Kiss the Girl

Kiss the Girl

Chapter 3

Enter Fred and George

~*~

***

The attempt and not the deed
Confounds us.

William Shakespeare, "Macbeth", Act 2 scene 2

(AN: Shakespeare has just described this story perfectly!)

***

Ron again rolled over in his four-poster bed in a valiant but futile effort to fall asleep. It had been this way for the past week, ever since the day Hermione had walked in on his declaration of love for her. Too bad Hermione hadn't heard any of the said declaration; only witnessed him being hugged by Seamus--in a dress no less. Yes, Ron had reasons behind his insomnia.

Harry had been as sympathetic as one could be in this type of situation, which really meant he wasn't very sympathetic at all. Though the dark-haired boy did act supportive for his friend, Ron had the sinking feeling Harry found the entire situation hilarious. That's why Ron had made him tell Hermione that Seamus and Ron were acting out a play Dean had written, and couldn't find anybody else to play the parts.

"But couldn't Ginny have played the girl?" Hermione asked.

"Well, Ginny...uh..." Harry stuttered, unprepared for his friend's question.

"Is terrified of speaking in front of people!" Ron burst out, causing Hermione to cover her ears."

"There's no reason to shout, Ron, after all I'm not deaf."

Ron greatly doubted he would sleep at all that night.

*~*~-------

The next morning Ron pulled himself out of bed, greatly appreciative of the fact that it was a Saturday. He had finally fallen asleep in the wee hours of the morning, just before the crack of dawn. After a loud yawn Ron blearily surveyed the room. Nobody was there except for Harry, who was sitting at the bottom of his bed, polishing his Firebolt.

"Good morning," Ron croaked out, stifling another yawn.

"More like good afternoon, it's nearly twelve." Harry looked amused. "Had trouble sleeping again?" Ron nodded, glad that Harry wasn't making him elaborate. "I must admit I'm jealous all the same, Angelina had us up at six, practicing for the match next Sunday. We're playing Ravenclaw, and they're supposed to have an excellent new Keeper."

"Angelina? I'm surprised she's a follower of Wood's "Fly 'Till You Drop Off Your Broom From Exhaustion" school of Quidditch."

"Aren't we all? I thought your brothers were in shock when I met them on the pitch. They just kept mumbling about how Wood had possessed her. We can only hope she doesn't make up any charts," Harry shuddered, "Those were the worst." Ron laughed at the mention of Oliver Wood's many charts and graphs, he'd heard many stories about them, not to mention Fred and George's many attempted sabotages of them.

"I'm gonna go get cleaned up. I'll meet you in the Great Hall in about an hour." Ron said his temporary farewell to Harry, and then departed for the dormitory bathroom.

*~*~ -------

Forty-five minutes passed with nothing odd to speak of, which ironically enough, was an oddity in itself. When Ron returned from getting dressed Harry was nowhere to be found, this didn't alarm him much, as they had agreed to meet for lunch. Ron walked down to the common room, noting absently that Hermione was missing as well. Perhaps she too was waiting for him in the Great Hall. Just as the redhead reached the portrait hole, his shoulders were tugged backwards.

"Oh no you don't!" An unmistakable voice told him. Or rather, two unmistakable voices. They'd grown deeper and more mature over the summer, but mischief remained the voices' prime element.

"What's the big idea?" Ron exclaimed, in no mood for his brothers' antics. "I'm supposed to meet Harry."

Fred shook his head at George, who in turn gave a long-suffering sigh. "Ronald," George began, "To think, we barely know ye."

"What are you talking about?" Ron was confused, to say the least. It wasn't everyday his brother would start speaking in old English. Some days it seemed they hadn't even mastered the modern version of the language.

"One minute you're crawling around in diapers, falling for every prank we throw your way--and there were quite a few--"

"And the next you're ogling Hermione," Fred finished.

"Ogling?!?! I am not! Now would you two leave me alone...perhaps Angelina can give you some drills to practice, she was looking for you two before," Ron snickered, but his brother's only smiled.

"He laughs now," Fred whispered to George, "We'll see how long that lasts." Ron's eyes widened, this was definitely not a good thing. And with that each twin grabbed onto one of Ron's arms, and lifted him into the air. This was a bit hard, as Ron was taller than them both, but in the end they overpowered him and led him to a deserted classroom. Ron tried desperately to make his body deadweight, but in the end his brothers just clunked him down a flight of stairs, causing him to bite his tongue. A first year was subject to this event, and stopped dead in her tracks. A third year walking with the girl noticed her friend's astonishment and took it upon herself to explain. She put a hand on the younger girl's shoulder, and the two started to walk off.

"Have you ever heard of the Weasley twins?" Was all Ron had a chance to catch. There would obviously be no help from her. The twins smiled cheekily at him, obviously pleased with the legacy they'd managed to create. When they finally reached their destination, Fred and George sat Ron down in an empty desk. The younger brother had given up on fighting the twins, realizing that struggle was getting him nowhere fast. The door was locked with a gentle 'click' and Ron finally gave in to curiosity. "What are we doing here?"

"Patience, patience, you can't rush these things." George told him.

"What things?" The twins gave each other a glance that was of no comfort to Ron.

Fred walked to one side of Ron's chair. "Ron...do you know about the birds and the bees?" Ron's eyes grew to the size of saucers as he sputtered, yet made no response.

Taking his silence as a negative answer, Fred smiled grimly. "I didn't think so. And as we are the only brothers you have left at Hogwarts, it's up to us to do the explaining." Ron racked his brain desperately for a solution to his predicament, finally settling on what seemed like the most believable solution, a talk he once had with his father.

"Dad already told me all about it, guys."

"Ron, Dad telling you about the cabbage patch when you were five does not count."

"Come on guys, this really isn't necessary. Just let me go." As an after thought he added, "Is it money you want? Because I have a little--"

"Ron," George cut him off, "It's not your money we're after, we want to help you."

"Really, I'm fine." Ron attempted to throw himself of the unprotected part of his chair, but found it already blocked by George. "How do you do that?"

Fred disregarded the question. "Now, now. It's nothing to be ashamed of; you are after all new to the whole aspect of dating. And while this may not apply right now, things do change after awhile, we just want you to be prepared." George nodded, emphasizing Fred's point.

Ron shook his head, "The only thing you want is to traumatize me! HELP!" Ron hoped beyond belief that somebody would come through the door and rescue him. However, the twins were not about to let that happen.

"Sorry about this mate," And with that Fred sent a large wad of parchment straight into Ron's mouth, silencing him effectively. Ron had trouble believing his brother was in any way sorry for his actions. The poor boy searched for a place that he could crawl to, perhaps roll up in a fetal position, cover his ears, and hum loudly to himself. However, none could be found, and Ron gave in to the inevitable.

"It all starts when a man and woman love each other very much..."

Imagine if you will a large red curtain, like one used at a theatre. It is slowly dropping to the floor, leaving all the readers wanting to hear more about Ron's humiliating experience, and wishing the author had more common sense than to end this scene when it was just getting juicy. However, she doesn't, so you'll just have to use your imaginations. You are after all very important to her, and she doesn't you to end up like Ron does in the next scene. Now, stop reading this note and go find out what happened!

*~*~-------

Half an hour later Ron made his way, dazed and stricken, to the Great Hall. When he sat down Harry and Hermione looked him over, annoyance at his tardiness became concern. "You're a bit late, did something happen?"

Ron turned to look at Harry, who had asked the question. "It...it was awful. Can't talk about it. Very bad." Harry shrugged at Hermione, who in turn gave Ron a sympathetic look. He looked very pale and far more befuddled than usual. This made his two friends wonder just where he had been all this time.

They didn't notice when Fred and George came in through the large doorway, looking much too happy for their own good. However, Ron did. When he saw them he ducked under the table, and would not be coaxed out for anything. Even when Draco Malfoy walked by and commented (rather rudely) about, "The Weasley's lack of table manners," Ron stayed hidden. Draco eventually gave up, frustrated that his baiting had done no good. By this time the Weasley twins were seated at the table, looking sinisterly innocent. There was something foreboding about their faces, usually alive with mischief, curiously bland.

Harry gave them a questioning glare, "You two didn't do this to him, did you?"

"Harry?" Fred pretended to be shocked. "Don't you know us better than that? Would we ever do anything that would upset our little sibling?"

George added his declaration, "Really, we thought more of you than that."

"I don't know what you did, but I'm sure it was awful! Why won't Ron come out from the under table?" Hermione glared at the identical boys, who only shrugged their shoulders.

"We're not our brother's keeper," Fred commented.

"Thank Merlin for that!" Ron had finally broken his silence; the muffled shout startled a few who had only just arrived at the Great Hall, having never witnessed Ron's peculiar actions.

"Hey...Harry?"

"What George?" Harry was now thoroughly suspicious, but couldn't fathom an experience that could send his best friend into this catatonic state.

"You don't have any older brothers."

"Only-children rarely do."

"Yes...so, you've missed out on a lot haven't you?"

"What are you getting at?" Hermione interjected.

"Nothing...nothing, just putting the information aside for later circumstances is all."

Another shout broke out from under the table, "Don't believe them! Harry, run for your life! Fly away!" Hermione shook her head and finally managed to tug Ron out from under the table.

"Ron, I think this has gone too far. Now, have some lunch. It's getting late." Ron looked at the food, then back at the twins.

"Maybe when the shock wears off, Hermione. I just had something I already knew put in an entirely different light, and it was somewhat unpleasant." Realizing she and Harry would get no further explanation than Ron's rather cryptic account, Hermione accepted defeat.

Meanwhile, what must have happened to Ron was dawning on the Boy Who Lived. 'No...they couldn't have,' Harry thought, as he shot another glance at Fred and George. Then he remembered their odd statements about him not having an older brother. Harry vowed there and then to be on guard, he didn't want to suffer the same fate as Ron. It was as Moody (even if Moody had been a madman in disguise) always said, "Constant Vigilance!" Hermione, who had been watching the expressions that played across Harry's face, gave him a questioning stare. "You don't want to know Hermione, trust me." Harry reassured her.

"Harry, you can tell me anything!"

"Trust me, you do not want to know." Ron told her.

"Fine! It's not as if I care anyway. I'm going to the library, and I suggest you two join me if you want to pass tomorrow's Charms exam." Hermione picked up her books and exited the Great Hall. Harry and Ron gave a sigh of relief, at least now they wouldn't be questioned. Suddenly, Harry felt eyes on his back. When he looked up he saw Fred and George eyeing him like a morsel of meat, and felt his skin start to crawl.

"Ron," He whispered, "They didn't give you the talk did they?"

"I'm afraid so," Ron admitted, "But it was like nothing I've ever heard before."

Harry winced. "That bad?" Ron nodded. "Then I think we should get out of here." Ron followed Harry's gaze to his brother's, who were now talking to a hysterical Lee Jordan.

"Let's."