Lost Without You

Lost Without You

All I know is I'm lost without you

I'm not gonna lie

How am I gonna be strong without you

I need you by my side.

Remus Lupin was lying on his bed, staring at the dog-eared photograph in his hand, while the words to a Muggle song he had heard the day before ran through his mind. The lyrics seemed to relate so well to the way he was feeling right now...

Remus Lupin was grieving. It was now a whole month since Sirius' tragic death, and no matter how many times Remus reminded himself that dying in battle was how Sirius would have wanted to die, it didn't make the pain any less. Remus almost smiled at the irony of the situation; Sirius had been a member of the Order of the Phoenix, an organisation with people that risked their lives every day...then he was tossed into Azkaban; thought a murderer for thirteen years, before escaping and living on the run. Then he'd been found by Dementors, and almost given the kiss, then escaping. Then he'd been caught, before escaping again. Then - just as things were starting to look up - he'd died. After all he'd been through, all that he'd survived, he'd died. It seemed almost like an anti-climax.

Can't make the pain just go away...

Can't stop the tears from running down my face...

Tears filled Remus' eyes as he watched a fourteen-year-old Sirius poke James in the back before pretending it had been Remus. All three of them had smiles on their faces; Peter was taking the picture. Remus flipped onto his back and stared hard at the white ceiling, trying to quell his tears. Why did Sirius have to be taken now? When Remus had only just got him back?

Remus' mind shifted from the image in the picture to other times...times so intimate he would have been embarrassed if he owned a picture portraying them. He remembered waking up in the middle of the night, Sirius at his side, squashed against the red and gold hangings of his Gryffindor four poster bed. He remembered time and time again, hauling Sirius further onto the bed, stopping him dropping off the side and wakening James and Peter.

Remus smiled as he remembered other times...sneaking off under James' cloak to the kitchens for a candlelit midnight meal for two...that time in the empty charms classroom, not quite as empty as they had first thought...

James had been great. He'd found out about Sirius and Remus in their fifth year, but he'd kept their secret to the grave. Remus knew he'd never even told Lily. All those times James had left his Invisibility Cloak at the foot of his bed, with a cheeky wink at Sirius, meant so much to Remus. They never had told Peter. Maybe that was what had driven him away...

Baby now you're gone...

I admit that I was wrong!

Remus' smile disappeared, and a frown took its place as he remembered the not so good times. Their first ever fight had been awful. It had started off as mild disagreement and had grown into full-blown war. The Marauders hardly talked for weeks; Sirius off planning pranks with James, Remus burying himself in homework and tutoring Peter on Charms. Looking back, Remus could see just how petty it was, but at the time it had seemed a worthwhile cause. As if Sirius not doing homework, and landing himself in detention five times a week could ever merit the lost time. Sirius had pulled his socks up after that though, and no detentions left the couple with more time for other activities...

Remus turned over again, and slipped the tatty photo under his pillow. He sighed, and still in his clothes, dropped off to a nightmare filled sleep, of Sirius disappearing forever...