For Brave Kamikazes Still Bore Fear

a. He

There was no moon in the sky that night, Regulus reflected. Death Eaters liked to go out on nights like these--no witnesses, no watching eyes, but Borgin had plenty in his shop to remedy that. He laughed. He could not see Dumbledore walking into Knockturn Alley, with his resplendent robes and half-moon spectacles that made Rabastan whisper awful puns on the word, 'loony' evey two minutes that made Regulus want to punch him.

This morning, he did. The shock on Rabastan's face was the most satisfaction Regulus had in days, bitterly overshadowed by the dismay upon hearing Bellatrix's ringing laughter. Rodolphus raised his eyebrow 1/4 of an inch. Regulus shrugged his shoulders in a very un-Black manner and walked over to the loo.

He vomited three times that day. When he came inside after looking at the stars, Mrs. Black sent Kreacher to his room with some tonic. After he poured it down the sink, and accidentally broke the bottle, he heaved once more.

b. Broke

The next day, Regulus shut himself up in the library, loudly declaring that he needed no food and plenty of peace and quiet in order to do his work. Mrs. Black put up an argument for a minute or so, but used to his mother's arguments, Regulus simply ignored her. After a few moments of indignation at being disregarded, Mrs. Black called on her niece Narcissa. When they spoke of Regulus, Mrs. Black spoke of her son who would once more bring integrity to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black and did Narcissa know any nice girl who would suit Regulus's tastes?

Narcissa heard the rumors surrounding the dubious loyalty of Regulus from her husband and replied that no, she did not think that any woman she knew would fit her dear cousin. After Mrs. Black left, Narcissa looked out the window, her lip quivering, wondering how long it would take for her whole family to leave her alone and alive.

That night, Regulus made no progress in his research, but he ripped out a sliver of a page that only read:

The presence of soul therefore distinguishes a living human body from a corpse.

He went to sleep with no food, little accomplished, and a lot of fear.

c. His

What is he, then? Why does he look like that?

Are you questioning our Lord, Black?

Don't you ever wonder?

What?

What he is? How he did it?

How he did what?

Regulus merely shook his head and wandered outside muttering something about finding a book in Knockturn Alley. Severus said nothing, and focused on his cauldron once more carefully pouring a spoonful of beetle eyes into the mixture. Regulus's behavior was strange for a Death Eater, but examining the inbred family he came from, he expected no less.

When Severus went home there was an owl from Dumbledore. Without looking at it he threw it out and fearfully set his wards. He did not need the suspicion that was already following Regulus.

d. Soul

When Kreacher came into Regulus's room he found the bed unused and his Master asleep at the desk his face flushed and feverish. Kreacher reported the matter to his Mistress who chastised him for almost waking the young Master. Kreacher kissed the hem of his Mistress's robes and begged forgiveness.

That night Regulus joined his mother for dinner nodding politely at his mother's tirades only speaking in order to request for the potatoes at her side. After dinner he walked over to her and kissed her on both cheeks like a dutiful son before going to bed. The look of pride on his mother's face made him want to weep.

Instead he slept.

At midnight he left the house telling his mother to expect him tomorrow night.

e. Into

On Friday Regulus was nowhere to be found. Rabastan looked all over the usual places (and some of the not-so-usual places) and told a displeased Bellatrix and Lucius of Regulus's disappearance. At 2:34 in the afternoon Theodore Tonks took his daughter Nymphadora for a walk by the sea and saw someone who looked like his wife's cousin running to and fro. He dismissed it as a mirage due to the heat and took his daughter into town to buy her a strawberry ice cream cone. The delighted little girl turned her hair bright pink in gratitude.

Regulus came home late that night when the sun was just rising. Kreacher heard his Master creeping around downstairs. Mrs Black did not hear her son sneak into her bedroom to exchange a few pieces in her jewelry box.

f.1. Pieces

The Death Eaters all felt the ever familiar burning on their forearm and one by one made their excuses to rush to their Master's side. Within minutes all were present.

Everyone noticed that Regulus's place was empty.

f. 2. Regulus

Regulus felt it too but did not let it stop his running

He ran and ran and ran and ran and ......

He was far away from where he hid it Far away from where he stole it from And he clenched his fist tightly as if it held a precious jewel and watched one by one his doom Apparated in the dark on his exact position he smiled because in the end that was all that mattered.

g. Black

there was pain and blood and pain and blood and that was all he could think of as he fell and fell and was lifted up only to be knocked down again there were tears and dirt and so much fear because he was so afraid bellatrix would probably lie to his mother and say that he died for some noble cause for the dark lord lucius would speak with false sympathy that every one of them had ingrained as they would all cry out to his mother and tell her what a wonderful son she had because it did no good to displease the mistress of 12 grimmauld place while she was alive and they would all lie right through their teeth as they talked about young regulus black and his poor demise so untimely for such a great cause

and as he was pummeled and pummeled again regulus would have laughed because they didnt know it was the truth and not a lie except he was crying in pain clenching one fist because it hurt to be brave and to be the only one with your shadow for your army because he didnt fit in anywhere a lion from the stars sorted into a slytherin snake

but in the end it turns out that it didnt matter

a.b.c.d.e.f.g.h.i.j.k.l.m.n.o.p.q.r.s.t.u.v.w.x.y.z.

It was Severus's tip that led the Order to the deserted location, although no one except Minerva and Albus knew the informant. As far as James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were told, they had to head to a specific place where their two old professors would meet them. As they approached, confused and exchanging light-hearted jokes about what danger they might have to face next, Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall spoke in low tones.

"Even Crouch would not have allowed this," Minerva muttered, looking at the bloodied face of the once-handsome Black. "This was definitely--"

"--Yes, Minerva, I know," Albus said patiently, yet distracted. "And yet it seems strange..."

"Strange?" she questioned, harshly. "The boy clearly lost his nerve--"

"--But why like this?" he asked, softly. "This was revenge, anger...and if Regulus was as weak as you claimed, surely his family could have turned his head, molded him they way they desired." Minerva sniffed, her eyes peering at Albus from her glasses.

"For heavens' sake, Albus, the boy was nineteen! What 'revenge' could...You-Know-Who...want upon him?" Albus did not answer, his silence denoting his state of contemplation. He noticed, however, in the mangled and broken body, a small fist encrusted with dried blood, much like the rest of his body. Picking it up, he heard Minerva sigh in resignation. "Whatever the case, Albus, it is a sad state, a very sad state. The boy wasn't even twenty." If Albus was going to give a response, Minerva would not be able to hear it; the four wizards trudging up to where the three of them--two aged wizards, and one young, thoughtless but very dead boy--had recognized the deceased and Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew did their best to tend to the shocked Sirius Black.

"Sirius...bloody hell, Padfoot--" one of them was muttering, "--you alright?" Not answering, Sirius walked forward looking at the body, Minerva's harsh eyes softened significantly for the older Black. Kneeling down next to his brother--blood was blood and no amount of denying it changed that in the end--Sirius stared at his face. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Sirius stood up harshly.

"Bloody...stupid... git," he muttered, heading back toward the others, anger and irritation only evident on his face.

Albus Dumbledore, however, opened Regulus's fist and, surprised at his discovery, read the paper hidden in the desperate deserter's death grip:

The presence of soul therefore distinguishes a living human body from a corpse.

And underneath, written in an uncharacteristically messy scrawl:

He broke his soul into pieces.
- regulus black

Albus then fancied he understood; but still said nothing.

When the time came for Regulus Black's funeral, where Lucius Malfoy delivered a moving eulogy, Bellatrix Lestrange sobbed loudly and clung desperately to Walburga Black, and Sirius Black pretended that he did not care either way--the Headmaster of Hogwarts shared a glance with Severus Snape who gave him a slight nod.

Footnote:
"The presence of soul therefore distinguishes a living human body from a corpse." - A quote from Plato's Republic.