The Last Marauder

Coping

Later, Harry could hardly tell how they had gotten through the next days. Sirius didn't talk very much and refused to eat. Harry could also tell that he didn't sleep very much and whenever he fell asleep, he woke up again screaming for Lupin.

'He's not going to get through this. Not if he's continuing like that.' Harry thought to himself as he stood in the kitchen and cooked broth and tea.

He would force Sirius to eat something even if he had to threaten him, he would not watch his godfather starve himself to death.

"Harry?" It was not Sirius for it was a female voice and it came from the living room. Harry curiously stepped towards the fireplace.

"Mrs. Weasley? I'm so glad to see you. How are you doing?"

Molly Weasley's upper part of the body could be seen in the fireplace and she shook her head.

"You don't need to ask me how I'm doing. Would it be okay if I apparated?"

Harry nodded. "Sure."

Mrs. Weasley's head vanished and a short moment later she apparated in the living room. She gave Harry a short smile and then hugged him tightly. Seeing his puzzled look she explained.

"Albus has lifted the Anti-Apparition Spell for a while so that I could come here. Harry, how are you doing?"

Harry raised his eyebrows. "I don't know. Not fine, I think. Sirius is a complete mess and I don't know what to do for him."

Mrs. Weasley nodded.

"Dumbledore asked me to look after the two of you. I would have come before but Arthur told me to give Sirius some time to calm down. Why don't we go into the kitchen, drink something and you tell me what's weighing on you."

"Okay. I just made some tea."

They sat down on the kitchen table and Mrs. Weasley took Harry's hand into hers. "Tell me."

"Actually there's hardly anything to tell. Sirius doesn't sleep, he doesn't eat and he hardly talks. I wanted to force him to eat some broth before you came here."

"And how do you feel about it?"

Harry shook his head.

"Bad. I hate seeing him like that, but there's nothing I can think of to make him feel better. Nothing. I don't know what to do. I don't allow myself to think about what has happened to Remus. I liked him a lot." Harry's voice broke and he started crying. Mrs. Weasley got up and took him into her arms.

"Shhh, it's okay. Nobody expects you to be stronger than you are. But I'm sure it already helps Sirius that you're here. He has not had you around for so many years, and Merlin knows we were all so horribly wrong about him."

She held him for a while until Harry felt a little better. Mrs. Weasley gave him an encouraging smile and sat down again.

"Ron wanted to come along with me, but I told him that he would have to wait until Sirius and you were doing better. But he sends his best wishes, all the family do."

Harry nodded. "Tell them I appreciate it. I'd like to have Ron around some time in the future. I intended to invite him to stay for a while, but now...maybe you can bring him over in a week or so, not for long, only an afternoon...I think it would be good to talk to him."

Mrs. Weasley nodded. "Today won't be the last day I look after you. I intend to come every second day and have a look at you, the household and whether Sirius is about to starve himself or not. If that's okay for you."

Harry smiled weakly. "Yes, it is. Normally, I really like having Sirius around but the situation at the moment is more than difficult. I don't know what to say, what to do, I always think that whatever I say or do, it might be exactly the wrong thing."

Mrs. Weasley nodded. "Don't think too much. It mostly is of no use in those situations. Oh, Sirius."

Mrs. Weasley rose and turned towards the door. Sirius was standing there and he was not looking very well.

He had not shaved since Lupin's death, there were dark shadows under his eyes and he already looked gaunt after three days of grief. He was leaning on the doorframe for support as if he was not able to stand on his own.

Molly stepped towards him and said something, then before Sirius could react she embraced him just like she had embraced Harry. She was a lot smaller than Sirius but it was obvious who was holding whom in that case.

She let go of Sirius and talked to him in a quiet voice for a while. Sirius nodded. Mrs. Weasley turned around towards Harry again.

"I will come back the day after tomorrow. If there's something you need, don't hesitate to ask. Or call me whenever you need somebody to talk to."

Harry nodded. "Thank you Mrs. Weasley."

"Call me Molly please. And make sure that your godfather eats something." She turned towards Sirius and gave him a stern look. "He looks as if he could do with something to eat."

Sirius gave her a weak smile, then they bid their good-byes and Mrs. Weasley disapparated.

Sirius sat down on the kitchen table and Harry placed a bowl with broth and a cup of tea in front of his godfather. Sirius sighed and took up his spoon.

"Nobody can disobey Molly."

"Sirius, how are you doing?"

Sirius shook his head. "Don't ask. Not very well. I feel so...empty. Yeah, that's the right word. I see no need to get up in the morning, no need to eat, no need for nothing." He looked at his godson, a sudden wave of guilt crossing his face. "Harry, that doesn't mean that I don't care for you, it's just..."

Harry raised his hand and gestured Sirius to stop.
"I understand what you mean. It's okay. Just eat something now, please."

Sirius nodded and slowly started eating.

The following weeks were a constant up and down.

Worst of all was the funeral. Dumbledore had arranged it, Sirius had not been able to do that. He had even refused to attend the funeral at all, but Harry had forced him to go.

Though Sirius had never said it, Harry knew he regretted that he had not been able to attend his parent's funeral.

Lupin's funeral took place a week after the attack on Lupin's cottage, the Ministry had refused to release the body earlier.

Harry rose at seven that morning, took a shower, prepared breakfast and went to wake Sirius. His godfather was already sitting up in his bed and stared at the wall again.

"Sirius, get up now. The service will start at ten and Dumbledore will be here at nine. You need to get dressed, and please eat something. I don't want you to collapse during the funeral."

"I won't because I'm not coming."

Harry shook his head, opened Sirius' cupboard and took out his godfather's best black robes.

He threw them onto the bed and gave Sirius a stern look.

"You will get up now, take a shower and dress while I make breakfast. I don't want to hear anything about not going to the funeral anymore.

I know that it's hard for you, it is for me as well. But you will surely regret it later on if you don't go. Do it for Remus, please."

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed. "Okay." It was hardly more than a whisper, but Harry heard it and nodded.

"I'll be in the kitchen."

When Dumbledore apparated at nine he found Harry and Sirius in the living room. Harry was reading the Daily Prophet and Sirius stared at the wall.

"Good morning. Sirius, how are you doing?"

Sirius focussed his gaze onto the headmaster.

"Oh, I was just thinking about the slogan for my next party. How about 'Become my friend and face your death'?"

"Sirius!" Harry threw the paper onto the table, but Dumbledore raised his hand and quieted him.

"I'm sorry Sirius, I shouldn't have asked. I know that this is hard for you. You won't have to take an active role in that funeral, nobody expects you to make a speech or something. I just wanted you to know that.

But...surely the press will be there, despite every effort of the Ministry. Well, every effort of Arthur Weasley, because Fudge couldn't care less. The Daily Prophet will be there and surely some magazines. I could imagine quite well that they will focus on Harry and you, I just want you to be prepared for that"

Sirius nodded.

Harry rose. "How about a cup of tea before we leave?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Thank you, that would be fine. I'll join you."

When they were in the kitchen, Dumbledore addressed Harry.

"How is he really doing?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know, he doesn't talk that much. Most of the times it feels as if he was the child and I was the adult. I have to force him to eat, and if I want to talk to him he just stares at the wall."

He shrugged his shoulders again.

"And you Harry? How do you feel?"

"Exhausted. I can't do that for good. He's just so unlike the Sirius I knew. He has not earned that. Nearly everybody he loved has been taken from him, and now that he finally has the chance to lead a normal life, Lupin's gone as well. It's not fair.

Mrs. Weasley helps a lot, thank you for asking her to come. I can talk to her, she understands. Maybe she'll bring Ron along next week, if Sirius is okay with that."

Dumbledore nodded.

"Harry, don't overestimate your power please. If you need something, or somebody, just call Molly or me. We'll do anything to help you and Sirius to cope with this situation."

Dumbledore handed a small bottle to Harry.

"What's that?"

"A Dreamless Sleep Potion. Sirius looks as if he needs sleep."

"I already asked him to take some, but he says he doesn't want to be drugged."

"Then pour it into a cup of tea. He really needs sleep."

Harry nodded.

"Thank you."

He handed a cup of tea over to his headmaster.

"Professor?"

"Yes Harry?"

"Does the Ministry have any clue about who did it?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "No. It could have been any Death Eater, there was no trace leading to anybody in particular."

They drank their tea in silence and then went to attend the funeral.

They apparated inside of the church, which normally was not allowed. But considering the circumstance that the press was already waiting outside of the church Dumbledore thought it to be the best solution. He wanted to keep the press away from Sirius as long as possible. They sat down in the front row on the left side where they were joined by the Weasley family and Hermione shortly after.

Despite the fact that Lupin had had very little friends, the church was full. Many people had come out of curiosity because Lupin's death had been in the papers for the entire week. But also many Hogwarts students were there. Lupin had been the favourite teacher of many of the students.

And the entire Hogwarts staff was present, even Snape.

The funeral itself was nice, if such a word is suitable for a funeral at all. It was very personal and quiet.

Dumbledore made a short speech about Lupin, then the priest did the service.

Worst of all was the march to the graveyard. Six Aurors were carrying the casket out of the church and Harry, Dumbledore and Sirius followed it. The Weasleys were walking behind them.

The moment they left the church Harry heard the sounds of the cameras that took pictures of Remus Lupin's last escort. There had been only one reporter in church, and he had taken his pictures before the service had started, therefore he hadn't disturbed Harry that much. But now he felt the urge to shout at them, to scream that they should leave them alone.

Instead, he tried focussing on the casket.

Dumbledore had chosen a quiet place under a birch for Lupin's grave. The priest finished the service and threw a shovel of earth onto the casket which had been lowered into the grave.

All eyes were now focussed on Sirius as he stepped towards the grave and Harry decided not to let Sirius go through his alone. He stepped beside his godfather and took his hand. Sirius tightened the grip as if to thank Harry and then threw earth onto Lupin's casket. He handed the shovel to Harry who did the same. They stepped back and watched everyone else repeating their action, still holding on tightly to each other's hand.

Harry hardly noticed the people passing by, shaking his free hand and expressing their deepest sympathy to him. He knew that he must have nodded his head and said his thank-yous, but couldn't remember it at all. He only remembered Hermione hugging the both of them, but that was all.

When everybody was gone to the small after funeral ceremony, Harry and Sirius remained standing in front of the grave, hand in hand, each lost in his own thoughts.

After what seemed like hours, Sirius spoke.

"Shall we leave? I want to go home."

Harry nodded and they turned towards the exit of the graveyard, where they found Ron. He had obviously been waiting for them.

Harry had had no possibility to speak to him so far and gave his godfather a questioning look. Sirius nodded, and Harry went over to Ron who immediately embraced him.

Sirius stepped aside, he knew that this was important for Harry and had no intention to interrupt his meeting with Ron.

After a couple of minutes, Harry and Ron went over to Sirius. Ron looked at Harry's godfather and Sirius knew that he wanted to say how sorry he was but could not find the words.

Sirius just nodded and hugged his godson's friend.

"Ron, I just want you to know that it is okay if you come to our place with your mother. If Harry wants to have you around, I surely won't object."

"Okay, thank you. You surely want to go home now and I should be leaving as well. Good bye Sirius. Harry."

They nodded their good-byes and Harry took Sirius' hand and disapparated with him.

As soon as they reached their house, Sirius stormed towards the bathroom and Harry could hear him throw up the little breakfast he had had that morning.

Harry made him a cup of tea and poured the Dreamless Sleep Potion Dumbledore had given him into it. No matter what Sirius said about not wanting to be drugged, he needed sleep now.

He took the cup into Sirius' bedroom and made sure he drank all of it.

Sirius sank back onto his pillows.

"You know Harry, if you had asked me to drink that potion, I would not have refused today. You needn't have put it into the tea."

"I'm sorry, I just wanted you to get some sleep."

"Don't be sorry." He took his godson's hand. "Thank you for what you did today. Thanks for not letting me alone on the cemetery."

"I couldn't. Now sleep. I'm downstairs if you need something."

Sirius closed his eyes and Harry left the room.

The following weeks dragged on.

Sometimes, though very rarely, Sirius seemed to be doing rather fine. Then he wanted to distract himself, he went off flying with Harry or tried to help him with his homework. During those times he ate normally.

But then there were the times when Sirius was more than depressed. Those were days when he refused to leave his room, didn't eat and hardly spoke.

Mrs. Weasley came to see them and look after the household three times a week, though there was hardly anything to do for her because Harry distracted himself by cleaning the house.

But she was somebody Harry could talk to when Sirius was deeply depressed again.

Twice she brought Ron with her after having called Harry through the fireplace before she apparated.

Ron only came along when Sirius was doing relatively fine and Harry was glad to see his friend again.

So far, nothing had been found out about the identity of the Death Eaters that had killed Remus Lupin.

But there was something else that was worrying Harry. It was the last week in August, he would have to leave Sirius in nearly a week. Who would look after him if he was gone?