There's Something About Mary

Chapter One

He sat in his living room, staring blankly at the fire, wishing above all wishes that someone would call. He had been bored for more than twenty-four hours, and he wanted an escape from his boredom.

He took a drag of his fire whiskey, and slammed the glass on the side table, a little harder than he meant to.

He stood up, and walked to the door. There's nothing better to do, so, why not go for a small walk? It seems that's all he's been doing now that the war is over.

Outside was warm; nothing at all like the usual July weather. It was usually hot, and scalding to be outside. Today seemed to be just perfect. There were birds singing in a nearby tree.

He looked down the street that he lived on. Houses bordered the street for miles. None of the houses looked the same thank the gods! He was getting pretty tired of living in a house where everything was the same, except the occupants.

This neighborhood was pretty much vise versa to his old neighborhood of Private Drive. Some of the occupants of the houses were the same. Except for his neighbor; he just seemed crazy beyond all means.

"Hello, Mr. Potter!" the old man called. "Out for another stroll?"

Harry looked at the aging man, sitting on his porch, with his Black Labrador pup at his side.

He smiled, and stopped at his gate, allowing for the pup to run up to him, demanding that she get attention. "Hello, Tarra," he said, patting the dog's head. He looked up at the old man. "Yes sir, Mr. Lenerd. It seems that I have nothing better to do lately."

Mr. Lenerd smiled. "Have you heard about my visitor?"

Harry looked at him, confused at what to say. "No, sir, I haven't. You finally getting a visitor? Well, I never knew you had family, except this dog."

Mr. Lenerd motioned for him to come into his yard, and up to his porch. Harry did so, with the trouble of keeping the dog from slobbering all over him.

Mr. Lenerd smiled down at Harry as he played with Tarra. "Yep, I got a visitor. She just came."

"Really? I haven't heard a car or anything. And it doesn't look like it." He grabbed the dog's tongue as she was biting his hand.

"Well, you above all people should know how we travel, young Harry," he said, raising his eyebrow.

Harry smirked at him. "We? I didn't think that you apparated, or used the Floo network. You are a Squib, are you not?"

"I may be, but my daughter, she's a full witch. Not a pure-blood," he said as Harry gave him a cautious look.

He knew that pure-bloods disown their family members if they were Squibs, or Muggle lovers, or just down right hated the fact that pure-bloods all thought that they were better than other wizard families. Harry could only think of a few pure-bloods that were weren't up tight snobs; the Weasleys, and his late godfather, Sirius Black.

"So," Mr. Lenerd said, breaking into Harry's thoughts. "How's your...what do you youngsters call it? Girlfriend?"

Harry smiled, and laughed slightly. He stood up, and sat on the porch swing, giving the dog a rest; or, more of giving himself a rest.

"That's what we 'youngsters' call it. She's doing fine. Haven't heard from her for a while, since her and her family went to Romania. And just for the record, she's not my girlfriend."

Mr. Lenerd looked like he just got slapped. "Well, damn, Harry! She ought to be! You two always talking with each other, going on dates."

Harry burst out laughing at the old man's burst. "We never went on dates. She's engaged now, if I'm not mistaken. A good man too."

He smiled at himself. Ginny deserved the best. Maybe he wasn't the best wizard, and no one ever expected the two of them to get married, let alone date at all. Ginny Longbottom. How funny did that sound? Harry laughed when he thought about this.

He sighed. "So," he said, rocking back and forth in the porch swing. "Your daughter is visiting?"

Mr. Lenerd nodded. "She and her two kids. They're staying for the rest of summer, before Judis goes back to Hogwarts."

"Judis?"

"My grandson. Granddaughter's name is Mary. My daughter, her mother, is named Julie. They live in Ireland. They went out to the market. Julie says that I don't eat enough. Just because I don't have that much food in my cupboards doesn't mean that I don't eat."

"I know that," Harry agreed. "The pizza guy always comes at eight thirty every night; on Sundays, the Chinese delivery guy. You are crazy. You're not worried about croaking any time soon? You only eat pizza and Chinese food every day. That shouldn't be good for your health."

Mr. Lenerd waved his hand, dismissing the statement.

Tarra jumped up, and barked at the door. Mr. Lenerd leaned forward to see why, then leaned back.

"Tarra, shut up before the all the dogs in this neighborhood start barking!" he scolded. The dog ran around the house, and Harry could hear her whimpering inside, then a tiny bark. He heard laughing, and the dog bark and whimper again.

"DAD?" someone called from inside. "We're home!"

Mr. Lenerd groaned, and stood up, motioning for Harry to follow him inside. "This ain't your damned house Jules!"

He walked inside, followed by Harry, and into the kitchen. He saw a woman unpacking a grocery bag, and put a box of Cheerios in one of his cupboards.

"Judis went out back with Tarra, and Mary's upstairs writing to her friend back in Ireland," she said, not taking any notice of Harry. She turned around and jumped at the site of seeing Harry. She placed a hand on her heart. "Oh! I'm sorry! You gave me quite a fright." She held out her hand for Harry, and he shook it. "Julie Phair," she said with a wide smile.

"Harry Potter," Harry responded, smiling back at her.

Julie looked like she was ten years older than Harry. Then again, he was never really good with ages. Her long black hair pulled back in a bun, with traces of gray hair. Her eyes were a bright blue. She was skinny, with small traces of fat in her hips.

She turned around and grabbed a jug of milk, and walked to the fridge. She opened the door and placed the milk in. Just as she closed the door, Harry could hear music, booming, upstairs from where he stood.

Mr. Lenerd sighed, and sat down at the dining room table. "I swear, Jules, your daughter's going to be the death of me."

"Not eating is going to be the death of you!"

"I eat! Ask Harry. I eat, don't I, Harry?"

They both turned to Harry, expecting him to side with either of them.

Harry smiled sheepishly. "Yes, you do eat." Julie raised her eyebrows at him. "But not very healthily."

"See? I eat!"

Julie sighed. She slammed her hands on the counter, causing Harry to jump. "Excuse me," she said as she marched upstairs.

Harry didn't realize, until he watched her go upstairs, that he was nodding his head to the beat of the music. He didn't know what song it was, but it was heavy punk rock, he thought. He hadn't heard loud music like that for a long time. He knew he was going to have it stuck in his head for a long time after that.

"Every time we lie awake

After every hit we take

Every the feeling that I get

But I haven't missed you yet.

"Every room I get awake

By every sigh and scream we make

All the feelings that I get

But I still don't miss you yet.

"Only when I stop to think about it...

"I hate everything about you

Why do I love you?

I hate everything about you

Why do I love-"

The music stopped suddenly. However, Harry kept banging his head.

He heard Mr. Lenerd sigh, and two pairs of footsteps come down the stairs, one pair a little more forceful than the others. Harry was surprised when the forceful steps turned out to be Julie. The lighter pair of footsteps, Harry guessed, belonged to Mary.

Mary had the "bored teenager" look about her; the way she hung her head, the way she walked, the way she pretended to chew gum, and the way she stood. Her eyes were a deep blue, and they seemed to look into your soul. Her hair was dark blue, and hung limply on her shoulders. She wore a tight white spaghetti strap shirt that had a small midriff, which allowed her belly button ring to be shown. Her midnight blue skirt dragged down to the floor, making her seem a lot taller than she really is.

She looked Harry up and down, liking his black hair, black t-shirt, black baggy skater pants, and black shoes look. She honestly didn't think that they dressed like that in England. Wasn't it too hot to be wearing black? Well, by the looks of Harry, he didn't seem to mind.

"Harry," Julie said, not noticing the look that Mary was giving him. Harry moved his eyes from Mary to Julie. "This is my daughter, Mary. Mary, this Harry Potter."

Mary's eyes went wide. She stepped forward and held out a hand for him. He shook it, noticing a skull tattooed on her upper left arm. No snake though. Harry smiled, giving a mental sigh of relief. He hoped she wasn't a Death Eater. Then again, she looked too young.

Mary turned to face her mother, showing her right arm. Harry saw that she did, in fact, have a snake. It soiled around her upper right arm, and held its head high as if it were to strike. He also noticed it was a cobra.

"Listen, Ma," she said, "May I please go back upstairs and finish writing a letter to Slick?"

Julie looked from Mary, to Harry, then back again. "Well, sure, why not?"

Mary smiled at Harry, and turned to go back upstairs.

"But I want you down here as soon as you finish!" Julie called after her. "I want you to talk with us!"

Mary was all the upstairs when she called back. "Whatever, Ma!"

Julie sighed, then turned back to Harry again. "She really is older than she looks," she assured.

--***--***--

Hey Slick-

It's incredibly boring here! I wish I could be back there with you. Why did I agree to a stupid "Family" trip? I'm not sure. Apparently, we're staying here for the whole summer. I can't Apparate home, because Ma's got me on surveillance, or so she says. What does she mean by "surveillance", don't ask me. I'm old enough to decide whether or not I can stay here. I only agreed to stop by, say hello to Granddad, and then go back to you. Listen to me, babbling on about my problems and my complaining. Good. That's what you get for allowing me to write you letters. Well, you'll never guess who I met today...Harry bloody Potter! Didn't you say that you knew him when you went to school? Enemies, or friends? I know you told me before, but I can't remember right now. He has a good sense of style(No one has the same fashion sense of, of course), and he seems to be liking my tattoos. Hopefully he doesn't know what they really represent. That would suck, wouldn't it? Well, I need to go make "conversation" with the guy. Mother's orders! Owl me soon, okay? Tell me where you're going to be next, so I can ditch this old man's joint and once again be by your side.

CrazyMary

--***--***--

Harry sat, watching Julie make her famous crepes. However, Harry thought that crepes were for breakfast. Shows how much he knew about French culture.

"The French do eat crepes for breakfast," Julie responded when Harry asked about the French culture thing. "However, we are not French, so nobody is going to burst in and arrest us. Crepes are good for anything. Have you hade any before?"

Harry shook his head. Mr. Lenerd, on the other hand, grunted and waved at her. "Crepes are the French people's, and they belong there."

"Oh, Dad!" Julie said as she laid her last batch on a plate in front of Harry. "Just because you don't like crepes, doesn't mean that everyone else should suffer from it."

She walked to the pantry, and took out a small jar, which held a brown substance that looked like melted chocolate. She placed it in front of Harry, along with a butter knife.

"It's called Manila," she said. "It's chocolate spread. You spread it over the crepe, like so, and you eat it. Really good." She spread the chocolate on half of her crepe, and rolled it, like a burrito. She then shoved it in her mouth.

She nodded, indicating that Harry do the same. Harry took the butter knife from the jar, and spread the chocolate on the crepe. He rolled the crepe and took a small bite. Once he found that it wasn't that bad, he took normal bites; not stuffing it in his mouth like Julie had done.

"Mmm! Smells good, Ma," Mary said as she sat down at the kitchen island next to Harry. "Oo! Crepes and Manila! You're the best ever!"

Julie smiled in pride at the kitchen sink while washing the dishes. "I know I am! Don't rub it in, you're making me blush!"

Mary, instead of just half, spread the Manila on the whole crepe.

"So, Harry Potter," she said in awe. Never had she met a celebrity like him before. Other than Slick, of course. "You live close by?"

Harry nodded, chewing and swallowing the crepe he had in his mouth. "Yeah, just down the street."

"Judis!" Julie called from the back door. "Time for snack!"

"So, what do you do now that the war is over?" Mary asked, taking another big bite of her crepe.

Harry shrugged and shook his head. "Absolutely nothing. I do come here quite often, though."

Mary smiled, cast her granddad a cautious look, and then looked back at Harry. She leaned in and spoke in a whisper. "You come here and visit this old, crazy bloke?"

Harry nodded. "Is he really that crazy?"

Mary put a hand to her mouth, not wanting to spill the contents from her mouth. She waited until she swallowed her food before breaking out in laughs.

Just at that moment, a boy, no more than fifteen years of age, came walking into the house, mud covering his every part of his body.