She Had to Know

She Had To Know

by Flesh Into Gear

Hermione sighed as she tucked her Time Turner into her robes. She had never returned it to McGonagall and hadn't had use for it until now. She had never gone this far back into time before, but figured that this was worthy. She knew Harry wouldn't talk to them about the incident in the Ministry of Magic for a while and there were some things she had to know.

"Petrificus Totalus!" shouted Harry, as the second Death Eater raised his wand. His arms and legs snapped together and he fell forward, face down on the rug at Harry's feet, stiff as a board and unable to move at all.

"Well done, Ha-"

But the Death Eater Hermione had just struck dumb made a sudden slashing movement with his wand from which flew a streak of what looked like purple flame. It passed right across Hermione's chest; she gave a tiny "oh!" as though of surprise and then crumpled on the floor where she lay motionless.

She didn't see or hear much of anything after that. She had thought she saw Harry's anxious face for a moment, and in the distant heard, "She's alive?" "Yeah, I dink so. . . ."

Much later that night, Hermione had woken up in awful pain in her ribcage, so much that she felt faint. She was in the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey was hovering over her with a goblet of medicine, she assumed. "Drink this," she heard in the same distant voice Hermione had been hearing. Hermione almost giggled; Madam Pomfrey was swirling in front of her in pools of color. She remembered gulping down the potion and drifting into dreamless sleep.

And Hermione drifted in and out of sleep for a few days until she woke up one morning to find Ron already awake, his arms bandaged. Harry would visit her and Ron in hospital, but kept otherwise to himself and shut down when they asked too many questions. She would watch him tear up and make up an excuse that he had to be somewhere.

Hermione had to know. She had to find out and this was the only way.

With her Time Turner and the Time Reverser - something McGonagall had given her just in case she had to get back into the correct time - she was set. She knew Harry was in Dumbledore's office. If Harry - or anyone else for that matter - came running out of the room she could leave in an instant.

"Remember what I told you, Ms. Granger, you must not be seen."

The Time Reverser was only to be used in emergencies and Hermione didn't feel she'd need it, but she would never say never.

Creeping down the hallway, Hermione settled next to the wall by Dumbledore's staircase. Her back was pressed against the cold stone and to her extreme luck, the staircase was down. She needn't the password, thankfully. She looked up the staircase to make sure no one was coming down or still going up. Then, she tiptoed her way up, holding the Time devices to her chest so they wouldn't jangle. She felt a pinch of pain in her stomach again and wondered whether it was guilt or physical pain.

It wasn't that she didn't trust Harry or that she felt he didn't deserve his privacy. It was nothing of the sort. She trusted Harry more than she trusted anyone. She just simply, again, had to know.

Reaching the top of the staircase, she stopped at Dumbledore's office door. Taking one of Fred and George's Extendable Ears she'd snatched from them, she put it near the door to listen for any sound.

At first, she heard nothing but pacing feet. And then, "No, you don't," Harry said, his voice loud and angry.

"You see Dumbledore?" mumbled someone else. Hermione's eyebrows furrowed together. It must be one of the paintings, she thought to herself. "Never try to understand the students. They hate it. They would much rather be tragically misunderstood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own-"

"That's enough, Phineas," said Dumbledore. It grew quiet, and Hermione almost edged away from the door. If the door suddenly opened, she had no where to run. "There is no shame in what you are feeling, Harry." Feeling? What was he feeling? "On the contrary . . . the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength."

Hermione leaned slowly back into the door. She didn't understand.

"My greatest strength, is it?" Harry said shakily. Is he crying? she thought. What happened!? "You haven't got a clue," he paused. "You don't know."

"What don't I know?" Hermione barely hear Dumbledore whisper.

Though she was not with him, she felt something in Harry break. "I don't want to talk about how I feel, all right?"

"Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human-"

Suddenly, there was no need for the Extendable Ears and Hermione yanked them from her ear, jumping away from the door. "THEN - I - DON'T - WANT - TO - BE - HUMAN!" Harry roared. Hermione flinched as she heard something shatter against a wall, the paintings letting out many outcries.

"I DON'T CARE!" Flames roared in the fireplace. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE -"

Hermione had to wipe tears from her face. Harry was in emotional turmoil. Something had gone awry in the Ministry of Magic.

She flinched again as there was more crashing of Dumbledore's things breaking.

"You do care," Dumbledore said in a calm voice. "You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it."

"I - DON'T!" Harry shouted louder than ever before. Hermione felt herself shaking.

"Oh yes, you do," said Dumbledore, and Hermione almost went to pull out the Extendable Ears again. But she didn't for her ears had adjusted. "You have now lost your mother, your father, and the closest thing to a parent you have ever known."

Hermione gasped, not hearing Dumbledore's next few words. Sirius? Sirius was dead? She covered her mouth, fearing for a second that they had heard her.

Harry yelled again. "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL! YOU - STANDING THERE - YOU -"

Hermione lost her breath again as she heard the doorknob twisting or turning. Oh no, she thought. Oh no, I'm caught! I'm dead! But the door didn't open.

"Let me out," said Harry, convulsing.

"No," Hermione heard Dumbledore say.

There was a pause. "Let me out."

"No."

"If you don't - if you keep me in here - if you don't let me -"

"By all means continue destroying my possessions," Dumbledore said serenely. "I dare say I have too many."

"Let me out," Harry repeated in a cold voice. Hermione could feel his body near the door that separated them. How badly she wished to open the door and comfort him.

"Not until I have my say." It was clear that Dumbledore was determined to keep him in there.

"Do you - do you think I want to - do you think I give a - I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO SAY! I don't want to hear anything you've got to say!"

"You will." He sounded sad. "Because you are not nearly as angry with me as you ought to be. If you are going to attack me, as I know you are close to doing, I would like to have thoroughly earned it."

Harry hurting Dumbledore had never crossed her mind.

"What are you talking about --?"

"It is my fault that Sirius died," said Dumbledore clearly. Hermione wanted to be sick. Sirius was dead. How - "Or I should say almost entirely my fault - I will not be as arrogant as to claim responsibility for the whole. Sirius was a brave, clever, and energetic man, and such men are not usually content to sit at home in hiding while they believe others to be in danger. Nevertheless, you should never have believed for an instant that there was any necessity for you to go to the Department of Mysteries tonight. If I had been open with you, Harry, as I should have been, you would have known a long time ago..." Hermione could hardly hear anymore. Not because she wasn't trying, but because she couldn't believe it. Sirius was truly dead because they had gone to rescue him that night.

Hermione came to her senses and listened again. "Harry, I owe you an explanation," said Dumbledore. "An explanation of an old man's mistakes. For I see now that what I have done, and not done, with regard to you, bears all hallmarks of the failings of age."

She backed away from the door for the final time. She had heard her fill. She had heard enough. Harry would tell her in truth when the time was right. Hesitating, Hermione turned and pulled out the Time Reverser. She flicked it several times and with tears brimming in her brown eyes, she vanished.

"I can't breathe I can't get this out

Don't know and I can't explain

But still I feel that I will I'll be the only one now

Can't seem to penetrate

You can talk about the only way out

I know it's gonna get me again

Why do you have to tell me

The things you tell me

Power can instigate

But I suppose that you'll expose and you'll open up wide

Can't seem to penetrate

Still talking about the only way out

I know it's gonna get me again

I hope the demon doesn't dwell inside you

I know it's gonna get me again

No don't drop me now

I'll sink into the underground

Can I keep my head above the water?

Still talking about the only way out

I know it's gonna get me again

I hope the demon doesn't dwell inside you

I know it's gonna get me again"

Sink Into the Underground, CKY

THE END