyes again and Harry hurried on, "I don't know what I would have done, had I been in your shoes. I *know* that with the life I've had, if I was to make such a decision now, I'd most likely screw up. I just wouldn't have it in me to do that to someone else. And where would we all be?"

"I think you underestimate yourself."

Harry shook his head, impatient. "That's not the point. The point is, I'm not sure I would have done better than you. And I know you loved me, and had to make hard decisions. So, yes. I forgive you."

Albus closed his eyes. "It means so much." He looked exhausted.

"I'll go get the others," Harry said in a strangled voice. "I'm sure they'd like to see you."

Dumbledore nodded. "I'm proud of you," he said, taking Harry's hand and squeezing it weakly.

Harry squeezed back. "Goodbye," he said softly.

He got up, and went out of the room. All the teachers were gathered near the hospital wing entrance. "I think you should go in," Harry said, past the lump in his throat. He left without another word, desperately needing some space.

* * *

Harry was sitting near the lake. The squid was still there, its form visible in the water. Margaret was wandering on the school grounds. She had insisted on waiting for Harry outside. "It'll be private," she had said. "I'll wait for you here."

A shadow fell on the ground next to Harry. He kept his eyes on the water. "It meant a lot to him, that you came," Professor McGonagall said.

Harry nodded. "Is he - ?"

"He passed away half an hour ago. The place will be a media circus in a short while."

"Yeah." The greatest wizard of the century passing away. Of course, people would mourn. And the journalists would have a field day, and the newspapers would publish special editions.

"Thank you for coming, Harry. He needed to see you."

"I needed to see him too, I think. Thanks for contacting me in time."

She put a hand on his shoulder. He explained, "I had always thought that when my uncle died, I'd just be relieved. But I wish now I'd talked with him, before. Told him how I felt. Not that he would have understood, but perhaps I would have felt better."

"Albus seemed more at peace today than he had in a long while."

"I'm glad," Harry said simply. "I should go, before journalists storm the place."

Instead of answering, McGonagall took Harry in her arms, surprising him. He returned the hug, blushing slightly.

"I'll stay until the funeral," he said.

She released him. "The reporters here haven't forgotten you," she warned.

Harry shrugged. "I'm just another former student paying his respects to his Headmaster," he said. "I'm sure I won't be the only one at his funeral."

She smiled sadly. "No, I dare say you won't be." She looked toward the castle. "I should go check that all the diverting charms are still in place. We're trying to run the school as if nothing is happening, it wouldn't do for students to add even more chaos to the situation."

"You realise they probably all know what's happening, and will try to sneak a glance anyway," he said.

She nodded primly. "Of course. Does it mean I must make it easier for them?"

He laughed lightly. "No, I suppose not."

"I'll see you at the funeral, Harry."

After one final smile, she went.

* * *

"You okay?" Margaret asked when she joined him.

"I think so."

He sank to the floor, feeling strangely lost. It wasn't as if Dumbledore had been a constant in his life - he had ruled it for a long time, but that was long ago. And Harry had known what to expect when he came here.

Margaret sat on the grass next to him.

"Beautiful place," she said.

"Yeah."

"Must have been cool, coming to class in a castle."

"Most of the time, we were too busy studying to pay attention to the scenery," Harry said.

She looked doubtful. "I've heard stories. You get talkative when you're drunk."

"Oh boy."

She laughed. "Nothing too compromising," she assured him. "Just stories about harmless mischief."

He lay on his back. He should go soon, he knew. Journalists would arrive, and once they were done with McGonagall, they would snoop on the grounds and find people who could give them quotes for their articles.

But it was so peaceful here, near the lake.

Margaret lay down next to him and leaned on an elbow. "How did it go with him?"

"Fine." He stared at the sky for a long moment before going on. "He asked my forgiveness, I granted it."

"Did you mean it?"

"Yes," he said. "He was dying, and old. It was easier to see him as an old man who made mistakes, instead of as an all-powerful wizard."

"No one is all powerful," Margaret pointed out.

"He faked it well."

She laughed. "I can imagine Julius being like that in a few years," she said.

"Me too. Pretty unflappable, isn't he? Nothing ever seems to sway him."

"No. He makes a remarkable poker player. Don't bet money when you play him."

"I'll keep that in mind."

They stayed silent for a few more minutes, listening to the quiet. The sky was incredibly blue for the season, and the wind in the tree had a soothing effect. Sometimes, they heard a bird land on the water, or the squid as it passed them. Harry could have stayed forever.

He shook himself after a while. "We should go, I think." "Before I fall asleep," he added inwardly. He hadn't had much sleep on the trip there.

He helped Margaret to her feet and began to walk to the edge of the castle wards. "Time to meet the Weasleys," he said.

She gave a mock-shudder. "Oh dear, what will you do with me if they don't like me?" she asked.

"Stop talking to you, of course," he answered, grinning.

"Humpf."

"They'll love you," he felt compelled to say.

She smiled. "Okay."

"And don't forget, don't eat or drink or accept anything from the twins."

*Now,* Margaret looked worried.