A Thought Repeating Itself

My life is meaningless because nobody needs me. I want to give up but I need you like my body needs to breath. I love the moments we had. You have the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. I could drown in them. They never are the same colour, it depends what mood you are on. Ah, I'm day dreaming again. I have to stop because we aren't even together anymore.

Try as you might. You try to give it up.

Seems to be holding on fast.

I'm bored. At least when I had you, I had something to do and look forward to but now my life is well, lifeless. I don't care anymore about anything. My grades are going downwards and Snape stares me oddly because of it. He tries to find out what's the problem. Not because he cares but because it's his duty.

Hurry up then, or you'll fall behind and

they will take control of you.

Everybody thinks you as an hero but I always saw you as an enemy and eventually a lover. Never hero maybe because you haven't save me, so I hardly can imagine you as one. You destroyed me. You bastard, I hate you for it. Now I start really hate you. I don't want you anymore. Oh god, who am I kidding, I want you with my whole body and soul.

Oh fuck, I really need to get myself a hobby. I don't know how many times I have done this before but I really have stop thinking about you. Now I'm stopping...still stopping.. aarg! I can't! Why on hell I can't! I'm officially sulking now. I must remember to put an announcement about it on the noticeboard in the Slytherin common room. So everybody knows not to come near me.

***

I'm lying in my bed early in the morning. Sun hasn't risen yet. I'm thinking about you. How could I let you go. I should have fought harder, not just let it be. I hope you come back to me, that you realise that you can't live without me. What if... No, I'm not going to dwell in past anymore. I just have to learn to live alone and bury my love along everything else; my heart and feelings.

How can you be so cruel. I walk pass you, talk to you, look at you but you don't see me. You don't know that I exist. Sometimes I think I see you looking at me but when I blink you're not even there. Sometimes I also see emptiness in your eyes and I can't help thinking that it might be because of me but I know it isn't. I'm such a fool. How can I even think that. You don't want me anymore. I bet you have somebody new maybe that Weasel's little sister. God, she's awful. I hope you don't ever get involved with her.

I don't understand how could I live without you. My life isn't the same and I can't go back to what it was before you. I know I should forget you but I can't. I have to speak with you, so I go to find you.

When I find you, you're just about to enter the Great Hall.

"I have to talk to you." I'm blocking your path. You look already angry. I lead you away from the Great Hall in to a unoccupied corridor.

"What about?" You hate me, it shows clearly in your eyes.

"About us."

"There is no us anymore."

"Yes I know that but.."

"Then we have nothing to talk about." You think our conversation is over and turn to leave but I grab your arm and you are face to face with me again.

"Just fuck off! I don't want you anymore, is that too hard to understand!" You push me away roughly and I fall to the ground. You walk away without glancing back.

***

You hate me, you're laughing at me behind my back. You and Weasel are probably telling everybody how easy it was to seduce me; naïve little Slytherin, who believed in true love. I never can love anybody else. I don't even want to. How could I, you were my whole world. In a way, you still are.

We broke up a month ago. It still hurts. I haven't talk to you since then. I see you but you don't see me. Everyday is a torture. I love you and always will. I don't know how I can get over you. Maybe I don't even want to.

And you need to heal the hurt behind your eyes.

You just need to heal, make good all your lies,

move on and don't look behind.