Tonight I

Tonight I...

firedragon_luver

********************

As I watch you move across the moonlit room

There's so much tenderness in your loving

Tomorrow I must leave the dawn knows no reprieve

God give me the strength when I am leaving

As I prepare our bed, I see our family picture, and I remember the time that has past. I close my eyes and feel the warmth of our home, this house that we have built out of love, which has witnessed the birth of our children, Rouge and Jean, and the adoption of our other children, Duncan and Michael. This house has been a witness to how we have all grown up and shared love. You startle me from my reverie when I hear your voice asking me how I would ever enter heaven if I look like hell. You turn me to face you and comb your fingers through my grey hairs, stepping backwards to admire what you have done and rewarding me with a triumphant smile. I bring my fingers to touch your lips, asking myself how I could ever leave a smile so welcoming. If tonight is the time, and I won't be able to see another day, will I be able to carry on existing on the other side without your tenderness?

So raise your hands to heaven and pray

That we'll be back together someday

Again you bring me back to the present as you touch my cheek silently asking me if I am okay, and unknowingly, you have given me an answer. I will be able to continue existing because of a promise, an unstated promise that we will be together someday, and all I have to do is wait.

Tonight I need your sweet caress

Hold me in the darkness

Tonight you calm my restlessness

You relieve my sadness

I lead you to our bed. I wait until you have settled before I bring you near me and kiss you passionately, enjoying your sweet taste. You drape your arm across my waist and rest your head on my shoulder. I hold you much closer to me, reveling in your romantic scent. If tonight in my sleep I will never wake up again, I would like it here in the comfort of your arms. Because the warmth of your touch gives me unspoken assurance, you calm my aching heart; you take the sadness of leaving away, because I know I will bring with me the taste of your kisses, the uniqueness of your scent, things about you that I could take anywhere and nobody could ever take away. They are embedded in my soul and in my heart. I whisper, "I love you forever, Draco Malfoy", tears falling from my eyes, and I kiss you one last time before I surrender to deep slumber.

As we move to embrace, tears run down your face

I whisper words of love so softly

I can't believe this pain it's driving me insane

Without your touch life will be lonely

After I have fixed your hair, which I know you love me to do, we settle in for the night. I fall asleep quite fast, but am awakened when I suddenly feel cold, only to find that we have moved from our embrace, so I move closer and bring your arms over my chest. I drape my arms over your waist, and lay my head close to your chest. I think, what if this night is my last waking moment? How will I ever bear to not be able to touch you and feel the heat of your love? It frightens me. As I look up to you, I see tear stains on your cheeks. I reach up to you to wipe them away, and I see our family picture and remember some of the times when I did this gesture. I remember when we got married, when we gave birth to our children, and when we adopted two more, I wiped away the tearstains from your face, smiling right after I did that, just like you are doing right now as you snuggle closer to me. How can I ever bear to lose this touch?

So raise your hands to heaven and pray

That we'll be back together someday

But then again I know I will be able to make it, because I will be waiting for the time when I could wipe away the tearstains on your cheeks caused by my going away. That thought alone strengthens me because after that I know I will be able to see you smile again, a smile that will give me security that from that moment on we will always be together, no more going away.

Tonight I need your sweet caress

Hold me in the darkness

Tonight you calm my restlessness

You relieve my sadness

So I hold on to you once again feeling how perfectly we fit together and enjoying the nearness of you. I rest my head close to your heart once again enjoying the soft music of your beating heart like I have done so many times before and let it lull me to sleep. The warmth of your touch, the beat of your heart eases my fears away, comforting me and I am relieved. Tonight I know if in my sleep I would never see another promise of a new day I know I will be able to make it because I have you in me, because it's your heart that beats for me and your warmth is what I will always feel. I whisper, "I love you, Harry Potter for eternity", and kiss you one last time before I surrender to a peaceful sleep.

Morning has come, another day

I must pack my bags and say goodbye...

Goodbye...

You never saw the next sunshine; you had already left me in your sleep. We always wanted that, that if one of us was to leave, let it be in our sleep, because we know that the last thing that we would have seen was a smile; the last thing that we would have thought of was each other and our family, and the last words that we have said is our love for each other. Though we expected this, we already lived the life expectancy of a wizard, so this is really inevitable; it still hurts to know that one of us was left behind.

It has been a month now, and our children want me to move in with one of them, but I tell them that I will be okay; I would like to stay here in our home where memories are alive. But do not worry love, because I do not do this to punish myself. I only want to be here because this is ours. This is where it all began, and this is where it will end, just like you. There is no more pain in my heart, because I know you only left this world to be in a place where forever and eternity exists, and both of us are only waiting for the time that we can be together.

I settle myself to sleep, taking your side of the bed, wondering if tonight is the night that we can be together. I take our family picture and kiss our children, telling them how much we love them, and then kiss you, telling you how much I love you. I sigh happily, remembering the first time that we declared that we were each other's own, and when we gave up jobs that fulfilled us, only to be together-- that is much more fulfilling, and it completed us. I put back our picture and lie down, smiling, thinking of you. I whisper, "I love you", and I blow a kiss in the air, thinking it will fly to where you are right now, and I let sleep take over me.

***************

"Wake up love..."

"You've come..."

"Yes..."

"I've waited for you..."

"I know..."

"Love?"

"Hmmm?"

"Take me away."

-fin-