The Journey From Oidhche Shamhna

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

The Journey From Oidhche Shamhna

Chapter 39

Helena

Helena dressed in one of the new gowns Alya had bought her in the city. It was a rich cream colour. The very fabric shimmered and shone when near the light of a candle. She was sure he would notice her again tonight. She looked down at the bodice and chewed her lip, wondering how she could walk though the sitting room without her parents seeing her. Walking to the rack that held her clothing, she yanked out a cape, threw it over her shoulders and hoped they would not question the need for a wrap on such a warm evening.

Walking quickly and as quietly as the stone floors allowed, she made for the door to the hallway.

"Helena?" Rowena called out to her. "Not so fast, young lady. I want to see that dress that Alya thought to hide from me."

"I showed my father," Helena said smugly.

"On your body or off?" Rowena scowled and pulled back the cape to look at the dress. "My guess would be while it was still in your arms. He would not approve of this."

"And you? Do you approve?" Helena raised her chin defiantly.

"No, I do not. It is not the dress of a child but the gown of a woman. Alya goes too far."

"I am wearing it."

"To nothing more than a dinner in the Great Hall and to fires set on the lawn?"

"It is Oidhche Shamhna. Surely not even you have forgotten that."

"Helena, no. You need to change into something more fitting. Oidhche Shamhna is a time of reflection and prayer. It is a time of great magic and faith, and the time when the gods will speak to us."

Helena pressed her lips together and shook her head firmly. "No, I will wear this."

"Why must we always fight, child?"

"Perhaps it is because you are so perfect," Helena sneered at her. "At least that is what father would have me believe. Everyone knows the truth, you know."

"The truth of the matter is that in this I do know more than you. Change or stay in this evening."

"The truth of the matter is that you are still married to one not my father. They all say you are a whore."

Rowena felt the air sucked out of her lungs and reached out to hold on to the table to remain standing. She stared at Helena and fought to open her mouth and say things that she should.

"Furthermore, Erwin has another family. Only you have him so bewitched that he returns to you again and again even though he does not want to."

Helena looked at her mother and smiled sweetly. "Salazar says Erwin's is the way of the pure blood. Only I, his true daughter, will be allowed in Hogwarts and his spawn of a son born to a dirty Muggle will not."

Rowena's hand struck Helena's cheek loud enough to be heard across the room and to leave a mark on her daughter's face. She stood shaking, still unable to speak, looking at the young woman standing in front of her, unable to reconcile that this was her daughter.

"Leave," she rasped out, sinking to her knees. "Get out of my sight."

"Thank you, mother, I think I shall." Helena flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked to the door where she dropped the cloak onto the floor before leaving.

Rowena stayed on the floor, trying to breathe evenly as she felt bile rise up her throat. She looked around at the sitting room and wondered that in a few moments everything could go so far wrong. She closed her eyes and saw the tiny toddler that ran to Salazar laughing and calling him. She saw her negotiating the stairs as Erwin stood at the bottom, encouraging her to walk bravely down, and the way Helga would settle her on her hip and take her to the gardens. She squeezed her eyes closed and saw Gryffin placing jewels in her hand, loving the babe he had seen but once in years.

She heard the door open and saw Erwin stop and look at her sitting on the floor. She turned her head from him to hide her face and the shame she felt in front of him. She felt shamed that her daughter would think so little of her, and shamed that he would see the pain fresh and anew on her face.

"Rowena." He knelt down beside her. "I passed Helena in the hallway. She told me what happened. She was even boastful. I have sent her to the dorms. I told her she was not welcome here tonight but to come in the morning."

"She called me a whore." Rowena looked up at him with her face drained of all colour. "Is this how they see me? The others? Do they see me a ..."

"Rowena, no. She hears rumours from the old clan. She does not know our story."

"She seems to know more than I care to believe. I do not want her to know he sold me for a bride's price, or how she came to grow in me. When I think of him I can still feel the humiliation and the pain that he forced on me."

"She is mine, that is all she needs to know. Have I ever, even once, given you pause to think she is not mine?"

Rowena pressed her hand to his cheek and shook her head. "Forever. Promise she will know you are her father forever. I do not want her to know Hengest is my father. That he lives in town or that..."

"Rowena, stop. Her life began in this castle. In these very chambers, on the bed I still share with you. That is all she needs to know."

"Is she right? Is she not right, Erwin? The gods refused us. The gods said at the circle to join in the cities of men but we did not. In their eyes and by law, that is what I am."

"We could not." Erwin pulled her up and lifted her like a child, carried her to a chair and sat with her on his lap. "I claimed you as the old ways said I had the right to."

"Not with the child already in me. The gods did not approve."

"Remember the times, Rowena. We could no more be seen than fly without a broom. We did not even have brooms! We walked. For days we walked and buried the dead."

"She hates me." Rowena struggled and finally Erwin released her and helped her to stand. "She thinks me a whore and she hates me."

"She is a child, Rowena. What is she? Sixteen now?"

"Next summer. Fifteen now. Has it been that long? God, Erwin, she spoke of...she knows of Elan."

"She is the evidence of the passing of our time together." Erwin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "She would have found out in a year's time when he comes to school. She is of that age where all mothers are awful. Give her a few years to learn she does not have all the answers."

"I will have to warn Helga." She tried to smile. "Erwin, she knows all. She knows of... she knows all of it. She says I force you to stay. She says I have bewitched you, that you love them and me not at all."

"She will come in the morning and we will sit down and talk to her. Rowena, you know there is no one I put above you."

"I hit her, Erwin. I have never done that. I have never laid a hand on her. She said Salazar told her she was a pure-blood. That she and she alone of your children would be allowed here."

"Rowena? You cannot listen to the rants of a child. She does not know what she says, or how it hurts. You know what she is up to?"

"She knows." Rowena wiped at her eyes and swallowed hard, not wanting to believe Helena could be like this. "She knows exactly what she does and yes, she knows how it cuts."

"Shhh," he whispered and pulled her closer.

"The Baron. Yes, I know. Lawrence, I think she calls him. She thinks to tease him into taking her away from here to that race she spoke of now that there will be no naming."

"Now, she sets her bridal cap for Carlos."

"No, not him, the other, the older one that leaves soon - Karle, he is the one."

"I should have locked her up years ago," Erwin chuckled. "She looks too much like her mother to leave with so many boys."

"If they were just boys you would not worry so." She at last found a smile for him. "They speak of you, the boys. They turn red and hide when you come down the hall."

"A father's right to scare young men. I think I enjoy it."

"She cuts her eyes to this Karle and still thinks to charm the other to take her to the race."

"The Nault family is not to be trifled with. She needs to know she plays a dangerous game. She is not too young to be a wife. I would think it is what he is looking for." Erwin leaned back in his chair, pulling her with him.

"A wife? Goodness no. She is far too young to consider such things."

"Rowena, you saw how she dresses, and you know how she acts. She needs to understand that her playfulness is not acceptable beyond these walls."

"She will not listen to me, Erwin. What little control I had on her before Salazar just fell out the window. "

"We need to go. It is Oidhche Shamhna. We need to lead the prayers and Laulen has to make his offerings. Peska has been coaching him all day."

"One day? He knows the prayers after only one day?"

"He can say them. I do not know if he understand them, or can say them with a passion, but he knows the words."

"You need to go then." She sat up and looked at him. "I do love you, Erwin. I have since I was Helena's age, maybe even younger. Why is it I cannot see her capable of the same thing?"

"Because she is a selfish girl. Things have come too easy to her in this place with four sets of parents that gives her everything."

"I envy Temin," she sighed and looked up at him. "Then it is my fault. I should have agreed with you and taken her away from here to a dwelling of our own."

"No, this place changes us as well. We cannot keep our ways and cannot protect our children from the outside. We open their minds to the beliefs of others. It is dangerous in the young."

"Erwin. I love you. Do you believe me? Please? You should have seen her face when she said you did not want me."

"Gods," he whispered and pulled her to him. "Never doubt that. Never think I put another above you. Come, Alya lays her son down with the gods tonight. Rowena, we must go."

"No, he is Salazar's son as well and I will not pray for his child when he turns mine against me." She pulled away from him and looked at him angrily. "You cannot ask me to do this, Erwin. You cannot expect me to stand in front of him and pretend everything is fine."

"Laulen will be offering all the names he collected. You would honour him..."

"Let your Leigh honour him. Not me, not the whore you keep in your bed," she hissed angrily and slapped at his hands as he tried to hold her. "Did you marry her? Did you take her to one of their stone temples and say the words to their gods? Tell me. Tell me what she is to you."

"Rowena, do not do this. You do not understand."

"No, I do not. I do not understand that my own daughter would call me a whore and for all these years we have not joined in front of the gods." She sunk to her knees. "Leave me, Erwin. Leave me, just go to the circle."

"Father?" Helena stood in the doorway and smirked at them, looking down at Rowena. "Would you please tell my mother that I have changed my frock and am attending the celebration? I promised Alya to hold Jonas for her as she gives the prayer."

Rowena turned her head and covered her mouth to stop the sound of her sobs.

"I forbid it, Helena. I have told you to stay in your dorm." He stood in front of Rowena, blocking her from Helena's view. "I am sorely disappointed in you. I have always thought much better of you than this."

"It is not I that is lacking."

Erwin crossed the room quickly and grabbed her arm. "Do not test my patience, girl. You will find I am not as forgiving as your mother is. If you want to be treated as an adult, I will be glad to do so. Be very careful of what you ask for."

"She is turning you against me," Helena pouted. "I always knew she would."

"Go to your room, Helena. Do not leave it."

"What shall I tell Alya? She will be looking for me."

"Alya is burying her son. Do you think she worries after you? Do you put yourself above him? Stay away from her tonight. She cannot handle your games."

"Me? I am not the one that should stay away from married witches. Salazar said it was you on his knees in front of the witch the very night her son died."

Erwin grabbed her by both arms and pushed her against the wall. "Go to your bedchamber. Your own room, here in this tower. Lock yourself in and pray I do not throttle you. I swear to the gods if I raise my hand to you at this moment I will not stop."

Helena blanched. She had never seen Erwin like this. She knew she had gone too far as she saw his face and his fists clenched at his sides. She skirted around him, casting a quick glance over her shoulder, and ran into her rooms, slamming the door behind her. Erwin followed her as far as the door and threw up wards to keep her inside before turning back to Rowena.

"Rowena," he whispered to her as he squatted down and pulled her into his arms. "You know there is nothing to what she said. She was holding Jonas, I thought to help."

"I know, I would not give a thought to that, only to the reason it was said," she said as her voice broke between sobs.

"She said it was Salazar who told her. I cannot understand. He was there, he saw us. He watched as I tried to take the baby from her." Erwin laid his cheek against the top of Rowena's head.

He started to chuckle. "I have not been so angry since the wars. How is it possible I would threaten to throttle a child that up to yesterday I could not say no to."

"Do you think it is the madness still on him? The new potion will not be ready until tomorrow and even then it will take months for his system to clear."

Erwin stood and pulled her up to him. "Madness or not, this must end. I will not have you and Helena treated like this. He is now spilling his hatred into her and threatening her future in teaching her these ways."

"The potion should have restored his mind. Wait until tomorrow when the new one is complete. It has already been brewed. It now only rests one day."

Erwin turned and looked at Helena's door. "We need to get her away from here. She needs to learn to live a harder life than she has here. I will talk to Helga. Her brother arrives in the morn. If she wants out of here she can live with them a year."

"Oh Erwin, that is mean!" She frowned and looked at the door as well. "Three children and a small farm they are to have."

"I wonder what she will hate more, the rough clothing on her skin or the food she must prepare herself?" He smirked.

"I think finding her hands red from the washing and her back sore from tending the fire." She looked up at him. "Do you think we should? It would be a good thing for her to learn how the others live."

"If her beaus do not like the smell of peat at least we will not have to worry on that front." He laughed at her eagerness.

"I don't remember the smell of peat putting you off."

"Ah, my lady." He lifted her arm and kissed her palm, then moved up to the inside of her elbow, and was headed for her neck when they heard the sound of a clearing throat.

"I would hate to interrupt, but since the door was left open I do not mind the show." Hanson leaned against the frame, smirking at them. "I thought you needed to know that your daughter is attempting to bribe the house-elves to take her to the celebration."

"She is what?" Rowena screeched as she heading to the girl's door, yelling as loud as she could. "Hanson, tell Helga her brother has a maid. Tell her she will be there in the morn to help with the unpacking. She will happily share the bedchambers with the children, and since she will take nothing with her will not take up much room."

"I heard that, Mother! You would not dare!" Helena yelled though the door.

Rowena opened the door and held her hand out to Helena. "Give me your wand."

"Fine, it is not powerful enough. I need a new one. Temin will make me one. He would do anything I ask."

Rowena took out her own wand and cast a spell on Helena. "I would suggest you do not try elf travel until I lift that spell."

"You would not dare."

"Dared I have. It is done."

Hanson walked in to Helena's room and put two fingers under her chin, lifting her face and then putting his hand behind her head, he pulled her close to him.

"Hanson, what are you doing?" Rowena was horrified. She tried to pull his hand from Helena as he held her in an intimate embrace. "Hanson, my gods, what do you do?"

"I am showing her that what she has told Helga does not work. She is too short to pull to my mouth. She fits only to my shoulder." He pushed her away and smirked at her. "Did you think Helga would not tell me what you said of us?"

"It was a joke, Mother, a joke is all."

"She was angry at me for not allowing her out last night to meet a beau. This morning this is what she told Helga."

Erwin raised his hand to her only to have Hanson stop him. "No, Erwin, not for this. Helga laughed at her, which I think made her add more to the story until this is what came of it. No harm was done, only to Helga's credit. I would fear to see what it would do to some others."

Rowena looked at the wand she held and back at Helena. "How could you say such things? How could you put yourself and Hanson in that position? What if it was other than Helga? If she did not love you as she does? If she doubted her husband? Do you know what you have done?"

"Mother, it was a joke. I meant nothing of it."

"Do you know that Hanson has the right to ban you? Do you understand?"

"Ban me? He has no right."

"You threatened his dwelling, his home. You threatened his binding and his wife's place!" Erwin yelled at her. "If this were an old clan, Helga could demand more then a banning. You could be stoned."

Hanson put his hand on Erwin's shoulder. "She plays, Erwin. She is just a child. She must learn that this is serious ..."

He and Erwin turned to the noise of wood breaking and Helena's gasp that filled the room. Rowena tossed the snapped wand on the floor and turned on her heel, leaving them.

"Mother," Helena breathed. "What do you do? You cannot do this. You know I only joked."

Rowena turned to her slowly, her face white. "For eight moons I ban you from this valley. For eight months, you must make your own way. If Helga's family takes you or not, for eight months you are no longer my daughter."

"Mother, how can you do this? Father, tell her to stop, tell her she has no right!"

"I can do this because I love you, Helena. You have been spoiled, and given too much. Now, you must learn what all the others in this valley have learned."

"Alya will..."

"No Slytherin would go against the pure-blood law concerning banning. Let this be the first pure-blood law you learn. Go to Hogsmeade. South of the town, near the river, you will find a clearing with a small dwelling, built in the old way. That is where they will come in the morn and where you can wait tonight."

"Tonight? You cannot mean it."

"You will wear the robe I came here in. It was all I had when I left. Now, it is all that I have left of my life before this one. It shall be the same with you. It is homespun and rough on the skin. It will chafe you by the fire, and leave you cold at night. It is of the people from which you come. If you think pure-bloods are rich and better then the others, it is time you learned to live as one. Our clan is as old as Oden and as pure as the gods. You will learn to honour him with your work.

Your father or the others may not speak to you, or remember you in their payers. Use this time wisely. Learn from it and in eight moons return and seek forgiveness from all that you have hurt."

Rowena looked at Erwin's face and bit her lip, tasting blood. She turned and walked down the hall to the moving stairs and out to the circle. She stood in the middle of the field, alone, surrounded by thirteen fires, lifted her arms and closed her eyes as she tipped her chin to the sky. She sang the prayer of the dead that would send her daughter's soul to the gods. They would hold and heal it during the length of time she had set forth.

Her voice was the only that was heard, as one by one the others stilled and turned to the circle to watch. Erwin waited until she was done, and had fallen to the ground before entering the circle and picking her up. Carrying her to where Salazar stood, he spit on him, then turned on his heel, and to the silence of the crowd, carried her back to the castle.