Something to Remember

I notice the stair creaking mournfully every time I shift my weight from one foot to the other. The steps seem smaller at night and I'm afraid to fall. I know I shouldn't be doing this. But what's the worst thing that could happen? Detention, of course, but then again that might not be so bad after all. No, it certainly wouldn't.

I walk through the empty corridors. It's funny how different it all looks in the dark of the night. All the paintings are fast asleep; I can even see Sir Cadogan, snoring raucously with his head resting on the shoulder of a man with bushy, white eyebrows and yellow teeth who's wheezing as if someone had punctured his lung.

I proceed and soon find myself standing in front of the door my treacherous feet have lead me to. Against the better knowing of my mind, I might add. But there's no use denying that my body just does what my mind has wanted to do for quite some time. So I touch the doorknob and the door - which apparently is neither locked nor properly closed - slides open soundlessly.

At first I can't make out much in the dim light. The small room is only lit up by an almost burnt up candle. All I see is blurry contours and shadows, but eventually - as my eyes accustom to the dimness - I see him.

He is sitting in the far end of the room, at what I assume is his desk, his head resting on his forearms. He doesn't show any sign of having heard my entrance and I decide that at the moment I prefer leaving him unaware of my presence. And so, there is plenty of time to eye him thoroughly; his brown hair streaked with more grey than last time I saw him; his broad shoulders, heaving and sinking in the rhythm of his breaths; his lips tightly pressed together and his eyes closed as if he's sleeping.

Which he apparently isn't, for suddenly I stare into a couple of brown eyes that stare back at me with a serious expression I find rather disconcerting. This isn't going the way I planned. Not at all. Though I must say that right now, I can't quite seem to remember my plan, so it can't have been too good. Anyhow, let's return to those intense brown eyes.

I desperately grasp for something excusing to say, instead I most probably look like a fish, opening and closing my mouth without a sound coming out between my lips. Remus - which I only dare calling him inside this twisted little brain of mine - wears an expression of mild interest, and although I'm in no state of thinking clearly, I must say he doesn't look the least surprised to see me. How odd.

"Miss Weasley," he breaks the silence and I feel myself flinch at the sound of his voice. Damn you, body. You aren't making things any better.

"May I ask you what you are doing here and at this hour?"

Instead of answering, I stare at him wide-eyed and blush fiercely. Bloody hell, must he ask such questions I can't answer. But I must admit it is a reasonable question. Think, Ginny, think.

"I don't know, Professor. I must have been - sleepwalking," my mouth finally answers, and I'm surprised my voice sounds so steady. But sleepwalking? I thought you were a bit more imaginative than that, mouth.

"Sleepwalking you say, Miss Weasley," says Lupin and looks at me intently, "I dare say that your pyjamas looks remarkably like your school cloak."

Oh no, this is just getting worse with every minute.

"Er - you see, Professor, I... fell asleep over my books. Yes, that's right. I was studying and fell asleep. Didn't get a chance to change. Quite uncomfortable really."

"Is that so?"

Come on, Ginny, say something. Or better, walk away! Yes, that is a great idea.

"I'd better go now, Professor. Don't want to keep you up. Goodnight then!" With a smile plastered on my lips I turn on my heel to walk away, but suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. Shit, shit, shit!

"I'm afraid I'll have to take five points from Gryffindor for wandering around after hours, Miss Weasley."

I don't turn around to face him, just stand there with his hand on my shoulder and enjoy the feeling of his skin against mine. Actually, there is a layer of clothes in between, but who cares?

"And next time try to wander around inside of your dormitory instead," says Remus and I feel a slight tingle in my stomach when I sense his breath on my neck.

"Yes, Professor, you're absolutely right and I'm terribly sorry about this-" I interrupt myself and turn around.

Shouldn't have done that. Merlin's beard, he's standing quite close. What am I going to do? I want to kiss that little dimple, right there on his left cheek. This is killing me.

"Miss Weasley?" His voice sounds oddly hoarse.

"Yes, Remus?" Oh, bloody hell. This is just getting worse. Remus? Did I actually say that? Was that my mouth accidentally blurting out the first name of my professor? Damn it. It's not like I ever go around calling Professor Snape, Severus or Professor Dumbledore, Albus. That just doesn't happen.

"Miss Weasley, what are you really doing here?" He chooses to ignore the fact that I just let his first name slip out of my mouth. It must be my lucky day!

"Well, Professor, er - I need your advice on a highly delicate matter," I improvise. This is going to be interesting. Go on, mouth and mind, keep up that good cooperation!

"And what kind of matter is this, Miss Weasley?"

"Um... as I said it's extremely delicate and - very important."

"Go on."

I hesitate and look down at my feet. This is getting awkward. My brain is blank!

"Er - maybe this isn't such a good idea, Professor."

"I insist on you telling me, Miss Weasley. It's after all my right since you woke me up from the best dream I've had for several years." So he was asleep when I came in. Great. Just great! He must be quite pissed of at the moment.

"What did you dream about then?"

"Don't change the subject, Miss Weasley!"

"OK, well you know - it's about this - this bloke I know." Alright, I have a plan. A very risky plan indeed, but it's still something.

"I think I'm beginning to understand." No. No! He couldn't have figured it out, could he? He's surely not that clever and I'm definitely not that transparent. Wonder what he's understanding then.

"With the risk of sounding rude - I don't think you do, Professor."

"Miss Weasley, to me it sounds like you're in love with this - bloke, as you put it. Am I not right?"

"Well, sort of." I mean, he is right; I am in love. At least I think I am. Am I giving to much away now?

"But you don't know if he loves you back."

"Exactly, Professor, you hit the head on the nail!" I exclaim cheerfully. I didn't have to move a finger there; he did all the work for me!

"If I'm going to solve this problem for you, Miss Weasley, I'll probably need to know who we're talking about."

Wait a minute. Nope, wouldn't think so. I'll just... not answer that question, thank you very much. I prefer keeping it to myself in fact.

"Too personal, Professor. I'm sorry. But please, drop this whole Miss Weasley thing. It's really tearing on my nerves."

This is going to be fun; the hesitance; the inner struggle. He can't seem to bring himself to say my first name. It is quite amusing to see your professor at a lack of words. Usually it's I who looks like if my brain has packed its bags and fled to China. However, it's just like they say; variety is the spice of life.

"Alright - Virginia."

Oh no, he's one of them; doesn't even know my real name. He should know it though. After all, he's my professor and they do receive a list covering all students and their houses. He probably hasn't bothered looking up my name though; thought he already knew it.

"It's Ginevra, Professor. Everybody makes that mistake." Just didn't think that you were one of them.

"Ginevra, you say? Now that you mention it. If I'm not mistaken your name originates from Arthurian legend. You must know the tale about Guinevere, don't you?"

"I've mostly heard about Merlin and his achievements. Professor Binns doesn't teach us much about the Muggles, although sometimes their stories are much more fascinating."

"I definitely agree with you, Ginevra." See that wasn't too hard. "But then you must have heard about Lady Guinevere somewhere else, since you knew her connection to Merlin."

This is just marvellous. And I'm not being ironic. I'm standing here, in Remus' private dormitory, having a real conversation. Not exactly what I had planned, but who cares? If only I could do my little dance. The one I always do when I'm euphoric. Which I'm not particularly often.

"I was always a very curious child, always wanted to have an explanation to everything around me. One day I simply forced my father to tell me exactly why they'd picked the name Ginevra and - well, he told me everything about it, including the connection to his own name."

"Right, didn't even think about that. I mean your father's name. That's indeed very interesting." He smiles down at me broadly.

"So is your name, Professor. If I'm not mistaken you're supposed to have an evil twin." I manage to make Remus let out a little laugh and my toes waggle blissfully.

"Then my parents must've kept some information from me because as far as my knowledge reaches, I'm the only child in my family."

"I can't even imagine growing up like that. Without brothers, you know. I wouldn't have minded sharing one or two of mine with you."

"That's not true, and you know it," Remus says merrily.

"You're probably right." I wait for him to continue but he doesn't choose to speak. This feels awkward. Come on, say something! Something.

"I guess I've bothered you long enough now, Professor. But it was nice talking to you," I hear my mouth blurting out. Good something, my friend. "I'm glad I didn't end up in the dungeons. Don't reckon Professor Snape would've been as polite."

Remus smiles but says nothing. My hands are shaking. This is a bit scary. Can't he just say goodbye? Here it comes, his mouth begins to move.

"I'm afraid you haven't been telling me the truth, Ginevra." He eyes me with mild interest and then walks to a nearby chair where he sits down. "And I must say that displeases me immensely. Now please, tell me what's bothering you!"

Then and there I make a decision. It's no use hesitating. He'll probably find it out anyway, sooner or later. Now, I just need to figure out exactly how to tell him.

Or I could just run.

"I'm waiting, Miss Weasley. I don't have all night."

Merlin's beard, I'm in trouble. Well, here it goes.

"I think I'm -"

"Yes?"

"- in love."

"That we have already established. Go on."

"With you."

"Finally." Not really the reaction I had expected. At least he didn't start crying in despair. So, it can't be that bad.

"I'm afraid I don't understand, Professor."

"It has been rather obvious, Ginny." So it's Ginny now. Okay.

Don't know what to think anymore. Don't know if I can think. The fleshy thing inside my head, called brain, has stopped working. I'm blank. Nothing. What does he mean with obvious, anyway?

"I'm still confused."

He doesn't answer, just gets out of his chair and walks over to me. This is making my flesh creep. God he's gorgeous. He could do with some new clothes though. Not that it matters. I still love him.

Remus comes to a halt right in front of me and looks me deeply in the eyes. Still he doesn't enlighten me. It's quite frustrating really. Well, I'll just have to deal with this oh-so-mysterious silence a bit longer.

"Look, Ginny. I'm your professor. I'm quite a bit older than you and I am certainly not the best suited person for you."

Damn him. I knew those arguments would come. I even had prepared what I would respond, and now I suddenly can't remember a single thing. This is horrible!

"I know. Everything you say sounds really logical. But somehow-"

"Please, let me finish." I'm startled. Since when is he this feisty? "You're in your seventh year now and you are hopefully aware of the fact that teacher-student relationships are quite inappropriate. However, I am extremely attracted to you, Ginny, which you must have noticed," and when saying this Remus smiles at me broadly and I feel the blood rising in my cheeks, "so I want to ask you to be patient. And to let you know that soon, things will change for us."

"So what you're saying is -"

"- that I think I've loved you since I saw you for the first time. Though that might sound weird considering that was in your second year. Believe me, I've felt like a creepy old man many times. But I can't help how I feel." Remus' smile is still there but I can spot a flicker of insecurity in his eyes. Time for my happy dance!

So I start jumping around like crazy in the room shaking every part of my body there is to shake. When I finally come to a halt in front of Remus he looks rather bewildered. That's for keeping me in the dark for so long, you bad, bad man!

And then I put my arms around his neck and kiss him. On the mouth. Deeply. And, Merlin's beard, I've never had these many drunk butterflies in my stomach.

"Mm, by the way," he murmurs in between our deep kisses, "the dream you woke me up from was about you."

I'll put this on my list of memorable moments. Definitely!