That Time of Month

That Time of Month

The lazy, sleepy mood of the wee small hours that usually ensured Sirius a good night of sleep was currently a distant prospect to him. He was wide-awake sitting up in bed against the headboard busy with a disquieting concern. He was so preoccupied with this concern that he had trouble sleeping for the last two nights.

The obstacle to his peace of mind involved his husband, Remus.

Remus. Whenever Sirius thought about him, feelings of security, completeness, pleasure, ardor and love naturally overcame him. No doubt, deciding that they were nothing if not together was the smartest thing they had each done as individuals.

Sirius smiled slightly at the memory of how, only a little over two weeks ago, they celebrated their love by getting married in a small and intimate ceremony. Marriage was the next step in their relationship, if they survived the second war. They just didn't make any promises back then, for the future seemed so uncertain.

But here they were, still together. Here and now. And Sirius was back to his problem.

His eyes roamed over the sleeping form of Remus Lupin beside him in bed. He looked peaceful. Remus showed no signs in any of his day-to-day behavioral patterns that the next full moon was in three nights. But Sirius knew it as much as Remus did.

Ever since the Marauders found out about their friend's condition at Hogwarts, they had all took to observing their calendars for the cycles of the moon in order to accompany their friend as Animagi. The habit simply stayed with Sirius.

This isn't the first time that Remus will be transforming, he berated himself. But why am I making such a fuss over it now?!

He took a glass of water from the nightstand and sipped slowly, desperately seeking clarity. It was simple, really. This coming full moon was going to be the first one since they were married. Sirius knew that it was stupid for him to act like such an over-sensitive sap over the whole ordeal, but there was a reason it affected him so.

During the war, all of Remus' friends, Sirius included, were too busy with missions for the Order of the Phoenix to be able to hide with him on full moons. Since then, he spent his lycanthropic nights in solitude.

In all honesty, Sirius wanted to be with Remus during his transformations. He felt so guilty about abandoning him for so long. After the war, there were the thirteen wasted years in Azkaban and a few more years on the run from the Ministry. And then there was the second war. It made him miss so many precious years with Remus and Harry.

But now he had freedom, and he wanted to try to salvage what he could from those lost years. He was doing great with Harry, but he still had not asked Remus about staying with him on the next full moon.

The next few days would be as good a time as any to ask. But exactly when would the opportune moment arise that would be compelling enough to make me ask?He found himself hurling this question into oblivion.

Before anything else crossed his mind, his husband stirred next to him. This movement was followed by Remus' sleepy voice saying, "You're awake, love. Are you thinking about something?"

For Merlin's sake, just ask him, you idiot! his tormented inner voice screamed.

Sirius mentally sorted out his thoughts and feelings before he spoke. "Remie... when was the last time I was with you when you...transformed?"

Remus looked befuddled. Not being one to dilly-dally, he met his beloved Sirius' gaze and said, "It has been quite a while. But is it bothering you in some way?"

Despite his apprehension, Sirius smiled. That's Moony-- always mindful of how he is around me, even after all this time.

"It doesn't bother me any more than it does you," he replied while settling himself back to recline, so that his face was level with Remus'. Then he braced himself and continued, "But I want to be with you the next time... I want to be part of this. I still feel so bloody horrible, not being there for more than a dozen years." He paused. "I know I might be interrupting the last of your privacy in this marriage, so please let me know if it's okay."

After the longest 15-second wait of Sirius' life, Remus finally spoke. "If you worked half as much on your vows as you did this," he joked. Then he seriously said, "I didn't know that you were beating yourself up about this. It wasn't anyone's fault, especially not yours... Is this why you didn't sleep last night?"

Sirius looked at him in incredulity. "You knew?!"

"Honestly, Sirius. I don't sleep like a sodding log. Besides, you were tossing and turning."

"You knew all this time, and you let me torture myself for two nights!"

"I wanted to see if you needed my help."

"Oh."

There was a silence that followed wherein they both took the time to think over the arrangement that was about to be made.

"So," Sirius said sheepishly "Is it okay with you if I bother you on this upcoming romantic full moon?"

Remus chuckled. "Yes, of course. Everyone knows that a full moon isn't romantic at all if a werewolf is without his mate."

Sirius laughed, and they shared a long and passionate kiss that conveyed of security, completeness, pleasure, ardor and love.

Fin