The Last Marauder

Fighting

Three days later, Sirius apparated in Remus' kitchen. His friend had asked him to come over for tea, he had only said that he wanted to talk to him. Sirius didn't like the idea of leaving Harry alone, but eventually he had seen that Harry was no child anymore and could very well spend an afternoon at home alone. His physical wounds had healed completely and Sirius trusted Dumbledore's protection around his home enough to leave his godson for the afternoon.

He stepped into the kitchen where Remus was busy preparing tea.

"Hi Moony."

Remus turned around.

"Oh, hi Sirius. Tea?"

"Well, you asked me to come over for tea so - yes."

He sat down on the kitchen table and waited until Remus had put the teapot, cups, milk and sugar on the table and sat down himself.

"So what is it?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "What is what?"

Sirius sighed. "Don't play stupid with me Remus. If you had wanted to have tea with me you'd simply have come over to my place. You wanted to talk to me and I want to know about what."

Remus helped himself to some tea and thought about the right way to put what was on his mind.

"I have been at Hogwarts this morning."

"Well, you teach there again so that's nothing unusual."

"Dumbledore has asked me into his office. Said he wanted to talk to me. Fudge was there as well.

Sirius, why didn't you tell me that Fudge offered you your old job again? And - more important - why didn't you tell me that you refused?"

Sirius slammed his hand down onto the table.

"Why do Fudge, Dumbledore and you talk about me behind my back?"

"Calm down Sirius. We've not been talking behind your back, they only wanted to know whether you told me. None of us can imagine why you did refuse. Being an Auror was...well, it was what you did best. The Ministry needs good Aurors now with all the fracas Voldemort and the Death Eaters are creating and you were one of the best."

Sirius stared at a point behind Remus' ear.

"I don't want to. Not with those people running the Ministry. Fudge is the incarnation of incompetence and the people he gathers around him are not better. People like Arthur Weasley don't get a chance. It took them more than a year to admit that Voldemort is back and now that they have allowed him to crowd his followers around himself they suddenly call it 'most urgent' to do something against him."

"So what do you intend to do? Walk around on your own with your wand in hand and hunt Voldemort? Without concept, without planning, without help?"

Sirius said nothing but sipped his tea. Finally he spoke.

"I'm tired Remus. I've been on the run for three years, I just want to lie low for a while. And there's still Harry. I have to look after Harry."

Remus shook his head.

"Harry will be at Hogwarts in less than a month and won't return until Christmas. That's a very lame excuse Sirius. He's safe at Hogwarts and you know it."

"Oh yes, Hogwarts is the safest place. So far he has only had to cope with Voldemort disguised as his teacher, a mountain troll running amok in school, a squib as DADA teacher who wanted to erase his memory, a basilisk, a young Voldemort who wanted to kill him and Ginny Weasley, another DADA teacher who enrolled him for the TriWizard Tournament in which he nearly got killed and had to aid to Voldemort's rise to power. Did I forget something?"

Remus breathed out heavily. This was going to become very difficult.

"He's as safe as he could be. He has a talent to get himself into trouble like in the case with the troll, and he often refuses to tell the teachers when he stumbles across something unusual, you know that. But he's safe there. He's under the protection of Dumbledore..."

"Ah yes, Dumbledore. I forgot about him. Of course he only wants the best for Harry. Maybe that's the reason why he sent him back to the Dursleys every summer until they nearly killed him."

"Sirius, you're twisting the facts and you know it. Try to be reasonable."

"I am. Hogwarts is not safe and Dumbledore has failed to protect him more than once. Besides he has other things to do, he can't focus on Harry's safety alone. I have to do."

"And how are you planning to do that?"

"I'll move to Hogsmeade during term. That way I can be near him whenever something happens."

"Sirius, you're nuts. Have you told Harry about that? No? Well I think I know his answer. NO. He really likes you a lot but he would not want you to give up your life because of him. You need something to do, something to distract you. You're behaving like a hen!"

"I'm only trying to protect my godson! Nobody else seems to be able to, so I do it."

Sirius got up and started pacing the kitchen. It was obvious that he was angry now, Remus knew. He sighed.

"I know that you only want the best for Harry but what could you do? If you were living in Hogsmeade and something would happen at Hogwarts, well, by the time you would notice and arrive at the castle it would already be over. Just for once in your life, be reasonable.

It is important that the Ministry does everything possible to hunt down the Death Eaters and track Voldemort. You are right, Fudge is as incompetent as one can be but exactly because he is, we need to have people working for the Ministry who know what is at stake. People who know what needs to be done. People like you.

I know that Harry's safety is important, but other things are important as well.

Maybe you don't want to hear it but you can't have things your way all the time. You're so stubborn and it would be a lot easier for you if you'd start thinking from time to time."

Sirius stopped pacing and looked at Remus.

"What exactly are you talking about?"

"For example your little rescue-operation. Storming off alone, taking Harry and turning his uncle into a toad. There would have been other ways."

"You have seen Harry, haven't you? They have been starving him! He must have lost more than fifteen pounds in only four weeks! He's not been allowed any contact with me or with his friends! And they hit him! He's had a broken rib, his left eye was black and swollen and he had welts on his back! If you hadn't hindered me, I would be really guilty of murder right now! I had to take him out of there! And I didn't go alone, you went with me!"

"No I went after you, that's a difference! I went after you to prevent you from cursing those muggles.

Listen, I don't say that it was wrong to take him out there I simply say that there would have been an easier way. You could have talked to Dumbledore, he could have lifted the spells. Apparate in, take Harry, apparate out. But no, Mr. Black wanted his personal revenge!"

"Oh, is it that what we're talking about? Listen, after all they've done to Harry during the past years they had earned it!"

Now it was Remus' turn to become angry. He stood up and placed himself in front of Sirius.

"You never think about consequences that's your problem. You didn't think about possible consequences the day you took Harry away. The Ministry could have refused to give him into your care after you had cursed his uncle! They could have sent him back! But no, you had to do it.

Just as well you don't think about consequences now. You want to play Harry's bodyguard for the next year without thinking that there are more urgent things that need to be done. Done by people who know what they're dealing with because otherwise they could go horribly wrong! But no, you leave it in the hands of Fudge to do them.

You always state that you want what's best for Harry, but have you ever asked him what he thinks about your idea?

You'd have done if you'd really care about him!"

Sirius grabbed the front of Remus' robes and yelled at him.

"Obviously I am the only person who really cares about Harry! Dumbledore considered it enough to keep him functioning and you...you don't even know what it's like to have someone to care for! How do you dare to judge what I do?"

"Sirius!" Lupin stared into Sirius' blue eyes. "That's enough! You know that I'm as concerned about Harry as you are, but everything that relates to him always has an effect on others as well. He still is Voldemort's main aim, and we have to keep that in mind. He needs to be protected and everything is done to protect him. And while he is at school this protection does not involve you whether you like it or not! You have other things to do, you have to go back to work and help the Ministry find Voldemort. Concerning Harry you're too emotional and you know it!"

Sirius now lost control and pushed Lupin back against the wall.

"I am too emotional? Do you remember where I spent twelve years of my life? Azkaban! Do I really need to remind you of what emotions do to you if you're imprisoned there?"

"Maybe you should start telling me for you have never talked about that time!" Lupin now pushed Sirius back as well. "If you like keeping a miraculous man, continue it. But if you have a problem with what I just said, then spit it out!"

"I do have a serious problem with what you just said, believe me. I've scraped my living there for twelve years, more dead than alive. And every time I allowed myself to think about something happy from the past, to think about Harry, James, Lily or about you, they sucked it out of me! I was punished worse than you can imagine for every single attempt to remember something happy! I tried to kill myself twice, but they didn't even allow me that salvation!

And while I went through this, you just continued living as if nothing had happened! You had your normal life and you could remain as happy as you wanted in the belief that it was all my fault!

Tell me Remus, how easy has it really been to believe it? What did you think the moment they told you that I had betrayed James and Lily? Oh, let me guess: you started hating me with all your might and clung to that thought for the rest of those twelve years without even the will to make up your own mind about it!"

It happened so fast, Sirius had no time to react. Lupin's hand hit his face so hard that he was thrown back. He held his own hand to his face and when he removed it he relized that his nose was bleeding.

Lupin stared at Sirius and the amount of anger and even hatred in both pairs of eyes was unbearable.

"You've gone too far, Sirius! It's not my fault that you did never talk about your time in Azkaban before, but don't ever dare to assume what I've been through after James and Lily died! NEVER! And now leave, before I loose the last bit of control I have over myself. GO!"

"You've had the easiest time of us after James' and Lily's death and now you dare talking to me like that. That's not the Remus I knew. The Remus I knew would not try to blame others for the fact that he never made up his own mind!"

He looked into Remus' eyes but the normally warm golden-brown orbs showed not a single friendly emotion.

"If that is really what you think, then I don't want to see you again. Never."

He looked away and just pointed his hand towards the door. He was breathing heavily.

"You get this back Remus, I promise. I don't know how I could have been so mistaken in a person. You, of all the people I know! You make me sick!"

Sirius turned around and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. When he had left Lupin's cottage, he disapparated.

Remus sunk down on a chair in his living room and buried his head in his hands.

What had gone wrong? Why had this conversation taken this nasty turn? He had just wanted ask Sirius why he refused to pick up his old job again.

Of course, he had been more than happy for Sirius when his trial had ended with the judges announcing him innocent. Nobody had earned it more than Sirius. And he had thought a lot about the time during which he had believed that his closest friend was a murderer. But he had not been prepared for such a conversation at all.

He already was sorry for having slapped Sirius.

But he had to think of something else. Tonight was full moon and it would be only an hour or two until the moon would come up. Then he would transform into a werewolf. He should go and check the wards around the garden shelter in which he locked himself up during his transformations.

Remus sighed and left the cottage through the back door.

Sirius had been in a miserable state when he returned from Lupin that night. Harry looked at his godfather in disbelief.

"Have you had a fight? What happened to your nose?"

Sirius went straight into the bathroom and returned moments later, pressing a wet tissue against his nose.

"Nothing. Don't worry."

"Sirius. I know that something's wrong, so why don't you tell me?" He gave Sirius a concerned look that arose painful memories in him. Sirius sighed. That boy was so much like James, it really hurt sometimes.

"I have been brawling with Remus. We didn't share an opinion, got into a fight, said things we didn't mean to say, he slapped me. Really, I don't want to talk about it."

"Go back to his place and talk to him."

Sirius shook his head.

"Would be of no use. It's full moon tonight, and you can't argue reasonably with him when he's a werewolf. Don't know why."

He smiled shortly. "And you? How are you doing?"

"I'm fine Sirius, like I told you yesterday, and this morning when I got up, and an hour ago when you asked me five times whether it was okay for me if you left me here for an hour. I'm doing fine. Really Sirius, you don't need to behave like a hen."

"I was only concerned about you. Two weeks ago you didn't look very good. You were only half-conscious when I arrived at your room and didn't even recognize me at first!"

"I'm really thankful that you rescued me. Believe me. It's just...I'm not used that somebody is there who's really interested in me. I still have the feeling that I have to behave as if I wasn't there. And you obviously have no experience in guarding somebody, so you exaggerate a little. Give us some time to find a middle way, okay?"

Sirius nodded. "Sure. We have all the time we need, I'm not used to that fact as well. I feel that I have to do everything immediately, in case that there's no time for it later. But let's quit that.

What do you want to do tonight?"

"Well, I would advice that you clean your face and change your shirt. You look like a vampire who's not been taught to eat properly. And then there is this bloody potions homework. I simply don't get along with it."

Sirius grinned. "You don't really ask me for help with your potions homework, do you? Well, I'll do anything I can, but don't expect too much. You're entering sixth year now, I could hardly keep up until third."

Sirius went upstairs to change his shirt and cleaned his face in the bathroom. Then he went down again and sat down beside Harry in the living room.

They discussed the Healing Potions Harry had to study until late in the night when Sirius finally decided that it was enough.

"Bed now Harry. Snape surely isn't worth loosing sleep about. Good night."

Harry closed his book and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. "You're right. Good night Sirius."

Harry went upstairs and Sirius followed him after cleaning the dishes in the kitchen with a wave of his wand. It was definitely too late to do it muggle style.