The Ultimate Power

This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady something's empty within them
We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there
Because we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it let it all disappear
-Linkin Park (Waiting For The End)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Waiting For The End

Early December, 1997

"He what?" Remus all but snapped at Holli later that night.

Holli sighed wearily. She had known that Remus wasn't going to take the news well. After all, no one was supposed to know, especially not this soon after it had started. Not even two months had passed and someone had already figured it out. She had tried to be rational with her explanation, easing Remus into the conversation she and Harry had had early that morning. Obviously, Remus wasn't prepared to take it well.

"Why did you have to tell him at all?" Remus demanded. "Why couldn't you have just told him you needed some air, for Merlin's sake? Why didn't you tell him anything but the truth?"

Holli's lips tightened into a tight line as her eyes hardened to stone. "I am not," she said softly, menacingly, "going to lie to one of the very few people who actually trust me, Remus. I can't believe you expect me to."

"And I don't like that I have to," Remus growled. "Holli, do you have any idea what's at stake if this all goes badly and the wrong person finds out?"

Holli gaped at him in shock. "Of course I do. How dare you accuse me of not understanding what's at risk? Remus, I don't want you to lose your job, because I know how much you need it. You have more to lose than I do and I know that, but that does not give you the right to belittle my intelligence."

Remus stared at her from across the coffee table. "Holli, you have so much more to lose than I ever will. I can find another job; I always do even if it's hard at times. Your education is at risk here. If the wrong person finds out about us, you'll be expelled without a second thought and that's it for you; no more chances. And it's very difficult to find a place in this world for someone who isn't a fully trained wizard."

Holli shook her head. "We're impossible," she sighed.

Remus provided her with a wan smile as he agreed, "Yes, we are."

"So what now?" Holli questioned softly.

Remus scrubbed a hand over his face warily. "I'm not sure," he whispered. "Everything would be so much simpler if we just broke this off before it went any further or, better yet, if this had never happened at all."

Holli started noticeably. "All right," she whispered as she stood from her seat upon the couch and headed towards the door. It shouldn't hurt this bad, she thought to herself. "If that's how you feel."

Remus jerked as though just realising what he had said. "Holli," he began, but she cut across him. "It's all right, Remus. You're right, of course. It makes perfect sense."

"I didn't -" Remus yelled, but Holli was already out the door, letting it swing shut behind her as she raced down the corridor and into an empty classroom.

It really shouldn't, she thought as she leaned against the wall and collapsed to the floor, pulling her knees tightly against her chest, but then why does it feel as though someone's clawed my heart out with dull fingernails? Holli quickly let herself fall into cold, trembling sobs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That was how Harry found her two hours later, staring at the opposite wall blankly. Holli felt him as he slid down the wall beside her.

"Holli," he said questioningly, "what are you doing in here?"

Holli shrugged. "Just thinking."

"Remus was looking for you," he continued in the same hesitant tone. "He seemed...upset about something."

"Really?" she asked bleakly.

Harry leaned forward to peer at her face, then nudged her with his shoulder. "What's the matter, Holli?"

Holli turned her listless eyes on him as she answered, "Nothing at all. I'm fine."

"That's total pants, Holli," Harry scoffed in annoyance making her eyes burn a bit.

"What do you mean?" Holli demanded. "If I say I'm fine, then I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here as though you don't know what else to do with yourself."

Holli shrugged and turned her gaze back to the wall. "How did you find me anyhow? Remus knows this castle like the back of his hand and even he couldn't."

There was a crackle of parchment as Harry pulled the Marauder's Map from his robe pocket. "It's very useful at times. Remus found me in the library while he was searching for you. After he left, I went back up to the dorm and pulled this out."

"Ah," was Holli's only response.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Holli not willing to say anything and Harry not knowing how to get the answers he wanted. Finally, Harry said, "C'mon, Holli, tell me what's going on. Something happened with you and Remus, didn't it?"

Holli turned and stared at Harry. "What makes you think that?"

"Because you were fine when you left the common room earlier and you went directly to see him. And like I said before, Remus seemed upset. He was searching for you like his life depended on whether or not he found you."

"Powerful sense of deduction, Mr. Potter," Holli commented dryly.

"Holli," Harry pushed.

Holli sighed and turned her gaze to her knees. "He doesn't want to be with me anymore, Harry," she replied in a choked whisper.

"What?" Harry asked, startled. "But I thought -"

Holli shook her head. "I was stupid to expect anything different or better," she said. Then she whispered so softly that Harry leaned forward to hear her, "I always am." She felt like crying, but she had no tears left.

"Tell me what happened, Holli," Harry said gently as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. And she did. Holli told him everything said between her and Remus two hours before. She told Harry about Remus' reaction to the fact that he knew and what he had said to her after that.

"Are you sure he meant what he said?" Harry asked when she was finished.

Holli laughed humourously. "Does it really matter, Harry? He said it, regardless of whether he wanted to say it aloud or not, it still came out. Some part of him had to mean it."

Harry swallowed. "I suppose you have a point."

"I know I do," she hissed sourly.

Harry squeezed her shoulders as he said hesitantly, "Well, maybe it's for the best, yeah? Even if it does hurt. Pain goes away eventually."

Holli shrugged as she laid her head on his shoulder. She didn't think it was. And she had proof from the past that heartbreak did not disappear.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Holli avoided Remus for two days following the conversation in his quarters, choosing to study with Hermione, he assumed, and not even attending lessons. Remus couldn't quite say that he blamed her all that much after what he had said. It had sounded horrible and unfeeling, even to his own ears. He could understand why she had taken it to mean the one thing he hadn't meant it to.

In truth, Remus hadn't even realised he had voiced his thoughts aloud until Holli had spoken so dejectedly before running out the door. After taking a moment for his mind to process exactly what had happened, Remus had followed her, searching the castle desperately, but to no success. He hadn't seen her since, not even at meals or milling around in the corridors between classes and afterwards.

Harry had come to see him the morning after, having talked to Holli about what happened. Remus had explained to the young man what he had truly meant and Harry had accepted it. One thing, though, which Remus had never expected to happen throughout his entire life, was to be threatened by his best friend's son over a woman.

"Remus," Harry had sighed before opening his office door, "I haven't know Holli long; a shorter amount of time than you, actually. Still, though, she's become one of my best friends and I don't like to see her hurt and broken like she was last night. If she comes back, if she forgives you, don't ever do it again." Harry had left Remus' office without a second glance back. Remus' head was still spinning.

Remus sighed and massaged his temples with his fingertips before rising from behind his desk as the students for his last class began to filter through the door. Suddenly, Remus' head rose a bit higher as he saw Holli walk through the door at Hermione's side and take her usual seat. She didn't even glance in his direction.

He found it rather difficult to concentrate on his lesson as he tried to stop his eyes from focusing on Holli more than was strictly appropriate. Harry kept shooting Holli surreptitious glances throughout Remus' lecture as though trying to decide how she was faring with the situation.

Finally, Remus dismissed his class as he called, "Holli, would you please stay for a moment?"

One good thing about the situation was that Remus was a professor and Holli a student who couldn't deny his request until everyone had vacated the room. Harry glanced warily in her direction as though fearing an oncoming explosion before leaving the room. When the last student was gone, Remus waved his wand at the door, closing it firmly and casting a silencing charm for good measure. Then he slowly made his way to where Holli was sitting rigidly in her chair, staring stoically at the desktop.

Remus pulled out the chair in front of her and straddled it, laying his arms atop the back before saying, "I missed you in class the past two days."

Holli snorted. "Is that all you can say?" she asked as she lifted her incensed gaze to his.

"I thought it was best to start with that, yes," Remus shrugged.

"Oh, of course," Holli snapped sarcastically.

Remus huffed out a breath of air and said, "Holli, what I said the other night - I didn't mean it the way you took it."

Holli stood so suddenly, her chair toppled over and clanged against the floor which only served to intensify the fire burning in her eyes.

"You know," she snarled, "I don't have to stay and listen to this. I don't have to listen to anything you say unless it concerns this school and your classes."

"Then why are you still here?" Remus finally snapped back.

"I don't know!" she screamed before sliding to the floor and collapsing into angry tears. Then she whispered, "I really don't know."

Remus swallowed hard before leaving his chair and moving to the floor beside her. I did this, he thought guiltily to himself. I hurt her without even meaning to. What is the next thing that is going to happen because of me without me meaning for it to?

"Holli, I'm sorry," Remus murmured as he wrapped his arms around her while she shook, trembled and sobbed uncontrollably. "I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry I did this to you, love."

"How can you say something like that and not mean it the way it sounded?" Holli choked out between shuddering breaths.

"It was just a thought, that's all. I won't deny that things would be easier, simpler if this had never started. But, Holli," Remus said as he placed a finger beneath her chin and raised her head to meet her eyes, "what we've started and what we have now, I wouldn't trade it or change it for anything in this world or beyond. Not even for all the promises of never-ending job security. You're worth a million times more than that. I've become quite fond of you, you know?"

Holli provided him with a watery chuckle. "Have you really?"

"Yes," Remus answered softly, becoming serious once more, "I really have. More so than I think even I know." Holli's sage green eyes burned into his honey brown ones and Remus felt his heart skip a beat. He was sure this was detrimental to his health in some way, but right then, he couldn't have cared less as to how.

"I am sorry, Holli," he said, breaking the trance they had fallen into.

"I know," she said quietly. "I think I may have overreacted a bit, as well, when you said what you did."

Remus chuckled and pulled Holli close to him once more as she nuzzled her head in the crook of his neck and he placed his chin atop her head. They sat like that for what seemed like hours, simply being with one another; Remus spent the time inhaling Holli's intoxicating scent that never seemed to stop astounding his powerful sense of smell and Holli spent the time listening and counting each of his heartbeats.

They were happy, for now, and Remus was thankful for that small favor. In the back of his mind, though, an insistent niggling kept its pace as he silently and almost unconsciously counted the days, the moments until the happiness would end. Because in reality, it always did eventually.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The first weekend in December came and with it, the second Hogsmeade weekend of the year. Remus and Holli in addition to the trio left the school early Saturday morning and Apparated to London. They appeared in the courtyard of Grimmauld Place and trudged up the front steps once the house had appeared.

"Has the Order found a permanent headquarters yet, Remus?" Hermione asked quietly after the door had been closed behind them to avoid waking Mrs. Black.

"No, not yet," Remus replied with a sigh. "So far the Order is simply changing the location from one member's house to the next with each meeting and hoping Voldemort can never pin us down."

"Speaking of the Order," Holli said as the five of them made their way down to the basement kitchen, "who's the Head now?"

Remus' lips twitched slightly. "Kingsley."

Holli nodded in approval. "Nice choice; definitely knows what he's doing from what I've seen."

"Yes," Remus said as he peered around the darkened room, "I'd put money on the fact that that man will make Minister of Magic one day if this bloody war ever ends."

"I completely agree," Harry commented.

Ron rubbed his hands together and asked, "So where do we start?" before throwing a cautious glance in Holli's direction. It was one of the few full sentences she had heard him speak since their confrontation almost four weeks prior. Holli barely glanced in his direction.

"Well," Harry said as he ran a hand through his hair, "we're basing this entire search on the small hope that Kreacher managed to nick the locket back after we chucked it into the rubbish sack. So, anyone have any idea where Kreacher slept?"

"In the pantry," Remus answered immediately, "in the back. There's a door that hides a small hole. That's where Kreacher stayed when he wasn't roaming the house."

"A hole?" Hermione asked in astonishment. "The nerve of these people!"

Holli chuckled as she followed Harry to the pantry. "Don't worry, Hermione. You'll show them all someday," she said with a reassuring smile for her friend.

They entered the small, dusty room to find Harry on his hands and knees with his head stuck through a small door throwing numerous Black family items behind him. Something shiny and silver that Holli thought was a goblet made a clattering sound as it hit the floor and skidded past her feet and out the door into the kitchen.

Harry pulled his head out of the hole and sighed dejectedly as he said, "It's not here."

"Are you sure?" Ron asked as he peered over Harry's shoulder.

"Yes. I tore this hole apart. If Kreacher took it, he didn't hide it here."

They made their way back into the kitchen and seated themselves in various chairs around the table as Remus pointed his wand at the fireplace to light it.

"Well, where else would he put it?" Holli asked aloud as she puzzled over the same question silently.

"He could have put it anywhere," Ron grumbled. "This house is huge. And it might not even be here at all, even if he did nick it back."

"Yes," Hermione agreed, "and who's to say that he didn't turn back around and hide it somewhere we had already cleaned and would probably never have any desire to look through again? We could search for weeks and still never find what we're looking for."

"So that's it then," Harry sighed. "We've come full circle. We still have no idea where the locket is."

Holli glanced at Remus, who had been oddly quiet during their discussion. He was crouched in front of the fire, staring into the flames blankly. Holli stood and walked over to him, crouching down beside him.

"Remus," she said as he started in surprise, "you all right?"

Remus smiled at her wanly. "Yes," he answered. "This house just makes me think of Sirius. There aren't many good things to remember in this house; for anyone." He stood and pulled Holli with him as he turned to the trio who were still discussing possible locations for the Horcrux.

"What about Regulus' room?" he asked them. "Kreacher always was abnormally fond of him when he was a child. I doubt that changed much as he grew older."

"That's actually not a bad idea, Remus," Harry said contemplatively.

They made their way out of the kitchen and up the stairs until they reached a door that Remus pointed out as once belonging to Regulus. Harry opened the door cautiously as though waiting for something to explode in his face. The moment he stepped foot into the room, dust did explode around him, causing him to sneeze violently.

Holli chuckled. "What a lovely trap," she mocked good-naturedly. Harry scowled back at her as the others snickered.

Holli glanced around the room as she walked in. It was that of a typical Slytherin, she supposed. The walls were a grayish-silver with green designs added here and there. There were Slytherin banners and other house decorations scattered around the room, as well. Other than that, she really didn't see any other sort of personality within, which was slightly disappointing considering who his brother had been. Had being a Black meant that the younger of the brothers had to conform to the equivalent of a Slytherin stone? It was incredibly heartbreaking.

"Accio locket," Hermione said with a wave of her wand. Nothing happened. She shrugged and said, "It was worth a try, at least."

"Well," Harry sighed, "let's start searching."

All five scattered to various places around the room. Ron went to the bed and began looking through the bedside tables. Hermione headed to the chest of drawers and started riffling through the contents of the drawers. Harry began flipping through various volumes upon the bookshelves and throwing the books upon the floor once he was through. Remus checked the floorboards, looking for any that were loose. Holli went straight to the small writing desk beyond the bed and searched through the drawers and papers.

"Look at this," Hermione said sometime later. Holli shoved the drawer she had been riffling through back in place and made her way to where the others stood.

Hermione held a large album full of photos. Most, Holli noticed, were of two boys who looked remarkably similar, though one was obviously a couple of years older than the other. Sirius and Regulus waved at them from the pictures, one offering a cocky smile in greeting and the other a shy tilt of lips.

"I can't believe Regulus kept that," Remus commented softly, staring at the younger version of his long lost friend.

"Obviously his brother didn't hate him as much a Sirius thought he did," Hermione said. She flipped a few more pages and found many of both Black brothers by themselves. Harry reached out a hand to one of Sirius, who looked about thirteen.

"D'you think it's all right if I take these?" he asked them tentatively.

"It's your house, Harry," Remus remarked kindly. "Everything in here belongs to you."

"Right," Harry whispered. Hermione closed the photo album and handed it to Harry who carried it back to the bookcase with him.

Holli smiled sadly as she turned in the direction of the desk again. Suddenly, her foot caught on a large tome that had skidded halfway across the floor during Harry's search and she tripped. Ron, being the closest, reached out instinctively to grab her, but missed by inches. Holli soared through the air, landing on the bed and rolling across and off of it, crashing into the writing desk with a noisy thump and muffled yelp of pain. Drawers flew out of the desk, some bouncing off her head and others hurtling to the floor.

"Holli!" four voiced chorused as they came running to her aid. Ron reached her side first and helped her move away from the wreckage.

"I'm sorry," he gasped sincerely. "I tried to catch you before you fell, but it happened too quickly."

Holli shook her head to clear the dizziness the whole catastrophe had caused before looking up at him and saying, "It's okay. I'm fine and it wasn't your fault. Blame my feet."

Ron smiled slightly in relief. Holli forced back the urge to frown at him in puzzlement.

"You're bleeding, Holli," Remus said as he knelt down beside her and motioned to the place on her head where a corner of a drawer had cracked into it.

Holli, however, wasn't paying attention. Her eyes had focused on the mess one of the previously searched drawers had made and the false bottom that had been revealed during its free fall to the floor. She leaned forward and removed the covering to examine what lay concealed beneath. Her eyes lit up as she pulled out what was inside to show her companions.

"We found it," she whispered in disbelief as she allowed the locket to dangle from her hand. Harry reached out a hesitant hand to take it from her.

"I can't believe it," he said softly as Holli dropped the locket to nestle in his palm. His eyes met Holli's before he repeated, "We found it. And all because of you."

Holli tried to disagree, but Hermione spoke first, "Now we just have to figure out how to destroy it."

Five pairs of eyes glanced from person to person, but no one had anything of importance to contribute. Harry tucked the locket deep in his pocket for safe keeping as they began to straighten the room and the mess they had created. When they were finished, the five left the room and made their way back downstairs to return to Hogwarts. Holli paused as they passed Mrs. Black's softly snoring portrait. She flicked back the edge of the curtain and ran her fingers over the corner of the frame. I wonder...

"Holli," Remus called from the front door, "what are you doing? Aren't you coming?"

"Yeah," Holli said as she bounded down the remaining stairs distractedly. "I was just thinking."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One week later, they still had no answers as to how to destroy the Horcrux, but Remus insisted that what really mattered at that time was that they had at least found it. Holli had to agree to a certain extent, but they had to figure out something or else what was the point of finding them at all. Hermione had taken to holing herself up in the library for hours at a time trying to find anything of use and Remus had even searched through the Restricted Section, but all to no use. There were simply no books in the Hogwarts library concerning Horcruxes, which was incredibly brilliant if one thought about it.

While Holli and her friends were desperately searching for answers, Christmas was drawing closer with every passing day and the excitement in the castle could almost be seen it was so thick. Hogwarts had become a winter wonderland seemingly overnight as decorations appeared on every available surface to be found. The Great Hall was aglow with all the twinkling lights, candles and ornaments of all different colours donning trees, tables and walls. Fresh snow glittered from beyond the windows as it blanketed Hogwarts' grounds in a soft bed of white.

Holli had woken Remus early Sunday morning from a deep sleep, only to shove shoes on his cold feet and sling a cloak around his hunched shoulders and drag him outside to admire the first true snowfall of the season, much to his consternation. Remus had quickly quieted his grumblings into soft admiration once he had observed Holli's eyes lighting up as the snow first touched her skin. She had raised her head to the night sky and closed her eyes as she'd begun to spin amid the free falling flakes with a look of pure happiness and peaceful contentment upon her face and Remus had felt his heart ache in a painfully wonderful way.

The following Saturday night, Ron found Holli in the common room curled up in an armchair beside the roaring fire reading quietly. Ron seated himself beside her and waited until she glanced up at him questioningly in acknowledgement.

"Good evening, Ron," she greeted formally.

"Holli," Ron returned hesitantly.

Holli waited and when Ron did not immediately continue she asked, "Did you need something?"

"Er...well, yeah," he finally managed to say. "I wanted to ask you something."

"All right," Holli invited as she marked her place with a spare piece of parchment and turned her full attention to him.

"Well," Ron said after a moment, "the Christmas hols are coming up and Harry and Remus are coming to the Burrow. Hermione's going to her parents Christmas Eve, but she's coming as well. I was wondering if you'd like to come along?"

Holli frowned as she studied him in contemplative silence. Finally she said with a bite of coldness creeping in to her voice, "I don't need your pity, Ron. You can tell whoever forced you to ask that I'll be fine staying on my own for a couple weeks."

"No one forced me to ask," Ron whispered. "I'm asking on my own. I want you to come if you like."

"Give me one good reason why I should believe you," Holli snapped rather harshly.

Ron swallowed. "I'm sorry," he said softly, "for everything I did and said to you. It was wrong and I know that now. I knew that then, but I don't think most times and I tend to suffer for it, as well as everyone around me. I'm not brilliant at apologies, Holli, but this is my way of trying to show you that I am. You're a good person; a trustworthy person, even and I see that now. I'm man enough to admit that I'm wrong at times." Holli cocked an eyebrow at him. "Most of the time, actually." Still Holli's eyebrow crept up further. "All right, nearly all the time," Ron finally conceded.

Holli's lips quirked slightly as she tried to fight a smile and failed. Ron smiled innocently at her and Holli finally chuckled.

"Please come, Holli," he pressed. "I've already owled Mum and she said you're welcome to and she's anxious to meet you. It'll be mad and Fred and George will try out all sorts of new products on everyone and tick Ginny off until she's forced to hex them both and Dad'll bombard you with all sorts of questions about Muggles and you'll probably never get a moment of peace while you're there." Ron smiled nostalgically. "But that's life at the Burrow."

Holli glanced down at her lap before meeting his eyes. "You're sure you want me to come?"

Ron grinned. "Yep. I think you'll be sorry if you miss all that."

Holli mimicked Ron's grin as she said, "Then I'm there."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Once again, thanks to my wonderful brit-picker/beta! Definitely makes for a better read, doesn't it? Hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think. Any improvements? Anything that completely irks you? Is there anything that you really like or adore? Whatever it is, just let me know!

On a side note, if you are a fan of the Marauders and Remus/Sirius goodness, I have started writing a series of drabbles centered around this particular group. It will span from the foursome's first year to Halloween '81. If you're interested, you can find it by clicking here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6654826/1/Fighting_Fate. I can't post these on FA because each chapter is not 500 words, if you have an interest, please have a peak!