Mission Accomplished

It was another beautiful summer day at the Burrow. The Weasley family was in its usual frenzied state.

"Mum! Where's my tie?"

"It's on your bed, Ronald."

"I can't find it!"

"Look again! Arthur! Is the car ready?"

"Almost, Molly dear! Just a few more minutes!"

"Well, hurry up, please! We need to leave soon!"

"Mum! My tie!"

"Ginny, go help your brother find his tie!"

"Can't he do anything by himself?"

"Ginny!"

"I'm going, I'm going."

In the midst of all the mayhem, there were two Weasleys who were immersed in their own exchange.

"Time is running out."

"I know! But every idea we've had so far has been small-time. This is huge!"

"And therefore calls for a huge prank."

"Exactly! And we've only got a few hours left to decide."

"We could buy some more time."

"The car?"

"Dad wouldn't notice if we..."

"Cut a wire?"

"Or two."

"Mum would go postal."

"Good point."

"Then she'd give in."

"And we'd all just apparate."

"New plan?"

"So it would seem."

Fred and George sat in the corner with their heads together, well aware that time was short. Today was Ron and Hermione's wedding day - a day that was a result of their brilliant matchmaking, of course - and the whole family was in a flurry, Mum especially. Ron was a mess - couldn't even find his bloody tie, for the love of Merlin - and Ginny was being no help at all. Bill, Charlie, and Percy were apparating to the ceremony later... now the task was just to get the rest of the family there on time.

Fred and George had other plans. Well, plans in the works, anyway.

Both of them knew that no wedding was complete without a few wedding pranks, and who better to take care of that than the masters themselves? Really, they would be doing the happy couple a disservice if they didn't help out with this most important of details. And so, they had decided that they would pull the biggest, most elaborate wedding prank in the history of their family.

Of course, there weren't any other wedding pranks in their history, but that was beside the point. This was the perfect occasion to use their unparalleled pranking abilities for the greater good of the family. Honestly, in the end, Ron and Hermione would thank them for making their special day even more special.

Which is why they were quite frantic right now - the ceremony was starting in two hours and they had nothing.

To be fair, they had been working on this plan for months. Ever since the sappy lovebirds announced their engagement, Fred and George had set out on a mission. They certainly couldn't afford to let this opportunity pass them by, so they set to work right away.

Plan A had been simple enough. Steal Ron's personally written wedding vows and send him into a panic. It was perfectly brilliant, but they hadn't accounted for Hermione having an extra copy - twelve extra copies to be exact. It was almost as though she was expecting him to lose that ridiculous piece of paper. She was obviously too smart for them. They would have to work around her.

Plan B had been a bit more complex. Call the caterer, pretend to be Ron, and cancel the account - what better prank could there be to cause mass chaos? Unfortunately, when they made the call, ickle Ronniekins was doing his "groomly duties" and was actually in the caterer's shop... the caterer naturally assumed that the caller was not Ronald Weasley. So much for that.

Plans C and D had called for eighteen nifflers and a jarvey, but seeing as they were a bit low on resources, neither plan made the cut.

By the time they got to Plan M, Fred and George were beginning to panic, and now that Plan V: Sabotage the Car had been left by the wayside, they had moved quickly beyond panic and onto a level of desperation they had never experienced before. There was no way they could let Ron and Hermione go unpranked on their wedding day. No way.

"It's got to be big."

"You've mentioned that."

"Already on Plan W and nothing to show for it."

"Maybe we should just go back to Plan G."

"How would we get a leprechaun and a two-way mirror on such short notice?"

"We could call..."

"He's out of town."

"How about Plan K? It's possible."

"But messy. Hermione would kill us."

"She'll kill us anyway."

"Unless we locked her in a closet."

"Yeah, unless we... hang on."

"No. We couldn't."

"We could."

"In less than two hours?"

"Why not?"

"Remember the last time we tried to get Hermione in a closet?"

"She bites hard."

"I still have scars."

"We could sedate her."

"Ever tried to sedate a bride?"

"No."

"Well, I have, and..."

"You have?"

"Long story."

"Ah. Right. Carry on."

"The point is, it's nearly impossible to get a normal bride to take a sedative."

"And Hermione is definitely not normal."

"Psychotic would be my word of choice."

"Fine. We won't sedate her. We'll just have to figure out a different way to kidnap her."

"She won't go without a fight."

"We'll have to catch her unawares."

"And without Ron around."

"He wouldn't be able to stop us."

"But he cries like a girl."

"Maybe we should kidnap him instead."

"No challenge there."

"Too true."

An hour later, the Weasley family was at Hogwarts for the ceremony and Plan W: Kidnap the Bride was on its way. The steps were a bit more complicated than their previous attempts.

Step One: Distract Mum.

Step Two: Distract Groom.

Step Three: Grab Bride.

Step Four: Lock Bride in the closet.

Step Five: Watch Groom go crazy looking for Bride.

Step Six: Laugh evilly.

Completely foolproof. One hundred percent reliable. Just like last time.

Step One proved to be harder than they anticipated. Molly Weasley was a formidable opponent on a normal day, but now that she had transformed into Mother of the Groom, she was a force to be reckoned with. An entire army in herself. They tried everything they could imagine - dungbombs, fireworks, the whole deal - but nothing would get her away from her duties to the bride. Luckily for them, Dad lost his tie at the very moment when she was beginning to get suspicious, and the crisis was averted.

Step Two was a lot easier than Step One, mostly because Ron was much more distractible than Mum. They found him in the classroom that had been set aside for the groom and groomsmen - otherwise known as the Weasleys and Harry. Ron was visibly nervous and looked a bit green around the gills. That made things much easier. A few well-placed comments about the joys of married life and he was running to the toilets to empty his stomach.

Step Three was the hardest of all. Obviously, Hermione would not go willingly, so they would have to catch her by surprise. It went something like this:

"Hermione, you make a lovely bride!"

"Absolutely smashing!"

"What do you two want?"

"Do you hear that, George? She automatically suspects us of something underhanded."

"I heard it, Fred, and I'm heartbroken. Our sister-to-be thinks we're up to something!"

"Why would she do that?"

"Probably because you two are up to something."

She was definitely on to them. So much for subtlety. They would have to resort to brute force - otherwise known as Ginny.

Step Three and a Half was inserted into the plan: Get Bridesmaid to Assist in Kidnapping Bride. Unfortunately, Ginny was not amenable to this idea. She called them insensitive gits for trying to pull a prank on a woman's wedding day... she obviously didn't understand the importance of the plan. They tried to explain it to her, but she threatened to tell Mum, and that simply wouldn't do. So they threatened to tell Mum about her snog session with Harry and suddenly the littlest Weasley was much more agreeable. Ginny would sit on Hermione while Fred blindfolded her and George kept an eye out for Mum. It was perfect.

"GINNY WEASLEY, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"I'm sorry, Hermione, but they made me do it!"

"FRED! GEORGE!"

"Now just go along nicely, Hermione, and everything will be fine."

"We promise we'll have you back in time for the ceremony."

That calmed her down - a bit. She was still angry, but at least she wasn't biting. They led the unhappy bride down the corridors and finally got her inside an empty broom closet. She got in one last glare before they closed the door on her. Steps Three and Four complete.

Step Five was definitely the most fun of all. The ceremony was about to begin and Ron was a mess.

"Have you two seen Hermione? I can't find her anywhere!"

"Lost your bride-to-be already, Ronniekins?"

"They're not even married yet and she's gone. What a shame."

"Positively shocking, wouldn't you agree, George?"

"Yes, indeed it is, Fred."

"Do you suppose she's left him for someone better?"

"It's entirely possible. She is the better looking one in the relationship, and I always said..."

"Fred! George! Have. You. Seen. Hermione?"

"Why would you think that, Ronald dearest?"

"Probably because you two always know what's going on! Now tell me where Hermione is or I'll... I'll... ARGH!"

Ron's high level of anxiety made Step Six much more enjoyable. Fred and George shared in an evil laugh that made their little brother's ears turn bright red and his face turn nearly purple. They continued to laugh maniacally until Ron finally snapped and ran down the corridors shouting Hermione's name like a complete lunatic.

Since laughing evilly isn't nearly as much fun when the target of your laughter has run away crying like a little girl, Fred and George followed Ron through the corridors, laughing even harder at their brother's heightened state of panic.

"Keep yelling, Ronniekins!"

"Maybe she'll come back!"

"Unless she's decided to marry someone else!"

"Or unless she's escaped from the closet."

Fred and George stopped dead in their tracks. Their eyes widened as they turned around and were greeted by the sight of The Bride. She was looking quite smug, standing there in the corridor, her dress robes unwrinkled and every strand of hair in place. Fred and George were shocked.

"But you..."

"How did you..."

"Next time you kidnap a bride, take her wand away from her and use a more complicated spell to seal the closet door."

Fred looked at George. George looked at Fred. Then they both burst out laughing.

"Well done, Miss Granger."

"You were a worthy opponent."

"Thank you. It was an honor."

"Will someone PLEASE tell me what's going on???"

"Later, Ronald. Right now, we're getting married."

"Well, it's about bloody time."

FIN