No Regrets

No Regrets

Draco,

I always get everything that I want. Everything. Fame, fortune, friends.... but I never expected myself to want this. This feeling of desire. This passion that I feel for you. But of course, you wouldn't know about it since I was too weak and afraid of your reaction if I told you. I'm not expecting to hear a response, or for you to feel the same way. I just need to say this, so please, bear with me.

At first, I thought I was just in a phase that normal teenagers go through. I never realized it would stick with me. But now, the end of our last school year at Hogwarts has arrived, and yet I still feel it. Still burning inside of me. This... this passion. This need for your warmth.

Some say that we Gryffindors are courageous, and that we do things bravely and boldly. But... I could never tell you about my feelings when we were still here at Hogwarts. I mean, for God's sake, I can't just declare that I have been thinking about you and have been in love with you for the past two years! No. I may be brave, but I have my pride. I would never tell you this personally. And since we won't be seeing each other anymore, I have decided, for my own piece of mind, to tell you the truth.

Yes, I'm in love with you. You don't have to say anything or do anything about it. I just need to assure myself that I have told you my deepest secret--that I've desired you since our sixth year. You don't need to make fun of me because it won't matter. And now that I have said it, I wish you the best of everything.

But before I end this, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for letting me feel alive every time you looked at me with your grey eyes. Thank you for letting me touch you when we fought. Thank you for letting me hear your voice every time you teased my friends and me. And finally, thank you for always noticing my presence.

Harry

Draco reread the letter for the third time. He didn't notice the knock on his door. He didn't even notice it was Vincent, who opened the door and was looking at him curiously.

"Draco? What are you reading?"

Draco looked up. His mind was still racing with questions. Questions that needed to be answered. And the only way to find the answers was to ask the person who sent this letter.

"Draco?" Not sure how to react. "Everything all right? We nee to go now."

Draco lowered his head and focused again on the letter. Ignoring Vincent, he stood up and walked passed him.

"Draco! The train will be leaving in less than an hour! Your things-"

"Go!" Draco shouted as he was almost at the portrait door. "Go without me, I have matters to attend."

"But your father-" Vincent stopped in mid-sentence as he watched the portrait door closed behind Draco.

~~~~

'I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't. That was stupid. I already decided not to tell him but why in gods name did I have to send that letter? I already hid it for two years, right? Why the bloody hell did I have to write that letter and give it to him?'

Harry looked up and saw the lake was at peace. It was a beautiful summer day and all of his friends had left for Hogsmeade to catch the Hogwarts Express. Everyone knew that Harry had to stay at Hogwarts since he had nowhere else to go. Besides, there was a war coming and he needed to be prepared.

He had declined Mrs. Weasley's offer since he knew that if the Death Eaters knew where he was, surely they would be killed. Dumbledore didn't want him to live at Sirius' house alone since there wasn't anyone to look after him. And of course, Kreacher would give him to any Death Eater if he were asked. Going back to the Dursleys didn't enter his mind at all. He would never step foot on that place again. So, Dumbledore had agreed to let Harry stay at Hogwarts until he was skilled enough to face whatever Voldermort or his minions would try to do to him.

He carefully picked up some smooth stones to throw at the lake. His chest started to feel pain as he reminisced about the time when he, Ron and Hermione were sitting at this very same spot, studying for N.E.W.T.s. But he knew they would be back, as would some of his other friends. They just needed to spend time with their family this summer.

After a few of the stones were thrown, he felt that someone was coming. He didn't turn his back since he knew it would be the Headmaster, telling him that lunch was being served at the Great Hall. He chuckled quietly as he thought that the Headmaster might ask him to share tea with him in his office afterwards.

As he felt the person behind him, he whispered, "I'm not hungry." He sighed as he readied his arms to throw the stones.

"Who said anything about being hungry?"

The stone in his hand fell as he heard the reply. He stood up and turned around so quickly that made him feel dizzy for a moment.

There he was. The man he had been in love for the past two years. The man he was still in love with.

'What is he doing here?'

"Malfoy."

Draco just smiled.

Harry's heartbeat quickened and he felt his face flushed. He hadn't seen Draco smile like that before. It was so... so genuine. So real. And he was honored that he was the first person to see him smile like that.

"So," Draco spoke as he waved the letter in Harry's face, "your secret's out, Potter. Is this a joke?"

"What do you think?" he mumbled as he turned around and looked at the lake. It was still calm.

"What do I think? Well, let me see..." Draco whispered as he stared at the back of Harry's neck.

"Why are you even here, Malfoy? You know you can't stay here." He was still looking at the lake and was trying to steady his heartbeat.

"You can't decide for me, Potter."

Harry turned around. "You can't stay here. You know the consequences if you stay here, even for a day. Once you miss that train, there's no going back and you know that!" he shouted.

Draco smiled again as he noticed Harry's face were hot and flustered. He knew it wasn't because of the weather. It was because of him.

"Potter, I am aware of the consequences and please, I can hear you quite well that there is no need to shout," he said as he sat on the bench where Harry was sitting a while ago. "I just need to clear this out before I make my final decision." He looked at him. "And that is why I am here. I need my questions answered."

Harry couldn't move. He wasn't ready for this. He had just sent the letter to let Draco know about his feelings, but the confrontation? No, he wasn't ready at all. How he wished he had his invisibility cloak with him.

"Are you there, Potter? Did you hear me? I need my questions to be answered and there's no time left."

Harry blinked. He blinked again. 'It's now or never, Harry,' he told himself. He took a deep breath and turned around. "What are your questions?"

Draco flipped the note to open it. "I know you said that you have feelings for me since we were in our sixth year. Why didn't you let me know?"

"Put yourself in my shoes," he answered curtly. "Would you have told me?" Still focused on the waves of the lake.

"Point taken." He paused. "What made you get attracted to me? Or should I say, love me?"

Harry closed his eyes and sighed. 'Bugger. Of all questions...'

He turned around and looked at Draco, who, surprisingly, was looking at him intently. "Everything, Malfoy. Everything about you." He sat down since he knew his knees would give up after seeing those gray eyes.

"Hmm..." Draco shifted his eyes on the note that he was holding. "What made you decide to tell me now?"

"Isn't it obvious?" He was getting annoyed but he didn't know if it was with Draco or with himself. "I know you won't stay and help me defeat Voldermort since everyone knows that there's a place for you in his circle. I just needed..." his voice trailed away, didn't know what to say next.

"Yes?"

Harry closed his eyes. "I told myself that I would never be at peace if I don't tell you. So, I just decided to let you know today since I know we won't see each other before the war." He opened his eyes and looked at the skies. "I just really wanted you to know. But I never expect this. This confrontation."

"Do you always predict people, Potter?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Not you," he made a shy smile. "You're unpredictable."

Draco smiled. "Do you still love me?"

Harry snapped his head towards Draco's direction and was surprised to see Draco was looking at him seriously.

"What?"

"I asked, do you still love me?"

"I..." He lowered his gaze and played with his fingers. "I... still."

"Still what?"

'Oh, why is he making this difficult?' he thought annoyingly. "I still love you." 'There, I said it. Good god! Did I just tell him that I love him?'

"Good." Draco folded the note. "That's all I need."

Harry looked at him. "That's all?"

"Uh huh. I just wanted to hear it since letters to me are very informal."

"What? Are you playing with me, Malfoy?" he shouted.

"Again, tone down your voice, and no, I am not playing with you." He stood up. "Come on, we're missing lunch." He looked at him.

Harry stood up, flabbergasted. "What do you mean we're missing lunch? Don't you have a train to catch?"

"Are you really this thick, Potter? What do you think my decision is?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

Draco sighed. "First, we have to drop the last name bit. You call me Draco, I'll call you Harry." Harry was still mute and was blinking rapidly when Draco continued. "Second, we need to tell the Headmaster that I'm staying and he might need my help for this war." He raised his hand to stop Harry from speaking. "Let me finish, Pot- uhm, Harry." He smiled. "And third, I get the right side of the bed."

Harry jaws dropped. "What? I mean, you're staying?"

"Looks like it."

"Why?"

"Because!" Draco was getting irritated. Like Harry, he hated to be the receiving end of confrontations.

"No, not like this." Harry sat down again and looked at Draco. "You have to tell my why. Why you have decided to stay?"

"Oh bloody hell," Draco swore and Harry couldn't help but to smile a little, though he hid it by lowering his head.

"Because I feel the same way. There! I said it. Happy now?"

"No," he said as he raised his head. "I need to hear it. It was too informal."

"Don't mock me, Potter!" He gritted his teeth.

"It's Harry. Hey, you made the rules, you know."

"You know what it means!" Draco shouted.

"I said, I need to hear it and Draco, there's no need to shout. I can bloody hear you from here." He looked at him and smiled.

Draco narrowed his eyes as he looked at Harry. 'How dare he smile like that at me? That smile... so breathtaking...'

Harry tilted his head, indicating Draco that he was waiting for his answer.

Draco sighed as he closed his eyes. "I love you, Harry. I'm in love you too."

Harry stood up and moved closer to Draco. "Since when?"

Draco opened his eyes and looked at Harry's lips. "You have no idea."

"Try me," he said as he came closer to brush off Draco's hair from his face.

"Since you caught that blasted Remembrall of Longbottom's."

Harry grinned. His heart was doing somersaults. His fingers were tracing Draco's jaw line. "Draco?"

"Yeah," he whispered as Harry's lips and his touch mesmerized him.

"Can I..."

"What?" He looked at those green eyes and could sense that it was burning.

"Can I kiss you?"

"I was just thinking the same thing." He smiled at him.

They locked gaze for a moment, then both leaned slowly, closer to each other, until their lips had touched.

Harry closed his eyes as he cupped his hands on Draco's face while Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, closing his eyes as he was savoring this moment. Both mouths were open; letting their tongues explore the sweet and warm taste of the other.

They broke the kiss slowly and let their foreheads touch. Both were gasping for breath and smiling at each other.

"You should have said something sooner, Harry."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because," Draco said as he kissed Harry's lips lightly, "I was scared of your reaction."

"I know," Harry whispered. "But I have no regrets of telling you."

Draco grinned. "Yeah, no regrets of staying either." And they kissed again.

End