Will I

CHAPTER-8

Ron immediately picked up on it. "What do you mean by 'except Harry'? How does he know about it when you promised that no one except Hermione knew about the father? Except if..." he stopped at the possibility.

Ginny felt tears forming in her eyes. She sat suddenly on the floor, not being able to support herself. Hermione moved towards her. Ginny sobbed, "Yes, Ron. It's true. Harry is the father of your nephew!"

Even Ron seemed to lose all his energy as he slumped on the sofa. He looked stunned as he first looked at his sister then at his best friend.

"When did this happen?" he asked.

This time Harry answered. "On your marriage night, when I came to drop Ginny off at her apartment."

Ron roughly pushed his hair back. He scathingly turned to Harry. "You knew about it all along?" he accused wildly.

Harry shook his head. "I realised it only when Ginny rushed to Egypt from India but didn't confirm it until I met her at Fred and George's. By that time I was already engaged to Harriet."

"I always imagined you and Ginny together. But not like this. Not with Ginny pregnant and you married to someone else," Ron confessed, his body trembling. Hermione went to him, motioning for Harry to go to Ginny, who was still sobbing uncontrollably. Ron suddenly roared as Hermione put her arms around him, "WHY THE HELL DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO MY ONLY SISTER? WHY WITH MY BEST FRIEND?" Two tears slid down his cheeks. Just a single look at her brother's face made Ginny's heart wrench from grief.

Harry was saved from the trouble of answering, as Hedwig soared from the window, and dropped a small package at Harry's foot.

Ginny's sobs subdued a little as she noticed the shabbily packed parcel. Ron, Hermione and Harry were all looking at it confused.

Harry opened it. The first thing in it was a letter. Harry read it and his expression changed from confusion, to surprise, to haunted. His hands shook as he finally passed the letter to Hermione, who read it for herself and Ron and then passed it to Ginny. Ginny read it aloud-

Dear Mr. Harry James Potter,

About ten years ago, Mr. Remus John Lupin, a friend of yours, left a few of his possessions with the Gringotts Bank. He specifically asked us to post these to you on your thirtieth birthday if you were alive or destroy them if you had left behind no family. His vault will be transferred automatically to yours today and we have sent his personal to you along with this letter. We hope you will find them intact.

Happy birthday,

Rognacks

Head, Gringotts Bank

Ginny looked at Harry, who was opening the second package. It was hurriedly packed and contained a bundle of photographs of Harry's father, Sirius, Remus, and Peter from their school time and afterwards. Some of them included Harry's mother and even a newborn Harry. Along with them, there were a few pieces of jewellery of Mrs. Potter and a few personal possessions of Mr. Potter and Sirius. It also had the keys of Sirius' bike and a piece of paper, notifying of its place at Gingotts.

Harry's fingers trembled violently as he viewed each of them. He picked up the letter between the photographs, turned in his hands and pocketed it, as Ginny put her hand on his. He took a deep shuddering breath and helped Ginny stand, not once acknowledging Ron and Hermione's presence in the room.

"You should sleep. You must be not feeling well," he said mechanically, his voice devoid of any emotion. Ginny looked fearfully at him. His eyes had changed to a crystal clear colour of an emerald. He steered her to her room and kissed her briefly on her cheek and unconsciously helped her into her bed and went back, closing the door with a small bang.

***

"Shall you kill him yourself?" hissed the cold voice.

"No! I can't," Ginny sobbed, kneeling in front of him.

"Well, then I see that Dean will have to die in the most painful way."

Dean's helpless screams filled the darkened chambers. The Death Eaters laughed mercilessly and their laughter rang, mixed with Dean's ears piercing screams.

Ginny couldn't bear it. She screamed, "Stop it, will you? Why Vol-"

Dean's screamed stopped. "Don't you dare speak my name, you filthy traitor!" Voldemort spat.

Ginny sneered painfully at him, glad for diverting his attention. "Yet you chose me; a filthy traitor through which to try and come back to life seven years ago by your equally worthless diary."

"That was a serious mistake from Malfoy, and he paid dearly for it. And now you kill Dean or he'll pay for it."

"Ginny please! End it. I don't blame you! You're braver than any lady I've met... Please, I don't want to die by a spell from his wand," Dean pleaded to her with deep gasps and breaks and with such anguish that she cried in aggravation. Ginny looked around in desperation. Harry and the Order were supposed to come here soon for probably the last fight. He had sent her for a look out before he came but because of the foolishness of Parvati, Ginny had been caught and was put into this terrible situation.

"Lord, I would suggest that you'd better kill Thomas yourself. It would increase your terror more than from this filthy girl," a tentative voice added. Ginny recognized the voice. It was Draco, trying his best to save Ginny from the situation. But Voldemort ignored him completely and smiled menacingly at Ginny. Dean looked at her pleadingly, almost begging.

Ginny had no choice but to act. She raised her wand and cried, "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

The door blasted and spells started flowing in every direction, at the same instant as the spell released from her wand. But Ginny didn't even hear it as she saw, horrified, the spell moving towards Dean, as if in slow motion.

"NO!" she screamed in pain, as the spell finally hit him and his body went limp.

She didn't know how long she stayed there, crying at Dean's body but then Draco came over to her. "Here Ginny, take this Portkey and go back," He tried to help her stand.

"NO! I WON'T GO BACK. I WANT TO DIE WITH HIM! I KILLED HIM!" she screamed endlessly, till her throat went sore, amidst the fight between the Order members and the Death Eater.

"NO, I KILLED HIM! I WANT TO DIE... DIE... DIE!"

***

Ginny woke from her fretful dream, soaked in perspiration. This nightmare had haunted her since they had won the war, but Dean had died because of her. This was so powerful that it even overpowered the nightmares of her first year, but at a more heavy cost. She went into a serious depression whenever she remembered the night or had a nightmare about it.

Ron suddenly opened the door of her room, as if he had heard her scream. He looked at her strangely disheveled appearance and gave her a worried glance.

"Ginny, have you seen Harry?" he asked her frantically.

Ginny looked at the clock on the wall. It was still very early in the morning and it was still dark outside.

"No, why?" she replied, confused as she wiped her sweaty face with a towel she kept at her bedside.

"Harry hasn't emerged from his room since he went in last night. We knocked, but his room is locked," Ron rushed to explain.

Ginny pushed her bedsheet aside and rushed to Harry's room, clutching her wand tightly in her hand.

Please don't let him do something rash, she prayed as Hermione also joined her.

They reached the door. Ron tried Alohomora but it didn't open. After a final nod from Hermione, Ron blasted the door.

Ginny gingerly entered through the debris of the door. Nobody was in the room, nor was there any sign of occupancy in the room for the past few hours. The bed was undisturbed and only his trunk was opened.

Ginny just looked through the trunk for a moment and muttered to Ron and Hermione, "Harry wasn't here even for a few minutes. Don't follow me, I'll return with him in few hours at most." She stood up and went straight through the door up to the terrace.

Harry was sitting near the roof, his knees bent and his hands wrapped around them. He had his back towards her and didn't see her when she went to him, nor did he react as she put her hand on his shoulder and sat beside him in the same position as him. He just looked at her and continued his gaze back into nothingness.

"Do you want to talk or go for a walk?" she asked, knowing that it would be a risk to go too far, but hoping that she could get Harry to open up.

Harry shook his head slowly, so she could do nothing but sit there, accompanying him in seeing into nothingness.

He eyes were red as he suddenly turned to her and said, "Why did they all have to die?" She knew this question was coming and didn't reply at first. "We all have to die one or other. God just called them earlier than others," she answered finally.

"But why did He only call the people whom I care about, Gin?" he whispered, anguish deep in his heart and eyes. Ginny clasped his hands in hers.

"Nobody but God knows the answers for them, Harry."

"How does God knows the answers for this, when Voldemort killed them, because of me. Because he couldn't kill me." Harry's voice was filled with hatred and he turned his gaze away from Ginny, tears on the brim of his eyes. Ginny didn't say anything.

"I miss them," he whispered after a few minutes of silence.

"I know," Ginny murmured, squeezing his hand. "Have you ever heard," she said suddenly, "that every painful moment will bring you a gift?" Harry shook his head.

The sky was streaked with gold and orange, swirling around the great, golden sun as it rose from the moonlit hills. The horizon was tinged with a faint, pinkish line, and a few silver stars were sparkling like diamonds in the heavens.

"That's pretty, isn't it? Everything is pretty," Harry said bitterly, sarcasm evident in his voice.

Ginny said nothing, but turned his shoulders and forced him to look at her and looked earnestly at him with all the love she had for him.

The dam of control burst and Harry stretched his hands towards her. Ginny enfolded him in her arms and he willingly hugged her tightly, crying. He buried his head in her shoulder and bawled his eyes out.

She had not idea how long they sat there. Once he started crying, his tears just wouldn't stop. It was as if the flow had been dammed for weeks and had just broken violently through a barrier. Great sobs jerked uncontrollably at his body.

Ginny didn't mind. She just held him close, her hands stroking his hair and whispering soothing words to him, just the way she might have done to a distressed child.

"Shh, it's all right. No one blames you," she said later, as his sobs subsided a little, not letting him go and cradling his body against her.

Harry looked at her with such distress that she almost gasped. She could see so much pain in those tear-filled eyes, so much suffering, pleading, and horror. He looked haunted. Ginny could see the pain that tore at his soul -the pain that clutched and ripped at his heart. She could see the torment and torture Harry had endured in his eyes. The usual glint in his eyes was absent and his eyes were a colour of dead forest green. They were so sad that Ginny even forgot about her own pains and nightmares.

"How do you know it's not my fault?" he asked her, still pained. "Voldemort killed them. My father, my mother, Lupin, Percy, Dumbledore, and Sirius were killed because of him! All because I fell into his trap. It's entirely my fault; he killed them because he couldn't kill me!"

"It's nobody's fault for all those deaths except Vol-Voldemort's. His dirty and evil mind is responsible for what happened. Stop tormenting yourself for the past Harry," Ginny replied passionately to him, still shocked at the feelings buried in his heart. "Whatever Faggy-the Foul said to you about that- it's not your fault. You couldn't have stopped it no matter what you tried."

Harry looked deeply into her eyes. "Yet you still blame yourself for your first year and Dean's death, don't you Gin? In fact you had that same nightmare just now," he said and turned the tables towards her.

Even the mention of Dean's death brought the tears in her eyes, tough she was shocked how clearly Harry could see through her mind about the nightmare she just had. "I -I could've saved him. Had I not been so weak and waited for a few more minutes, he would've been alive. That was my fault," she whispered and lowered her eyes.

"No you couldn't have. Draco told me all about it later. Voldemort would've killed him anyways. Dean really liked you a lot. There's no way he would've taken other choice. He chose his death. The only sad thing in that is he chose that between you and himself. You couldn't have saved him and you know." He stopped for few seconds, then spoke, "You haven't gotten over your first year, have you?" He raised her chin with his knuckles and looked into eyes adoringly.

Ginny hesitated for a few seconds, looking into his eyes and then smiled sincerely, her heart lightened slightly. His soft but piercing eyes demanded truth, without him saying it aloud.

Her smile vanished as she thought of her answer. "No, I haven't and I doubt I ever will. Not only was I a fool, but...I tried to get rid of him, but he wouldn't go away. I gave up; I couldn't fight him any longer." She took a shuddering deep breath. "I wanted to die. That is why you all shouldn't love or care for me. I quit -I failed. What I did was so horrible, so wicked, and obscene. I just knew that I couldn't fight any more. I had no strength left. I nearly killed Hermione and Colin. Plus, I nearly got you also killed." She looked at him, and he was unconsciously rubbing his left arm, staring off into the past.

"I dated many guys after that, but I realized the truth a little too late, perhaps. I am all used up, Harry. It took me seven years to rebuild my life after it happened and then -it was destroyed again the night I killed Dean. You don't want someone who's fool enough to use an enchanted diary, that's had Tom in her head, that's tried to murder her best friend, and then finally killed the one man who probably loved her."

Harry looked surprised. "But Gin, he's gone!"

Ginny sighed in frustration, realising dimly that she was crying. "I know he is gone. But it doesn't change the fact that he is still in my head. I can still hear him," she whispered, closing her eyes tightly, trying to shut the voice sounding in her ears. "He's always talking to me, laughing at my naivety. I know they are just memories -or part of a fantasy, but I can still hear him. I don't know how to get him out. In my dreams, he's like a demon that would stretch out his claws and claim me. Despair and confusion wrap around me like a dark friend. I don't know how to get rid of them. I feel so dirty, contaminated, not fit even to live." She bit her lip as she finally confessed the last sentence. She hadn't ever said those words to anyone. Why was it that Harry got out her feelings more than anybody else? Why did she loose her control only around him and not anyone else?

Harry realised her unwillingness to continue and said passionately, "You are not dirty, Gin! He did nothing to you or your body! It is all in your mind, they are just pretence of reality. He was just playing with you, like a cat plays with the mouse before he devours it. That is all it was, just a sick game to him. Even forcing you to kill Dean was the same to him.

"You're smarter than most witches I know, except for Hermione, perhaps." He thought for a second and said, "You know what, you have The-Boy-Who-Lived willing to help you get rid of those dreams and he believes in you even if no one else does," Harry smiled and Ginny's heart melted. It was always good to see him smile.

Soon another type of tension came between them. Harry's eyes gradually changed to a colour of dark and smoky green and Ginny could feel his breath on her face, coming in short gasps. He almost leaned into her. Ginny's own breathing grew laboured. She knew he was going to kiss her, and that she must stop, but she wasn't sure she could or if she even wanted to.

Then, an almost visible shudder passed through Harry, and Ginny knew that he had won his battle and had stopped himself. He jerkily withdrew his gaze from her.

"Gin, you haven't told Mrs. Weasley have you? About our child?" he asked her suddenly.

Ginny groaned. "No."

"Well, you must!"

Ginny looked at him shocked. "Do you suggest how should I do this?"

"Just the way you told Ron about it yesterday. You did it quite bravely in fact. I'd say we'd better go together and say it to her and Mr. Weasley. They have a right to know about it," he said absent-mindedly, as if trying to cover something. But Ginny was too surprised to notice it.

"No, I'd better do it another way," Ginny said hurriedly. She had to admit, Harry was probably right. Her parents had the right to hear it from herself, and not from someone else.

She stood up resolutely and offered her hand to Harry. Harry grinned at her cheek and stood up on his own, picking up his invisibility cloak that had been laid aside.

Hermione was so worried about him that as soon as they walked through the door, she rushed to him and gave him as tight hug as she could give him.

"Oh, baby. Stop, I wasn't going out of this world. I was just thinking on the terrace," he said, patting her back.

"You sometimes go so strange. I was dead worried about you. Don't do that again, please Harry," Hermione said, tears flowing through her eyes. Harry smiled and wiped her tears. Ron gave a whistle and Harry laughed and hugged him too, receiving a mighty thump on his back.

"I am not angry at you, buddy. Just sad," Ron confessed to him and Harry nodded.

"Me too."

Ron's eye brows joined together in confusion and Ginny changed the topic and said to Ron, "Could you and Hermione please leave us for few minutes? I have to--erm--talk to Mum and Dad about the child." She gave a pleading look at Hermione.

Ron thought for something to say but then decided against it and he and Hermione went into their room.

Ginny picked up the receiver with trembling hands. Harry put him hands on her shoulders and dialed the number for her, then switched on the speakers system. Ginny looked fearfully at him, but he just motioned for her to believe him.

After a few rings, Mrs. Weasley picked up the phone.

"Hello? Who is it?" she asked suspiciously.

"Hi Mom, its Ginny," she said, her voice trembling slightly.

"Ginny, my dear! I've dying to reach you. Fleur let something slip about you in Egypt but Bill wouldn't let her say anything. Where are you? How are you?" Mrs. Weasley blurted out in one breath.

"Mum, clam down. I have to tell you something. And you'd better sit down before I tell you."

There was slight scuffling and Mrs. Weasley said, "Ok, fire it out."

"Well, Mum, I'm pregnant," Ginny blurted out.

There was a sound of plate crashing on the other side of the line as her mother gasped. "My God, when did his happen? Who is the father and what in the name of Merlin is happening there? Where are you?" Harry nodded at her to tell her mother everything.

"Well, Mother. This happened on the night of Ron's marriage af-after Harry dropped me at my flat," Ginny said.

There was silence. "My God! So does this mean that he's the...you know?"

"Yes, Mum. This means that Harry is the father. But," she continued as she could hear a sigh of relief on the phone, "we are not planning to marry. Harry is engaged to marry Harriet, as you must know. And she is a nice lady who will keep Harry happy." Ginny wondered the next second why she said so and blushed deeply. "He already asked me to marry him once, but I declined."

"But, how will you..."

"Mum, I can't marry Harry just because I am pregnant with his child. I have a well paying job and can comfortably live on my own for my whole life without ever marrying if I have to," Ginny interrupted her mother.

Mrs. Weasley sighed in resignation and helplessness. "Well, if that's what you want then I suppose I'm happy for you. I'll tell your father and we'll meet you soon. Where are you staying right now? At your apartment?"

"No. I sold that long ago. I'm at Ron's."

Harry indicated to her and went out of the apartment, apparently for a walk, leaving her alone to talk the rest to her mother.