The Lupin Letters

The Lupin Letters

Remus Lupin dropped his trunk unceremoniously at the foot of his bed and sat down heavily on the old mattress. All in all, it had been a very eventful first day. Fighting a Dementor on the Hogwarts Express was not exactly how he had intended to begin his teaching career. And then there was Harry. Remus rubbed his face with shaking hands and he tried to come to grips with all that had transpired.

He knew that taking the job at Hogwarts would mean he would finally meet Harry Potter. Dumbledore had told him as much when he was interviewed for the position. At first, Remus was rather nervous about the prospect of seeing Harry. So many memories...so much pain. But, he finally convinced himself, maybe it would actually be good. Dumbledore had hinted that Harry could use a little "fatherly guidance" and that perhaps he, Remus, might be just the person to give it. Nothing on earth could have prepared him for the shock of seeing Harry for the first time.

"The perfect balance," Remus whispered to no one at all. Lupin's fingers were tangled in his hair while he stared, unseeing, at the floor. A flood of memories, both good and bad, washed over Remus Lupin and threatened to engulf him completely. So many memories...James's maddening habit of always making sure his hair was just so, in its own unruly sort of way, whenever there were girls around, especially Lily Evans...the way Lily's eyes always looked straight into Remus's whenever the two talked, even about the most trivial of things...the absolute pain he felt upon learning of their deaths.

Remus jumped up from his bed and opened his trunk. He scrounged around for a brief moment before finally locating what he was after...a quill, parchment, and ink. Though he knew it was pointless, Remus had to find a way to exorcise the demon emotions plaguing his every thought. He sat down at his desk, whispered the candle to life and began to write.

My dearest Lily,

Although I know that you will never read these words, I feel I must write them to save myself from insanity. I have been appointed as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts. Imagine that, me, of all people teaching at Hogwarts. I suspect it will come as no surprise that it all happened because of Albus Dumbledore. I have him to thank for so much.

The real reason I am writing to you is because of Harry. He's here at Hogwarts as well. I met him on the train tonight. I only wish the circumstances surrounding our meeting could have been better. They have set Dementors from Azkaban on the train and all about the school in search of Sirius. Apparently, he has escaped. I will be very honest with you and say that Harry did not fare well with the Dementors. I imagine that has a lot to do with you and James. I am happy to report, however, that he has completely recovered and is just fine.

From the bottom of my heart I wish that you and James could be here to see him. When first I laid eyes on him I thought it was James come back from the dead. The resemblance is that striking. Once I looked into his eyes, however, it was you that I saw inside him. He is, without question, the perfect balance of you and James. He has all of James's fire (and a bit of his old swagger, if you'll permit me) and every ounce of your caring heart. He looks eerily like his father except for his eyes. Harry has your beautiful green eyes. And, it will come as great comfort to you especially, to know that he is not only alive and healthy, he is dearly loved. Arthur Weasley's son Ron is his best friend. His other constant companion is a muggle-born girl named Hermione Granger. According to Dumbledore, she's cleverer than half the staff put together. Before you reach too many conclusions, however, I must tell you that she and Harry are not an "item". If I were to venture a guess, I would have to say that Hermione and Ron have all the makings of a future couple, though neither seems ready to admit it. Their love for Harry is obvious though. It comforts me, as I'm sure it would you and James, to know that Harry has such good friends to turn to for the support I am certain he needs from time to time.

There is one last thing I must tell you, Lily and it is this. I love you. I have loved you from the moment I first saw you. Not a day has gone by that I haven't wished that things could have been different. Every day I think of how happily I would have traded places with you or James. Seeing Harry tonight makes that wish all the stronger. I must admit, though, that seeing Harry also made me realize that whatever my feelings were and perhaps still are for you, James and you were meant to be. Harry is the product of a love that was most certainly written in the stars. I will continue to love you all the days of my life. I will love you as the woman who stole my heart without effort. I will love you as the wife of the dearest friend I have ever had. And, because of that love, I will look after Harry as long as I am able. It is the best and, now, the only way I have of showing you how much you truly mean to me.

I hope that you rest peacefully, Lily Evans Potter. Until the day we are all reunited, I bid you farewell.

Ever yours,

Remus

Remus carefully folded the parchment and set the letter aside, pausing to wipe a tear from his face. He drew a deep, shuddering sigh and set a fresh piece of parchment on the desk. Dipping his quill into the ink well, he thought for a moment and then began writing once again.

Dearest Prongs,

It has been too long, my old friend, far too long. So many times my life would have been better for having you still in it. So much has happened that I feel compelled to tell you about, though I know you are beyond the reach of my quill.

I have accepted a position at Hogwarts. Yes, you prat, as a teacher. I am the new DADA professor, if you please. How I came to be here can be answered in one name...Dumbledore. It is not about this new job that I am writing to you, however. It's about your son, Harry.

I met him on the Express tonight. It was not the meeting I had hoped for. Sirius has escaped from Azkaban, where he was sentenced after you and Lily were murdered. The Ministry saw fit to put Dementors on the train and at the school to keep the students safe; to keep Harry safe. Apparently, there are those that believe that Sirius escaped to come after Harry. He hasn't been told yet. Dumbledore hopes that Sirius will be recaptured before Harry must be told.

You should see him, Prongs. I honestly thought you'd managed to cheat death after all. He looks just like you, except for his eyes. He has Lily's eyes. And, you'll be quite pleased to know that he was made Gryffindor's Seeker in his first year. Not only that, he's so far undefeated, according to Dumbledore. A truer Potter never lived. He also has a very trusted pair of friends, one being a son of Arthur Weasley. Ron is his name and they appear to be nearly inseparable. The other is a young lady named Hermione Granger, who, I believe, fancies the Weasley boy. Sorry to dash your hopes so quickly, old boy! He seems to have quite a following, however, judging from the looks he got as he left the Great Hall tonight. Another ringing Potter quality. He is, to make a point of it, every inch the son of the great James Potter.

Before I close, my old friend, I must confess something to you. I must finally tell you of the love that I have kept all these years for Lily. I never said anything for all that time because you two seemed so smitten with each other, except for the times she was hexing you. I must admit how jealous I was of her love for you. I hope you can forgive me my heart, Prongs. Seeing Harry tonight made me realize that nothing so good could have come from anyone but you and Lily. I promise to look after Harry and, when the time is right, to tell him our story...your story.

Though I do not bid death come quicker, I do look forward to the day when I can see you again. As I am a teacher now, I shall expect your homework to be done. Until that day...

Ever you friend,

Moony

Remus folded the second letter with the same care as the first and walked to the cold fireplace. He placed both letters in the iron grate and stood silently for a moment before going to his trunk. He returned shortly carrying a small leather pouch. He drew a small handful of gray powder and stepped closer to the fireplace. Casting the contents of his hand into the hearth, he spoke very clearly.

"The Hereafter!"

Green flames rose up suddenly, consuming both pieces of parchment, before dying away as quickly as they came. Remus felt a bit foolish but satisfied in a strange way. He dusted the remaining Floo Powder from his hands and slowly turned around. As he plodded to his bed to begin undressing, he tilted his head toward the sky, new tears visible on his cheeks, and whispered...

"I miss you both so much."