The Ultimate Power

Warning: Mentions of abuse!!

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I let those hard days get me down
And all the things I hate got in my way
I could have screamed without a sound
I found myself silenced by those things they say

But I woke up to real life
And I realised it's not worth running from anymore
When there was nowhere left to hide I found out
That nothing's real here but I won't stop now until I find a better part of me

That's out there somewhere
And it can't be that far away
That's where I'll find myself
And I'll find my way out
That's where I'll find out

-3 Doors Down (The Real Life)

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The Real Life

May, 1998

"Ron!" Holli exclaimed early one morning at the Gryffindor table. "Give me back my Transfiguration essay!"

"Aw, come on, Holli," Ron pleaded as he batted away her reaching hand. "I forgot about it and Hermione won't let me see hers."

"And you automatically think that means you can copy mine?" she said as she grabbed her homework back. "Besides, I'm not even good at Transfiguration. Copying me will get you nowhere."

"Better something that's complete rubbish than nothing at all," Ron countered as his eyes followed the parchment.

"You do realise," Hermione spoke up from beside Holli, "that had you listened to me three days ago when I told you to finish it instead of playing Quidditch with Harry, you wouldn't be in this situation now?"

"Oh, sod off, Hermione," he said without looking at her.

Holli elbowed Hermione before she could voice a retort and motioned for her to watch Ron. Holli moved the parchment her assignment was on through the air in amusement as his eyes tracked it.

"He's like a cat with a ball of yarn," she snickered to the other girl.

Opposite Holli, Harry reached into his robe pocket and pulled out his wand. The parchment soared out of her hand and high into the air, Ron's eyes following it. Just as he began to howl his protest, Ginny appeared in the seat beside Hermione.

"Have you four heard?" she asked them quietly.

"Heard what?" Hermione said, sobering quickly.

"They found Mundungus Fletcher late last night."

"Is he -?" Ron began.

"Yes," she answered. "Apparently, he'd been missing for a while, but everyone figured he was simply hiding from the Aurors or someone he'd done business with."

"How long had he been gone?" Harry asked quietly.

Ginny's lips trembled. "He was last seen in late November."

Harry swallowed and paled considerably. "Voldemort," he whispered.

Ginny nodded in agreement with him and the other three bowed their heads to the table.

"Mum wouldn't tell me much about it, so I went to Remus and asked him," Ginny murmured. "Apparently, they're guessing he was tortured, but it's obvious he didn't give anything up about the Order as nothing has happened."

"And all that time we thought he was a bloody coward," Ron said guiltily.

"Most times," Hermione spoke up softly, "those who seem cowardly are the bravest of us all."

Ginny departed for class a few minutes later and the foursome followed her out of the Great Hall sedately. Ron and Hermione walked ahead, both whispering softly to one another. Holli looked around herself in search of Harry and found him trailing along behind by a great distance, staring morosely at the floor.

"Harry," she said as she slowed and his steps leveled with hers, "are you all right?"

He glanced up at her as his mouth gaped open like he wanted to speak before he snapped it closed again.

Holli sighed and nudged his shoulder with hers. "Whatever's bothering you, Harry, you can tell me, you know? You've listened to me enough times that I'm relatively positive that it's about time I pay you back a bit."

Holli waited in a silence so long, she began to think he wasn't going to say anything.

"I saw it, Holli," he finally mumbled to her. "Back at the end of November when we were both in the common room that morning and I told you about what I had seen. Voldemort was torturing Fletcher and I did nothing about it. I just let it happen."

Holli stopped suddenly and grabbed Harry's arm, forcing him to do the same as she turned him to face her.

"You don't know that, Harry," she told him vehemently. "You said yourself that you weren't sure whether it was an Order member or a Death Eater and you still can't. And even if it was Fletcher and you knew that then, there was nothing you could have done and you know that."

"I could have told someone what I saw!" Harry roared, his voice echoing in the - thankfully - empty corridor. "I should have, even if I didn't think it was important then. I know better than to just let these visions slide by, Holli, as well as you should. It's my fault that we've lost someone else.

"It's my fault that we've lost everyone that we have," he whispered, more to himself than to Holli.

"Harry..." Holli began, reaching a hand out to grip his shoulder, but he jerked back out of her grasp.

"You know it is, Holli!" he cried. "My parents, Sirius, Dumbledore; they're all gone because of me! They're all gone because they were trying to protect me!" Harry spat the word out as though it disgusted him. "And they all had to protect me because I'm the bloody fucking Chosen One."

Harry cut himself off abruptly, panting for breath after his rant as Holli shook her head, staring at him with sad eyes.

"That isn't true, Harry," she whispered. "They did not sacrifice themselves to save you because you're the...savior of the Wizarding World or whatever nonsense you want to throw out. They died because they loved you. Even Dumbledore loved you, Harry, in his own way."

"Which is all the more reason why I should be looking for the Horcruxes on my own," Harry told her, unexpectedly logical if still melancholy. "At the rate I'm going, I'll lose everyone I love before this war ends. If it ever does, that is."

"Don't say that, Harry," Holli all but pleaded, suddenly feeling small.

"Why not?" he asked her with a harsh burst of laughter, his gaze intense. "It is true and you can't deny what's happened because of me."

"I - I don't -" she stuttered. Harry stared at her for a moment longer before closing his eyes tightly. He turned from her and walked away, leaving Holli standing in the corridor alone.

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Harry's mood continued over the passing days. Hermione noticed that something was wrong by the end of their first lesson and after hours and days of pestering, was finally able to pull him out of it. Holli, though, suspected that when he was alone, Harry's rage still festered under the surface, unseen to all prying eyes. There was nothing to be done, however. Harry steadfastly ignored her after his outburst when Ron and Hermione were not around to be their buffers. Even when they were not alone, he would turn the conversation to more lighthearted discussions when he felt they were becoming too serious and Holli may gain a chance to pounce.

Holli vented her frustration to Remus nightly and he sympathised with her concern over their friend. Remus had even suggested that he might have some luck talking with Harry, but to no use it seemed. Harry, for good reason, was avoiding their defense professor as well. They were immensely worried, but had no solutions at hand.

Her distress over her raven haired friend caused Holli to experience even more nightmares than before. Almost nightly she was awoken from the throws of terror by an alarmed Remus. He pushed and prodded still, but Holli resolutely refused to tell him what the dreams involved. He had gone as far as to suggest that she visit Madam Pomfrey and discuss the option of dreamless sleep potion as she was lucky to gain a couple of hours of sleep a night at best and it was quickly taking its toll.

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Remus started awake on one of these nights to find the place beside him empty and cold. He stared at it ridiculously for a long moment, unable to comprehend just why it would be such. As the sleepy haze slowly departed from his mind he realised that Holli was obviously missing.

He groaned as he rolled out of bed and stretched before journeying through the door in search of her. Thunder crashed as he walked out into the living area and looked about for Holli in her regular place on the window sill. The seat was vacant and he walked toward it as he stared at the rain pecking at the glass. As he gazed out at the grounds, considering where she may have vanished to, he noticed a slight figure standing on the shore of the rippling lake.

Remus grabbed both his and Holli's untouched cloaks and ran from the room and down to the main doors of the castle. When he came within view of his wayward love he slowed, panting for breath after his mad dash from the school.

Holli stood still as stone, dripping with rain, staring with hard and blank eyes at the rolling surface of the lake. Remus did not think he had seen anyone so completely closed off from the world in his entire life.

He approached slowly, fearful of her reaction. "Holli," he said tentatively. "Holli, what are you doing out here? You'll catch your death."

Still she stood, not answering and showing no signs that she had heard him. He tried again.

"Holli, love, please," he said, offering her the cloak in his hands. "Please put this on and come back inside with me. We'll talk and you can tell me what's wrong, all right?" No response.

Remus swallowed and tried not to let the tremor of fear in his voice show as he pressed forward worriedly. "Please, love, talk to me. Tell me what has you so upset you feel the need to stand in a storm."

Holli still made no move to reply and Remus felt his heart sink a bit at the coldness emanating from her every pore. Remus reached inside of his cloak and pulled out his wand. Just as he lifted it to cast a shield around her to block out the rain, she moved.

"Don't," she whispered as she turned dead eyes on him. "Please, just don't. I need to feel something, Remus. I need to know that I'm still human."

Remus gaped as he felt his heart break at the lost tone in her voice. "What are you on about, Holli?" he asked as he took a step forward.

Holli shook her head and moved her gaze back to the water. Remus sighed and stepped up to her side, reaching his hand to her jaw line. Holli saw his fingers out her peripheral vision and clenched her eyes shut quickly and jerked back as though stung. Remus withdrew his hand, noticing distractedly that it had begun to shake along with Holli's whole body. He gradually stepped around in front of her and studied her face, intense and fearful at the same time.

"Holli," he coaxed cautiously, "please open your eyes. I'm not going to hurt you."

Her chest heaved as she cracked her eyelids open and peered at him guardedly. Remus raised both his hands slowly in front of her and moved to place them on each of her shoulders. She flinched ever so slightly but did not move away.

"Holli, you have to tell me what is going on," Remus told her softly. "I can't help you if you don't. No more excuses. I think it's time you tell someone." He was slowly coming to the realisation that he might have a vague idea about what had happened to Holli, though he prayed to whatever deity was listening that it wasn't true.

Tears ran down her cheeks and she shook her head forcefully even as she mumbled, "Carter Harris."

Remus stared at her in bemusement. "I'm sorry?" he questioned.

She swallowed hard before whispering, "His name was Carter Harris and I was in love with him." She pulled out of his grasp and walked a few steps down the shore, rain still beating at her back and face, mixing with her tears. "Or I thought I was."

Remus followed her, trying to hear her over the crashing storm while maintaining the distance she seemed to crave. "What happened, Holli?"

Holli lifted her face to the sky, allowing the water to clear her skin of the salty tears that had ceased to flow. "I was stupid," she replied flatly, "like I always have been. I let my emotions get in the way and blind me to what he really was. A monster; a beast in one of its truest forms." She turned to Remus then and smiled bloodlessly. Remus shivered. "You think of yourself as a beast, love, but you're nowhere close. We've both seen true demons and you know in your heart that you are not one of them.

"I met him three years ago today," she continued, directing her eyes to the distant forest. "He was everything I'd always thought I'd wanted and so much more. Handsome, charming, voice like a god, I swear." Holli was still smiling in the same detached way and Remus felt a cold hand grip his throat. "He said everything a young girl would want to hear and I fell for him like a legless chair.

"We were happy for about four months and I felt as though I was floating on air, so in bliss was I. He was a few years older than me and by that time had already left school and was out in the working world. He began to change and I blamed his sudden distance and coldness on stress." Holli laughed humourlessly. "The joke was on me, apparently. He was only just beginning to show his true colours.

"He was cruel and forceful in everything he said or did to me. It started off as slight shoves and hard grips when he was angry and slowly progressed. He began to take whatever he wanted from me without even asking. If I refused, he added to the slowly growing piece of art he had started to work on my body." Holli reached down and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and showing Remus the scars scattered across her torso.

"He became controlling, never wanting me out of his sight unless he knew I was at home and even then, he didn't trust me. He refused to let me visit my friend Janie, who had never approved of him and had always said there was something off about Carter. I should have listened to her." Her hands clenched tightly, nails biting into her flesh. "If he found out I had talked with her, I paid for it dearly. When she stopped seeing me, I think she understood, though I was too frightened to tell her."

Holli turned her back to Remus and showed him the long scar which ran around her waist and along her lower back. "This was the worst time," she continued in the same flat tone she had spoke with throughout her entire monologue. "He took me to one of his own friend's houses. There were quite a few people there; some that I knew and some that I didn't. The friend I knew though, so when he started talking to me, I stuck close, wary of the people I had never met. Carter had disappeared somewhere, so I didn't have him to tag along with.

"When Carter found me, I was still chatting idly with his friend. Inconsequential things, really: work, school, people we knew. Nothing at all incriminating. We left soon after and we drove away in stony silence. Carter had been in an abnormally good mood when we had arrived at his friend's house and I was wary of the sudden change. Halfway back to my house, he pulled over and dragged me from the car and into a gravel lot.

"He hit me, dragged me around, and threw me into things. Carter accused me of having the intention of trying to get off with his friend. I tried to object, but the more I did, the more violent he became. He wouldn't listen when I told him what we had talked about. By that point, I was on the ground and couldn't find the strength to get back up. He bent over and pulled me to my feet, all the while telling me what a complete disappointment I was and how I was weak and I was his and no one else's; that I would never be anyone's but his. He slung me halfway across the lot to the edge where an old rusty steel bar was sticking out of the ground a bit. I fell on it and it scraped around my waist and down my back as I rolled, trying to keep it from going straight through my stomach.

"He left me there, bleeding, on the ground. I thought I was going to die and I almost welcomed it." Holli turned back towards the lake and wrapped her arms around her chest as though trying to squeeze the tremors from her body. "An elderly couple found me almost by accident. I'm not sure how long I'd laid there. Long enough that I could no longer feel my legs from the blood loss, whatever that means. They helped me to a hospital and stayed with me until someone I knew came. When they asked me what happened, I lied and told them I was clumsy and had tripped and taken a nice tumble around in the gravel. They didn't believe me, but they let it be.

"I think the worst part about it, though, is that when Carter showed up at my house the next day, he acted as though nothing had happened. He even tried to sleep with me, the bastard," she spat out, showing the only emotion she had allowed through her cold exterior throughout her entire tale.

"I should have broken it off with him then, but I couldn't because I was weak, just like he said." She collapsed to the wet ground and threaded her hands through her hair, rocking back and forth. "I was weak, damnit! I wasn't strong enough to fight or defend myself against him. I was nothing; I'm still nothing, because he still has this power over me. Why can't I just be rid of him?" This last was whispered so softly that Remus barely heard it over the roaring wind and rain, but it spurred his formerly frozen body into action.

Remus walked up and dropped to the ground beside her, gathering trembling body into his arms, and clinging tightly when she tried to pull away. Her struggles ceased quickly and she buried her head into his shoulder and cried.

"You're not weak, Holli," he whispered. "He only has power over you because you let him. You have to let it go; you'll never be finished with him until you do. I'm not saying you should forget about it, because I know you can't. I'm not saying to live with it, because that does not do anything good either.

"Let someone else take his place, Holli. Let someone else show you what Carter never could." Remus kissed the top of her head gently, clutching her against his chest as tight as he could. "Let me love you, Holli, and show you that you never have to be afraid of it. I'll never hurt you and I'll kill anyone who tries. You're more important to me than life itself, love, and nothing is ever going to change that."

Holli was still sobbing uncontrollably, her hands gripping his sides and nails digging into his flesh through his clothing. Every hitched breath she drew was another knife in his heart and he ached to take her pain away, but he had no idea how.

"I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry this happened to you," he murmured, lost and wondering in vast darkness. "I'm sorry you're so hurt."

Holli cried and Remus held her until the rain abated and dawn broke over the castle grounds.

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A/N: I sincerely hope this did not offend anyone. I, personally, have never been abused but I have had many friends and family members who have been. Domestic violence is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know have been or are being emotionally or physically abused, please do not hesitate to contact someone in your area who can help.

We're getting closer to the end and the poll is still open. It's tied as of now so please put your vote through if you so wish to. There isn't too long left.

This is a short chapter, I know, but they probably are going to start shortening down now as we draw closer to the cutoff point. The next chapter may be a little slow getting up as I'm in the process of packing up and moving house. Please have patience and I promise to have it up as soon as I'm able to.