Hydra at Hogwarts

Chapter Four: Transformed

'Another round, please, Rosmerta.' Lily leaned on the bar in the Three Broomsticks. 'In fact, make that another Butterbeer as well,' she added, seeing Tonks enter the pub and trip over the small drift of snow behind the door.

'Coming right up.'

Lily looked around the bar, picking up a packet of Fresnip's Salted Flea Nuts ('The snack that bites back') and reading the Championship Chess league tables by the bottles.

'I see you're up to play Aberforth from the Hog's Head next week.'

Rosmerta filled a knobbly glass mug at a tap in the shape of a cow's head. 'Afraid not. He's disappeared. He hasn't been seen for a few days now.'

'Really? Has someone contacted the Ministry?'

'Apparently his family say he's always wandering off somewhere he shouldn't. They think he'll be back in a few days, turn up in a field somewhere, but until then, no game.'

'Well, if he's done it before, I suppose.' Lily looked thoughtful.

-

'I don't want to have to take your king.'

'I don't want him to be taken.' Lupin replied, scanning the chess board. 'Luckily, I don't think you'll have to. Knight to E6. Checkmate.'

'Damn you! I didn't see that one coming.' Lily looked ruefully at the board, where Lupin's Queen had the red King in a head lock. 'This firewhisky is excellent, though. Scottish?'

'From the banks of a loch in North Scotland. Rosmerta was kind enough to locate me a bottle.' he raised his eyebrows at her over the rim of his glass.

'I should have known.'

'Vector put in a good word for me-' Lupin's sentence was cut off. He looked down at the glass in his hand.

'Remus?' Lily ventured. 'What's wrong?'

He said nothing, but watched with a look of horror at his lengthening fingers, the pale skin of his forearm clouding over with short, dark hair. He looked up at her with terror in his eyes as pain wrung a cry from him. 'My potion! Get away from me!' the last words were slurred as his face changed, lengthening and darkening, the expression turning savage, highlighted by the moon through the window.

Lily pressed herself back against the wall as if hypnotised by the change overcoming her friend. 'What can I do?'

'Go!' the word was a growl, and with the last of his human thought fading, the Lupin-beast lunged at her. Lily sidestepped him and leapt for the door, scrabbling at the handle, every moment expecting the searing pain of claws on her back that never came. She opened the door and risked a glance back. The wolf shape was tearing at itself, slashing the stretched skin, a lanky canine body hunched on the rumpled floor rug. It suddenly looked across at her and surged towards the door, snapping its jaws. The last thing Lily heard was the thump of the body as it hit the oak door, feeling the vibration through her fingers on the door handle. Shakily, she took out her wand and sealed the lock. She walked swiftly off down the passageway to her rooms, not looking back but brushing the heel of her palm against the salt wetness on her cheeks.

She spent a sleepless night sat in the armchair by her fire, moving it closer to the grate as the embers burned down in the early hours of the morning. She was tired but sleep wouldn't come. She rubbed her eyes for the umpteenth time, dry from the steady fire heat, and checked the time. Half past four. Out of the window, the dawn light made pale outlines of the wood and the horizon beyond. Surely it would be over by now?

'Remus?' Lily knocked on his door, calling his name quietly. She unsealed the lock and pushed open the heavy door, her wand held out in front of her. 'Remus?' louder.

'Lily?' it was his voice, from his bedroom.

She slipped through the open door and couldn't suppress a gasp of shock at Lupin's appearance. He was stood at the washstand in worn pyjama trousers, his bare arms and chest lacerated with deep scratches, blood crusted around his nails. He didn't look up at her but carried on wiping at the scratches with a wet cloth, trying to reach those on his neck and shoulders. 'Remus, look at me.' He still didn't raise his head.

'You don't want to be here. I'll be fine. I'll see you later.' His voice was cold and wretched, finishing with a hiss of pain as the cloth found a long cut on his shoulder. She walked over and took the cloth from him, wringing it out in the water bowl. That close to him, she could see his face, haggard and streaked with red-brown where he had bitten through his lip. She turned and gently began to clean the marks on his back, dabbing on one of Madam Pomfrey's potions which coated the cuts with a skin-like substance, sealing and almost camouflaging them.

'I didn't remember my potion,' he muttered, unnecessarily. Lily kept quiet, but continued her work. 'I never would have wanted you to see that. Never.'

'Remus...I knew you were a werewolf. Seeing you change...what did you think, that I would avoid you?'

'You were in terrible danger. What if I had bitten you?'

'You didn't.'

'But I could have done, so easily. Don't you see - every night that I am alive, I endanger people simply by existing.' Despair made Lupin drop his usual calm, self-effacing reserve. 'I can never trust myself, can never...live with people - be close to people -'

Lily dropped her cloth and put her hands on his arm. 'Please -'

The bell for breakfast rang on its spring by the door.

'You should go. Don't tell people you've been with me. It's best.' Lupin turned away, putting on a clean shirt, easing it gingerly over the thin patches covering the marks.

Lily watched him in silence, then turned on her heel and left.

'Where have you been? Vector's finished off the bacon.' Tonks greeted her through a mouthful of toast as Lily slipped into place at the table.

'Something woke me up in the night and then I couldn't get back to sleep.' Lily didn't meet her eyes.

Tonks looked at her sympathetically. 'You're not worrying about your Newt students, are you? The Christmas exams don't really count, it'll be June you need to be concerned.'

'Mmm.' Lily made a non-committal noise and spooned her cereal into a bowl. The other staff chatted and discussed the upcoming Yule ball, in honour of the visiting deputation from the Ministry for the exam season. She couldn't get excited about it; all she could think of was Lupin's look of despair and the feel of his warm, taut skin under her hands.

-

'You know, I'm sure this is yesterday's scrambled eggs.' remarked Tonks, prodding her breakfast critically.

'It does look a bit-' Lupin broke off as a tawny owl swooped down past his face and dropped an envelope at Lily's place. She opened it, her grin at Tonks's squabbling dropping off her face as the colour was wiped from her cheeks.

'Lily?'

'It's from the Ministry.' she answered slowly. 'My partner, Murphy, he's been killed. A raid on the research facility he was guarding.'

'Hey, Lily, I'm so sorry.' The teachers murmured their condolences as she stood up.

'Excuse me.' She walked out of the hall, bending to speak to Dumbledore at his seat at the table.

'Of course, you must go.' he patted her hand on his shoulder. White-faced, she left the hall.

It was late in the day when Lily returned on her broomstick. She cleared the trees, looking with unseeing eyes over the forest and the great lake to the turrets of Hogwarts castle, the river valley, the covered bridge. As she sped closer, she saw a figure on the bridge hold up a hand in greeting. As she dismounted at the end of the bridge and walked along the passage, she saw that the man was Lupin, who had a tired smile for her. She walked slowly, heavily, her robes cold and damp and her face withdrawn.

Lupin looked sideways at Lily as she leant on the archway lintel next to him. She spoke, her voice faint and uneven.

'I've been to see Murphy's wife.' Lupin said nothing, but put his hand on her shoulder. As though it released her emotion, Lily's tears started.

'He was a good man, and he died doing his duty, his job he loved. But his wife - he's leaving her and his children, he loved his family - it was the most important thing-' She stopped to brush impatiently at her wet cheeks. 'He shouldn't have carried on. Being an auror is only any good if you won't be missed.' Her last words were bitter, but broken by a sob. 'His wife is beside herself, doesn't know what to do. It's criminal to leave her like that. Murphy was a fool to keep his job.'

Remus gripped her shoulder. 'Lily.' she looked up at him, her eyes red and her mouth set against angry tears. 'I know you don't mean that. Murphy had years of love with his family. Some people would gladly give their lives for less.' She covered his hand with hers. Shakily, he put his arm round her shoulders and pulled her to him protectively. He gave her a handkerchief. 'Do you really believe that any job is worth giving up love for?' he muttered.

'That wasn't what I meant exactly.' She pulled away. 'I must see Dumbledore. Excuse me.' Lily walked away down the bridge under the gaze of Lupin's lonely eyes.

'Nothing is that important,' Lupin muttered to himself, 'Lily, if you had only chosen me.'

-

A whistle blew.

'Shocking tactics! Penalty to the Ravenclaw Chaser!'

The two teams faced each other, hovering around the quidditch pitch as Madam Hooch blew her whistle again and separated the players. Lily and Lupin circled on their brooms around the outskirts of the pitch on court duty.

'Do you reckon they'll be much longer? I'm soaked!' Lily shouted over the noise of the rain on the spectators' canvas roof.

'No, Slytherin will batter them in a bit. It won't matter who gets the snitch, they're so far ahead.' He called back, eyeing the players above. At that moment, he ducked as the Slytherin seeker dove over his head, missing him by inches to seize the snitch.

They trooped back in relief, following the line of exhausted Ravenclaw and jubilant Slytherin.

'Look, why don't you come and get dry in my rooms? I'll get one of the house-elves to bring us up some food. '

'That sounds great.'

They walked along the corridors, dripping water, until they reached his rooms. The huge fireplace was already burning and Lupin spread their cloaks out to dry in front of it.

'So much for Proofwell's Impervious Treatment,' said Lily shedding her wet outer clothes, 'I don't know why I always try out these new potions.'

'You're welcome to borrow a shirt or something dry, if you want.' Lupin offered from the other room where he was changing his shirt and trousers. 'Here.' He threw her a towel as he came into the room.

'My hair takes ages to dry out,' she grumbled. Lupin came over to her chair and started to pat her hair dry with the towel. It was so familiar, so gentle, that she almost purred under his touch. She stood up and turned around, dropping the towel on the chair. 'May I take you up on that offer of dry clothes?' she said, and walked into his bedroom.

He picked up a folded shirt from a cupboard and stood in front of her. He moved over to her with it and kissed her, very briefly. He was about to move away when she stopped him, putting her arms around him. He wound his fingers in her hair and kissed her again, crushing her to him tightly. After a while, the bedsprings went glink as the fire burnt down late into the night.

In the morning, Lupin turned over in bed. Realisation of the night before made him rise up onto his elbows abruptly. Lily was nowhere to be seen. After a moment's thought, he realised she had gone to Snape's quarters to work on the potion.

'Snape, always Snape,' he muttered fiercely.