Fireman Sam, meet Patricia Pout

After what had seemed like an eternity, Dean had finally got off work. That week he had been painting a portrait of the famous Harry Potter, a nude. Harry had turned out to be quite demanding, fame had definitely spoilt him, Dean thought as he fumbled with the doorknob. Not bothering to greet his boyfriend Seamus, he stumbled up the stairs and into the bedroom, where he planned to collapse into bed. And then he saw them.

Six carrier bags, full to the brim, labelled Ann Summers.

He sighed. Seamus was up to his old tricks.

"Seamus!" He shouted down the stairs. Seamus came crashing into the room, a wicked grin on his face.

"Didn't hear you come in, Deano!" He gave Dean a big kiss, making him blush. Dean waved an arm vaguely at the carrier bags.

"What's all that?"

Seamus grinned even more brightly, resembling a rabid cheshire cat. "That, Dean, is going to give us a lot of fun."

Dean sighed. Seamus had always been into ways to spice up their sex life.

"It's not the Kama Sutra all over again, is it?" A few months ago, Seamus had brought home the book believing they would find their sexual harmony. However, all they got from that night was severe cramp and Dean had found himself wearing a neck brace for three weeks after.

Seamus shook his head. "I know we can do this one. It's fun fun fun- super fun."

Dean sank down on to the bed, hand reaching for a bag. Seamus slapped it. "Let me tell you what it is first!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Well? I'm missing out on beauty sleep."

"Evidently," Seamus retorted vaguely. "This little revelation I found is called...... Role Play."

The words went down like a lead, or in this case, PVC balloon. Dean grumbled.

"Oh Dean, try it out for me." Seamus gave him the excruciating puppy eyes. "Please?"

Dean rolled his eyes again. "Whatcha got, Finn?"

Seamus clapped his hands in glee, blue eyes sparkling. "Do you want to be the fireman... or.." he wiggled his eyebrows theatrically, ".. the lonely housewife?"

Dean looked at him in disgust. The boy's barking, he thought to himself.

"Er, the bloke. The fireman."

Seamus put on the impossibly wide grin again. "Love ya, mate." He handed Dean a carrier bag. "Get changed, and meet me in the living room.."

*

Hesitantly, Dean shuffled down the stairs. He thought the outfit was a bit too much, very impractical for a fireman. The rubbery material squeaked when he walked. He was definitely not feeling turned on by this experience.

The living room door was closed. He wondered if he should knock- feeling very awkward. He'd never been much of an actor. He knocked, and Seamus came to open the door. Only it wasn't Seamus. He was wearing a pair of blonde pigtails and a PVC minidress with a frilly, gingham underskirt. And strangely, he didn't look too out of place in it.

"Hello," murmured Seamus/lonely housewife in an unintentionally comical sexy voice. "I'm Patricia Pout." Dean snorted, and Patricia threw him a dirty look before carrying on. "Who might you be.. young man?"

"I'm.. er.. Fireman.." Dean scanned the room helplessly. He couldn't stop thinking about the children's TV series. "Fireman Sam..?" Patricia/Seamus raised an eyebrow.

"Come in, Fireman-" Seamus winced. "-Sam." He/she beckoned him in with a long finger. Dean thought of something a Fireman might say to his seductress.

"Where's the fire?"

Patricia made her trademark pout, looking up at Fireman Sam and batting her lashes. A hand snaked to her heart. "Here," she breathed. Had she had breasts, she would be caressing them sexily. "Can you put it out?"

"Certainly, Ma'am." Fireman Sam gave Patricia and Heroic, smouldering look.

"I hear you've got a very big hose..." whispered Patricia in his ear.

Dean snorted in disgust. "This is our sex life, Sea, not a Carry On film." Seamus threw him a look, which said it's-my-game-and-I'll-play-it-how-I-want. "Get on with it, Dean."

The Fireman brushed his lips against Patricia's ear. "If you come this way, Ma'am, I'll show you my, er, hose." He led Patricia to the stairs. Then he hoisted her up into a Fireman's lift, noticing that she was wearing no underwear. "Nice hose you have there yourself, Miss Pout."

Seamus wasn't as feather-light as Dean had expected, so it took them a while to get up the stairs. It certainly wasn't sexy, Dean had almost dropped his boyfriend down the stairs at least twice and kept bashing his head against walls. "Sorry," he mumbled each time.

Finally, they got to the bedroom. The Fireman dropped Patricia on to the bed like he couldn't have done it soon enough. They began to kiss. He let Patricia lead, as she seemed to know what she was doing.

"You big strong man!" Trilled Seamus. Dean couldn't help but burst into the fit of laughter he'd been trying so hard to keep suppressed. He thought Seamus was be annoyed, but he saw Seamus was laughing too.

"This is ridiculous," Seamus chuckled, pulling the dress over his head. He was now completely unclothed, though he had forgotten about the plaits. Dean pulled off the fireman's trousers and chucked the helmet across the room. "Goodbye Fireman Sam!"

They slid down next to each other on the bed and held each other for a while, crying with laughter. Just when one of them managed to stop, the other would come out with something like "Nice hose!" and they'd start again.

Then Dean pulled Seamus tightly to him, kissing him deeply. He opened his mouth, and their tongues met. After a while, they broke apart.

"You're all I need," Dean muttered to Seamus, stroking his sandy hair. "You and your big-"

"Don't say it, Thomas!"

Dean grinned wickedly.

"Hose!" He shouted gleefully, dodging a pillow that Seamus aimed at him.

God, I love our little quirks, he thought to himself, wondering what was in the other four carrier bags..