Unpredictable Life

~ Chapter 6: Frustrations ~

Snape couldn't move, one hand frozen on the railing. Even from where he was standing, he could hear the strangled noises coming from the bedroom. I'm sorry, Harry. But I can't. I want to, I want to love you. It's wrong. You're just sixteen. You still have a long life ahead of you. It could be that this is what the Dark Lord really wants. I'm still a pawn in his hands, Harry. He can make me betray you. Even as he apologized to Harry silently, his heart bled and he quietly sat at the bottom of the stairs. I did the right thing... He told himself repeatedly.

~*~

Dumbledore released the spell and Snape's figure disappeared from the mirror. If he had been a hundred and thirty years younger, he might have been jumping up and down in the office and tearing his hair out of his scalp in frustration.

:But really, Albus. What did you expect to happen?: Fawkes asked him meekly, in a tone that reminded the Headmaster of his wife -- the deputy Headmistress.

"I expected that they might want to spend the night together," Dumbledore answered weakly.

A creak indicated that he was no longer alone, but he relaxed when it was just his wife -- in cat mode. She quickly transformed into her human shape and there was a slight sneer on her face.

"I know that look," Professor McGonagall began, eyeing the Headmaster slyly as she sat on the couch. "It didn't work then?" She looked at the phoenix for the answer. "Thank goodness Severus used his brain in such a situation." She looked a little relieved that her husband's attempt to matchmake the Potions Master had backfired.

Two pairs of eyes -- Dumbledore's and the phoenix's -- looked at her in faint disapproval. She rolled her eyes in exasperation, wondering why the two were so bothered with the pair in Privet Drive.

"I didn't expect Severus to be so determined not to ... deflower Harry," Dumbledore conceded. His wife snorted.

"And whose fault is that?" she asked just as Fawkes conveyed the question silently.

The Headmaster glared icily at them from behind his desk. A scroll of parchment and a velvet bag appeared on his desk. He looked at McGonagall inquiringly.

:Severus is, after all, your protégé. Obviously, you've influenced him enough when it comes to morality,: Fawkes replied smugly.

"That is Harry's list of supplies and Floo powder. I have arranged it with the Network for the Dursleys' fireplace to be connected at ten in the morning on Wednesday. It will be disconnected ten minutes after and reopened at one," the witch informed him.

Fawkes flew and landed gracefully on the desk, beak picking up the bag of powder while a talon grabbed the supply list. :With your permission, Albus,: the phoenix spoke in a mocking tone, :I'd like to deliver this personally to the Potions Master.: The mythological creature vanished within an instant. Dumbledore sighed and went over to join his partner on the couch.

"Stop looking so morose, Albus. It does not suit your nature," McGonagall said softly. "If it is not to be, then it is not to be."

"Are you biased, Minerva?" the old wizard asked suddenly.

"Biased about?" She looked at him inquisitively.

"Never mind." Dumbledore let out another sigh.

"Albus, is the boy really sure that he's ... homosexual?" the witch questioned her husband seriously. "I mean, youngsters are often confused about their liking..."

"At first I thought he may have a liking for both females and males, but," Dumbledore coughed, cheeks reddening as he thought about the sketches Harry drew. "It seems that Harry certainly likes boys and men."

"You sound so sure about that," McGonagall said suspiciously. "What did you see while spying?"

"Nothing," he answered, a little too innocently. Dumbledore quickly ignored his wife's stare and thought deeply. :Fawkes?:

:What?:

:Tell Severus he should accompany Harry on Wednesday.:

:You're making trouble old man. I am not sure if he will agree to that.:

~*~

The dull thud of something dropping on the floor broke Snape's concentration. He looked up and saw Dumbledore's phoenix gazing at him serenely. The bird had dropped a pouch and a roll of parchment on the floor.

:What?: Snape stared back at the aquiline eyes.

:It's Harry's supply list and Floo powder. The fireplace -- I should hope it is not an electrical fireplace -- will be connected at ten on Wednesday. Albus wants you to escort Harry and be with him at all times,: Fawkes said gravely.

:He is old enough to go there and shop by himself,: Snape answered flatly. Fawkes puffed up his neck feathers in a display of annoyance.

:That is an order, Severus,: the phoenix replied coldly.

Snape's eyes flashed dangerously at the ultimatum. :If he wants to make sure that Harry does not come to harm so badly, he is more than welcome to escort the boy himself.:

:You're a bloody foolish wizard, Severus. You've hurt the boy even more than his godfather's death has. I believe that he would even die were you to vanish from this world suddenly. He is no longer infatuated with you. I think he's beginning to love you,: Fawkes stated calmly.

:I don't believe that.:

:I know you don't, so be prepared to hear my lengthy observation of what Harry has been doing since even before Albus sent you here,: Fawkes answered and the phoenix almost seemed to be smiling evilly at him. : However, I'm only stating the boy's physical desires. Even I have no way of telling what the boy feels, in his heart.:

So the phoenix told him all about Harry's activities. Minutes passed and Snape's face began to redden, his heart began to beat rapidly and his desire increased once more. By the time the phoenix had left, Snape was shaking, fisting his fingers tightly against his side. He was incredibly hard after he hearing Fawkes's account.

Harry... He couldn't stop the urge to touch himself. Severus Snape was a man who rarely indulged in physical pleasures and had abstained from sex for years. Ever since he had become more aware of Harry -- through the need to understand that Harry was not James -- the kisses the boy had bestowed on him, and the knowledge that Harry was hard because of had made it difficult for the wizard to control his carnality. He could feel the heat even through his trousers. One hand grabbed at the surface of the step while the other rubbed his erection and he came, inside his trousers. Snape remained seated on the step for fifteen long minutes before he could even find the strength to move.

~*~

In Dumbledore's office.

Fawkes was giving a summary of what he had told the Potions Master and Dumbledore shook his head at his phoenix's frankness. :Severus was right. You are cruel.:

:Never pretended to be kind, old man.:

:You should have never been allowed to speak,:

the old wizard said, smiling a little.

Fawkes laughed, his tail feathers trembling with his movements. :Unfortunately, I was made this way. You should never have picked me to be your familiar.:

It was Dumbledore's turn to snort with laughter. :Unfortunately, your call was so loud that I was almost forced to pick you.:

"Will the two of you stop chatting?" Minerva called out. "It's already late and I believe that you both could use some rest."

:Testy woman,: Fawkes grumbled as he launched himself from the desk to his perch.

The old wizard rose from his seat and disappeared into his chambers. :You're lucky she isn't able to hear you.:

:I don't think so,: Fawkes answered shortly. :Imagine the fun I would have trying to intervene in your personal matters.:

:Then I'm glad she's immune to your voice.:

~*~