The Final Battle

Last Conversations

Not only Remus had the feeling that the full moon approached far too soon. The two previous days seemed to have literally flown by whereas the actual Thursday seemed to stretch endlessly. Every single person in the castle, be it student or teacher, seemed to search distraction in any possible way.

Hagrid spent all day in his hut, seeing to his crossbow and the arrows belonging to it and checked every couple of minutes that his pink umbrella, in which the remainders of his wand were hidden, was always in reach.

The majority of the students spent their afternoon in the common rooms, and even if they left the safety of their houses they always tried to keep close to the nearest meeting point. Without the students buzzing around in the corridors, the huge castle appeared to be awfully quiet.

From time to time one of the teachers would be seen in the corridors, checking on empty classrooms and locking them so that no student could get lost somewhere in case of an attack.

The air was nervous and filled with tension, and everybody seemed to flinch at the slightest sound.

Early in the afternoon, Snape made his way into Dumbledore's office. Before he could even knock, Dumbledore's voice could be heard from behind the door.

"Severus, please come in."

Snape opened the door and went over to the old headmaster who sat behind his desk and smiled at his former student.

"Albus."

"Please Severus, take a seat."

Snape rarely called Dumbledore by his first name, whenever there was somebody else present he simply referred to him as 'headmaster'. Nevertheless, during private conversations of which both had had many during the last years, he used Dumbledore's first name while addressing him. To most other people this might have seemed strange, but Dumbledore, who knew Snape probably better than anybody else in the castle, it was a sign of the trust and loyalty his Potions master lay in him. A trait he didn't show very often in front of others, which had been more than necessary during the time that Snape had still worked as a spy for him.

Snape took a seat in front of Dumbledore's desk and accepted the cup of tea that was offered to him.

"Now Severus, how are things down in the castle?"

Snape set the cup back down and looked at Dumbledore. He was fairly sure that the headmaster was very much aware of what was going on in the school, and sometimes he couldn't help but wonder about the old wizard.

"We're as prepared as we could be. Flitwick and Lupin have double-checked the outer wards around the castle, and Minerva has told me that you both have checked the inner wards. As far as I know every single teacher has checked the wards they themselves have set up, also."

Dumbledore nodded. Normally the castle was surrounded by a certain amount of wards and charms as well as an anti-apparition field. They could only be taken down from the headmaster's office and only by someone who knew them well. As an added security measure, Dumbledore had closed his fireplace for floo and changed the password for the Gargoyle.

Nevertheless those wards didn't hinder anybody to enter the castle ground by foot or broomstick, so they had set up inner wards around the castle as such. Every single teacher had set up his own ward around the castle, by magic that could only be taken down by the one who conjured it.

"So the castle as such is safe for the time being?"

Snape slowly nodded.

"The wards should give us enough time to apparate all the students out without anybody entering the castle in the meantime.

Minerva and I have decided that it would be better to check all unused rooms and lock them, so that no students can go astray when an attack starts. Now only the common rooms, the infirmary, the owlery, the greenhouses, the Great Hall, the North Tower, the DADA classroom and the library should be accessible, but who can ever tell that? This castle has far more secret rooms and passages than even Lupin and Black have ever discovered."

Dumbledore smiled.

"Oh, I think I have something that can be of help here."

While Snape wondered what Dumbledore was talking about, the headmaster started rummaging in a drawer of his desk and pulled out a rather old looking piece of parchment. The parchment seemed oddly familiar to Snape.

"Do you recognize it, Severus?"

Snape looked at the parchment for a moment and then it dawned him.

"If I'm not very much mistaken it's Potter's. I caught him with it out of bed one night, what was it, three years ago? But I couldn't figure out what it was, it merely started insulting me. Lupin said that it was only a joke from Zonko's."

Dumbledore chuckled.

"I can imagine that Severus. You see, Remus had his reasons not to tell you the truth, for I fear that he helped create this little tool. Actually, it's a map that shows the precise location of every person in the castle. When we get attacked, it can help us to make sure that no student is left in here. I asked Mr. Potter to hand it over, and so he did. Though quite reluctantly, I have to admit."

Snape just shook his head as realization dawned of how Harry had managed all his out of bed adventures without ever getting caught. He decided to have another word with him about the missing ingredients from his office a couple of years ago.

Dumbledore meanwhile pulled out his wand, pointed it at the parchment and stated:
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good"

Words which Snape could not decipher from his point of view started to show, and when they faded a map of Hogwarts began to show. Now Snape fully understood.

"That's the map that lay on Lupin's desk, the night that Black escaped from Hogwarts."

Dumbledore just smiled knowingly at his Potions master, then he made the map go blank again and put it back in his desk. Before Snape had more time to ponder over the latest pieces of information he had received, Dumbledore interrupted him.

"I suppose you've given Remus the Wolfsbane again?"

"Yes. We agreed on making it as strong as possible this time, to make sure he doesn't hurt himself tonight. It's not healthy that strong, but taking it one time won't do him any harm."

Dumbledore nodded and looked thoughtfully out of the window. Snape watched him for some long moments, asking himself where the headmaster's mind had wandered to now.

"Albus?"

Dumbledore turned around.

"Yes, Severus?"

Snape sighed.

"What about Voldemort? You told me something about a spell, but never went in detail."
"Well Severus, that's because there isn't that much detail about it. Hopefully Harry will be able to reduce him to a weak spirit with an ancient separation spell, and then I'll cast another spell to finish him off for good."

Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Who else does know that spell?"

Dumbledore shook his head.

"Just me."

"Isn't that a bit risky? What if something happens to you before you will be able to cast that spell?"

A smile played around the corners of Dumbledore's mouth.

"I'll do anything to prevent that, Severus. But I don't think it would be wise for anybody else to know the spell."

"Why?"

Dumbledore laughed.

"You're far too inquisitive for your own good, I've always said that, Severus."

Fully well realizing Dumbledore's change of topic, Snape replied.
"Seems to have rubbed off from somebody."

Snape finished his tea and Dumbledore watched the man in front of him with a suddenly very solemn expression.

"Poppy told me that she'll establish a temporary infirmary in the Great Hall in case of a battle. Even Aurors are not invulnerable, in case the Ministry can afford to send us reinforcements. She told me that she could need the help of somebody with a knowledge of healing potions."

"No Albus, don't even try that."

Dumbledore looked at Snape innocently.

"Try what, Severus?"

Snape laughed harshly.

"Try to keep me inside of the castle in case it comes to battle. When the Death Eaters strike against Hogwarts, I'll not just stay inside and collect up the pieces they left."

"Severus, you know what awaits you in case that you're recognized by a Death Eater. Or worse, in case that they get hold of you alive."

Snape looked at Dumbledore with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

"The same that awaits everybody else. In case I go out and fight, I might get killed. In case that I get captured, Voldemort will kill me for my betrayal. Either way I'd be dead. Nevertheless I have to go out and fight. I have to take sides in that battle. It's what I have to do. I owe it to you."

Dumbledore shook his head.

"You're not in my debt, Severus."

Another raised eyebrow was all Dumbledore received as a reply first.

"Not in your debt for saving my life and giving me the chance to make at least a little of the wrong I did right again? I hardly think so, Albus."

Dumbledore sighed.

"I didn't save your life Severus. You did that alone. You were the one who realized your wrongdoings. You made the decision to leave the Death Eaters, at a time when Voldemort was still at the height of his power. You took all the risks, I merely gave you an opportunity for redemption because I believed in you. And you have never abused the faith I laid in you, you took all the risks I asked you to take without hesitation. If so, then I am the one in your debt."

Snape raised a hand and gestured Dumbledore to stop. For some long moments, both men just looked into each other's eyes in silent agreement. Finally, Snape rose.

"If that's all, then I'm going to check on the dungeons once more."

Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes Severus, that's all. Thank you."

Snape again locked his gaze with the headmaster's.

"Thank you, Albus."

He nodded at the older man and left the room.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

"You!"

Valeria Salenin's voice bellowed through the huge dungeon system below an old mansion somewhere on Scotland's North-Eastern coast. The woman, who had just been locking one of the large steel doors that went off from the corridor Valeria stood in, turned around and immediately bowed.

"Yes?"

"Fetch me the other guards. Now."

The woman immediately turned around and hastened through the corridor, around a couple of corners and through some passages that were hardly detectable if one didn't know they were there. She came into a rather small room with a couple of straw mattresses in the corner. Ten other men and woman were spread around the room, some of them sitting on the mattresses, others leaning against the wall and staring into space. None of them talked. When the woman came running into the room, ten pairs of eyes looked up at her curiously.

"The Mistress wants to see us. In the main corridor."

With this, she turned around again and the other men and women followed her obediently, not asking for any reasons or explanations. Instead, they hastened to reach their mistress as fast as possible, experience had taught them that a delay could end painful.

When they arrived in the corridor, Valeria stood there, tapping her foot impatiently. The eleven men and women lined up next to the wall and stood straight.

"Finally. I have received new orders for you, we have to get ready. I will tell you when it's time to leave, but until then I want you to watch the project even more carefully. Every incident out of order is to be reported to me immediately, I will hold all of you responsible if anything goes wrong.

You'll receive your orders when we move, not earlier. But before that..."

She started pacing along the line of guards, deciding which one to chose. Her orders from the Dark Lord had been explicit, but still vague enough to leave the final decision up to her. Valeria knew that it was a test, that he would hold her personally responsible if her choice proved wrong. Carefully, she eyed the men and women which she passed. She needed a man for the job, a woman was too much of a risk. Though all the guards were in a good physical shape, a women might not have the physical strength in case something went wrong. This decision ruled out the five women in the line. Valeria knew that she needed to chose somebody who would in no case disobey, somebody who had learned the lesson about what disobedience implied for him already. Her eyes fell onto the man on the end of the line. He wasn't too tall, but nevertheless muscular and seemed to be in a good physical condition. But what attracted her attention was the large bruise on his face and the deep scratches on his arms. Inwardly, Valeria smiled.

She knew only too well where that bruise came from, she had given it to the man herself after he had not shown the required haste taking out her orders. And the scratches on his arms spoke plainly about the intensity with which he had taken out her orders afterwards.

This was the right one.

"You may leave now."

With a gesture of her hand, she dismissed the remaining guards while she focussed the man with her stare. All she received was a blank look from dull eyes.

"You. I have a special task for you, directly from our master."

He nodded, his face not showing a single emotion.

"You know Wormtail, one of our masters servants?"

Again, a dull nod.

"Now, it is your task to stay close to Wormtail during our attack. Wherever he goes, you will go, too. He'll think of you as his partner, but master wants you to keep an eye on him. No matter what happens, Wormtail is not allowed to leave, so if he makes any attempt to flee, you're supposed to stun him and bring him to our master. Alive. Did you get that?"

"Watch Wormtail, not let him leave, stun him in that case and bring him alive." The man replied in a voice that was equally dull as his gaze.

"Good. But you will also watch his back. Don't let anybody capture him, he knows too much."

Again a nod.

"Don't let Wormtail get captured, but keep an eye on him, not let him leave, stun him and bring him alive in case he tries anything."

Valeria nodded.

"Good. Don't forget that, or you'll live to regret it. You may leave now."

The man bowed and left the corridor the way he had come in. Now that he was gone and she was alone in the deserted corridor, Valeria allowed herself to smile.

They would be successful, she knew it. And then she'd be given enough power to do just as she pleased.

With a swish of her cloak, she turned around and left the dungeons.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

It was Thursday afternoon, somewhere around four o'clock, when Harry decided that he needed to get out of the Gryffindor Common Room. The tension in there was so thick, one could nearly grasp it. When Harry had woken up that morning, he had remained in bed for a long time, thinking all possibilities for the following night over and over again.

It was highly probable that Hogwarts would be attacked as soon as the moon rose that evening, and then everybody would leave. Everybody except the teachers, Sirius and him. And - from what they had told him - Hermione and Ron. Both had stated firmly that no power on earth could make them leave Harry behind, not knowing whether they would see him again and Harry firmly believed that they would try so. Of course he had tried to talk them out of this hilarious idea, but to no avail. Inwardly, Harry had been glad that his friends refused to leave his side, but a little nagging voice inside of his head told him constantly that he didn't want them to put themselves into danger just because of him.

But then Dumbledore had asked him to hand over the Marauder's Map, and after he had overcome his reluctance to give away this treasured possession Harry was quite glad about it. Even if Ron and Hermione stole his invisibility cloak they would still show on the map and Dumbledore would surely send them into safety along with the others.

What worried Harry far more was the possibility of another encounter with Voldemort. Truly, when he had met the Dark Lord before he had always be alone and now he would have Dumbledore at his side. The only wizard that had ever been feared by Voldemort. But still Harry could not imagine how they would enforce this encounter.

The idea simply to go to the nearest Death Eater and ask 'Excuse me, but have you seen the Dark Lord somewhere around? I need to see him urgently, it's about his destruction' had crossed Harry's mind and had caused him to laugh for several minutes. Luckily his roommates hadn't been awake by then, otherwise they would have thought he had finally lost it.

But though Harry seemed to have preserved at least some of his sense of humour about the whole situation, the idea of another encounter with Voldemort had not left his mind throughout the entire day. He had thought it over and over again, and the more he thought about it, the more frightened he became.

He was absolutely terrified that something could go wrong. Maybe he and Dumbledore wouldn't even be able to seek Voldemort out, maybe Harry would cast the spell wrongly, maybe something would happen to Dumbledore before they could even try to make the spells work. The latter seemed to be the absolute worst scenario, because as far as Harry was aware, nobody except the headmaster knew about the spell to kill Voldemort. If he died before Voldemort, all their hopes to win the war were lost.

Astonishingly, Harry wasn't really frightened that something might happen to him. After all, if he died tonight it would all be over for him. Of course he didn't like the idea to die at such a young age, but hadn't his parents died only four or five years older than him? Hermione and Ron would be sad about his death, no doubt about it, but they had each other and with him gone at least they wouldn't be in danger anymore just because they were friends of The Boy Who Lived.

Ah yes, The Boy Who Lived. Well, if he was dead than at least nobody would stare at him anymore because of that blasted scar and because he had somehow banished the Dark Lord without actually doing something. It all had been his mother's sacrifice, but he had been worshipped for it. Nobody had ever thought that Harry might not want all the attention, nobody had ever asked him what he thought. If he died tonight than the wizarding world could worship themselves to happiness about him for all that he cared. He would not have to live with it anymore.

And - alarming as it sounded even to Harry - if he died he would be with his parents again, and that was a tempting thought. Though he had only spent a couple of days with them around, this had been the happiest time of his life.

After his encounter with Sirius and Remus in Remus' office Harry had thought very long about everything that had happened since he had woken up ten days ago. Harry had been close to admitting that maybe he had been a bit harsh with his godfather, that maybe he should have at least told him why he no longer wanted to have him around, but then the memories of the time with his parents had forced themselves into the front of his mind once more. That was what he could have had, that was what Sirius had taken away from him. Of course not consciously, Harry had to admit, and of course that didn't change the fact that the actual betrayal had been committed by Wormtail and that Voldemort had killed his parents, but the chain of events had started with Sirius. With Sirius and his ill choice. His cowardly choice. What had his father said?

'Harm doesn't need to be willingly done, it also hurts if it is caused by a well-meant, but ill choice.'

Maybe that hurt even more. The first ill choice had been to install Peter as the secret keeper. True, nobody had suspected him to be the traitor, but nevertheless, if Sirius had kept his word and if he had been the secret keeper, then his parents would have been safe. Harry remembered when he had first met Sirius and Peter in the Shrieking Shack. Sirius had reproached Wormtail for being too cowardly.

'Then you should have died, like we would have done for you!'

But wasn't that exactly what Sirius had dodged? Coming into the situation where he possibly had to give away his own life in order to save the ones he cared for? Wasn't Sirius even more of a hypocrite than Wormtail himself? At least Wormtail had admitted his cowardice.

But that had not been the biggest fault Sirius had made. After he ad seen where Wormtail's betrayal had led to, after his parents had been killed, Sirius' only aim had been to hunt the traitor down on his own. If Sirius had stayed, if he had told Dumbledore that he had not been the secret keeper, then Harry would have been allowed to stay with him. Maybe not immediately, but surely after the matter had been cleared. But what had his godfather done instead? He had handed Harry over to Hagrid and thus into his future with the Dursleys without a second thought about it. If he really cared as much about him as he always claimed, wouldn't his first concern have been that Harry had a home? A home where he would be raised by people who cared for him, who loved him? It should have been, but Sirius had proven otherwise.

No, Sirius had not earned an explanation. If he wasn't able to understand himself, then it would be of no use to explain it to him.

These were the thoughts that went through Harry's mind while he wandered aimlessly through the corridors. The castle was unusually quiet, Harry hardly met anybody on his way. Much to his dismay, he found every door he tried to open locked. Harry mused that this had to be one of the security precautions the teachers had been busy with all day, but at the moment it annoyed him to no end. Wasn't there one single place where he could go to be alone for a couple of minutes?

His silent question was answered when the door he tried next opened immediately. Harry frowned at this, but then realized that he had just entered the DADA classroom, one of the meeting points for a possible evacuation. It would be absolutely idiotic to keep this door locked.

Deciding that this room was as good as any, Harry stepped in and closed the door behind him. Then he dragged an armchair from the corner of the room in front of the window and sat down, overlooking the castle grounds.

Somewhere in the distance he saw Hagrid doing something he could not clearly make out at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. For a moment Harry wondered why Hagrid was carrying around a pink umbrella. It was cold outside, freezing cold to be precise, but it surely would not rain today. Then Harry remembered that Hagrid's broken wand was hidden inside of that umbrella and he understood why Hagrid carried it around. He just hoped that it would be of any use if Hagrid saw the need to use it, Harry could clearly remember the damage a broken wand could do from his second year. Ron had not been very lucky with his one.

The sound of a door being shut pulled Harry out of his thought. Turning around, he saw Remus standing in the doorway and immediately he groaned. Just what he needed now. Somebody who practiced parenting.

"Harry, there you are."

Harry rolled his eyes at this keen observation, but remained silent. This didn't seem to disturb Remus.

"I was hoping to find you because I wanted to talk to you before I have to leave tonight."

"Listen Remus, not now okay? Actually I've come here because I wanted to be alone for a while. Can't we talk later?"

Remus ignored him and pulled an armchair in front of Harry's. As soon as Remus sat down, Harry got up.

"Fine, if you don't go away then I'll leave."

Before Harry even reached the door, Remus had pulled out his wand and muttered two or three incarnations. When Harry tried to open the door, it didn't even move an inch. Harry tried again, pulling harder this time, but the door remained closed.

'Two can play that game', Harry thought and pulled out his own wand, but before he even tried to unlock the door, Remus spoke up again.

"I don't think that there's any use in that, Harry. It's a locking charm that won't be opened by a mere Alohomora, and before you even think about banging on the door and crying for help I think I should tell you that I also cast a silencing charm on the door."

Harry turned around and just stared at his teacher and supposed-to-be friend in disbelief.

"And why exactly do you waste your time in tracking me down and locking me in? Don't you have anything else to do?" Harry hissed in an angry voice. Remus just shook his head.

"As a matter of fact - no, I don't. At least I can't imagine anything I'd consider as important as this here. You might as well sit down again, because I don't intend to open that door before we two have talked."

"And if I don't want to talk?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh, then you'll just listen to me. But, to be bluntly honest, I don't care what you want right now. So please sit down."

Remus' voice didn't hold any of its usual warmth, it was matter-of-factly and it seemed to be that he was very determined to finish whatever it was that he was planning.

Sighing, Harry flung himself back into the armchair again, crossing his hands across his chest in a determined gesture. Whatever Remus wanted, he should get over with it as soon as possible, but Harry wouldn't play along with his little game.

"So Professor Lupin, what is so important that you need to lock me in to tell me?"

Remus decided to ignore Harry's statement and merely looked at him for a couple of moments. Then he sighed and rubbed his nose with his index- and middle finger, a gesture Harry knew he only made when he desperately tried to remain calm. Mostly Harry had seen him do this when he had tried to talk reason into Sirius during the latest holidays.

Finally, he looked up at Harry.

"I want some answers, Harry."

Harry raised an eyebrow.

"What are the questions? Is this an early exam, in case I don't live to see the end of the school year?"

"Self-pity is wonderful, isn't it?"

Harry was stunned for a moment. What did Remus want now?

"What?"

"Oh, I think you understand what I mean. I can imagine you quite well, strolling around in school in search of a place where you can drown into your self-pity without anybody telling you to stop it."

"Listen Remus, I don't know what you're playing here, but I'd advice you to let me out of this room right now. This conversation leads nowhere."

"Then tell me what you were doing up here?"

"I already told you: I wanted to be alone."

Remus laughed.

"And what did you want to be alone for, if not to chew over how bad life is treating you?"

"Who are you, my psychiatrist?"
"Harry James Potter, I'd advice you to drop this attitude right now, you're only making things worse."

Harry had seen Remus angry on several occasions, mostly with Sirius. Then he had shouted out his anger. But the low, menacing tone that his voice held now sounded far more dangerous than any shouting could have. Harry saw in Remus' bearing that he was nowhere even near relaxed, in fact he was tense all over and his amber eyes seemed to be sparkling with hardly back held fury.

Tonight was full moon, Harry reminded himself, and Sirius had often enough reminded him that it was not advisable to provoke the werewolf around that time.

"You will listen to me now, Harry. And listen carefully. Sirius might not have understood it, I can't blame him because he really has a lot of other things on his mind right now, but don't think that I didn't understand the hint you dropped when we met in my office. When you told Sirius to get a time-turner and try not to be such a coward. I understand perfectly well what you were talking about then, and I will tell you now, and I will tell you only once, that you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

Now it was Harry's turn to get angry.

"I don't? Then let me tell you something, Mr. Know-it-better, I know perfectly well what I am talking about. I know what Sirius' cowardice has cost me and I know perfectly well that somebody who really cared for me would have acted differently."

"And how can you judge what was going on then? How can you judge that Sirius made all the mistakes that ruined your life? How dare you blame him for trying to save your parents' lives and your life as well? You have no right to do so, Harry. Especially not all of a sudden, after telling him countless times before that you didn't blame him at all."

"Save my parents' lives? Whoa, he did a very good job at that, didn't he?"

"I said he tried everything he could to save their lives, I didn't say that he succeeded."

The conversation Remus had wanted to have now appeared to become a shouting match.

"Then maybe he didn't try hard enough! He told them to switch to Peter, he was too much of a coward to do that himself!"

"He told them to switch to Peter because everybody would have suspected Sirius to be the one. The Death Eaters would have been searching for him if Wormtail had not been the traitor. Sirius was putting his own life into danger to ensure your parents' safety. To ensure your safety. Where's the cowardice in that? And he didn't force them to make the switch, it was their choice to do so. Now, why don't you blame your parents for that, why do you blame Sirius alone? He's not responsible for everything that has happened to you!"

"Dad trusted Sirius, that's why he agreed to that switch."

Remus just shook his head.

"And Sirius trusted Peter. Like we all trusted Peter, your parents included. I know that it's hard for you to understand, but Harry, you have not witnessed it. Peter was our friend, there was no reason not to trust him. It's easy to judge about something if you already know the outcome of it, but you're making things way too easy if you think along those lines."

"If Sirius really cared as much about me as you said, then please tell me why he left me with the Dursleys and hunted Peter down instead of taking care of me. Tell me that, just give me a reason that I can understand!"

Harry now had gotten up from his armchair and started pacing in front of the blackboard. Remus watched him with a slightly annoyed expression. The boy's stubbornness slowly drove him mad.

"I don't think you can ever understand what goes through a man's head when he finds two of his best friends murdered. Especially if he knows who is to blame for that, and if he blames himself as well. Don't you think that I've asked him that question as well, just because I myself didn't fully understand?

But that night Sirius was not in any state to take his time and think about all possibilities. He had just found his best friend, a man that was as close as a brother to him, dead, along with his wife. He was sad, he was angry - no, furious - and he knew that at that moment there was nothing he could do for you. You were alive, you were safe and had Dumbledore watching over you. Do you think Sirius intended to go to Azkaban? I don't think that he even thought about that possibility when he went after Peter.

Sure, Sirius is impulsive, and sure he sometimes act rashly, and I am the last person to deny that he has made mistakes in the past. I even do agree that it was a mistake to go after Peter on his own, a big mistake. But believe me, Sirius has paid for it. In fact, he is still paying for it and will be for the rest of his life, he doesn't need you to make it even worse for him. Have you ever, just for one second, thought about his feelings? Have you ever thought about how much it hurts him to see you react this way? Especially after you seemed to be perfectly alright with him ever since you got to know him. I don't think you have the right to let somebody, who has suffered twelve years in a place which is worse than you can ever imagine, build up an emotional bond with you and then strike him down in an act of teenage rebellion. You have no right to do that, Harry."

For long moments, Harry just stared at Remus as if he was contemplating what his teacher had just told him. And just as Remus started to hope that he had finally gotten through to the boy, his features hardened again.

"I think I have every right to do that. Had it not be for him, my whole life would have been different. I would have had parents, a family, people who love me. I was just fifteen months old, Remus, I never had the chance to know them. I don't even remember them. But thanks to him, I have not only no family, but also a lunatic Dark Lord out there who wants me dead at all costs. Really, now that you told me, I think I should thank Sirius for that."

"Back to the self-pity again, aren't we? Now let me tell you one thing: If Sirius had been your parent's secret keeper, then he would not have given them away, I am sure of that. Probably he would have been found by the Death Eaters eventually, and it's also highly probable that he would have died. But you would have had your family. What is this Harry? Bargaining lives against each other? And think about that: If your parents had not died, then Voldemort would have remained alive as well. And none of us can imagine where this would have led to. Possibly, none of us and none of your friends would have lived to see this day.

I know that your life has not always been pleasant Harry. I know what those muggles have done to you. And believe me, if there was any way to change that, I'd do it. But you can't change the past, you can't undo what has been done.

And I don't believe that your life is as bad as you depict it. Not nearly. You have friends, you have people who care for you, who love you. Why do you think do Hermione and Ron want to stay in the castle despite better knowledge? Because they think that fighting is a good entertainment? I don't think so. You have things that are worth going through dark times for, but you simply refuse to see them.

Don't you think I know what I am talking about? Don't you think I've been there long before you?

After I had realized the full impact of my lycanthropy, I was pitying myself just as well. I was searching for the one who was to blame. Believe me, if I had ever found my alpha wolf, I'd have let him taste all the anger and hurt that he inflicted on me.

We are not that different from each other, Harry. Both of us have lost very much when we were too young to do anything against it. You have lost your family and I have lost a part of myself. For six years I thought that life had turned against me. Truly, I wasn't fighting a Dark Lord, but I was fighting with the dark that was in me and still is. I had no friends but instead strangers who told me that I was evil and dark. Do you know what it feels like to hear a doctor advising your parents to 'get rid of the creature before it hurts somebody else'? I bet you don't. But just like you I was given the opportunity to start all new when I came to Hogwarts. You found Ron and Hermione and I found James, Sirius and Peter. And just like my friends didn't let me down because of what I was, Ron and Hermione don't think differently of you because of who you are. And the friends you've found are not the only thing that is good in your life, you just don't admit that to yourself because it's way easier to think that everything has turned against you.

I know that burying yourself in self-pity and What-ifs doesn't do you any good. I had to learn it the hard way, I'd ask you to take my advice and avoid that.

I don't believe in fate, but I do believe that there are things which we simply cannot change. And Harry, if you don't accept who and what you are, then you'll never be able to let go of the past. Especially if you search for the one to blame in the totally wrong place.

Sirius loved your parents, and Sirius loves you. He would have never done anything to hurt or harm you, not willingly. He has made a mistake and he blames himself more than enough for it, even though he is not the one to blame at all."

Remus locked his gaze with Harry's and for long minutes just stared into his eyes, as if searching for something. Then he got up and slowly made his way towards the door. When he had reached it, he turned around again and once more looked at Harry.

"Don't hurt somebody else just because you cannot handle who and what you are. Especially not somebody who loves you and whom you love just as well. You'll regret it, believe me. I know what I'm talking about.

I'll see you at dinner, Harry."

With this, Remus unlocked the door and went out of the room, leaving a very confused Harry behind.