Beware of the Slash

Chapter 4-The truth about Harry

"I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay," Harry told himself as he exited Gryffindor Tower to made his way to Herbology. The thought was stinging him hard from the day he had spoken to Seamus. And for some reason, he thought someone was eavesdropping on them. Appropriately enough, Hermione was just feet ahead of Harry. This would take his mind off his thoughts.

"Hermione, what've you been up to?" he asked cheerily as Hermione looked at him.

"Oh, hi Harry. I didn't see you coming."

"Well of course you didn't, silly," said Harry, a bit girly. He needed a great smack in the face to clear his mind. Hermione, however, was in another world. She was a bit distant, as Harry had always felt, but it was more so now than ever. Seemed, she had a lot on her mind.

"D'you have anything you need to talk about?" Harry said, now afraid of what Hermione feared, although he had no idea what it was.

Hermione went white. "Actually, Harry, there is. I need to ask you something," Hermione said. But just as they reached Greenhouse 2, Professor Sprout beckoned them in, and the mention of Hermione's problem faltered.

*

It was happening again.

Harry was jealous of Seamus...and Dean...on the couch...sitting close...

He stopped the thought from going any further. All he knew was he was jealous. His apathy should've shown most at this moment, but it was buried deeper, and he stared at the couple, preparing for a snog. And they were off...Harry staring.

Why couldn't they stop? Couldn't they see Harry was in pain; how much he wanted to be a part of their group...they could have great fun...

Harry smacked himself, causing the Weasley twins to turn around and face Harry; holding back laughs. He smiled at them, thinking they would be great fun too, but stopped instantly. Why was he thinking like this? He decided he needed to leave Gryffindor Tower--he'd go to see Hagrid. Maybe he could talk to him...

He made his way across the grounds to the familiar hut and knocked on the door, praying Hagrid would understand.

"Hullo, Hagrid," Harry said in a toneless tone. He walked in after Hagrid had said Hello and plopped down on Hagrid's bed. Nonetheless itchy, he shifted from side to side and Hagrid grinned.

"Anythin' you wanna tell me, Harry?" Hagrid asked, getting his tea kettle ready. Harry had finally realised he shouldn't beat around the bush, rather come out with a question.

"Hagrid, I think I'm gay," said Harry, standing up and staring at him in the eye. Rubeus dropped the kettle, hand still clutching thin air. Very thin air. Harry saw fire rising in his eyes. Why was he angry?

"Get ou'!" yelled Hagrid, shoving Harry towards the door.

"BUT HAGRID!!! Please, I said 'I THINK!'" yelled Harry, resisting Hagrids push. What was wrong with him? The only person that Harry knew would understand wasn't.

Straight through the bloody heart.

"All righ', all righ'" Hagrid said, almost reluctantly, stepping back to let Harry through.

"Hagrid, I think I'm gay," Harry repeated, seeing Hagrid's loathing.

"Tell me summat like that again and I'll make sure yer head was as disoriente' as Nicholas'," said Hagrid, clutching his heart and sitting back down.

"But I'm serious," Harry added, seeing the look on Hagrid's face, "Hermione's never said anything to me, but I think she knows. Couldn't you just understand, Hagrid? I'm still Harry...still Harry!" Harry coughed, his voice ragged.

Hagrid cleared his throat and then forced a horrid smile. "Harry, I know yer still Harry. I just don't approve of such shenanigans!"

"But Seamus' gay! So is Dean!" Harry yelled, hoping this would do good.

Wrong, he was.

"I don' care, Harry! I haven' known them fer ages! Yeh, on the other hand, yeh...yer famous Harry Potter...yeh can't be...gay..." Hagrid looked around the room, and pinched himself, hoping to wake up from sort of dream.

"I need understanding. Here's my evidence. Ron turns me on at times, I can't sit to close to Draco, mind, I can't even spit the right comebacks coolly... I get jealous of Dean and Seamus snogging in the common room... And I hate kissing Hermione; it's revolting...mind, I think Ron likes her a bit..." Harry trailed off, apparently convinced he was gay himself. Hagrid looked the same, but refused to believe it.

"Nope, Harry, those are just signs of nervousness around them...er," he fought to think of an excuse, "Ron turns yeh on because he's funny...so yeh, uh get turned on. Yeh can't sit near Draco because he's, er, very mean, and yeh feel like you DON'T have any comebacks to spit back at him...yer, er...scared. Yeh get jealous of, er, Dean and Seamus because they have somethin' yeh and Hermione probably don't have...er...Hermione, her kissing...er...I think yeh find it revolting because she, er...has, uh...a hard time pouring her feelings into every kiss. Or maybe, yeh just don' like her!" Hagrid finished, proud with his delusions. Harry laughed out loud, but not meaning to.

Hagrid walked to the door. Finally, he accepted Harry's evidence and used it wisely. After a few minutes of contemplating whether Hagrid's false delusions were true, he finally agreed silently and sort of calmly that Harry, The Golden Boy, The-Boy-Who-Lived, the Harry-I'll-say-Voldemort's-name-even-though-he-killed-my-parents-Potter, the Harry "survivor" Potter, the Harry "I threw off an evil curse when I was one years old" Potter...was gay.

"All righ' Harry. I won' lie ter yeh. I know homosexual signs when I hear them. Well, go on then Harry...you...er, gay Golden Boy," Hagrid leant down next to Harry and said, "Just don't tell anyone all righ' They'll have yer head cut off."

Harry smiled, "But what if I want to be openly gay?"

"Yeh've got to break up with Hermione first, all righ'. Then, yeh can announce it proud. Go ou' there and shou' it!" Hagrid said, for the first time, really meaning his words.

"Thanks Hagrid." Harry stepped outside the hut in a brighter mood. He was gay and proud. Should he tell Ron first? Or shall he break up with Hermione first?

"I'm gay!" he told himself firmly. "GAY!" He repeated it to himself time after time before he'd gotten to Gryffindor tower.

Someone heard him.

"Harry, gay?" It was Seamus. He was running over to him, Dean at his tail. The two were inseparable, but Harry cared not. Surely there was other homosexuals in Hogwarts.

"I'm gay all right," said Harry proudly. "I'm bloody proud of it as well! Hey, Dean."

Dean smiled femininely and gripped Seamus' hand tightly. Then he whispered something in his ear.

"Oh, all right then Harry. Dean and I've got some...er...business to attend to." They scuttled past the Fat Lady and giggled upstairs in the Boys Dormitory. Harry sat down by the fire. He had to plan what he would say to Hermione. Hermione didn't deserve him anyway. Homos and Heteros obviously not a good match. Then as if planned, Hermione danced into the common room, in a relatively lighter mood.

Harry stood to lead her over and tell her the truth.

"Wait, Harry! I needn't your comforting. I wasn't mad this morning, nor sad, I was just...lost. You see," she say down, "I overheard you talking to Seamus in the library."

"About that.." Harry interjected.

"No need to explain Harry...you mustn't explain. I've got it all figured out! You're not gay. You were just experiencing Boyfriend Syndrome...for lack of a better name. It could be called Cold Feet Syndrome...but that applies to marriage...mum and dad both had it before their wedding." Hermione stopped and stared at Harry, who was frowning.

"Hermione, I am gay," said he flatly. His frown curling into an unmistakable smile. Hermione, stared at him, then laughed.

"You--you...GAY!!!!" Hermione cackled her head off as Harry sat there smiling.

"I'm not kidding, Hermione. I just spoke to Hagrid. He says it's natural. Just bear with me here...and accept it. Hermione you and I...we're over...I think we should see other people."

"PEOPLE OF OUR OWN GENDER?!" Hermione yelled, standing up and stopping her giggles. She was serious. A sardonic look swept her off her giddy self and she was now shooting daggers at Harry. Wow, suppose Hermione did like Harry that much.

"No, wh--"

"WHAT YOU MEANT WAS THAT YOU, HARRY POTTER, WANT TO SEE SEAMUS...OR DEAN! YOU JERK...YOU SNAKE...YOU LIAR...YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME!"

"I never said I love you!" Harry yelled, gaining his manliness back again.

"--I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU FUCKIN' LIED TO ME, HARRY! I LOVED YOU! I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL...WAS BEAUTIFUL! I PLANNED ON MARRIAGE, CHILDREN...EVERYTHING! AND YOU HAD TO GO AND BECOME A FAGGOT! I HATE YOU HARRY! I HATE YOUR BEING! I HATE YOUR FUCKING LIFE...I HOPE YOU DIE A SAD AND LONELY FAGGOT AT THAT!" She stormed off...

She was obviously mad.

"That went well," Harry said to himself as he walked on into the Boys Dormitory, forgetting Dean and Seamus were in there...not wanting to remember what he'd seen, he muttered a quick sorry, but longed for their position...then left.

So now, he had to plan what to say to Ron......