The Second Time Around

Poppy Pomfrey "tsked" as she set about healing Harry's wounds. She hadn't yet said a word to Remus about what had happened, though a few points were obvious. He had most certainly attacked Harry while in wolf form, though she hadn't yet gathered the details. All she knew was that Harry had to be healed, and fast, or he would soon bleed to death.

She was able to heal the small cuts and bruises that peppered his skin from his throat down to his ankles, but the wound on his shoulder - well, they would just have to wait and see what became of that. Harry's breathing was still shallow and raspy, and he babbled deliriously in his sleep. Poppy could hear him crying out both Remus's and Sirius's names, and she placed a cool hand on his sweaty forehead, willing him a dreamless sleep. She muttered a quiet spell, and soon Harry relaxed, sinking back against the pillows.

Poppy stepped out into her living room, where Remus perched on the edge of the couch, head buried in his hands. He had been hysterical when he showed up at the door of her summer cottage in Hogsmeade that morning, shaking and crying and rambling incoherently. Harry was clutched against the older man's chest, naked save for a cotton sheet, his body broken and bleeding.

"Remus," she said softly, going to sit beside him on the couch. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

The man didn't even look up, but merely shook his head, his voice muffled against his hands when he spoke. "Will he live?"

Poppy debated whether or not she should tell Remus her honest diagnosis. He was a rational, intelligent man, and an ex-professor, after all - he deserved to hear the truth. Poppy sighed, feeling much older than she actually was. In fact, Poppy remembered Remus from her own days as a student at Hogwarts. She had been several years older, and a Ravenclaw, but she always thought peaky little Remus Lupin seemed like such a nice fellow, in spite of the rumors that had gone around.

"Remus," she said carefully, not wanting to upset the already-distraught man. "I can't really know much of anything at this point. I've healed the smaller wounds, but it's the one near his shoulder we have to watch. It won't stop bleeding, and it's not responding to any of my healing charms."

"Well, it wouldn't, would it?" Remus said, in a dead, emotionless voice. "Werewolf bites never do. They don't ever fully heal."

"No," agreed Poppy. "But that's no reason to think there isn't any chance-"

"Poppy, please. I know the statistics - I've had them drilled into my head since I was a boy. Not many people live to survive werewolf attacks. Those who do..." Remus shuddered at the thought. "I don't want him to become that," he whispered. "Not Harry."

"I know," said Poppy. "But Remus, it may be the only way." She paused, making sure Remus was strong enough to hear what she had to say next. "If Harry doesn't complete the change, he will more than likely die."

***

Remus gazed up at the cloudy night sky, hating it with a passion he never knew he had. Hating the sky, the stars, anything and everything that made up the vast universe. Hating himself for what he'd done to Harry.

There had only been one time he'd ever felt at peace with the night. During seventh year, when Sirius had dragged him outside way past curfew, much to his protestations that they would be expelled for sure. Sirius had laughed in that careless yet intentional way of his, saying that no professor would dare throw out a member of the prestigious Black family, Gryffindor or not.

Remus had been pulled, quite unwillingly, to the edge of the lake, where Sirius had spread a blanket, two pillows, and a telescope. Remus had stared at it, then back up at Sirius, questioningly.

"Do you know what tonight is, Moony?" he'd whispered, pulling Remus down onto the blanket and pressing his face into the smaller boy's hair.

Remus wracked his brain, thinking of holidays, birthdays, annivers- oh. "It's our anniversary," he said dumbly, feeling like a complete arse for forgetting. Sirius had nodded, eyes shining in the light of a crescent moon.

"One year, Moony. We made it a whole year."

"And that's no small feat, considering your powers of seduction and wily ways," Remus replied, smiling. Sirius had laughed, throwing his head back, long hair trailing out behind him. Remus had tangled a hand in it, loving the feel of the soft tresses against his skin.

"Love you, Moony," he had said then, quite serious.

"Love you too, Padfoot. Now what's this all about?"

Sirius had suddenly gone pale, looking rather nervous. "I, erm... couldn't decide what to get you, so..."

"Sirius, you shouldn't have gotten me anything. I don't have anything to give -"

"Oh, I don't mind," Sirius said quickly. "This is something I've wanted to do for a while now. It isn't much, but it's the only thing I can give you."

Remus had simply watched, as Sirius took the telescope and laid back on the blanket, pulling Remus with him. He'd leaned back willingly, taking strength and comfort in the warmth and nearness of Sirius's body.

Sirius held out the telescope, silently urging Remus to take it. Remus looked at it warily. He didn't have anything against telescopes, but star-gazing was hardly his idea of a worthy pastime. He hated the night sky, and he was sure Sirius knew that. But Sirius was still pressing the cool metal of the telescope into his hand, and he had no choice but to accept it.

"What do I do with this?" he asked, giving Sirius a curious glance.

"Well, put it up to your eye, to start with."

"I know that, you goof," Remus teased, elbowing Sirius playfully in the ribs. "But what am I looking for?"

"Let me show you." Remus lifted the telescope to his eye and peered through the lens. Suddenly, dozens of tiny stars magnified a thousand time twinkled brightly around him. It was certainly beautiful, in an icy way that made Remus uncomfortable. He felt Sirius behind him, wrap his arms around him and lay warm hands atop his. Sirius positioned the telescope, and then leaned back, his hands still on Remus's.

"There," he said. "Can you see that line of stars, about three or four, at the top?"

"Yes," Remus said slowly, searching them out. "There they are."

"Okay, now look down three stars to the left."

"Alright."

"That's me."

Remus turned his eyes away from the telescope to look at Sirius. "What?"

"It's the dog star constellation - Sirius. That's what I'm named after.

"Oh," Remus said stupidly, wishing he'd paid more attention in Astronomy.

"You still don't understand why we're out here, do you?"

"Honestly Padfoot, no." Remus felt ungrateful. Sirius had gone to a lot of trouble for this, and here he was, not even sure he could thank him.

Sirius took a breath. "Well, I know your biggest fear is the moon, and I know you aren't comfortable being out at night, and so I thought... well I guess I just... I thought maybe you'd feel better knowing that I'm up there. That I'm always watching over you. Nothing bad can ever happen to you if I'm up there in the sky."

Tears stung Remus's eyes. It was corny, yes, and completely untrue, but the sincerity and honesty with which Sirius had presented his gift was so incredibly touching.

"Sirius," he whispered, running a hand over the young man's face, "that is by far the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me."

"You're welcome," Sirius replied, grinning in relief. "And I mean it. I don't want you to ever feel scared of the nighttime, Remus, because whenever it's night, it means I'm with you."

Remus took hold of Sirius and squeezed tightly. "That was really beautiful, Siri. Although, to be perfectly honest, I'd rather have the real Dogstar right here in my arms any day."

Sirius chuckled, but it was cut off by Remus's kiss.

"Happy anniversary, love," Sirius whispered, panting just a bit.

"Happy anniversary, Padfoot."

***

Remus clenched his fists angrily, wanting to punch something. Where are you now, Sirius? he thought, staring up into the overcast sky. I can't see you, and the sky isn't safe anymore. You aren't here, and I'm so, so afraid...

"Remus." Poppy's gentle voice cut through the silence of the summer night. Somewhere near the house, a cricket began to chirp. "Remus," she said again, "I thought maybe you could use a cup of hot tea. Perhaps it'll help you relax."

"I don't want to relax, Poppy."

"Well then, maybe it'll keep you from passing out, as you haven't eaten or drank anything all day. You won't be much good to Harry if you're unconscious too." This seemed to sink in, and Remus turned, following Poppy back into her house.

Ten minutes later, the two of them sat at the kitchen table, staring into their respective cups. Finally, Remus spoke.

"Is he well enough to be moved? I'd like... I think he'd like to wake up in his own room."

"Not yet," Poppy said, shaking her head. "I'd like to keep a close eye on him for a few days. Perhaps the beginning of next week."

Remus nodded, knowing he would have to accept this. Poppy was not keen on anyone disobeying her orders, particularly when it came to former students.

"I suppose you'll have to report this," he said, his throat constricting around the words. Poppy glanced up sharply, but she quickly recovered, her face a settling into a mask of calm.

"Report what, Mr. Lupin?"

"The attack -"

"I'm not sure I understand to what you are referring."

Remus stared at her, uncomprehending. "The attack. The bite -"

"I'm not sure a simple fall down the stairs constitutes an all-out Ministry investigation, are you?"

"But if Harry -"

"When Harry wakes up, he shall then be able to decide if he wants to share his little accident with the Ministry. Until then, I have no desire to do so. I want that insolent Fudge man nowhere near my home."

Remus continued to stare, disbelieving. If the Ministry found out what had happened, he was sure to be thrown into Azkaban. However, the failure to report a werewolf attack would certainly result in the loss of Poppy's job at Hogwarts. Remus felt hot tears flood his eyes yet again, at her courage and generosity.

"Thank you, Poppy." The slightly older woman nodded once, then returned to her tea.

"You'd better get in there with him," she said finally. "You'll be the first person he wants to see."

"Poppy, about... about that night..." Remus wasn't sure how to go about it, but he felt that he owed Poppy an explanation of what had happened, of how much he truly cared about Harry.

"It's personal," she said firmly. "It's between you and Harry."

A sudden thought struck Remus like a bolt of lightning, leaving his chilled and sick. "Oh, God... he'll never forgive me."

"He will," Poppy said, all but shoving Remus into the spare bedroom where Harry lay. "Don't think I haven't seen him look at you, Remus. Even before the war, I saw that look. That boy is mad about you, and if one little nip -"

"One little nip?" Remus said, incredulously. "Poppy, I hardly think you can call that -"

"Remus," she said, interrupting. "It isn't important. Beating yourself up isn't going to help Harry get well. And I know how much you want him to get well."

"Yes," Remus said, hanging his head. "Poppy, I lo-"

"I know. Now go."

***

Remus stretched uncomfortably in his chair, tossing his reading glasses aside. He and Harry had been home for over two weeks, and Harry still hadn't emerged from his coma. The wound had begun to heal, but Poppy wasn't optimistic. He had been unconscious too long, and as of yet had showed no signs of beginning the change. She told Remus to expect the worst. It was very possible that Harry would simply waste away, and she wanted Remus to be prepared for it.

For two weeks, Remus had sat at Harry's side, talking to him, reading to him, holding his hand. There had been no response. Harry just lay there, looking pale and ghostly, his breathing still audible in the quiet of his room.

Remus sighed, closing the book he'd been reading and went to sit on the edge of the bed. He took Harry's small hand to his own and brought it up to his face, planting a small kiss on Harry's palm. He thought for a moment he felt a small movement against his face, but no, he had fooled himself too many times in the past fourteen days to fall for it again.

"Oh, Harry," he said, toying with the boy's hair. "I can't stand what I've done to you. I'd rather die a thousand times than have you leave me too... but the thought of you suffering through the same life as I've had to... I'm so sorry." He bent his head, kissing Harry's forehead, and slipped an arm around the young man's waist. He curled up against him, conforming perfectly to Harry's side. He was asleep within minutes.

When he awoke, the room was perfectly still. Not even the sound of Harry's breathing...

Oh, God, no...

Remus sat up wildly, grabbing Harry's wrist and feeling for a pulse. Please no, not now... not yet...

Harry's skin was cold and clammy, not the way flesh should feel. "Oh, Harry," he cried, burying his face against the boy's chest, spilling hot tears down his sides. Remus lay for some time, oblivious to what was happening around him. He was almost lulled to sleep again by a slow, rhythmic motion, like... like...

Breathing! He's breathing!

Remus pulled away and rolled off of Harry. Suddenly, a pair of emerald eyes were staring into his own.

No, not emerald. Not anymore.

Harry's eyes were still green, but they had a faint yellowish tinge, and they glowed softly in the moonlight.

"Harry," Remus began, but his throat had closed.

"Remus," Harry said with a grin. "Hello. Long time no see. Or at least, it feels that way. How long have I been out of it?"

"Almost three... three weeks," Remus managed to choke out.

"Wow. You really pack a wallop in wolf form, don't you?"

"Harry," Remus began. He wasn't smiling. "There's something you have to know."

"What is it?"

"That night... the night I transformed... I bit you."

Harry grinned wickedly. "I know, love. Several times. If I recall, I bit you back."

"No, Harry. After the transformation. I bit you as the wolf."

Harry looked confused. "But then that means..."

"Think about it, Harry. Do you feel any differently?"

Harry thought. "Well, sore, for one. But... different, yes. I feel more... awake?" Remus nodded, and he went on. "More alert, I guess. I mean, I can see you as plain as day, though it's quite dark in here. And I can... I can smell you. You smell... relieved, scared, confused.... Oh, Remus," Harry said, looking at the man with eyes full of love. "It's not your fault... none of it's your fault."

"What? What do you mean?" Remus tried to look nonchalant, but he couldn't fool Harry.

"Remus, you positively reek of guilt."

"And why shouldn't I?" Remus said, suddenly upset. "I'm the one who did this to you. I nearly killed you, but no, I didn't even do that properly. Instead, I turned you into a monster, just like me!"

"Is that it, then?" Harry said quietly. "You think I'm a monster?"

Remus's eyes cleared suddenly. "God, Harry... no. That's not what I meant at all. I couldn't ever think of you... you're perfect. You're nothing like me."

"No, Remus... I'm just like you. Now more than ever."

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered, but Harry was smiling.

"Silly prat," he whispered, nuzzling Remus's neck with his nose.

"What?"

"You really are daft, aren't you? Do you think I'm upset about this?"

Remus stared at him blankly.

"Remus, this is the best thing that could have happened to us. I'm a werewolf now! This means we can be together. No one, not the Ministry, not anyone at Hogwarts - no one can say anything about it. And now, I can be with you on the full moon. Don't you see, Remus? Neither of us ever have to face a full moon alone."

Remus barely looked at him, hardly daring to hope. "Harry... are you saying... are you saying that you still want to be with me?"

Harry looked at him incredulously. "Did you ever think I wouldn't want to?" Remus shrugged. "God Remus, have you gone completely nutters? Remus, do you love me?"

Remus looked up at him, surprised by the suddenness of the question. "I... yes," he admitted. "Yes I do. Very much."

Harry smiled, looking pleased. "Good. I love you too."

Remus hardly paused to acknowledge the way his heart leapt at that statement. "But Harry, it isn't as easy as all that."

"Why isn't it?"

"Well, there are a lot of consequences to being a werewolf."

"We'll deal with them later."

"The full moon's in a week."

"Then we'll deal with them in a week."

"Harry -"

"Shut up and kiss me, Remus, or I'll bite you." Harry growled once, just to test it out. It wasn't very convincing.

But that didn't seem to matter much, because Remus's lips were on his, and the rest of the world seemed to fade away.

Remus opened his eyes, watching the man he loved kiss him with an intensity he'd never known. He kissed Harry's neck, lifting his eyes to the open window. The moon shone through, illuminating the two lovers in its soft light. There wasn't a cloud to obscure the sky, and the stars glimmered brightly. There it was - the Dogstar - Sirius. It twinkled merrily, winking down love and happiness... and approval.

Remus smiled, realizing happily that he was no longer afraid of the night.