Can't Be Held Responsible

It was snowing again at Hogwarts. Bragolampawen always loved the snow. Every winter she would count the days the snow would fall down on the place they called home. She used to say it made such a dreary old place look somewhat like a beautiful castle. She said it made her feel like a princess to live there. She said he was her prince. Her prince...she said.

Draco looked away from the window. He got out of the bed he was forced to sleep in. He stepped on the cold floor wondering why a carpeted floor could still feel so cold. He walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He was growing tall; his hair, he had cut most of it off in his fifth year and spiked it now. His face was pale as normal and his tattoo was aching. He lifted his shirt to look at it, a dragon it was. Bragolampawen had convinced him to get it. She had gotten a skull and cross bones on her stomach because her name meant "maiden of sudden doom", his meant dragon. It was obvious which tattoo he should get, she had told him.

More memories popped into his head; more thoughts and feelings. Regret was a main one. His father told him to never cry because crying meant you regretted something in your life, and no son of Lucius Malfoy was going to regret a thing he did.

"Oh Father, if you only knew," Draco thought to himself. He went back to his bed. Looking at his watch he noticed it was only 5:00, so he lay back down. Remembering Bragolampawen, silent tears finally formed in his gray stormy eyes.

When I was young I knew everything

And she a punk who rarely ever took advice

Now I'm guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor

Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

She used to love sneaking into classes that Professor Binns taught. She would come in and sit silently and wait to see if he even noticed she wasn't ment to be there. She figured if she got caught, her excuse would be "I was in A class." Draco chuckled through tears. One day he had skipped Professor Binns class and he ended up with a detention. How was it she went double the times to the dead professor's class and never got even a warning?

It was a mistake what they did. It wasn't right and he had known at the time. She was Harry Potter's girlfriend; the boy who freaking lived! How could he do that? Some may say, "How could he not do that?" Draco may have listened to his father about being rude to Harry, but he was a classy guy. He never cheated on a girl. He believed in abstinence and he always treated girls like they ruled the world. That was probably why she was drawn to him. He treated her the way she wanted to be treated; Harry didn't. Harry wasn't mean to her; he just never acted like she was the world to him. She was the world to Draco. He never told himself that but deep down he believed it. He told himself it was just a fling, just lust. It wasn't, but who is to know that now?

I can't be held responsible

'Cause she was touching her face

I won't be held responsible

She fell in love in the first place

Every guy at Hogwarts wanted to date Bragolampawen. She was the hottest girl in school. She had perfect brown hair down to her waist. She had the best body anybody could have ever seen. She had curves that could make Britney Spears jealous; perfect hips, and a perfect stomach. Draco also liked the girly parts of her. He used to say, "I've been graced with the presents of the perfect C-cups!" every time she wore a revealing shirt.

She was such a flirt; you couldn't tell what guys she liked because she loved to flirt with the whole lot of them. Slut would not be a word to describe her though. She was a subtle flirt, a playful flirt. She was a virgin and she could pull off the Hogwarts uniform mighty fine. Draco loved to see her in it. Apparently, so did Harry. In their fifth year he had asked her out and the news got around quick. They were Hogwart's Hottest couple.

It made Draco laugh, remembering the first day they really met. It was snowing, how ironic. Draco had taken a walk around the lake because he thought it looked beautiful all frozen over. Yes, Draco Malfoy thought something was beautiful. She was looking out on the snow when he walked back into the castle. She stopped him in his tracks and asked casually what he was doing out on a cold day like that. One thing led to another and they were making out in a random dungeon. Who said Snape couldn't decorate? From that day on they couldn't stop looking at each other. It was hard keeping it a secret.

For the life of me I cannot remember

What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise

For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins

We were merely freshmen

One day, Draco saw Bragolampawen and Harry walking by the same lake he had thought was so beautiful. Suddenly it became wretched and ugly. Suddenly he didn't want to see it anymore. Suddenly he despised the lake. It was just a lake, but now it was Draco being beaten at something. Now it was Harry winning the race, winning the quidditch game, winning the girl. Draco knew that they were dating, that's why he convinced himself it was just lust.

In potions that day he had spent so long looking at her that he messed up for the first time ever. Snape had tried to cover up his mistake by saying that Potter had stuck something in his potion. Of course everybody believed Snape and everything was just jolly. The fact that Draco Malfoy was entranced by a Gryffindor, was not something anybody could convince themselves so they didn't even try. They just accepted the tall tale Snape told.

When Draco remembered all these Happy and sad times, one thing stuck out. They were so young; only fifteen, not old enough to know anything about life and love, and lust even. They were children, playing in the playground. They couldn't possibly be smart enough to realize what was going on. Harry sure wasn't he didn't even know.

That's why when she killed herself, it had surprised him so.

My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her

His girl took a week's worth of Valium and slept

Now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor

Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

They weren't friends, Draco and Harry, but after that incident, they understood each other. Both had wanted the same girl. One had her, the other had her as well. The funeral was sad. Many people came from all over; Bragolampawen's father was an assistant to the minister of magic so everybody knew their family. Draco came with his family in fact. His father had told him it was the cordial thing to do, and Malfoys were cordial.

Harry left Hogwarts that week, that week after. They say he traveled far and wide in search for something. Sounds familiar. No, he didn't delve into the dark arts. He did become rather depressed. Draco missed seeing her even more and more now. He was starting to feel guilty. He shouldn't feel guilty he told himself but he did.

I can't be held responsible

'Cause she was touching her face

I won't be held responsible

She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember

What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise

For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH," Draco screamed at no one in particular. It was three years and still he missed her. It was three years and he hadn't wept yet. Now he was, oh yes, he was. He wiped his eyes on the soft blanket atop his bed. He got up once again noticing he wasn't going to get anymore sleep that night. He went once again to the bathroom and showered. He got out and wrapped a towel around himself. He looked yet again in the mirror and yet again at the tattoo.

It still hurt. It wasn't his only tattoo, but his only muggle one. Right at the bottom left hand of his stomach. He had another one at the bottom of his neck. It was black, and it said Slytherin. He got that one with Crabbe and Goyle the summer after fourth year. His father was happy to see it. Truthfully, Draco had been drunk. None-the-less he thought it looked cool, so he kept it. It was a wizard tattoo; they didn't hurt and were easily removed. Unless that tattoo was the dark mark.

Draco lifted his right arm and looked at the forearm. It was bare and pale of course. Of course they swore seventeen year olds into the Dark Side, but they hadn't sworn Draco in because he didn't want to be a death eater. As always, they tried convincing themselves it was just a phase. So, they waited and waited till the day Draco was to come running to them begging to become a Death Eater. That day was never going to come.

We were merely freshmen

We've tried to wash our hands of all of this

We never talk of our lacking relationships

And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor

We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say

One day Draco had been walking around the lake before sixth year had ended. He found Harry there. He didn't comfort him, but he wasn't his normal rude self. He approached him.

"Hey, Potter, care for a race?" Harry turned to face him amazed and replied, "What are you waiting for?" before stripping down to a pair of shorts magically and jumping in. Draco did the same and dived into the icy cool pond. This was Draco's first time in the lake, but Harry's second. Draco lost the race but kept on swimming. He felt as if he were cleansing himself. It was by the lake he had first met Bragolampawen, and it was by the lake he had first been jealous because of Bragolampawen.

Looking at himself still in the mirror, Draco started to cry even harder. " don't do this Malfoy, it wasn't your fault, she was touching her face! You can't be held responsible!" He told himself silently.

Back in the 6th year he had moved out of the normal dormitory saying that he needed more room to study. His father, being who he was, had gotten Draco his own room. He was glad for that. Sometimes Draco hated his father, sometimes he was just happy to have somebody who would do things for you. No matter who you were.

I can't be held responsible

'Cause she was touching her face

I won't be held responsible

She fell in love in the first place

Draco punched the mirror as hard as he could. Shards of broken glass pierced his arm and hand. Blood spouted out but he didn't care. He broke through every mirror in the bathroom. Mirrors reminded him of the lake. The frozen lake, the beautiful lake, the deceitful lake. He didn't even try to wash the blood from now both of his arms. He just let them bleed.

He screamed out to anybody that would listen, " SHE FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!" Nobody listened. Thanks to Draco's "loving" father, nobody could. Thanks to Draco nobody could. So he screamed some more. He cursed and he walked back into his bedroom. He looked at his bed. Covered in Slytherin's silver and green. No red, he noticed, no red. So he punched and ripped up his covers; because the green reminded him of Potter's eyes. The eyes that Bragolampawen had looked into and decided she loved the owner. The eyes that won the race, the eyes that won the quidditch game, the eyes that won the girl.

He looked out the window next. He threw his broomstick out the window. He threw his blood onto the snow. He wanted to destroy the snow. It made him think of Bragolampawen. It made him think of the castle that Hogwarts posed as in the winter. It made him think of His princess, and her prince; his dead princess, and her mad prince.

For the life of me I cannot remember

What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise

For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins

We were merely freshmen

" I CANT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE!!!" Draco yelled out for the second time to mid air. He looked out at the blood on the snow. He turned around to look at the blood on the bed, he saw through the open door the blood on the bathroom floor. He took a knife and started cutting at his stomach. At his Dragon tattoo. He took the blood and with his wounded finger started writing, " I can't be held responsible" on his walls. Behind his door he wrote, "She was touching her face." On his bathroom door he wrote " for the life of me!"

He took his wand and broke it in half. He wouldn't need it where he was going. He wouldn't need it when he was with Bragolampawen. He wouldn't need it when he won the race. He wouldn't need it when he won the girl. All over the walls he was writing and writing. Messages for those who would dare to look.

He opened his wardrobe and took out his clothes. His quidditch uniform was soon ripped to shreds and red splotches covered it. His school uniforms were not long after a shaggy mess. His dress robes were now looking like a Christmas card, all green and red. He took every article of clothing he owned and threw them out the broken window, to the snow. Ruining the snow once more. Then he looked at the pure silver carpet in his room.

For the life of me I cannot remember

What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise

For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins

We were merely freshmen

We were merely freshmen

Draco took what was left of his life and his blood and wrote in giant letters "I CANNOT BELIEVE WE'D EVER DIE FOR THESE SINS" on the carpet, the cold carpet, before taking his last breath.

We were merely freshmen