Chemicals React

Chemicals React

My eyes fluttered open as the sun streamed in. The clouds shifted and my London flat was once again cast into gloominess.

I urged myself to wake up and proceeded in getting up and getting dressed. The routine was the same, brush teeth, wash face, change clothes, brush hair, apply makeup. Within fifteen minutes I was done.

I then sat down to eat my breakfast. With that chore out of the way, I left my flat and went outside.

The sky was a mixture of clouds, letting the sun rule for a few seconds and then moving to cover it up again. The grass outside the porch was a new green, showing nature pushing the winter out to live once again.

The green of the grass reminds me of someone I love...loved. The green of his eyes, still twinkle with happiness in my mind's eye, which is how I remember him.

The past few years were horrible and it is a result of these events that my life is how it is today.

Sixth year was hell for me, without Harry there, as well as Ron and Hermione being there sometimes and sometimes not. I was made Prefect, but even this fact was bittersweet. One third of the school hadn't shown up for the next term, yet a person who I had expected to never see again, was there.

Draco Malfoy turned my sixth year upside down, in more ways than one. His story was that he had barely escaped the Dark Lord's clutches and wanted to seek refuge with the Order. Professor McGonagall and the others had let him come back to school and also protected him from the Death Eaters during the summer before school.

Whenever I saw him walking the corridors, I couldn't bear to even look at his face. Because it was him that everything was so wrong now.

It was because of him that Professor Dumbledore had died and now Harry had no guide to help him and had gone on a wild goose chase to find the remaining Horcruxes. During that summer after Dumbledore's death, my dad had died, trying to fight a Death Eater who had come close to Malfoy's trail and in the end; he lost his life. For that alone, I would never forgive him.

That year was the most depressing year of my life. I had my friends, but even then, a thick blanket of depression had covered the school and showed no sign of leaving until He Who Must Not Be Named left the world, once and for all. Students immersed themselves into their studies and laughter seemed like a sin in the school at all.

Day to day, I lived my life in the hope that Harry would soon defeat the Dark Lord and I would be with him again and the world would come out of it's reverie.

One day, that year, Professor McGonagall called a meeting with the Prefects and Head Boys and Girls. Two Death Eaters were reported to be near Hogwarts grounds, near Hogsmeade, so Professor wanted us to make sure that all students were in bed as well as to help patrol the school.

While Professor explained this all to us in an old Charms classroom, I stood glaring at Malfoy, wishing to burn him with my eyes alone, who had been made Head Boy.

His eyes though were vacant, as if he didn't even see me. His eyes were still vacant when he got paired with me to patrol the school.

I muttered and mumbled, wanting for him to feel the same pain that I felt, but he was quiet as we walked the corridors.

As we walked the deserted school, running into Professors and other prefects and Heads, I could feel the hatred vibrating from my body. It was a surprise that he couldn't feel it.

"I hope you're happy," I muttered, hoping that he would hear me. Fortunately or unfortunately (I don't know which) he heard me.

"Excuse me?" he said, raising of his brown eyebrows at me. It was strange, his hair was blond, yet his eyebrows were brown.

"I said I hope you're happy."

"Happy to be paired with you? No, I'm not," he said. I was shocked. This was the first time I had ever heard him talk in his 'normal' way. Usually, whenever people talked to him these days, he was silent and would utter a few words of approval, but other than that...

"No, that's not what I meant," I said. "I hope you're happy that your friends are here."

"Friends?" Again with the eyebrow.

"Yes, you're dear Death eater friends," I spat. "It's your fault that they're here. It's your fault that Harry's gone searching for Horcruxes, without Dumbledore's help. It's your fault that Dumbledore's dead. And it's your fault that my father died!"

His cool grey eyes met mine. "I know you hate me, but..."

"Hate you?" I laughed and then said, "I loathe you Malfoy! There is nothing I wouldn't do to..."

"Kill me?" he asked. "Go ahead."

"What did you say?" I asked him, confused.

"Go ahead, kill me. If it makes you happy, go ahead," he said, without seeming unnerved.

When I didn't speak, he said, "Exactly. That's what I thought."

He then continued walking ahead, while I walked behind him, confused.

"So you don't regret it? Any of it?" I demanded him, standing in front of him.

When he looked at me, I saw something unreadable in his cold eyes. "I regret everything, every single day and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life."

"But I thought you wanted to be a Death Eater."

He moved his robed up his arm and showed me the Dark Mark that he had been branded with. "That whim I am paying for to this day. What would you know about the Dark Lord and how he manipulates?"

"What would I know?" I asked. "I don't know... but I think I might have an inkling, after he bloody possessed me!"

He raised his eyebrow. "I forgot."

"Lucky you," I said, tears forming in my eyes when I realised how similar this conversation was to one I had had with someone else.

"The Dark Lord used me. I thought I was in control, but he was. The whole time, he was just toying with me. I wanted power, I wanted to be the one that people were afraid of, respected..."

"If someone's afraid of you, doesn't mean they respect you," I pointed out.

He rolled his eyes at me. "I know that. Now."

"Just because you wanted that power, people's lives have been lost!" I screamed at him. "Doesn't that mean anything to you? Because of you people have died! But why would you care? You have a cold, black heart that has no room for anything but darkness."

"You're not the only one who lost someone, you know," he said, his voice steely. "My mother died trying to save me. My father's soul has been sold to the Dark Lord. You're wrong. I don't have a black heart. I loved my mother."

To that I couldn't say anything, so I kept walking. Our patrolling finished ten minutes later and after that I trudged to my dormitory.

After peeling of my robes and donning my pyjamas, I closed my eyes and waited for sleep. But sleep wouldn't come.

Instead my head was filled with the things Malfoy had said to me. He sounded as if he was in a lot of pain and if he really did regret what he had done. But I couldn't forgive him yet.

Over the next few months, I saw more of him, on occasions that were dire. We didn't speak to each other in the beginning, but as the months passed on, we talked a bit more.

He was someone that understood the You-Know-Who, just like I did. I had been possessed and he manipulated in the worst of ways. We were an odd pair, but it didn't matter.

One day, Malfoy finally apologized about my father.

"I'm incredibly weak," he told me. "It's your side that's strong."

"What do you mean?" I asked him. We were in charge of decorating the Great Hall for Christmas and during this time we conversed.

"Your side fights for what they believe in, I couldn't even do that. I'm a coward and so I ran away. I ran away, instead of facing my fears, to a place where I was almost certain I'd be safe. But my safety came with a price and that was other people's lives."

I turned and put up the wreath of holly that was in my hand. It was better not to talk about it, I thought. This was the first time that he sort of apologized about my father's death. He hadn't said any names, but I could tell he was sorry about everyone's deaths.

"But you're not weak, Weasley, you're stronger than anyone I've ever met," he said, facing me, his grey eyes saying something.

"Me?" I laughed. "How?"

He shrugged, a smirk playing about his lips. "Well you seem you to think you're strong. You never shed a tear when your father died, or when Potter left. You hold it all in and give hope to others."

"Are you becoming soft, Malfoy?" I asking, jesting.

The moment of seriousness gone, he smirked. "Not on your life, no."

Pointing to the mistletoe he had just put up, I smiled and said, "Should I call Pansy, Draco?"

"No thanks," he said, laughing at me.

The rest of the day was spent jokingly as we joked with each other. It was much easier to spend time with him, than I thought it would be. Our pain bound us together and the jokes relieved us.

A couple weeks later, on New Year's Eve, right before midnight, I had made my way to the Astronomy Tower. There was a lot of commotion downstairs in the common room with everyone screaming and getting ready for the New Year, but I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, and nothing else.

I stared up at the cloudless sky, where the stars twinkled and winked like diamonds. I then started searching for the planets that I loved to look at dearly.

Mars I spotted easily, since it was the brightest and continued searching for the other planets when I heard footsteps behind me.

I whirled around to face Draco Malfoy.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded at the same he asked me the same question.

"Just looking at the stars," I answered. "What about you?"

"Too much noise downstairs," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah..." I mumbled, tucking a loose curl behind my hair. I was looking at my shoes when Malfoy cleared his throat.

I looked up to see his eyes. They were glowing, in the night's light that was coming from the moon and something clutched my heart there for a second.

"Listen, Ginny..." he trailed off. That was the first time I had ever heard him use my name. "I am sorry."

"Sorry?" I said, looking up at him. There was something in his eyes I couldn't read, something unknown there.

"About your father. That day, I went to Diagon Alley because I received a note that was signed by my father and your father came after me. It was a trap of course, but he saved me from it and died himself. I'm sorry," he said in a small voice.

Suddenly I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I felt as if I had gone under water and my voice was gone, because I couldn't think of anything to say to this.

This was the first time I had ever witnessed Malfoy doing anything humane and that was apologizing to me. And he also called me by my first name.

"Malfoy..." I started to say.

"Call me Draco," he said, looking into my eyes, for the first time that night.

Something then melted inside of me, as he stepped closer and closer and...

Suddenly his lips were on top of mine and they were soft, pulling me in deeper into the kiss. My resolve to break away, immediately was broken as he pulled me closer to him, the heat of his body mixing into mine.

Our bodies were closer together than ever before and his arms traveled all over my body and so did mine.

Finally after about a minute, we had to break away.

"Ginny," he murmured, holding me close. "Come with me?"

I nodded and he led me to the Room of Requirement, where a huge bed awaited for us.

He pushed me gently onto the bed, and began kissing me again with passion as he began undressing me. My heart had begun to pound as I realised what was going on.

Twenty minutes later, I lay in his arms, both of us without any clothes on.

"Ginny," he whispered into my ear. He twirled my red hair around his finger, around and around...

There were tears in my eyes, but I didn't let them fall. I waited until he fell asleep, put my robes on and then snuck out of the room silently.

My heart thudding and feeling as if I would never be able to breathe properly, I ran to my common room and then dormitory as fast as I could.

As soon as I was safely behind my bed curtains, did I begin to cry properly. I had promised Harry that I would wait for him, but I hadn't. I had gone ahead and moved on without him. I had betrayed him in the worst way possible.

The truth was that there was nothing between Malfoy and me anyways. It was just that moment where I was weak and needed someone and he was there.

I don't love Malfoy, I told myself over and over again. I don't love Malfoy.

I don't love Malfoy.

I don't love Malfoy...

"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic, Ms. Weasley," said a voice in my right ear, shocking me back to reality.

I blinked and then realised that I was standing in the Ministry of Magic telephone booth, waiting to go to work.

The booth's door's slid open and I walked out, memories still flooding my head.

After that fateful night, I had ignored Malfoy the next day and for the next school year. I had seen him searching for me in the corridors, but I had turned away and walked away to one side, ignoring the look in his eyes and his eyes themselves.

I never spoke to him again and never saw him again either, after he graduated and went on to do whatever it was that he had wanted to do.

That summer Harry sacrificed himself to defeat the Dark Lord and I was left alone again, with only his memories with me. I had been saving myself to spend the rest of my life with him, but in the end he sacrificed his life to save me. He died in my arms, with his blood dripping everywhere on me. Blood that was filled with love.

Hermione and Ron got married a year after graduating from Hogwarts and I felt more alone than ever before.

I had forgotten about the incident between Malfoy and me as I pushed the grief of losing Harry on top of the pain from that night.

It was four years later now and I was twenty. I had spent two years training to be an Auror and now, finally I had come here, my dream finally realised.

It was my first day of work and I was excited to devote my time and energy to defeat those Death Eaters, who were trying to revive the Dark Lord, in honour of my dad and family.

I was to go to Office B on floor 3, and so I made my way there.

As I entered the office, with people hustling and bustling around, I felt as if I froze for that second in time. And then as if things were moving in slow motion. No sound reached my ears except the clicking of one person's shoes on the tiled floor.

He came to stand in front of me, looking as if I had never left him sleeping on that bed. He was wearing black dress robes and his hair was still blond and still falling over one eye. But it was as if he was moving too fast, while I stood there, unable to move.

Draco Malfoy extended a hand out to me. "Hello Ms. Weasley."

I felt as if I couldn't breathe in that second, everything behind him, all the people walking around, walked around slowly, their words not commuting to my brain. My breath caught in my throat.

Were you right?

Was I wrong?

Was he right to kiss me? Was he right to take me to the room? Was I wrong to leave him there? Was I wrong to ignore him after that night?

Were you wrong?

Was I right?

Was he wrong think I could be his, after so much had happened? Was he wrong not to come after me? Was I right to leave, not explaining myself? Was I right to kiss him back?

These questions and thoughts flitted through my head, as I slowly extended my hand towards his. The answer, was still not clear. Neither of us was right or wrong.

Were you weak?

Was I strong?

Was he the weak one? Was I the strong one? He was weak to run away, to think others would fend for him. I was strong to take him in for that night, wanting to help him.

Were you strong?

Was I weak?

He was strong to apologise and accept his mistakes. He was strong to want to change. I was weak to run away, to not accept what was happening. I was weak to ignore him, thinking he'd leave.

We're both strong and weak, I realised. We both had our strong and weak points. It's what made us different.

By running away, I showed that I was weak. Weak to accept the truth, that there was something between us. I was weak to see that something small could have turned into something more. I was weak to deny it, to try to hide from it. I was weak to deny how I felt inside.

By running away, I had thrown any chance of something with Draco Malfoy, away, far away.

We were both broken, in one way or another. We were both marred, traumatised by one thing or another. Of our past. Neither of us was the innocent. I had watched the love of my life die in my arms, his blood staining me, while he had the death of several people on his conscience.

But I begged God to not let me lose this chance away. Don't let me lose it. Don't let us lose it.

Again, we were caught in a moment, as time stood still for us. In slow motion still, my hand inched a bit more closer to his, almost touching it, but not quite yet.

His grey eyes once again were saying something to me. The year that we had known one another, he was always trying to communicate something to me, but I never understood.

Today they dared me to touch him, to not run through the door I had come from, to shake his hand back. They told me that he forgave me for what had happened four years ago. And that he hoped I hadn't forgotten him.

Colours swirled around in front of my eyes.

Twinkling, blue the colour of my dad's eyes when he smiled, red, the colour of my hair, being twirled around Draco's finger, red the colour of love filled blood, green, the colour of the lush grass, the colour of Harry's eyes, grey the colour the sky turned before a storm, the colour of Draco's eyes, all swirled together.

I buried the green, deep inside, and gently pushed the blue down, but not that deep, now letting the red and the grey mix and swirl together into they were one, never to separate ever again.

"Call me Ginny," I said, shaking his hand, as the world came back to normal pace and my ears heard the sounds of people chatting.

This is what happens when chemicals react...

Chemicals React

you make me feel out of my element
like i'm walkin' on broken glass
like my worlds spinnin' in slow motion
and you're movin' too fast

(chorus)
were you right, was i wrong
were you weak, was i strong, yeah
both of us broken
caught in the moment
we lived and we loved
and we hurt and we joked, yeah
but the planets all aligned
when you looked into my eyes
and just like that
the chemicals react
the chemicals react

you make me feel out of my element
like i'm drifting out to the sea
like the tides pullin' me in deeper
makin' it harder to breathe

we cannot deny, how we feel inside
we cannot deny

(chorus)
were you right, was i wrong
were you weak, was i strong, yeah
both of us broken
caught in the moment
we lived and we loved
and we hurt and we joked, yeah
but the planets all aligned
when you looked into my eyes
and just like that
the chemicals react
the chemicals react

kaleidoscope of colors
turning hopes on fire, sun is burning
shining down on both of us
don't let us lose it (don't let us lose it...)

(chorus)
were you right, was i wrong
were you weak, was i strong, yeah
both of us broken
caught in the moment
we lived and we loved
and we hurt and we joked, yeah

we lived
we loved
we hurt
we joked
we're right
we're wrong
we're weak
we're strong
we lived to love

but the planets all aligned
when you looked into my eyes
and just like that
watch the chemicals react
and just like that
the chemicals react
(the chemicals react)