Gone

Gone

As he looked at his watch that said it was midnight, Harry sighed as he realized what day it was. It was one year ago today that... that... he didn't even want to pronounce his name. It was too painful to even think about. Harry stared into the fire of the common room. Has it been a year already? A year since he saw him fall into the Veil? It was still so clear in his mind. Watching him provoke Bellatrix Lestrange as if it was nothing serious. As if she wouldn't utter those two words that could end his life. As if that green light wouldn't come out of her wand and hit him straight in his heart.

Harry put his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes, hoping he could rub out the memory of Sirius' smiling face but to no avail. His eyes started to burn, turning glossy from unshed tears. He got that familiar tingly feeling on the bridge of his nose that he always got, warning him that he was about to cry. But he didn't want to cry.

"He's gone and crying won't bring him back!" said Harry, scolding himself. For so long he'd been telling himself that. Trying to console himself, saying that Sirius is in a better place. But it just doesn't work. Harry missed talking to Sirius' head in the fireplace. Miss going to see him secretly in Hogsmead.

Harry took in a shuddering breath, fat tears rolling down his cheek. He wiped them away angrily. He wouldn't cry! He suddenly sat up straight when he heard footsteps coming down from the girls' side. Hermione sat down next to Harry, sighing.

"You can't keep doing this, Harry. Every night you come down here, depriving yourself of sleep. It isn't healthy."

"And yet, every night you come down here too," whispered Harry.

"I'm worried about you. I understand how you must fe-"

"You know nothing about how I feel, so don't pretend you do!" exclaimed Harry, looking at her with angry eyes. Hermione, too shocked for words, looked at her hands. It hurt to see such anger from him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have screamed at you. It's just that, I can't stop thinking about that night. He wasn't meant to die Hermione, he was supposed to be alive and we were supposed to live together once he was cleared." Harry sighed in frustration, stood up and walked to the window.

"He was the only father figure I ever had and I miss him Hermione! I miss him!" Hermione walked to him and embraced him. Harry didn't push her away but hugged her back. They held each other like that for a few minutes.

"Sirius wouldn't want you to be like this Harry. He'd want you to go on with your life! You know that, right?" Harry nodded but stayed silent. "Go get some sleep. Snape first thing in the morning. You wouldn't want to fall asleep during that class, do you?" He shook his head, chuckling softly. Hermione let go of him and said: "I'm here for you. Ron is too. Don't you forget that." With that, she kissed him on the cheek before going back to her dormitory.

Harry looked out the window and found the constellation Sirius. He started at the twinkling stars and thought about what Hermione had said. After a few more minutes, he said:

"I miss you Sirius. We will see each other again, but not yet. Not yet." He gave one last look at the stars before slowly walking back to bed.