Not Another Wedding Story

REMUS LUPIN: THE UNSUNG HERO

Ron however was not so convinced that he needed a new suit. He protested with Draco for several minutes.

"I wore that suit to my wedding!"

"And do you remember the look on Hermione's face when she saw you." Pause.

"I need a new suit."

Meanwhile, inside the Burrow there were quite enough problems to be getting on with. Ginny was, naturally, frantic. Molly was, of course, teary. Remus was not helpful.

After several incidents in which he was told to move, do something constructive, or not drink that so close to the dress he decided it was best that he stand outside, where he couldn't possibly do any more damage.

Upstairs however, the damage had already been done.

The mother of the groom had arrived to add her own professional opinion. An opinion that was neither professional nor wanted. First, she told Hermione that the bridesmaid dress made her look a little porky. Then, she told Molly her housekeeping skills were below par.

"But then what did you expect from someone so poor?"

Then, Narcissa Malfoy decided that it would look better if Ginny's hair was a slightly different colour. Using the most abstract spell imaginable, she turned Ginny's hair purple.

"It was a mistake, I swear!"

Thankfully, Remus chose the correct moment to come back inside for more tea. Once again, he stepped up to save the day! By punching Ginny in the face.

In the panic that followed it gave Narcissa the time to sneak out undetected. Of course, poor Remus was beaten half to death in the ensuing chaos. And the only other males in the house were Arthur and Harry. Arthur was busy playing with his grand-daughter and Harry was on the roof.

"I'll jump, don't think I won't!" he shouted hopefully. No response. He tried shouting some more.

Arthur would have heard him had little Marissa Weasley not hit him over the head with something she'd found in a box labelled "Fred and George." Underneath was a hazard warning symbol, not unlike the one found on containers of nuclear waste.

"I swear, she gets more like her uncles everyday," Hermione said exasperatedly, coming in and picking up her three year old daughter. "Mr Weasley!" she shouted in his ear. He jerked awake.

"Ah! She caught me by surprise that time!" he said, grinning. "The old reflexes aren't what they used to be."

"Listen, Ron's left," Hermione explained. "Haven't the faintest idea where he's run off to. But I need someone to look after Marissa all afternoon."

"Oh, I'd be delighted," Arthur assured her. Hermione didn't look quite so sure.

"You see, I'm not sure you'd be able to handle her alone-"

"Not to worry Hermione!" Arthur exclaimed, thumping his fist against his chest. "I'm a battle-hardened veteran. If I don't know how to handle kids, then who does?" To this, Hermione could think of no response that wouldn't critically wound his feelings. She'd have asked Remus to do it, but he was kind of being mauled downstairs.

It was with great reluctance that Hermione entrusted her only child to Arthur Weasley.

Now she had to handle Harry. Apparently, he'd climbed onto the roof in a desperate attempt to attract Ginny's attention. How exactly this was supposed to work eluded even a mind as bright as Hermione's.

She apparated onto the roof, and the shock near caused Harry to actually jump.

"Harry!" she snapped. "This is utter madness! Get downstairs this instant!" Harry however, wasn't impressed by Hermione's rather tactful approach.

"I'll jump, don't think I won't!" He mimed jumping for dramatic effect (or rather, kill it entirely).

"We both know this is not the way!" Hermione told him. "This achieves absolutely nothing except ruining Ginny's day when one of her friends jumps off the roof-"

"That's it!" Harry shouted. "I don't want 'friend!'" Hermione sighed.

"Oh Harry, where did it all go wrong?" she asked aloud. Although she knew fine rightly it had more to do with fighting the most evil wizard ever only to find the love of your life in the arms of Malfoy. She knew if she'd found Ron in Malfoy's arms she'd have been on the roof a lot sooner.

"My bed! They did it in my bed!" Harry shouted in disbelief. "She actually snuck him into the Gryffindor tower just to do it on my bed!"

"They only got caught on your bed," Hermione reminded him. "They were on Neville's before that."

"And Malfoy!" he said, clutching his head in his hands. "Anyone but Malfoy! Even Ron would have been a better choice!"

"Don't say things like that."

"Why not?"

"Because you're being silly! If I caught Ron in the arms of another woman I'd tear him to shreds!" Harry looked at her.

"Why?" he asked at last. Hermione just looked puzzled. "Why him of all people?" With that, he began to cry. Just as Hermione moved to comfort him, he jumped.

"Oh for God's sake!" she shouted, rushing over to the edge. Luckily, Remus was on hand to save the day again by acting as a cushion to Harry's fall.

Harry swore very, very loudly. Almost moments later, Marissa Weasley took her own stab at the new word. Hermione was furious. Arthur was thrilled. Remus was... flat.

###

Draco was also rather peeved at the current moment in time. He'd returned to Zabini's with his new best man, only to find that the place was still a mess and still there were naked women. On the plus side, they'd all banded together to ambush him.

"Malfoy!" Ron roared. "You have some explaining to do!" The girls then proceeded to tie them up.

"I've been gone for an hour and you couldn't even put clothes on!" Draco snapped at one of them, before biting one of their hands. Once the girls were satisfied the two had been successfully tied up, they sat down facing them.

"There's money on the counter-" Draco tried to explain, but one of them cut him off.

"Oh no, we're not here for the money," one of them explained. "We're here to punish you Draco." To make matters worse, Ron whispered something to Draco.

"That's Dean Thomas." Ron nodded to one of them. Draco took a moment to register this.

"But he's a-"

"Exactly," Ron said meaningfully. "He was a bridesmaid at my wedding."

"I danced with one of them!"

"I know."

"She kept touching my ass!"

"Whatever floats your boat dude."

Draco scowled at him. Before saying something deep and meaningful:

"I'll going to kill Blaise Zabini."

As if, right on queue, Crabbe and Goyle entered the room, covered in foamy bubbles. Apparently, they'd just had a bath. Thankfully, the bubbles had convened to prevent any er... embarrassment.

"Draco! The waters all cold!" Goyle moaned.

"You idiots!" Draco snarled his eyes wide in anger. "Get us out of here!"

"What about the girls?" Crabbe asked. Had Draco full use of his arms he would have strangled Crabbe then and there. However, he didn't have full use of his arms. That was the point.

"Get rid of them," Draco said helpfully.

"But we can't hit girls!" Goyle told him. "Our mothers would be very upset." Draco sighed, before his twisted little mind came up with a plan.

"That one there's Dean Thomas. He's not a real girl." Crabbe and Goyle sprang into action. First, they beat down Dean Thomas. In a rage of fury the naked ladies attacked Crabbe and Goyle, who fought back no matter what their mothers thought. Then, after the girls became a heap, Crabbe and Goyle untangled Ron and Draco. Draco stood up, and slapped Crabbe and Goyle.

"Right, now go put some clothes on!"