Sweet and Sour

Chapter Three: The truth about Harry (and Sirius)

Harry stared out at the ocean, getting lost in his thoughts as he listened to the waves crashing against the rocks. This was where he felt at home, with nature's fury. He chuckled dryly to himself. It would be back to begging again, but somewhere else. Somewhere far away where no one would find him, where he would be just another nameless beggar and not the fucking Boy-Who-Lived. He hated that title more than anything else, and when Malfoy had used it - he shuddered.

Malfoy. When he saw him today, for the first time in years, it brought back to too many memories. And then the flashback - why, of all times did he have to have one in front of Malfoy? Was the universe out to get him? His fingers pulled the switchblade out of his pockets and stared at the silver blade. Was it back to this again? After the years of torture, he had gotten used to pain and it took so much for him to feel anything. He pulled up his tattered sleeves and looked at the wide array of scars already there. Most of the scars on his arms had been self-inflicted in his aimless wanderings after they'd finally released him, unlike the ones that marred his back and legs. How long had Malfoy said it had been? Eight years? He sighed and closed his eyes and he pressed the knife into the soft skin of his arm. Draco's voice echoed in his head, 'You can't run forever, Potter.'

He smirked as he drew the knife across a second time. They had no clue what had happened, what that victory had cost. They'd lost so many - Dumbledore, Neville, Flitwick, and Sirius among them. There had been so many more, he was sure, but Sirius' death had hit him the hardest. It was one that had haunted his nightmares and flashbacks often. It had been in December of his seventh year, Dumbledore had decided to have another Yule Ball to raise the students' spirits....

//Flashback//

"Harry, could I talk to you for a moment?" Lupin said over the noise of students filing out of the classroom.

Harry stopped in the middle of his conversation with Ron and Hermione regarding the upcoming potions exams and turned to face his DADA teacher and godfather's husband. "Sure thing. I'll see the two of you at lunch."

As Ron and Hermione left, Harry turned back to Lupin, "What is it?"

Lupin smiled as he organized his books and notes, "Just thought you'd like to know that Padfoot's coming up for the Yule Ball. The Ministry relented and let him have the weekend off."

Harry broke out into a grin, "Remus, that's great! Oh, wait till I tell Ron and Hermione! You have to make him wear dress robes too, I want him fully embarrassed!"

Lupin smiled at the grinning boy, "Honestly, I don't know which one of you is worse sometimes."

Harry simply grinned. "At least I have the cleaner record."

With that Harry ran down to the Great Hall to meet up with Ron and Hermione and tell them the good news. The past two years since Sirius' name had been cleared were wonderful. Harry no longer had to live with the Dursleys and shared a cottage with Remus and Sirius. The Ministry wasted no time in putting Sirius back to work, employing him once again as an Auror. Sirius' skills often put him in the front line and Harry would often join Remus for tea to calm down when they hadn't heard from Sirius in awhile.

For Harry, the days until the Yule Ball flew by quickly and the next thing he knew he was letting Hermione straighten his robes.

"It's not going to stay down," he said as he tried to push her hands away from his hair. He turned to face her and smiled, "Have I told you that you look beautiful today? Ron will fall over when he sees you."

Hermione smiled as she smoothed down Harry's collar, "And I'm sure Ginny will love you as well. I should go see what's taking her so long-"

"Flirting with my girlfriend, Harry? I thought stealing my sister was enough," Ron called as he came down into the common room, walking up to Hermione and giving her a peck on the cheek. "You look stunning, Hermione."

Hermione blushed as she turned around and looked at Ron. "You look great yourself, Ron, but I should go see what's keeping your sister."

Ron just looked up as Hermione rushed upstairs towards the girls' dormitories shouting Ginny's name.

Harry turned to Ron, "I'm so glad Fred and George decided to get you a new set of dress robes for your birthday that were actually in a normal color. Considering the last ones they got you were that horrid turquoise."

"Don't remind me, Harry. At least those didn't have the ruffles on them. Did you hear, Malfoy's apparently going to be wearing the family robes today, all frills included!"

Harry and Ron broke out laughing at the thought of Draco Malfoy in lacey robes but they were quickly interrupted by Hermione's voice. "The least you could do is call him Draco. You know Dumbledore taught us that Draco's fighting on our side."

The boys groaned simultaneously.

"But he's Malfoy," Ron protested. "It would be like calling Snape Severus or something."

"Besides," Harry added, "The day he calls me Harry, I'll call him Malfoy."

"Sorry I took so long," Ginny called as she appeared at the top of the stairs, dressed in pale blue robes.

"Gin-"

"Wow."

"I told you guys she'd look beautiful," Hermione commented to Harry and Ron before turning her gaze back to Ginny. "You look wonderful. Now come on so these two can finally close their mouths and we can all get going to the ball."

Ginny smiled as she came down the stairs and took Harry's arm. "Cat got your tongue, Harry?"

"Gin, you look... beautiful..." Harry managed to get out as his green eyes took in Ginny's appearance.

"Enough drooling, boys. We're yours for the evening so let's go," Hermione said as she took Ron's arm and headed out of the Gryffindor common room. Harry offered Ginny his arm as the followed them out and towards the Great Hall, which was decorated as usual in a phenomenal fashion. Candles danced in the air as snow fell from the ceiling, sparkling and catching the light, giving the appearance of tiny crystals or diamonds. The four Gryffindors finally seated themselves at a table with Dean and Seamus as the feast began. Harry looked around for his godfather, but only saw Lupin sitting at the head table with an empty seat next to him. Excusing himself from Ginny and the others, he headed up to the faculty table.

Lupin saw him coming and stood up. "Still no sign of him?"

"What time was he supposed to get here?" Harry asked.

"He told me he'd be here this afternoon, so that we'd have some time to- er..."

"Right," Harry quickly answered before a worried expression crossed his face. "You don't think anything's happened to him, do you?"

"Harry, this is Sirius we're talking about. The Ministry probably held him up on some last minute business, after all he's-"

Lupin was cut off as the doors to the Great Hall flung open and a someone or something sent in a fireball to explode in the center, instantly catching the attention of all assembled and casting a silence over the entire room. Dumbledore rose quickly from his seat, wand at the ready, followed by all the professors. Fear gnawed at Harry's stomach as he pulled out the wand. He didn't want to fight, not here, not now. This was supposed to be special. Him and Ginny, Hermione and Ron, Sirius and Prof. Lupin - they were all supposed to be together at Hogwarts for the Yule Ball, enjoying themselves in Harry's last year.

"Happy Christmas, Harry Potter," a chilling voice echoed unseen through the Great Hall with a cold laughter causing students and teachers to look around nervously for the source. "And may all your Christmases be bright!"

Another fireball of some sort was launched into the room, dropping a dark object on the floor just in front of the head table, and there gasps from the students at some of the closer tables.

'No!' Harry screamed mentally as he recognized that the lump on the ground was actually a person. It couldn't be. He ran over to the lump and vaguely heard Lupin running behind him. McGonagall called for them both to be careful and Dumbledore was dismissing the students to their houses under the care of their prefects. Harry fell down on the ground and pulled back the black piece of cloth before letting out a blood-curling scream. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

All movement stopped before Dumbledore's voice broke the silence once more. "All students will proceed to their houses led by their prefects. They are to remain there until further notice. I suggest you do this calmly and quickly."

Hermione looked to Dean, the other Gryffindor prefect and he nodded, calling Gryffindor students to him before leading them towards the tower, leaving Hermione, Ron and Ginny standing in the Hall.

"Siri..." Harry's voice softly called as the he ran a shaking hand along his godfather's battered face. The body was mangled almost beyond recognition, the defiant steel grey eyes and long black hair being one of the few characteristics that identified the corpse on the floor. And the tattoo. Remus gently pushed aside the black shirt on the body revealing the shoulder where a faint thin white scar was still visible underneath a complicated Celtic knot tattoo. Remus and Sirius had gotten matching ones when they had renewed their vows the summer after Harry's fourth year. Deep cuts ran down Sirius' face, revealing the muscles underneath. Dried blood matted the once soft hair and burns were visible over Sirius' body along with numerous broken bones. Sirius Black, head Auror of the Ministry of Magic, who had defeated numerous Death Eaters, survived and escaped Azkaban, was dead. The worst part was his eyes.

Harry remembered that Sirius had once told him always watch your enemy's eyes. They'll tell you what he's going to do, eyes are the windows to the soul. Harry bit his lip when he looked at Sirius' eyes, which were still open. They betrayed the pain and agony along with Sirius' characteristic defiance. Harry choked back a sob as he felt Lupin's arm around his shoulder. He was vaguely aware of people moving around him, but none of that mattered as he threw himself down on his godfather's body and began to sob. They had tortured and killed him, taking away one more part of Harry's family.

//end flashback//

Harry drew the switchblade across his arm again as he heard a noise. He looked around quickly to see a thin mutt from the street padding around on the rocks looking for food. He bit his lip. Every dog he saw reminded him of Sirius, and of the times in his third and fourth year when he'd snuck out to go see Snuffles. He clenched his eyes tightly and dug the switchblade deeper into his arm, trying to make the emotions go away. Damn Malfoy! Damn him for ruining it all! He'd gotten close to forgetting about all those times before things had changed, before the final battle had ruined everything. Before the torture had begun.

He remembered the final battle like it was yesterday. There was no way he could forget because it haunted him constantly, nightmares and flashbacks, every time he closed his eyes, he saw it.

//flashback//

"Well, well, well, Harry Potter, we meet again," Voldemort said, chuckling as he pointed his wand at Harry.

"It's over, Voldemort, you're army's destroyed and you're going to die."

"Ah, dear Harry, always thinking so simply," Voldemort answered smiling. "CRUCIO!"

Voldemort smiled as Harry's body went into convulsions and he screamed. "You don't understand, Harry. It never ends, I never end. Expelliarmus!"

Harry's wand shot out of his hand and he was helpless to try and retrieve it while Voldemort kept the cruciatus on him. Great, now he had to face Voldemort without a wand. Focusing his energy he broke the cruciatus he was under and managed to throw a stupefy curse at Voldemort. Snape and Lupin had been teaching him how to use his magic without a wand as well during the last year as one of the various forms of preparation. The curse didn't knock Voldemort out but it did cause him to stagger backwards and drop his wand. The battle lasted for over another hour - the Dark Lord and the Boy-Who-Lived fighting each other with wandless magic, which was draining them both. Harry wondered briefly where everyone else was and why no one else had come to help him out but figured it was one of Voldemort's tricks to guarantee a one on one battle between the two of them.

"Don't you ever give up," Harry called from the ground after banishing Voldemort into a tree. "You've never been able to beat me!"

"And you've never beaten me, Potter, so why should I bother giving up? I'm just waiting for you to slip."

"And I'm waiting for an apology from you, so neither of us will get our wishes," Harry jibed as he gathered his energy as best he could. He would need it for this. "It ends now."

With that Harry cast the final curse of the battle in a language that hadn't been spoken for thousands of years. It was a curse that had been forgotten about for the most part, and Harry had come upon it through sheer luck. The cursed destroyed any creature's body and soul - thereby eliminating Voldemort's possible comeback. There was a chilling scream as the curse hit Voldemort, and light surged through him before he fell limply to the ground. Harry stumbled backwards from the recoil of the spell and fell to the ground, spotting Voldemort's wand not too far away. Reaching for it, he snapped it in two, ensuring that it would not be used again.

That was when all the trouble began. Three seconds after Harry's hand had touched Voldemort's wand, he felt the familiar tug through his bellybutton of a portkey and dread filled his mind. His last portkey experience with Voldemort had been horrible and he didn't expect any better this time around. He felt himself hit a solid stone floor and he winced from the impact as enchanted barbed wire wrapped around his arms and legs to restrain him. He struggled against the bonds and felt them tighten in response, the barbs digging in and drawing blood.

//end flashback//

That was when the torture had begun.

It started out simple - whips and knives slashing and digging into his back, some unseen force controlling it all. And then came the hot oil, and flames, scorching him and making him scream louder, until he lost his voice and realized there was no point to screaming anyways. No one would hear him. And time dragged on in his giant windowless torture chamber with bread and water appearing before him every so often. His skin had started to grow around the barbed wire when the routine changed. A new variable was added to the torture - rape. The first time Harry was raped was the last time he ever screamed. After that, all the blood meant nothing. It dragged on forever. Torture, rape, torture, rape, occasionally food and maybe even sleep, but never for too long. He did whatever he could to focus on remembering who he was and trying to escape. It got worse as time went on, each consecutive torture session causing more permanent physical and mental harm, weakening his resistance.

He drew himself out of his thoughts by digging the switchblade deeper into his skin as the mutt padded over to him, investigating the scent of blood. Harry turned and looked at the dog before staring out at the ocean. Maybe he was holding onto nothing. But Malfoy had said - fuck Malfoy! Fuck them all! They hadn't rescued him when he needed it, they didn't know, they could never know what he'd endured, and what he'd done to survive afterwards. The Harry Potter they knew and loved died a long time ago.

He stood up shakily, weak from the blood loss, and made his way out to the edge of the rocks. It would be better this way, easier. They'd find his body, and it would be over, once and for all. With that he jumped off the rocks into the angry surf, the white foam washing off the blood and the salt stinging at his wounds.