The Ultimate Power

All this pain
Take this life and make it yours.
All this hate take your heart and let it love again.
You will survive it somehow

Cause life starts now.
You've done all the things that could kill you somehow and you're so far down
But you will survive it somehow because life starts now

-Three Days Grace (Life Starts Now)

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Life Starts Now

August 31, 1997

The morning of the thirty-first dawned bright and windy. Holli and Remus were in the bar of the Leaky Cauldron, preparing to depart for Hogwarts by sending their things ahead of them through the Floo.

Holli still couldn't say she was all that confident about what awaited her at Hogwarts. Despite what she had told Remus, Holli had lain awake for hours after retreating to bed. When she had finally fallen into an uneasy sleep, she had been haunted by dreams of burning books, broken wands, and McGonagall's angry and disappointed face as she told Holli that she had made a mistake and that she needed to return home at once. Holli had awoken in a cold sweat long before dawn and had not returned to sleep.

"There," Remus said as he shoved the last of Holli's things through the Floo. "I suppose we're about ready to leave then. Anything else you need or would like to do before we set out?"

Holli shook her head in reply and followed Remus out to Diagon Alley so they could Apparate.

"All right, just think about Hogsmeade when you Apparate and we'll walk from there." They turned on the spot and disappeared with a load crack.

They reappeared in front of the Three Broomsticks and began their silent journey up the lane that would lead to the castle with Holli taking in all the sights around her. Holli could feel Remus' eyes on her and knew he wanted to ask her something, but she said nothing and continued her observation of the small village.

Finally, Remus sighed. "You're still thinking about what we talked about last night, aren't you?"

Holli slowly moved her gaze from the boarded-up Zonko's Joke Shop to Remus then quickly down to watch her feet's progress up the lane.

"I know it's silly," she answered with a weary sigh as she kicked at a rock, "but I just can't shake this absurd feeling that something's going to go horribly wrong somehow."

"What do you mean by 'wrong'?" questioned Remus, quirking an eyebrow at her.

Holli shook her head, feeling at a loss. "I'm not really sure. I don't exactly know how to explain it. I mean, I've been nervous, obviously, ever since McGonagall showed up that night and I've become more so the closer this day has come. Then, though, there's this other feeling that's deeper rooted than the nervousness; more persistent, you know? Like a niggling in my very core that grows stronger and stronger every day telling me this isn't going to work, what I'm trying; not just the school, but the life, the world. It keeps telling me that I don't really belong here and that I should just give up and go home before I get hurt."

Holli finished with a distinct plea in her voice as though begging Remus to tell her this wasn't right; wasn't true.

Remus was quiet for a moment and Holli began to wonder if he was even going to say anything. She imagined she did sound a bit mad.

"You know," Remus finally said quietly, "when I first came to Hogwarts, I had that same feeling. I was an outcast; I didn't belong. If anyone were to find out what I was, I had no idea what would happen to me, but I always knew that it wouldn't be pleasant, whatever it was. When James, Sirius, and Peter cornered me and told me they knew, my heart actually stopped. That was the moment I had waited for ever since I boarded the train; things had finally gone horribly wrong, just as you said. Instead of hating me, though, and being disgusted as I had expected them to be, I found three of the best friends any boy or man could ever have. They protected me and they loved me all the more because of my condition."

Remus stopped and turned to face Holli. "I know your situation is different from mine and I know you have different worries than I did, but sometimes, those feelings are simply restraints on our lives. We listen to them and end up giving up something we really love or really want to do. They're good to have at times; they keep the human race alive, but you have to learn to ignore them just as much as you listen to them. Sometimes, despite the risks, it's what is in our hearts, rather than our minds, that matter more.

"Do what's in your heart, Holli," Remus said softly. "Do you want to go to Hogwarts or do you want to go back home?"

Holli stared up into Remus' intense brown eyes and said, "I want to go to Hogwarts, Remus."

A smile blossomed across Remus' face as he nodded and they began walking towards the castle once again. Holli slid up next to Remus and hooked her arm around his elbow and leaned her head against his shoulder. Remus glanced down at her and smiled slightly as he squeezed her arm closer to his side in affection.

They walked that way for awhile in silence before Holli said softly, "Thank you."

Remus looked down at her again and said, "I did nothing but tell you about my own experiences."

"No," Holli said, "you did more than that, Remus. So much more."

They watched one another as they continued walking until they rounded a slight curve in the lane and Remus pointed and said without taking his eyes off of her, "Look."

Holli looked up ahead of them and gasped.

Hogwarts castle stood atop the hill before them in all her glory. Holli didn't think she had ever seen anything so magnificent or beautiful in her entire life. She could feel it almost immediately; she was home.

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The corridors of Hogwarts were silent; almost eerily so, Holli thought. Each step echoed back to them off of the stone walls of the castle as they made their way to McGonagall's office.

Almost as though reading her mind, Remus said, "Enjoy the quiet while you can. It'll be a very rare occurrence come tomorrow night."

Holli chuckled as they came to a stop in front of a stone gargoyle which Remus murmured a quiet, "Fera Verto," to before it leaped aside and a winding stone staircase appeared.

"Well, there you are," Remus said. "I suppose the two of you will chat for awhile, so I'll be off to my own affairs. I will be around, though, when you finish, so come and find me. Explore the castle a bit while you search." With a slight smile Remus turned and walked away down the corridor.

Holli gaped at his retreating back and yelled sarcastically, "Yeah, thanks loads, mate, really!"

A light chuckle floated back to Holli's ears along with the distant words, "Have fun!" Then he disappeared around the far corner.

Holli shook her head and turned back towards the gargoyle, staring up the staircase while she mumbled obscenities under her breath. With a dramatic sigh, Holli made her way up to the Headmistress' office.

She knocked when she reached the door and was greeted by a muffled reply of, "You may enter, Miss Fallen."

Holli walked into the office and was met by the curious stares of every previous headmaster and headmistress of the school. Holli was suddenly confronted with the forceful urge to turn around and run. Before she could so much as move, however, McGonagall waved a hand toward a chair seated before her desk and said, "Please have a seat, Miss Fallen."

Holli shuffled to the proffered chair and sat down. The eyes followed. Holli pretended to ignore them. It didn't work; the eyes continued to stare.

"So, Holli," McGonagall said, "I assume you've been well? Have the past months been to your liking?"

Holli cleared her throat. "Yes, actually, they have. Remus was...more than even I expected."

"Yes," McGonagall nodded, "I thought you two would get on rather well. If it's to any avail at all, Remus seems to be quite taken with you, as well."

Holli smiled but did not respond. The eyes were still staring unabashedly. She tried desperately to pretend they were nothing more than part of the stone wall, but it did not help. They moved too much, the damn things. Holli was starting to sweat under the scrutiny.

McGonagall clapped her hands together and said, "Well, I suppose it's on to business then. First things first, we must get you sorted." Holli gulped and McGonagall smiled. "I'm assuming, of course, that you would rather attend to this here, in the privacy of my office, than at the Welcoming Feast tomorrow night, yes?"

Holli nodded vigorously in reply; she didn't seem to have a voice at the moment. Those bloody damn eyes!

McGonagall stood from her desk and walked to the shelf along the wall to retrieve the Sorting Hat.

"There we are," McGonagall said a moment before she dropped the hat upon Holli's waiting head.

"Ah," a voice whispered within Holli's mind, "what do we have here? Gifted like no one else before you, I see. A very nice quality, to be sure. Bright, oh yes, very bright; you'd have to be to do what you are attempting. Seven years of academics in only two terms, and a reasonable dent made already. Witty as well, I can see. Perhaps Ravenclaw would suit you? Wait - ah, no, I don't think so. It doesn't seem you have the focus to be as studious as you would need to be; too many other things flitting around that mind of yours it would seem.

"You're not afraid to work hard as you've already proven and you are deeply loyal to all those you hold dear. You're brave as well; oh, object all you want, but it's all right here in your mind. Admittedly not the most terrifying of things, but difficult none the less and face them head on you have. Now, where to put you? Hmm...yes, I believe the perfect place for you would be GRYFFINDOR!"

Holli gasped as the last word was shouted out in the silent room making her ears ring. No sooner had the hat announced his decision than McGonagall jerked the Sorting Hat off Holli's head and placed it back upon the shelf.

"Gryffindor?" Holli questioned in a whisper.

"Yes," McGonagall said as she seated herself behind her desk once more. "A fine choice for you, I should think."

Holli wasn't paying that much attention, though. She had just noticed the eyes again. What was more, they were now accompanied by faint murmurs of conversation about her. Holli tried to picture the portraits in their pants like people were always told to do when addressing large crowds. Though it did work to help take her mind off of the eyes gazing upon her, all it really made her want to do was laugh. Not much of a distraction, really.

"Now, about your studies," McGonagall continued. "You have quite a bit to pack into one year. So, along with taking regular N.E.W.T. classes, you will have to study most of your free time to catch up on the material you have missed. You will have an exam - both written and practical - with me every six weeks. I know this seems a little drastic, but if you study, you should be fine. And do not be afraid to ask for help on anything you do not understand.

"Now, I understand that you have been studying with Remus on the first and second year material, yes?"

Holli nodded and said, "Yes, I have. Remus has taught me a lot of the basics."

"That works out very well then," McGonagall nodded as well, "as you will have to have your first exam in two weeks, just to make sure you have an accurate amount of time for the rest. Will you be ready then?"

"I'll try my best to be," said Holli with a twinge of nervousness.

"Very well. I shall send word a few days ahead of time as to when you will be required to meet with me, then. Unless there are other matters in which you wish to discuss, you are free to go," McGonagall said.

"Actually, Professor, I was wondering," Holli hedged.

"Yes?" McGonagall inquired.

"About the books and the woman who wrote them? How is it that she knows everything that's in them? Is she a witch as well?"

"Ah," McGonagall sighed. "I see. I did promise you we would discuss this at out next meeting, didn't I? I assure you, Miss Fallen that many people have watched this woman over the years and she is no more of a witch than your very first primary school teacher."

Holli had to smother a snort behind her hand. She did not actually know what to make of the analogy. Holli would have traded her two left limbs when she was younger to any bet placed that Old Mrs. Crowner had an extremely long broom shoved right up her arse.

McGonagall's lips twitched as she continued. "Many Muggle families have magic somewhere in their history but it has become buried and it becomes rare for it to emerge again but it does happen. It is my guess that somewhere in this woman's lineage she has had a magical relative. Instead of her magic coming to full awareness, she has simply been given the incredibly rare gift of the Inner Eye. While I believe the art of Divination is sketchy at best, true Seers do exist and I believe this woman is one of them. She is harmless, however, and merely passes her visions off as inspiration and writes what she sees."

"Makes sense, I suppose," Holli conceded. "I guess that's all I wanted to ask for now."

"Well, then," McGonagall said, "Gryffindor tower is on the seventh floor and the password to get past the portrait is Horklump. Your things are already in your dormitory when you choose to go up there. Feel free to explore the castle while you have the chance before everyone arrives tomorrow evening. Enlist Mr. Lupin to wander with you. He should be able to show you what you'll need to know until you're able to get your bearings a bit better. You should be able to find him on the first floor, probably around the Defense classroom." McGonagall made a vague wave to the floor below their feet. "If you need anything at all, just let me know."

"Thank you, Professor," Holli said as she stood from her chair. She turned and walked out the door, the eyes and whispers following.

When the door closed behind her, McGonagall sighed and asked, "Do you really think she'll be able to, Albus?"

"No one can know for sure, Minerva. She certainly has the means to, though, if she so chooses. Our side needs all the help it can acquire, wouldn't you agree?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes, I would," McGonagall responded. "I feel as though I'm deliberately throwing a helpless girl into a dragon's cave, though. Doesn't seem right somehow, Albus."

"Only she can choose if she's ready to help or not, Minerva, and you know that as well as I do. Not a soul on this earth can or shall force her." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled within his portrait. "Highly interesting girl, though. Even more so than I originally thought."

"Yes," McGonagall said with a world weary sigh as she gazed upon the closed door. "Yes, she truly is, Albus. Though I do fear what this new life and human nature's meddling ways holds for her future."

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Holli was lost; spectacularly so. She knew from the books that the Headmistress' office was on the seventh floor but with all the corridors and changing staircases that went every which way, she felt as though she was going in circles.

It should have been so simple, she mused with a slight shake of her head. Go down six floors and you're there! Holli snorted. Sure, in a perfect world.

Shortly after departing from McGonagall's office, Holli had taken to opening random doors, trying to gain some general knowledge of where certain rooms were. Yet, after wandering for so long in so many different directions, she had lost all sense as to where anything was at all. She did know she had seen the Charms classroom a couple of corridors back on the same floor, but now, when she really needed it, she could not remember which floor the classroom was supposed to be on.

Holli stopped and leaned back against the stone wall, closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath. Just think, Holli. In the books, when the students went to Charms, they went to the...third floor? No, second. No, third; definitely third.

Holli opened her eyes and grinned. Now all she had to do was locate two staircases that didn't switch with her midway down them and start going up instead of down, then find the Defense corridor. Holli's smile slowly faded and she groaned. That was certainly easier said than done.

Holli was about to set off down the corridor again when she heard someone say from behind her, "Well now, what's this?"

Holli turned around to see a ghost floating a slight distance away from her. "Hello," she said tentatively. He didn't look like the Peeves described in the books but she wasn't taking any chances. That's really all I need, she thought, barely containing a grimace. "I'm Holli Fallen and I'm a new student here. Who are you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Certainly not," the ghost replied as he floated a bit closer to her. "The name is Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, but you may call me Nick." The ghost bowed slightly. "A new student, did you say?" Holli nodded in assent. "You look much too old to be a first year, dear girl."

Holli sighed. "It's really a rather long story."

Nearly-Headless Nick smiled slightly. "Perhaps another time, then, yes?" Holli smiled gratefully and Nick continued, "Might I be of some service? You look decidedly befuddled."

Holli chuckled and said, "Oh, just slightly, yes. Actually, I was attempting to locate the Defense corridor and have become remarkably lost along the way. Any chance you could tell me the way?"

"Why, of course! Continue down this corridor a bit and make the first right you come to. Go down two flights of stairs, then make a left and then another right and you should be where you desire."

"Thanks ever so much, Nick," Holli said appreciatively.

"Anytime, Miss Fallen, anytime."

"Holli," she said.

Nick smiled, inclined his head in her direction, and floated about his way.

Holli continued the way Nick had advised and reached the Defense corridor, luckily with no more trouble out of the blasted staircases.

She began to search within the rooms she came across, looking for Remus. She came upon one a few doors down that was slightly ajar and was emitting muffled rustling sounds from inside. Holli poked her head in and was greeted by the sight of Remus. She barely contained her shout of glee at finally locating him.

"Remus," Holli said.

Remus glanced up from where he was maneuvering various objects around the room and smiled when he saw Holli standing inside the door. "So, how did it go?" he asked as he moved behind the desk and sat down in the chair.

Holli shrugged as she moved over beside him and propped herself against the edge of the desk. "All right, I suppose. I'm in Gryffindor," she said nonchalantly as she examined her nails like she was commenting on nothing more than the weather.

Remus grinned. "That's great, Holli!"

Holli finally grinned as well and said, "Yeah, I'm happy with it. I also found out I have to take an exam in two weeks over the first year material and then another exam every six weeks." At this Holli pierced Remus with a suspicious glare. "But you already knew that, didn't you?"

Remus fidgeted in his seat a bit. "Possibly," he mumbled.

Holli rolled her eyes and smiled at him as she said, "Well, at least thanks to you, I know a little bit about what I'm doing, then, yes?"

Remus smiled and nodded. Holli took a moment to glance around the room and noticed some of Remus' belongings scattered around slightly haphazardly.

"What were you doing?" she asked him.

"Well," he said slowly as he began fiddling with his own nails, "I was unpacking and preparing my quarters and classroom."

Holli started from her position upon the desk and said sharply, "Unpacking? Here?"

Remus grinned sheepishly and replied, "Yes, here. I'm sorry I didn't tell you beforehand but I wanted it to be somewhat of a surprise. You were so worried about coming here and not making any friends at all, I figured when we arrived and I told you I was staying, it would ease some of your nerves a bit."

"I - What about the Ministry and the parents? Wasn't that the whole reason you left last time?"

The corner of Remus' lips twitched as he responded, "That was the same question I had when McGonagall offered me the job. She told me that after the utter disaster two years ago she'd be damned if the Ministry ever interfered at Hogwarts again. Apparently any objections the Board of Governors had fell on deaf ears. And as for the parents...well, Minerva said that any parent who wasn't pleased with her decision were more than welcome to transfer their children to Durmstrang or Beauxbatons. Can't say I'm all that please about that part, but she feels that not as many children will be transferred as I originally feared so we'll see how it goes, eh?"

Holli gaped at Remus who was reclining back in his chair with a faint smile upon his face at her expression.

"So," she said after she composed herself, "you're staying? Really?"

"Yes," Remus chuckled, "really."

Holli's face split into a grin so wide that Remus had only ever seen its breadth rivaled on one person before: Sirius Black.

"I'm glad you're happy about this," Remus said with a broad smile.

"Oh, so much more than you know," Holli replied.

"So," Remus said as he stood from his chair and stretched, "since you are in such a joyous mood about my continued company, what say you to helping me unpack a bit, eh?

"Right-o," Holli said cheerily as she moved around the desk and merrily skipped to the back of the room.

"Holli," Remus called. "There's a box there. Watch -!"

He was interrupted, however, by an enthusiastic crash. Remus shook his head and rolled his eyes skyward as he muttered, "Honestly, it's like a war zone around you sometimes!"

"I heard that!" Holli yelled from her position sprawled across the stone floor.

Remus sighed and chuckled lightly as he made his way over to disentangle her from his possessions.

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(Warning: Long A/N following!)

A/N: Let me start by addressing something that I should have four chapters ago and have forgotten every chapter since then (but no longer!). In Chapter Two: Lost Star, McGonagall talks about the books to Holli. First off, I know that the books were not released in the 90's. I also know that they were not released every year consecutively. Can we maybe just pretend they were, though? It's the only way I could really make McGonagall's explanation work. Call it somewhat of an artistic license. ;)

Also, the next chappie should be up rather quickly as I have to work Thanksgiving night all by my lonesome. With absolutely nothing to do, either. So, good news for all you readers out there, yes?

Oh, and one other thing. This chapter was originally supposed to be at least a little longer but it just didn't want to be so hopefully I'll be able to make up for that with the swiftness of the next update!