Pulling Him Up

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CHAPTER TWO: HOPES
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Severus was the only one who could be with Draco without sending the young wizard into fits, and so he had told himself that his own personal dilemma could wait. He frowned slightly as he watched Draco slowly eat the food a house-elf had brought in. That had to change soon - it was nearing the full moon and he had to brew the Wolfsbane potion for Lupin. For the past several days and at every four hours, Dumbledore would bring in Draco's friends, in the hopes that one of them could replace Severus when he could no longer abandon his duties as a Potions Master. Dumbledore had even brought Draco's distant cousins, and a Mudblood.

Finally, when it felt as though they had exhausted all possibilities, Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore had pulled him aside and told him that Draco might need to be sedated while Severus worked on the potion. Severus did not like the idea of giving Draco a mind-drug, especially when Draco was still unstable, but he knew he did not have a choice.

Then Lupin had come and had snarled almost angrily when Severus had told the werewolf that he could not find a suitable replacement.

"I have survived without the potion before, and the Shrieking Shack is still out of bounds to the students. I will retreat there. You stay here with Draco," Lupin had said before stalking off.

Severus still had eleven days.

"I can't eat any more," Draco said softly, and set the bowl down on his lap.

Severus nodded and stood to collect the bowl. While he arranged the contents of the tray neatly, he noticed that Draco looked almost expectantly at the door.

"Is something wrong?" Severus asked quietly. Draco started and looked at him wildly. Ivory cheeks reddened vividly and the Slytherin shook his head vigorously. Severus did not press the issue and he went on with his task.

Hours later, Severus woke at the sensation of something wet against his leg and in a befuddled state of mind, he looked down to investigate. He stared at something that was pale, almost silver. However, he had always worn dark clothing and hence, could not understand why his knee appeared white.

He heard a sniff, and alertness seeped back into his system. Then it hit him.

"Draco?"

The pale thing on his knee moved, and then he could see the outline of Draco's head. Draco sobbed softly and Severus reached out to press his hand against a cheek almost instinctively.

"I'm here. Shhhhh."

"I hate them ... I hate dreaming about them," Draco whispered, and then hiccuped. "Their hands ... and I ... I..."

Severus pushed Draco away gently. Then he shifted and a few seconds later, he was on his knees. His fingers curled around Draco's neck and pulled the younger man closer.

"They're dead, Draco. All of them. They did not survive after the raid."

"But I still can feel them ... as though they're inside me. Inside my skin. Inside my head." Draco let out an anguished cry. "Broke me. Made me ... treated me ... beast. Not worthy ... alive. Should be dead ... dead ... and rotten."

"No," Severus said almost harshly. "Don't think that."

"I'm not brave ... like H-Potter. I'm not ... I'm insane ... all cracked inside." Draco curled up against him and Severus cursed himself for not knowing what to do. "Why me? Why me? Why am I alive? I can't get them out. Dumbledore tried to help - they won't vanish. I still see them. Feel them on me. In my mouth. In my guts. Inside. Everywhere."

"Draco, stop." Severus was appalled to find his eyes watering. He blinked furiously and Draco's gray eyes suddenly pierced him. He saw. An unwilling keen escaped from his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut and hugged Draco to him tightly. He cursed the gods and wished that he could take Draco's pain away.

When Dumbledore came to check in the morning, it was to find them both in each other's arms and sleeping against Severus' chair. The old wizard frowned slightly at the sight. In the end, he sighed, and closed the door quietly.

Severus jerked slightly at a sound but the weight that pressed against his side stopped him from moving. Draco slept soundly and his calm expression mesmerized Severus. Then Draco turned and swayed, but Severus caught him before he could drop on the floor. The silver-haired wizard made a soft sound as Severus lifted him and put him back on his bed.

He stood by the bed looking at Draco for several minutes before the need to retreat to the bathroom became intense. Severus was washing his face when a sharp cry penetrated the bathroom door. His eyes flared. While one hand turned the tap off, the other reached out for the small towel.

Draco was sitting up on the bed and was hugging his knees desperately. A face streaming with tears looked up at Severus and steel-gray eyes stared back at him pleadingly.

"I can't handle them, Severus. I can't ignore them. They come. They're making me mad," Draco whispered in a strained voice. "I don't want to go mad. I want to live. I want to be myself. I don't want to stay like this."

Severus sat on the bed and held out his arms. Draco hesitated but crawled over to his side finally. Even as he comforted the young man with gentle strokes on the hair and back, he tried to tell Draco that he did not know how to help him. He did not know where to start. He knew nothing about healing broken souls. He bit his lip fretfully.

After several minutes of deep thinking, he decided that he should bathe Draco and get a new set of clothing for the young man. He asked Draco in a quiet voice, whether he wanted to do that, and sighed thankfully when the young man nodded weakly.

"I won't be long. I'm going to the dungeons and collect some of your things."

"Okay." Draco withdrew and curled up on the bed. "I won't sleep."

"That is fine. Just rest."

Severus left quickly - the less time he took to get the things he wanted, the better. As he briskly walked down the staircase, students seemed to be surprised to see him. He did not acknowledge their mumbled greetings - instead, he hurried down to the lower levels.

He entered Draco's dormitory without trouble and sifted through the clothes in Draco's wardrobe. He refrained from taking any black-colored shirts and robes, as he feared they might trigger painful memories the young wizard might have. Dobby appeared several minutes later with a bag. Severus took it and placed what he had singled out into it.

Then he used a shorter route to go back to the small classroom that had been turned into a ward for Draco. He ascended a spiraling staircase two at a time and when he reached the fourth floor landing, he stopped.

Harry was standing near the entrance of Draco's room, and was simply looking thoughtful. Severus saw a look of frustration flickering in the Gryffindor's face and then Harry muttered something inaudible. The latter then turned around and walked away quickly. Severus blinked. Why is he here? Severus wondered. Then a thought hit him, and before he knew it, he sprinted after the emerald-eyed teenager.

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To be continued in Chapter Three