Carousel

She smiled at me today. She's so beautiful. I'm not sure why she smiled, but suddenly she looked across the table, and smiled. I looked down, blushing a little I'd bet, but I wanted it to happen again. I wanted her to smile at me, or look at me, I wanted her attention. I wanted her to notice me. From then on I vowed that no matter what it took I would get her attention again, and as often as I could; I craved it. No, I needed it, like the air that I breathed or the water that I drank. I needed it, I had to have it.

I didn't see her for the rest of the day, not a flash of her chocolate brown hair, or a glimpse of her rose tinged cheeks, nothing. Disappointing of course, I went to my room, to relax, unwind, but it didn't work. Every time I closed my eyes I could see her, laughing with her friends, eating a muffin for breakfast, talking to a classmate. But the longer my eyes stayed shut, the less I liked what I saw. Soon they became less pleasant, her flirting with other boys, grinning wildly as she raced up the stairs to the boys' dormitories, kissing one boy or another. The images raced through my mind until I couldn't take it any more and my eyes snapped open.

I dashed down the stairs, fury blinding me entirely. I had to have her attention; I was the one she should like. No, not like, love. I should be the one she noticed, not them, not any of them, they didn't deserve her. In my haste and anger, I didn't see the staircase move until it was too late, and the step that should have begun to take me towards the front door, instead took me plummeting to the ground 5 floors below. Searing heated pain shot through my arms and legs, making me scream out loud, and all of a sudden there she was, standing over me, with a worried expression on her face. I think that's when I blacked out, but even then, her face stayed with me, keeping me company in my solitude.

Sometime, much later, I regained consciousness, and through bleary eyes I could make out a face, her face, it had to be her face, it had to be. It was, but to my displeasure beside her stood her latest, her most recent, Ian something or other I think. It didn't matter, all that did matter was that she was so close to me, and I couldn't have her, I couldn't touch her face, or brush back her wild hair, like I had always wanted to. It was almost cruel, to taunt me with something I wanted so badly, and not to let me have it. She was leaning so close to me, so close that I could smell her perfume, a mixture of vanilla and roses and something else that I couldn't quite recognize. I longed to reach out and touch her, to make sure she was real, but I couldn't, not with him here, he ruined my chance.

Before I could even utter a word at all, he dragged her away. I'm sure that if he hadn't been here she would have stayed, with me, forever. Just my love and me, alone. Maybe that's when I realized what I had to do, to gain her attention, I'm sure that it was around then, but back to the point. I stayed up all night planning how I would do this. I knew I had to, and I knew it would work. I started to put my plan into action the next day when they let me out of the hospital wing.

When I woke up, I took my broom and a wrapped package and opened the window just enough to get out, but one of my dorm mates stirred and I jumped back to bed, until I was sure that they were asleep, then I snuck out the window and flew quickly around to the girls' windows, and searched until I found hers. Luckily for me, it was unlocked, and I opened it quickly. As I crawled into the room I was stopped by the sight of her, sleeping so peacefully on her bed, propped on her side, with her lips ever so slightly parted. I felt like I was in a trance, completely absorbed in her aura, without a care in the world, but as quickly as the trance came, I snapped out of it and went back to work. I carefully set the package on her desk, making sure it didn't break, or make a sound, and I untied the twine that kept it wrapped in the brown paper that it was covered in. The beautiful carousel came into view, with the white, flower adorned horses and the gold trim around turquoise jewels. It's perfect decorations almost shone in the light, it was exactly the right thing, but I didn't have time to dwell on that right now, I had to move quickly before she woke up for class. I set down a note, in her boyfriend's hand writing, reading over the directions to have her meet him at the astronomy tower at eight this morning, making sure everything was in order. Then, with the grace I came in using, I crept through the window and left to my next task, taking a similar note to her boyfriend, except in her handwriting, and requesting an hour earlier meeting time. Everything was set; I just had to wait for it all to unfold.

I arrived 15 minutes early, to make sure I didn't miss anything, and then I hid in the corner and waited for him to arrive. Suddenly, about 5 minutes later, I heard the door creak carefully open, and shut the same way. Ian walked in and found a chair to sit in; waiting for her, of course, but that wasn't what he got. In fact, he never saw her again, what a loss for him.

When he sat, I slowly crept from the shadows to behind where he sat. I raised my hands and hit him squarely on the head, to make sure he couldn't fight back, and then I did what I had fantasized for hours in my head. I killed him. Then I moved him off the chair and sat down to wait for her, I could almost see her now, at first she would be shocked, maybe a little dismayed, and then she would see the sense behind my actions, and the love that I had for her, and she would forgive me, no, thank me for what I had done, and she would be mine forever.

Things didn't turn out that way, however, she did come, and see and she sobbed for a moment, and then she saw me, sitting patiently in the chair, waiting for her. She saw the blood on my hands and my clothing, and she screamed at me.

"How could you do this? How could you just kill another human being like this?" she managed, through sobs. I stared at her in disbelief, how could she not see that I had done this for her, for us. And that's what I told her, and I told her that now we could be together forever, with out his interference, but she didn't see it the way that I did. She screamed at me again, and told me that she could never love a monster like me, that she never had, and she never would.

"You love me! I know you do!" I yelled, standing from my chair. "And if you don't I'll die! I know I will!"

"Fine, go ahead and die for all I care!" she yelled back at me. And so I did. I walked over to my knife and impaled the tender heart that she had all but ripped out and stomped all over in her sensible tennis shoes. I could feel my blood flow slow down to a trickle, and then stop completely, and the last thing I saw before I died, was her horrified face, unable to look away.