A Thought Repeating Itself

I can't breath easy here. I love you so much that it hurts. I can't forget that evening when you told me to fuck off. I know you will change your mind, and if you don't, then I make you. I'm walking outside towards the lake. I realise too late that you are there. I just stare at you when you turn around. I can't breath. I can see malice and disgust in your eyes. I think maybe I should leave but I can't move my legs.

Then it happens.

I can't help myself.

I step forward and without even realising what I'm doing I kiss you. You don't do nothing. A fear rises in me but then you kiss me back. I feel relieved and I moan. You put your hands around my waist as I twine my hands around your neck and pull you closer. This time you're the one who moans. It feels like the kiss could go on forever. I start to tear your robes off forcefully. You stop me. "No," is all you say before you run away towards the castle. My knees give in and I sit ungracefully to the ground.

Tears are running down my cheeks. I don't understand anything anymore. I want you and I know you want me too but you're so blind even with those horrible glasses of yours. I will help you to see it all. We could be together forever. I don't care about what others might think or even what you might. I just want to hold you like I did few moments ago. I can't let you go even when you're not mine.. yet.

I return to the castle and I walk down to the dungeons. I can't think anything except you. I finally reach my own room and bed to where I collapse weakly. I can't sleep. I stare at the roof all night. I wish you were here to be as my pillow.

Morning comes. It's a new day, and I look forward to see you at the Great Hall. I hope I could eat you for breakfast. All I see is you. I can't get my eyes off you, no matter how hard I try. I haven't really even tried. At the end of the day I don't know what homework I got, but I really don't care at all. I'm sitting alone in my room. Suddenly I hear tapping against the window. I see your owl, Hedwig. I let her in and she has a letter for me. With shaking hands I take the letter from her and start to open it.

It says,

Draco,

Meet me at the lake at midnight.

-HP

My heart is singing. I dance around my room, but then I feel stupid and sit down on my bed. I have a stupid smile on my face, and even when I try, I can't shake it off. I hate you, Harry Potter. Well, maybe not, but this night you won't forget ever. I promise you that. I place the letter carefully on top of my bedside table as I start to think what I'm going to wear tonight.

At midnight I'm walking towards the lake like the night before. I see you and you're looking at me as I approach. It feels like an eternity before I'm at your side. I look into your eyes and now instead of malice and disgust I see lust, desire and hope. This time you kiss me and I'm already lost. You suck the air out of me and I start to feel light-headed. I can't stand straight anymore so I fall and pull you down with me.

This is just sex and as soon as you realise that you'll regret everything.

Afterward, I use your chest as a pillow and close my eyes. I listen how your heart beat steadily. I start to feel little cold and a shiver runs through me. I get up and silently put my clothes on. You do the same and without saying anything you pass by me.

I grab your arm and try to kiss you but you pull away. You shake your head. "I think we should go to sleep to our own dorms." You walk towards the castle.

"You can't leave!" I shout loudly as I can. I realise that you don't care. You tricked me all along, and I, stupid little Slytherin, believed that you had feelings for me. If not feelings, at least some kind of passion. I know it was just sex, but still, a Gryffindor tricked a Slytherin! That's not fair!

That does it. No one treats me like that. I pull my wand out of my pocket and I shout the first spell I can think of. It's leg-locker spell, and I get an idea. You fall to the ground and just as you turn around you have no time to react. "Petrificus Totalus," I shout and with horror you look at me when I approach you. I kneel besides you. "Now I can do whatever I want with you," I say as I take your wand from you. I levitate you to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. "Maybe this will teach you something about Slytherins and how to treat them. You don't want to make the same mistake twice, do you?" I put you down and release you from the body-binding spell, but just for few seconds. Before you even know you are bound to the ground, naked, and can't move you legs. I also bound your arms above your head.

A realisation shows on your face when you finally understand what I'm about to do to you. I cast a silencing charm around us. It's like a bubble that makes sure the outsiders can't hear what is happening inside. "You can scream as much you like, but no one will hear you." I bend over you and I see fear in your eyes. "Oh, Harry, don't be scared," I say to you and I gently lay my fingers on to your cheek.

"You can't do this, Draco. Please don't, I beg you." Your eyes are filled with tears and you're so beautiful when you cry.

"Ah, now you beg. I love it when you beg, but it won't help you now." I turn you over to your stomach and I take my pants off. "If you relax Harry, it won't hurt so much." My hot breath brushes your ear as I speak.

"Please, don't. We can forget all this if you let me go now."

I kiss your neck and your jaw. "I'll think about it," is all I say before, without warning, I push in to you. You scream in agony. How do I love it when you scream from pain that I have caused. I feel so alive, and yet I feel sorry for you. I'm raping you, and it feels good. I feel like I'm a god. You cry and beg me to stop but that just urges me to fuck you as hard as I can. In some point I notice that you're bleeding, but I don't care.

I come and withdraw from you. I clean myself off and put my trousers back on. "I hope you now know how to treat a Malfoy." My voice is cold as I whisper into your ear and, after that, I start to walk towards the castle, but not before I have released you. I give you your wand and I see that you don't even stand up. Where's your famous Gryffindor courage now?

I leave you there on the ground. I go back to my room and I take a long shower because I feel dirtier than ever.

***

Next day, we have Potions together and after the class I stay and wait for you by the door. When you come out, I step infront of you and you have to stop.

"I want, no, I need to speak to you. Alone." You don't know if you can trust me.

"Harry, is something wrong?" Your Mudblood friend Granger comes from the classroom and walks next to you. She's worried because everyone can see that you haven't slept last night.

"No, Hermione. Everything is fine. I just have to speak with Malfoy about something." Your voice is tired. I look from you to Granger and I can see that she doesn't believe you.

"But..."

"Hermione, please, just go. I'll see you at lunch." You smile at her weakly. She doesn't want to start a fight with you, so she says her farewells and takes Ron; who had been cleaning his potion from the classroom floor and just got out from the room; with her.

"We can talk here." I lead you to now empty classroom and I close the door behind us.

"You look like shit," is the first thing that comes to my mind.

"Is that what you wanted, oh wait, needed to say?"

"No, what I wanted to say is I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Sorry isn't good enough. How can you think that if you just apologise from me, everything would be alright?" You are getting angry. I have to choose my words carefully, but it's hard, because I haven't been in situation like this before.

"Harry, listen to me. I'm sorry. I just..."

"You what? Felt like it!? I can never forgive you! What you did was unforgivable."

"Harry.."

"Don't call me that!"

"Please, listen to me.."

"I don't care what you have to say!" Now there are tears in your eyes.

"But I..." I try, but it's helpless.

"Just shut the fuck up! I DON'T CARE!" You stumble across on the wall behind you and slide down to the floor. You bury your face in your hands. I kneel besides you and gently touch your cheek with my forefinger.

"Harry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." You let me take your hands away from your face. You look me in the eye and I show you my regret and shame.

"So, are you saying that you care about me then?" Your voice isn't more than a whisper, but I can hear it clearly.

"When I thought that you don't give a shit about me, I just lost it. I regret what I did, and always will. If I could change the past, I would."

Your cheeks are wet and I wipe your tears away with my thumb. I haven't taken my eyes of your incredible green ones.

"Don't you know how beautiful you are? When I look in to your eyes, I feel like I'm falling and there's no one to catch me."

You inhale very quickly and I can tell that you are nervous. You lick your lips and my eyes shift from your eyes to your mouth and back.

"Can I kiss you, Harry?" You don't say anything at all. I feel stupid. I shouldn't have asked because I know you're not ready, but I want to kiss you so badly. Besides, I got you trapped between me and the wall.

"Yes."

"What?" I wasn't sure if I heard right.

"I said yes, you can kiss me if you still want to." You look at the floor. Shamed to meet my eyes. I lift your chin, tilt your head and give you the sweetest kiss I have ever given to anyone.

After a while, you put your hands around my neck and pull me closer. The kiss deepens and becomes very passionate. When we finally part from each other, we are breathing heavily. I put my head upon your shoulder.

"I have to go." I know I can't look you in the eye and say this because I know what I would see.

"Why?" Your voice is full of need. I raise my head and look at you with disbelieve. You can't mean that. My throat is dry and I can't get words out of my mouth.

"I have to leave because, if I kiss you again, I'm not able to stop anymore." I finally find my voice.

"Then kiss me and see what happens." You're evil. Don't you know that you are torturing me? Your hand is still around my neck and you don't want to wait my decision, so you pull me into another kiss. My head says that I should stop this before it's too late but my heart wants this, so I put my arms around your waist and pull you even closer to me.

What happens next, well, let's just say that I don't kiss and tell.

The End