Unpredictable Life

~ Chapter 5: Kisses ~

Wednesday, 7^th August 1996. In the evening.

Harry breathed a huge sigh of relief when Snape signaled for a halt in their Occlumency exercise. The boy didn't think he would last for another minute -- he was exhausted from the arduous task of shielding his mind and thoughts from his tutor. However, he was not so exhausted that he would forget to carry out a spot of mischief on the older wizard. The Gryffindor waited for the right moment to execute his plan.

"Good enough, Potter," Snape said, almost grudgingly. "But just because I said that does not mean we can stop practicing."

"Yes, Sir," Harry answered automatically.

"Fine. Dismissed." Snape waved his hand at the Gryffindor. But Harry did not move. "What?" the Potions Master snapped.

Harry could see that the wizard was perplexed by his odd behavior and maybe a little uneasy with the smile that the Gryffindor gave him. Alright now, put all your courage into your action and get away as quickly as you can before Sev can even think about smiting you into dust.

He had been standing three feet from the Potions Master. One large step forward brought him within millimeters of the wizard. Harry's grin became wider at Snape's stunned expression, no doubt caused by the Gryffindor's bold act of flinging his arms around the broad shoulders.

Harry tiptoed and leaned closer until he managed to kiss the older wizard's lips. Just a simple one, but the young wizard couldn't stop himself from licking Snape's lower lip. He quickly let his tutor go. "Goodnight, professor." Harry headed upstairs to his room calmly, leaving Snape to stare blankly at his back.

~*~

Snape hardly knew how to react when Harry suddenly threw himself at him. Somewhat instinctively, the wizard had held on to the boy's waist. The feeling of Harry's arms on him was so intense that he trembled. Then the emerald-eyed wizard kissed him. His mind instantly went blank and when the Gryffindor licked his lip, very gently, it seemed as if his heart had stopped beating. He nearly whimpered when Harry released him.

Still in a daze, Snape lowered himself onto the couch, his mind rattled by the incident. Why in the hell am I so excited? That was just a goodnight's kiss!

:When Harry actually caressed your lip? I think not,: Fawkes said, his tone indicating that he was very amused by Snape's reaction.

:Go bother your owner. I need to think.: Snape promptly ignored further comments and dealt with his conscience in silence.

~*~

Thursday, 8^th August 1996.

Snape's control over his own integrity was slowly falling apart. He had just finished going through a list of spells with Harry. Again, when the raven-haired teenager was dismissed, Harry had kissed him just the same way he did last night but this time, it was accompanied by gentle fingers tracing wonderingly on Snape's left temple. The Potions Master was torn between his desire to submit to what he was feeling and the urge to push Harry away because he was a teacher. He silently locked the bathroom door and stripped.

Bloody hell. What are you thinking, Harry? Snape leaned back against the wall, suddenly weary.

:I thought the answer to that was clear.: Fawkes suddenly appeared, perching on top of the shower door.

:The Gryffindor doesn't know what he's getting himself into,: Snape growled.

:Too bad for you, Severus, but Harry knows exactly he is doing; he is trying to seduce you,: Fawkes answered sternly.

:You're not supposed to encourage me!: The Potions Master exclaimed.

:Says who?: Fawkes pretended to look around.

:Says my integrity, you insolent myth!:

:Oh. I didn't know that it was still intact,: the phoenix replied and disappeared.

:Damn you, Fawkes. That was cruel.: Snape's eyes watered heavily and he buried his face into his hands. Silently, he cried, for he truly wanted to succumb to his feelings for the emerald-eyed teenager. I won't. He took a deep breath and ignored the painful ache in his heart. If Harry begins to care for me, the boy will find himself going through a cycle of grief. He has already lost his guardian; he doesn't need to be burdened with the pain of a lost lover.

~*~

Sunday, 11^th August 1996.

The soft alarm from his watch jerked him out of his contemplation. Hedwig purred softly, butting her head under his chin in an attempt to cheer him. The boy stroked his companion's feathers fondly and kissed her crown lightly as he checked the time. It was two in the morning but restlessness had made it impossible for the raven-haired Gryffindor to sleep. Snape had acted coldly toward him for the last forty-eight hours. But I did not misinterpret his reaction to me the previous two nights. Harry stared at the window glumly. He placed Hedwig back on her perch.

"I'm going downstairs all right?" Hedwig hooted softly and Harry exited his bedroom.

Harry knew his plot for revenge didn't go how he had expected it to but he couldn't blame Snape for that. He had only planned to make the Potions Master uneasy in his presence. However, his feelings for the older wizard had grown even stronger after the kisses. As he quietly went down the stairs, the emerald-eyed wizard was nearly paralyzed with the need to see and touch the Potions Master. His desperation became stronger as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

Tears trickled down his face as he forced his body to move. Snape was already sleeping -- Harry could hear the other wizard snoring softly in the silent living room. The teenager shakily got down on his knees and spent several minutes just staring at the pale immobile face. The emerald-eyed youth hastily wiped his tears away and carefully placed his hands on the Potions Master's shoulders. Still the older wizard slept. The Gryffindor couldn't stop admiring Snape's strong facial features.

Snape had a pair of very thick but neat eyebrows and long eyelashes. It was the first time Harry had ever attempted to scrutinize the sleeping man's unguarded face. It had required a lot of observation before the boy had learned to discern the wizard's expressions. Why does he look worried? It wasn't a scowl. The Gryffindor could clearly remember the day that he told Snape that Sirius had been taken. With Umbridge looking at both of them, his face was inscrutable but Harry had caught the slightest flicker of concern just as the Potions Master left.

Snape suddenly opened his eyes and Harry's heart jumped wildly. It's now or never. The young wizard's hands slid up, one holding the pale neck gently while the other went to cup the Potions Master's sharp chin. Harry's vision became extraordinarily clear and slowly, he lowered his face and licked his lips. Their lips met and Harry shivered. He held on to Snape as if the man were his lifeline.

The Potions Master remained unresponsive to Harry's kiss, shoulders stiff and unyielding. The teenager's breathing became labored and the Gryffindor licked, nibbled and sucked at Snape's lips until finally, the wizard's mouth parted slightly. Harry's tongue took the opportunity when it came and teased the man again, urging a response from the wizard lying on the couch.

The Boy Who Lived wasn't disappointed. Something in Snape broke and the man started kissing back fiercely. Harry nearly shouted in triumph as he was pulled up by strong arms and he settled comfortably on top of the wizard. Dear gods... Sev...His thoughts dwindled into nothingness as he surrendered to the kiss, to the way his body fit perfectly on top of the Potions Master and to the arousal that was digging into his own.

Snape suddenly broke the kiss and Harry looked at him with confused eyes. Both were panting, faces flushed with desire. The Gryffindor had no idea how long they stared into each other's eyes and he certainly was not expecting the Potions Master's rejection. The older wizard started to sit up and Harry moved along with him, wondering what was going through the other wizard's mind. The young wizard's body instinctively moved to approach Snape again but the wizard stopped him at arm's length. Harry's face paled and he prayed that the Potions Master wasn't going to tell him off. The older wizard did not look at him when he spoke.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Snape began, slowly releasing Harry's shoulders, "but we can't."

Harry blinked at the Potions Master's statement. "Why?" he whispered.

"You're supposed to hate me," the wizard said quietly.

"For what?" Snape responded as if he had not heard the question.

"You're too young to know what you want. I do not wish to be the one taking up the space in your heart that had been reserved for Black. And, I'm your teacher."

Harry stared numbly at the professor. It felt as if his soul had suddenly been thrown into an abyss and was lashed and bound by numerous chains. "You think that I am using you to replace Sirius?" he snarled and got up on his feet.

Snape raised his head slowly and their eyes locked. The wizard nodded and the anger building up inside the Gryffindor increased a hundred-fold. The flower vase on the table cracked into pieces, shocking the older wizard. "Then you thought wrong, Severus."

~*~

The anger left Harry as soon as he got into his room. He closed the door quietly as he did not want to disturb Hedwig and climbed onto his bed. The moment his head touched the pillow, he curled up and cried silently. The Gryffindor felt horrible, even more so than when Sirius had disappeared through the Veil.

What exactly do I feel for Sev? Harry thought as he took off his glasses and dropped them beside the pillow. His head hurt but the pain in his heart was much worse. Is he right? Am I too young to know what I want? Am I trying to replace Sirius? He coughed and tried to breathe, but it was difficult when his heart was being squeezed and his nostrils were blocked. Puppy love. Is that it? He cried harder because he knew that it wouldn't be puppy love, not if Snape allowed him to get close. The kiss with Cho wasn't as great as the kiss with him. Harry gasped and tried to stop crying. So what in hell do I do? Forget him? In that instant, he thought that maybe getting into a reckless fight with Voldemort and getting killed in the process wasn't that bad a prospect. The Gryffindor knew, even for his young age, that he was falling helplessly in love with the dark-haired wizard standing at the foot of the stairs, face shadowed with yearning and sadness.

~*~