Dealing With the Consequences

First Steps

Ginny frowned as she lay on the bed with her eyes fixed on the ceiling. She was aware of the fact that he stood there, outside her door, waiting for her to ask him in, and although he had not said a word she knew that it was him.

"Who's there?" she whispered.

No response came. She got slightly annoyed as he didn't answer, but she did not move. She just waited there, waited for him to go away, to leave her alone longing for him. Secretly.

"Who's there?!" she said, now loud and clear so that he would have to hear her.

Nothing. No knock on the door, no footsteps telling her that he had left. Just silence. She sighed and got up from the bed, leaving it in a horrible disorder. Slowly she walked towards the closed bedroom door, her heart beating hard in her chest. She stopped in front of the door, swallowed down the big lump in her throat and put a hand on the doorknob. While pushing it down she noticed once again that she heard no sound whatsoever from outside, but despite the fact that her hand was shaking, she gently opened the door. First when she had opened it completely she noticed that no one was there. Her eyes searched the empty hallway for something, something that would show her that he had been there after all. But why would he be there? Why would he want to talk to her? To him, she was nothing... just the youngest Weasley, neither more nor less.

She snorted and closed the door behind her. Why on earth had her parents left her here all alone? At least she could have stayed at the Burrow. And why couldn't she have joined Harry, Hermione, and Ron on their 'top-secret mission'?

He did not want her here. Obviously. She was just another burden on his already full packed shoulders. Every night he walked back and forth in the kitchen downstairs and got himself drunk, and she could feel his every move, the thoughts rushing through his head, his concern for Harry and the other members of the Order, and she felt so helpless. She wanted to comfort him, hold him and talk to him.

Sometimes at breakfast when they sat there by the kitchen table, silently having their meal, she met his eyes and for a brief second she got lost in them, drowning, without any hope for aid. Then he would just turn his eyes away, leaving her longing for him. At times though, she could see something in his eyes, somewhere beyond the pain and grief. Something that gave her a ray of hope, that made her wonder if maybe he felt something else for her than just responsibility. But then again, why would he? He was older than her - twenty-one years older he had been before he fell through the veil - but Ginny could not suppress her feelings for him, which were much deeper than anything she had ever felt for any man before.

It was the third night alone at Grimmauld Place with him, and she felt the urgent need to do something. She could not just sit there, waiting impatiently for the other members of the Order to come home. She opened the door again and silently made her way through the long hallway, halting in front of the stairs to calm down her nervous heartbeat, then continuing down the stairs heading for the kitchen where she knew she would find him.

He was sitting at the table, a nearly empty bottle of Firewhisky in front of him, his head resting in his hands, massaging his temples, trying to alleviate the pain that coursed through his head, causing him to moan every so often. When he heard a creak from behind him he turned around slowly to see what had caused the noise.

"Oh, it's just you," he said, sounding terribly tired and tense.

"Are you feeling alright, Sirius? You look really tired. Maybe you should try to get some sleep," said Ginny, more calmly than she actually felt.

"What? No, no, I'm fine. Just a little worried, that's all," he mumbled, continuing to massage his forehead.

"Let me do that," Ginny said, taking a step towards him, and put her hands gently on his head to rub his temples.

He first stiffened under her touch, looking at her in an odd way, but by and by he relaxed under her fingers, and every now and then he let out a sigh of pleasure. Ginny leaned forward a bit, taking in everything of him, every impression, every little detail; his smell, the nuances of his dark hair, and she could not get enough of him. After a while she took a step back, then walked to one of the kitchen cabinets, opened it and then turned around to him again.

"D'you want something to drink?" she said, smiling at him.

"Why not," he mumbled, glancing at the bottle next to him.

She had quickly taken out two glasses from the cabinet and now started filling one of them with the remaining Firewhisky. Her hair shimmered in the light of the lamp as she went over to the kitchen sink where she filled the other glass with pure water. She put the glass with water in front of Sirius and took place on the other side of the table, crossing her legs in an elegant movement. Her cheeks had gotten rosy and she looked down at her glass, the one containing Firewhisky, finally deciding to drink its content in one sweep.

Sirius stared at his glass for a while, not saying a word, then arose to pour out the water and replace it with something stronger.

"You should take it easy, Sirius," said Ginny mildly. "I think you've had enough."

"Don't tell me what to do, Ginevra" he said a bit harshly.

She stood up and crossed the room, stopped in front of him and pointed at the bottle of Firewhiskey on the table.

"No, I wouldn't tell you what to do if I couldn't smell your breath from the other side of the table, Sirius. And to me, that means that you've had enough," she said, taking the glass out of his hand.

When their fingers touched she flinched and blushed. The scarred skin of his hand had had an incredible effect on her, almost like a shock. She looked up and met his gaze, not aware of the emotions playing in her eyes. She could feel his heavy breath on her face and her heart pounding hard in her chest.

"I... er... I think that we should get you upstairs now," said Ginny hesitantly.

He looked at her with a smile playing around his lips as she moved closer to him, gently shoving him towards the stairs. One hand lay on his arm; the other one opened the door to his bedroom. She led him to the bed, bending down to untie his shoelaces, like if he was a child.

"I think you can do the rest on your own," she pointed out, making him smirk at her cunningly as she straightened up again.

"So you don't want to help me undress myself then?" he said, slurring.

Ginny let out a nervous laugh. The air in the room was heavy and she could feel the tension between the two of them.

"No... er... I think we shall call it a night, Sirius," she said and took a few steps towards him.

Halting some inches in front of him, she got to her toes and kissed him on the cheek. The last thing she saw before she left the bedroom was his dark eyes, not looking at her as coolly as they used to anymore.