The Last Marauder

Nightmare

"Harry?"

Slowly his mind drifted back into reality. He was lying down on something soft. A bed? A sofa? He could feel that somebody was sitting beside him, but who was that and where was he?

"Harry, can you hear me?"

It was dark around him. Was it night? After a couple of seconds Harry realized that he had his eyes closed and slowly faced the task of opening them. He could feel that somebody was softly stroking his cheek.

"Harry? Please wake up!" A loud sigh followed. "I will call Madam Pomfrey again if he doesn't wake soon."

"Give him some time. She said she's done all she could and that he needs rest now. He's exhausted, just give him some time."

Slowly, very slowly, Harry opened one eye. The room above him was bright and a blurred shape was leaning over him.

"He wakes up! Harry?"

"Mmmphh!" He had wanted to say something but realized that he couldn't speak yet. He tried to rise but a hand on his shoulder softly pushed him back.

"Don't move, you need rest. We've mended your ribs and your back but you need some time to recover. Take it slow."

Slowly memory came back to Harry. He had been at the Dursleys' house and then Lupin and Sirius had come...

"Sirius?"

"Shhh. I'm here." Again the hand softly stroke his cheek.

"My glasses...can't see..."

Gentle hands put his glasses on his nose and the room around Harry started to take clear shapes.

Harry could see Lupin standing at the end of the bed he was lying in and Sirius was sitting on the bed at Harry's side. His face showed an amount of worry and concern Harry had never seen on him before. And that meant something.

He also realized that Dudley's huge and worn out jeans had been removed and he was wearing a pair of black trainers and a blue t-shirt now.

"How do you feel?"

Harry shook his head and was surprised that it didn't hurt as much as it had done the last time he had done so. After some moments he spoke.

"Thirsty...hungry...tired."

"Does anything hurt?"

Harry started examining himself by trying to move his limbs and breathing in heavily.

"No. No more. At least not badly."

Sirius nodded and a flash of relief spread across his face.

Harry tried to keep his eyes focussed.

"How long...?"

"Three days. We got you out on Wednesday afternoon, now it's Saturday around noon. You've been passed out all the time, you gave me quite a scare."

"Sorry."

"Shhh. It's not your fault, no need to be sorry. I'm just glad that you're doing better."

"Sirius why did you do that?"

His godfather's brow frowned.

"Did what?"

"Take me out of there. I can't stay with you. The Ministry..."

"...has cleared my name over a week ago. Shhh, don't say anything, I will tell you when you've rested. It's okay, believe me." He smiled at his godson and softly stroke his hair.

Then he reached for a cup on the bedside table.

"Drink this. It will help you sleep. You need rest, you've not have enough food for weeks."

He lifted Harry's head with one hand and helped him drink the potion, then let him slip back until his head rested on the bend of Sirius' arm.

"Sirius?"

"Yes Harry?"

"Could you...do me a favour?"

"Anything."

"Stay with me. Don't leave me...alone now."

Sirius nodded. "Sure." He looked at Lupin, who gave them a warm smile and then left the room.

Sirius lay down beside Harry, his arm still serving as a pillow for Harry.

"Sleep now. I'm here, it's okay. You need to sleep."

Harry nodded weakly and drifted off into slumber.

For quite a long time, Sirius watched his godson sleeping, cursing those muggles for what they had done to him, cursing himself that he hadn't acted earlier, cursing everyone he could think of for what Harry had had to go through. Eventually, Sirius too fell asleep. He had not been sleeping very much through the last three days, the concern for Harry had kept him awake.

"Cedric, NO! Don't touch that cup, it's a portkey!"

"You enabled Voldemort to regain power! It's all your fault! Cedric's dead and it's all your fault!"

"Kill the spare!"

"All your fault!"

"Can't ever do anything right Potter, can you? All your fault!"

"Kill the spare!"

"It's all your fault!"

"Kill the spare!"

"They are all dying because of you! Your parents, Cedric, who will be next? Ron?"

"Harry."
"Kill the spare!"

"Hermione?"

"Harry?"

"Kill the spare!"

"Lupin? Dumbledore? SIRIUS?"

"Harry?"

"KILL!"

"NO! Not! I didn't mean to...Cedric...not known...please not Ron or Hermione..."

"Who instead?"

"Harry!"

"Not Sirius!!! Please not him!"

"No?"

"NOOOO! I'm sorry! It was all my fault! NOOO!"

Harry opened his eyes in shock and rose into a sitting position. It was dark around him, so dark, he could not see anything.

There were hands upon him, hands that tried to pull him back, back onto the graveyard, back to Voldemort...

His heart started beating frantically and he tried to push those hands away, he hit around himself, he bit, he scratched, he tried everything but he failed. Knowing that he had lost his fight, Harry started to scream.

"Harry!"

A hand slapped his face, softly but strong enough to make him stop screaming and to bring him back into reality.

"Lumos"

The light on the bedside table was lit and Harry could make out the room around him. He was half sitting half lying on a bed, breathing heavily, his heartbeat still twice as fast as normal.

Next to him, bent half over him was Sirius. He looked panic-struck.

"Harry, it's just me. Shhh. It's just me. It was only a dream."

His godfather softly lay a hand onto Harry's shoulder when suddenly the door flung open. Harry pushed himself back in fear but it was only Remus Lupin standing in the doorframe, bearing nearly the same expression as Sirius.

"What's going on here? Why were you screaming?"

"It's okay Remus, it's okay. Just a dream. Go back to bed, I'll take care of Harry."

Lupin's forehead frowned but he nodded and left. Sirius turned back towards his godson.

"I'm sorry that I slapped you Harry. But I had tried to wake you up for several minutes without any reaction from you."
Harry nodded, still not being able to grasp his situation completely.

"It's okay. It's just...well, I'm quite confused. One moment I'm with the Dursleys and the next I'm waking up somewhere in the dark. Where am I?"

Again, he looked around in the room but found nothing familiar.

Sirius lifted himself into a sitting position facing Harry.

"You're in my house." Seeing Harry's confused looks he sighed and continued.

"I have not told you about it before because I didn't want you to be disappointed if it failed, but over the last couple of months Dumbledore tried everything he could to convince the Ministry of my innocence. At first they didn't want to listen, but Arthur Weasley helped a lot.

A little over a week ago, they gave me my trial. It was one of the worst things I've ever been through and I won't tell you about it now. This can wait until later. The important thing is that both Dumbledore and I testified under Veritaserum what really had happened to your parents, to Peter and to those Muggles on the street. They judged me innocent, they simply had to. I was free.

The first thing I did was that I took Remus and came here. The house had been deserted for so many years but still it looked exactly the way it did when I left it. There had been spells around that protected it from becoming a ruin. We did anything we could to make it once again my home...well and yours.

This actually is supposed to become your room, of course only if you want it. But that again is a matter that can be left for later.

I wanted to get you away from those muggles immediately after restoring the house, but Dumbledore ordered me to wait until everything was settled officially. I agreed hesitantly. But then I received an owl from Hermione. She told me that neither Ron nor she had heard anything from you this summer, that all their letters and packages had not reached you. And when my own owl returned with the letter in which I told you about what had happened, I had the horrible feeling that something was terribly wrong.

I went for you and the state I found you in proved that it had been the right decision. I won't let you return to them, no matter what Dumbledore or the Ministry will say."

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me Harry."

He caught his godson's eyes and Harry could tell from that look what was about to come next.

"Harry, I'm worried. You've thrown yourself around in bed, you've talked, you've winced, you've cried and you've screamed. I know that we've hardly had time to talk in the past, but something is worrying you badly and I like to know what it is."

Again, he put a hand onto Harry's shoulder and Harry looked away. He knew exactly that he would not be able to hold back tears if he was forced to look into Sirius' eyes.

"Harry?"

Harry closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

"It has been like this for over a year, though not always that bad. It's...it's what has happened at the Tournament. The Third Task. What happened to Cedric. It haunts me. I see it every night, I see Cedric being killed, I hear Voldemort laugh, I hear those voices that tell me that it was all my fault..."

Sirius tried to move and say something, but Harry raised a hand and made him stop. It would be easier to finish if he didn't get interrupted.

"Vernon and Petunia knew what had happened and they did anything they could to remind me of my guilt. At school it became better, Ron and Hermione helped a lot, but there was nobody I could really talk to. Everybody tried to dodge the topic, tried to distract me, but I could see it in their eyes Sirius. Their eyes told me that they too considered me guilty. Everybody at school except maybe from Ron and Hermione. They whispered behind my back and looked away when I tried to talk to them.

So I drew back from everybody. It...it just seemed to be the right thing to do.

Everybody who is close to me is in the danger to die. Mom and Dad, Cedric, and I don't want to think about the many times Ron and Hermione were in mortal danger because of me. And you. You already had to run away from the Ministry but despite that you always put yourself into danger to be near me.

I didn't want to have anybody close to me, I didn't want to cause another death, nobody should die because of me, nobody else..."

Harry's voice broke and the tears he had held back while telling now streamed down his face beyond his ability to fight them any longer.

Again a hand touched his shoulder and he felt Sirius' arms around him. His godfather soothingly pulled him into his arms and buried Harry's head against his chest.

Harry sobbed heavily as he allowed every emotion that had been suppressed for more than a year to surface. He felt that he was not able to do anything but cry.

"Shhh." Sirius slowly stroked Harry's back. "Shhh. It's alright, I'm here. Just let it out."

Sirius felt Harry relax a little in his arms and after some long minutes of heavy sobbing he seemed to calm down a little.

"Harry, please listen to me. I know what you feel like and it's not right. I felt the same about your parent's death but it's not right. People don't die because of you. Your parents didn't die because of you. They died because they were betrayed and even if you had not been there Voldemort would have killed them. Cedric didn't die because of you but because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He could not have known and you could not have known. Otherwise none of you would have touched that cup. I know that it's not easy but you have to abandon the thought that it's you who causes all that. It's Voldemort. None of what has happened was your fault."

Harry shook his head.

"I can't. I can't think like that."

Sirius sighed.

"You will, just don't try to enforce it. Something like this takes time, it doesn't come over night. But please remember that you are not alone. I'm here to help you and now that I don't have to run away any longer I'll do anything to help you. You can talk to me about whatever you want at anytime. I'm here and I won't go away."

Harry closed his eyes and nodded.

"Now you should maybe try to get some sleep. Remus is going to kill me if he finds out that I kept you awake during the night. Believe me, you don't want to see him when he's angry."

Harry smiled as he lay back on his bed and Sirius adjusted his blankets.

"Sleep now Harry. Good night."

Sirius lay down beside Harry and pulled his godson into a tight embrace. Harry sighed and closed his eyes.

"Thank you Sirius."

"Anytime. Now sleep. I'm here if you need something."

Feeling his godfather's arms around him, Harry felt completely safe for the first time since ages and soon drifted off into a dreamless sleep.