If Walls Could Talk

Lily Evans and James Potter

The 1970's were a very peculiar time; the students at this school seemed more hormone-driven than the ones during the late 1800's. Girls giggling like mad whenever the apple of their eye walked by, and boys winking in a would-be sensuous manner at girls. Since I'm an occupant of a school with people from ages eleven to seventeen, these happenings come to me in a daily dose; it makes me quite sick actually.

But when I am in my frame during an Astronomy class, I pass the time trying to pinpoint what boy and girl could hold a future together. Like I said, I am almost always right in that department...it is a gift! Of course, with all these flirtatious teenagers that don't give a damn about true love prancing about, my "gift" doesn't function at its best. Which is why I never saw the relationship of Lily Evans and James Potter coming...at first. Heck! I mean, who would, when their first class in the Astronomy Tower, paired up as partners, ended with both of them having burnt robe hems and brightly-coloured hair? They're less-than-friendly attitude towards one another did nothing but remain the same throughout the years.

James Potter was popular, because of his stardom on the Quidditch pitch as a Gryffindor Chaser and of the commemorative pranks that he and his little group of friends performed. I suppose he was good-looking, with his boyish, messy hair and brown eyes, accentuated with glasses. Apparently, the girls of his year thought so, seeing as they squealed like piglets when he gave them as much as a wave in the hallway. As if his athletic abilities and dashing looks weren't enough, he was also Head Boy in his seventh year. Wow...is there something this boy doesn't have?

Lily Evans was smart too. Much to their dismay, she was appointed Head Girl in their seventh year, meaning that they'd have to spend extra time with each other. Her features stood out in the crowd, because she was the only one with dark, red hair and bright, verdant green eyes. Unlike some of her female peers, Lily did not squeal or faint whenever an attractive boy looked her way. She was even known to politely refuse dates from some of the most eligible bachelors in the school and stay devoted to her studies. She only dated when the opportunity seemed right to her...and even she admitted that it was a rarity.

These two seemed too perfect to be considered human...no wonder they were meant for each other! This is how it happened...

*

"That was despicable behaviour from both of you! And with graduation approaching in three months!" yelled an impatient professor. Her name was Professor McGonagall, and right now, she was yelling at two, seventh year students. One of them had red hair, or that could've been the pasta sauce running down all over it, with a few spaghetti noodles tangled in the mess. The other had something green and mushy squashed into his black tresses.

Oh, how I didn't want to know what that stuff was...

His glasses also held some of the nasty stuff too. I snickered, along with my friend Sir Cadogan (yes, he is one crazy knight, but that's what differs him from the other old coots in other paintings). Apparently, the two troublemakers heard us, because they both sent us glares that could've peeled the canvas...but they didn't dare say anything. Professor McGonagall was on a rampage.

"Absolutely intolerable! This is the final straw, Miss Evans and Mr. Potter! I've done too many punishments now, it's time to take drastic measures for two incompetent teenagers such as yourselves." Her face was all blotchy from the yelling, and a few strands of hair were falling out of her perfect bun (which shows how truly peeved she was...that tight, horrid looking bun is a trademark! It messy, hah!). Sir Cadogan and I abruptly stopped laughing. Professor McGonagall had never looked angrier, and if we carried on with our own childish behavior, she would most certainly rip us off the walls. Lily and James obviously noticed this too, because they stared sullenly down at their feet.

"Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me the responsibility to punishing you two. There seems to only be one penalization grave enough for this type of situation--"

"It was only a bit of food! It wasn't as if we burned the Common Room down!" protested Lily.

"Snape and Malfoy have done much worse!" raged James. Professor McGonagall held up her hand for silence, and the complaints ceased.

"Do not drag the wrong doings of the Slytherins into this, Potter. I'm dealing with Gryffindors here...that is if you consider yourselves worthy to be called that!" Lily and James returned to staring at their feet. "Your punishment shall be--," Lily and James flinched, awaiting the worse, "--isolation." The stream of objections started once again.

"You've got to be kidding! Is there even such a thing? Isolation? Is that legal?" cried a dismayed Lily.

"Me and Sirius never even got that! This is unfair!" shouted James.

"I will be the one to judge what is unfair. Isolation means that you are banned from Hogsmeade visits, school events, the free will of choosing partners, and--," Professor McGonagall cleared her throat, "--Quidditch games. I can assure you that it is completely legal, Miss Evans." She stared down at their faces. Lily was stunned speechless, and James looked scandalized.

"Quidditch games?! B-b-but, Professor! You can't be serious...I mean...well...you're letting Gryffindor down! They need me to help them win the Quidditch cup!" he stuttered.

"The punishment will only last for two weeks, Mr. Potter. I am quite sure that the team can manage with the reserve Chaser for now. Note that when choosing partners is required in a class that you are both in, you will be obliged to partner with each other. You're partners will be assigned when you are not together. Now, I hope you understand the guidelines for your punishment." They nodded, as if saying yes to their very own death sentence. "And I want to see the relationship between you two improved. No more accidents in classes, between the halls and food fights in the Great Hall. Now go to your dormitories." With a turn of her heel, she strode back towards the Great Hall where everyone else was having dinner.

"Way to go, Lily! Isolation...now Gryffindor won't stand a chance for the Quidditch cup...all because of you!" James said.

"Me? Listen, James Potter, don't you go blaming this on me. McGonagall is the one who punished us, and you were the one who slipped Hiccough treats and Ice Mice into my pumpkin juice! Do you know how embarrassing it is to hiccup and squeak at the same time? Not to mention entirely uncomfortable!" They stomped off to their Common Room in angry silence, until they were finally out of sight.

"Such troubled adolescents we deal with within our midst!" Sir Cadogan proclaimed.

"You're right, Caddy. By the looks on their faces, you'd think the apocalypse was approaching," I said.

"I sense great attraction between these young persons," he announced, sticking his sword into the air. Being the small knight he is, the sword wobbled dangerously into the air until its weight gave in, sending him toppling to the bottom of the frame of the map of England we were in.

"I think that special ale you brought along is damaging your thinking abilities, Caddy. There is no way that Lily and James will get together."

"Think what you want, Madam Hamilton. Now I must depart, for my noble steed is awaiting me in the great perils of the uppermost castle!" He shut his helmet down and sprinted on foot to his frame. Still hearing the clunks from his armor, I returned to my own frame, planning to investigate the Astronomy class that night...with the seventh year Gryffindors (and for you slow-witted folk reading this, that's the class Lily Evans and James Potter are in, thus my reason for wanting to observe it).

*

"Pettigrew...I simply asked you to locate Orion's belt. Is that so hard? Mr. Lupin, please escort Mr. Pettigrew to the hospital wing."

I hardly paid attention to what was going on during the class. I was more concentrated on Lily and James, working on their star chart (yet I was distracted when that Pettigrew fellow, in some strange way that I do not know of, had a brass telescope explode in his face). What Sir Cadogan said made me want to prove him wrong. Predicting relationships was my special area! How dare he steal that from me! Scrawny, little knight...

"You have to trust me, James...this is where Mars is, not there," Lily said, stabbing her finger in various places on the parchment. James was looking hassled, clutching his quill tightly.

"Trusting you is the last thing I want to do right now," James mumbled. Lily heard him, so she swiped the quill from his grasp.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

"Nothing, nothing. Now, you're sure about Mars?" he asked, changing the topic.

"Yes!" she said exasperatedly. I didn't blame her for being flustered, they had been arguing over the position of Mars for the past half hour (I'm getting pretty good at keeping track of time...but I still need someone to place a clock in here...). James took the quill back and marked Mars with a dot.

"There, we're done!" Lily exclaimed, taking the parchment into her hands, "I'll hand it in. You should start cleaning up." She walked away to hand in their star chart, leaving James grumbling to himself.

"You should start cleaning up," he said in a voice about five octaves higher. Oh gosh, he was mimicking her. Humph, what childish people they are in this time period. He might as well blow a raspberry kiss at the rate he's going! "Clean up...she should be the one cleaning up! I did all the markings! What a bossy girl...this is where Mars is, not there!"

"Now, James, that can't be the way I sound, can it?" Lily questioned sarcastically from behind him. James started, sending a pile of parchment to the ground. "Good job. Here, I'll help you." The two of them started cleaning up together, and at one point their hands brushed against each other. I swear they paused after it happened, staring at one another's hands...but I'm most probably mistaken...

Oh, whom am I kidding? The bloody pair stared at each other for an infinite of minutes as if the other's hand gave them an electrical shock! Gosh...you'd think they'd make it less obvious.

"Well...I guess we better head back to the Common Room. She said that our star chart was well done and that we were dismissed," Lily said while tucking a strand of her hair that fell out of her ponytail behind her ear. James didn't say anything for a split second, but shook himself, as if to revive himself from a daydream (well...it was night at the time, so technically, it wasn't a daydream. What would you call it? A nightdream?). "What is it?" Lily queried suspiciously, noticing the somewhat strange behavior of James.

"I-it's nothing. Yeah, let's head back..." he finally said, in a slightly distant tone. Lily nodded, and made her way out the door. James followed, staring hard at the back of her head.

I was left to ponder all of this.

Hmmm...

Silence.

Right.

Now what I don't get is why they would suddenly show signs of attraction after spending nearly seven years pestering the hell out of each other. Is this another circumstance to add to the portfolio of "Why Are Teenagers of the 1970's So Damn Weird and Unpredictable?" Yeah, I think so.

*

"This is so boring!" cried a female voice (you can only guess whom).

"Yeah well, I think so too. I would have actually been in the Quidditch game, instead of being stuck up here," complained another.

"And the fact that I have to spend this excruciating time with you," said the first voice as if she hadn't heard the other.

"Hey, why don't we play a game? The person who doesn't quit complaining gets a blackeye!"

Silence.

"You know...I'm not going to fall for your empty threats, James."

"If you don't shut up, they won't be so empty!"

"Just try and make me--"

CRASH! BOOM! SHRIEK!

"How do you stand it?" I asked the Fat Lady, stunned. I was paying her a visit, for she was one of the paintings that I have befriended, along with Sir Cadogan. She shrugged her shoulders. Suddenly, the whole painting swung forwards and two figures emerged, bickering back and forth.

"Aw, come on, Lil! It was all good fun!" James was saying, as he jogged to keep up with Lily who was taking great strides away from him.

"No, no, James. I'll leave, that way I can avoid those hazardous pillows you were shooting my way. Which, by the way, I think you need to improve your aiming. You better clean up those vases you knocked down before McGonagall has another field day."

"But won't you help me?" James asked, pathetically pulling a puppy-dog face. I rolled my eyes to the Fat Lady.

"After all these centuries...that look is still used to make one's object of affection feel obligated to do whatever he pleases!" I said loudly. James and Lily spun around in my direction. James' face was burning, and Lily looked like she was on the verge of exploding. Her look reminded me so much of that night McGonagall was capable of murder.

"Excuse me? One's object of affection? I think you're mistaken!" James exclaimed, immediately jumping to defense. Lily stood gaping like a fish out of water. I had to fight the desperate urge to burst out laughing and chant 'You like each other! You like each other! You just can't see it, but you like each other!'

Well...of course I didn't. So I tried a different approach.

"What? I didn't say anything," I said lamely. Feign innocence...smile like you know what's going on...then politely excuse yourself. Words of wisdom from yours truly. But, alas, I did not get to perform the last part of my devious plan to escape accusing stares.

"No, no! You said 'one's object of affection'--" Lily began.

"Did I?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows in fake surprise.

"Yes! Yes you did! You said it as if James had a thing for me," Lily said. She gave a few short, nervous laughs. Her breathing quickened, and I swear that she was about to start hyperventilating. There was no use pretending that I didn't say those words. Sigh. Teenagers nowadays.

"Well..." I began slowly, "If I did imply that...is it a problem?"

"Yes...I mean no...because it isn't true," James said, in an unconvincing tone.

"So, if it's not true, why are you being so defensive?" Hah! I got them there!

"Defensive? Us? W-we're not defensive...a-are we, James?" Lily managed to gasp from her attempt to laugh the manner off and to stabilize her breathing. She looked sharply at James awaiting his agreement.

"No, no, we're not. I don't know what you're getting at Miss--"

"Madam, if you please." I may be a painting, but I have the right to keep my respective title that I had when I was alive. But no one but Merlin called me that because the village I lived in forced me into exile, so the only company I had were the animals deep in the forest and the vegetables growing in the vegetable patch...um, I think I'll stop right there.

"I don't know what you're getting at, Madam--" I smirked in satisfaction "--but Lily and I do not have anything going on between us. Nothing at all!" James said assertively. These two are hopeless. I bet they would've argued with me straight into the night if they had to. They seemed so earnest to get everyone to believe that they absolutely, positively had no attraction to each other. A little too earnest, if you get my drift. Ha ha ha...ok, a joke that made no sense whatsoever.

"I believe you," I said. I wasn't in the mood to argue straight into the night, so I decided to surrender this pointless battle. Besides, there would be plenty of opportunities to start another one. The two of them gawked at me dumbly, as if they were expecting more contradictions.

"Oh...well that's good then!" Lily said, regaining her normal pace of breathing.

"Okay then," I stated.

"You keep thinking that," James said as they made their way back into the Common Room, the purpose of leaving it in the first place totally forgotten.

"I will."

"Okay!" They disappeared and the portrait hole gave a soft thud as it closed shut.

"I don't care what they say! Those two fancy each other so much, that you can almost smell it happening," said the Fat Lady.

"Then they must have lost their sense of smell," I shrugged, bid the Fat Lady a good day, and went back to my own frame. Left alone in the Astronomy Tower (thank goodness most of the students were at the Quidditch game! Seeing teenagers day in and day out can drive a person nuts) to think about the bizarre relationship between James and Lily.

They like each other. That stood out like the sun in the sky. But they were too stubborn to admit it. And it doesn't help that their relationship was being built upon a love and hate one at that.

I bet it is fear of rejection, because the other has grown to thinking that the other has hated his/her guts for seven years!

...

I believe I have just confused myself.

*

I wasn't in the Astronomy Tower when the announcement was...well...announced.

I was with Sir Cadogan, making fun of a painting of a group of old alchemists (I won't go into details...but those alchemists can get pretty nasty). But apparently, the Astronomy teacher assigned a project for the final term. Students were to work in partners and map out the planetary alignment on the day of their graduation. I clapped appreciatively when I found out that they had to do it in partners. Ever since that little engagement in the hallway, Lily and James had been acting quite distant with each other. I'm sure if they weren't under the isolation penalty; they would have gone out of their way to avoid each other. But ha ha, they were stuck with each other.

This project is bound to make them realize the allure they so obviously have for each other. But they are on a time limit! They're punishment is already one week completed.

So for entertainment, I am going to be present when they work on the project in the Astronomy Tower...although they won't know that. Snicker.

Now don't think I'm perverted in any way. Whenever I catch a couple snogging uncontrollably in the Astronomy Tower, and I can tell that they won't stop anytime soon (unless I know that the psychopath caretaker...what-his-name...Filth? Is on his way), I escape as soon as I can. Seeing teenagers suck each other's faces isn't exactly appetizing...of course I am a painting, so I don't eat anything whatsoever...but you understand where I'm coming from, right? If you don't, then, I don't know what to say to you.

*

"Since Jupiter is over here during the fifth full moon of winter...it should be located right about here...because graduation falls upon the third half moon of spring. Am I right?" Lily asked James one night when they had the Astronomy Tower to themselves (a schedule was worked out for what pairs could work in there for their project. The younger years...well fifth and sixth years, really...were horrified that the Astronomy Tower was going to be occupied every night for the rest of the year, disabling them from their make-out time. Thank goodness for that! It cuts down my nightly dose of face suckers).

"Um...what?" he answered. I chuckled quietly to myself, hidden behind my frame so they wouldn't see me. James had been staring at Lily, with the signature-glazed look, while she had been frantically working on their project.

"Really, James. The least you could do is pretend to show effort. I honestly don't know how you got appointed Head Boy when there were plenty of other qualified candidates," Lily grouched. James' usual look of distaste, that he used to bear when he looked at Lily, flashed across his face (now it was that mere glassy-eyed look).

"I had the best marks out of the boys, Lil...but of course, Snape came in second. I'm sure you would have preferred--"

"Alright, alright, you proved your point," Lily said, with a small smile on her face.

"I knew it! You can't resist being around a handsome bloke like myself," James gloated, leaning back in his chair and kicking his feet onto the desk they were using. Lily made no comment, but remained smiling. James noticed this as well, "Oh! You actually think I'm handsome!" James said vehemently.

"I didn't say that," Lily said quietly, still smiling.

"But you're thinking it." James tapped onto his head, an exultant look on his face. "I may not be a Seer, but I can tell!"

"Fine! So what if I think you're handsome?" Lily said, playfully whacking him with her quill. You can tell that they were in that sickening stage of playful flirting. I mean, if she seriously wanted to hurt him, why on earth would she use her quill? It's a feather for goodness sake! She could've at least used one of those thick, rolls of parchment laying on the table...a good whack on the head...

"Nothing," James said, pulling his arm away from Lily's playful smack (geez...as if the quill would actually cause him any harm). "I think you're pretty, by the way." He shrugged his shoulders, and returned to his relaxing pose of feet on the desk. They spent the rest of the night smiling and giggling (in Lily's part anyway. Another piece of advice...do not go for a guy who giggles) in a giddy fashion and playfully bantering with each other.

Gag!

As much as I want these two to get together...I hate watching two people flirt with each other. And around here, it goes on 24/7. You can see how much of an annoyance it can get.

*

I was sprawled, tired, across my painting...bored out of my mind.

James and Lily were in the Astronomy Tower, working on their project, and they were still flirting endlessly with each other. I was getting so sick of it, that I didn't care if they saw me sitting, practically spread-eagled, in my painting. I only hung around because I wanted to be the one that shouted 'Hah! Told you so!' when they admitted their feelings to each other.

Er...of course I plan to do that with the utmost maturity.

"James, quit it!"--Oh gosh! They were having tickle fights! Help me please! Just confess undying love already!-- "We really have to finish this essay...it'll be better to finish it this week, since it'll be the only week we see each other so much," Lily said, still having a lighthearted tone in her voice, but with a hint of seriousness. James removed his hands from her neck, and suddenly looked grave.

"Do you want it to be the only week we see each other?" he said, all sorts of playful flirting gone. I perked my head in interest...seems like the nauseating flirting stage was passing. Lily stopped scribbling on their piece of parchment bearing sums and equations, and looked at James. Even from my point of view, her green eyes sparkled with curiosity and solemnity.

"Do you?" she asked, barely above a whisper. I leaned my ear further out of my painting, dangerously close to the edge of falling out of the canvas, but James and Lily took no notice.

Instead of answering her, James began to slowly lower his head to hers. "James?" Lily squeaked out, obviously shocked, but still leaning her head in too.

"Shh," James instructed her. I was on all fours in my painting, counting down to the inevitable.

5...4...3...2...1...

"James, what are we doing?" Lily asked, pulling away from him. I wanted to yell in aggravation and pound my fists into the ground...but that was clearly out of the question. Instead, I cursed in my head and listened to what James was going to say. I had to admit, that things took an interesting turn. Either for the best or the worst, I do not know!

"What do you mean, what are we doing?" he questioned, very puzzled. "I was about to kiss you." Go figure...no one would have assumed that!

"That's exactly it! You were about to kiss me! Doesn't that just throw you off a bit?" Lily said. "We've grown up, pretty much hating each other--"

"I never hated you," James interjected.

"Well, disliked, whatever," Lily said, dismissing it carelessly. "We've disliked each other for so long, James! How could our feelings just change like that?" She snapped her fingers for emphasis. My head kept on switching from looking at one to the other. Very much like one would do at a tennis match (I'm not fully aware what tennis is, seeing as I have been blocked out of the human world for centuries...but it has something from moving your head back and forth, right?)

James looked thoughtful for a moment. A moment that was a bit too long if you ask me. I was going crazy! Were they going to hit it off or what?

"You know what? I really don't know, Lil," he said, slowly. Lily nodded her head.

"You see? How is it like that?" she asked.

"You know what?" he began, "My dad told me that good things take time." Lily looked slightly deflated. I covered my mouth to prevent from yelping. So he was just going to drop her like that? They were so close!

"Yeah...I guess good things do take time," she said quietly, staring at her feet. Seems to me that she's regretting ever stopping that kiss!

Then, James took a hold of her waist, drew her close and said into her ear, "But great things happen all at once." He kissed her deeply.

I started breathing again, unaware that I had been holding my breath. I watched them happily, engaging in a loving kiss. Then, things started happening too fast for my liking. James' arm released a hold of Lily's waist, swept the books and parchments that were on the desk, picked her up and laid her down on the desk...

I turned away just then, bolting out of the Astronomy Tower. There were just some things that are better left unseen. Looking back, I realize that I never had the chance to yell, "Hah! Told you so!"

Darn.