Harry Potter and Bellatrix Lestrange's Housewarming Party for LV Gone Wrong

Harry emotionally prepared himself for what he was about to do. Snape looked at him like he was a pile of dog poop (which was an actually quite nice and sympathizing look since he was looking at Harry) and handed him the glass of orange Unconditional But Very Very and Extremely Temporary, Illegal, and Nasty Tasting Brotherly Love Potion. Harry pinched his nose and downed it all in one. Snape said, "Who do you love?"

"Voldemort," replied Harry, and was astounded at how easy it was to say it. Something inside him was screaming, "THAT'S DISGUSTING! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?" However, he ignored that and tried to convince himself that it was completely normal.

"Eeeew," said Snape, and apparated with Harry to Riddle Manor. "Now burst through the door, find the Dark Lord (probably hitting on Bellatrix), declare your undying love for him, possibly with a hug, and watch him die. Then induce vomiting, and you will love him no more. Understand?"

Harry pretended to think for a moment, and proceeded to flip Snape off. He then walked up the hill and slammed open the door. Narcissa had been standing on it (AN: Don't ask me how, I'm only the author), and when Harry slammed it open, she went flying, landed on the chandelier, and promptly passed out from drunkenness. (AN: Again, don't ask me how, I'm only the author... and dead sexy, too... but that doesn't matter right now... oh, yeah, and: HA! All you reviewers who guessed at how Narcissa got up there got it WRONG! And 'HA!' Again.) Anyway, Harry burst in through the door, and began searching for Voldemort. When Narcissa flew through the air, her shoes had fallen off of her feet. Harry saw them, and then saw Lucius passed out on the bar. He picked up the shoes, admired Lucius' legs (AN: for all you fic-freaks who didn't read the prequel to this story, Bellatrix Lestrange and the Housewarming Party Gone Wrong, this is a costume house-warming party for Voldemort thrown by Bellatrix. And Lucius and Narcissa are dressed as French maids. This wasn't in the prequel, but Bellatrix is Princess Aurora of Sleeping Beauty, and Voldemort is Santa Claus... wow. A good portion of this paragraph is my Author Notes explaining my fic's extreme freakishness), and placed the shoes on Lucius' feet.

Harry spotted Voldemort in a Santa Claus waltzing with Bellatrix Lestrange in a shitty Sleeping Beauty costume that looked like it came from Target. He was overcome by a sense of love for the ass hole and it suddenly didn't matter that he had murdered Harry's parents in cold blood among many others and had mercilessly tortured countless innocents. He approached the man from behind. (AN: Not what all you slash fans are thinking right now... heeheehee.) Harry took a breath, hugged the tall, skinny, pale, cruel-and-unusual Santa Claus, and shouted, "I LOVE YOU, UNCLE VOLDIE!!!"

He then released Voldemort, who fell on Bellatrix. Bellatrix fell under Voldemort, cracked her head on the expensive marble floor, and passed out. Voldemort was dead. Harry could tell he was about to be overcome with a feeling of sadness, so he stuck his fingers down his throat and threw up. On Voldemort and Bellatrix. He giggled at the pair, covered in his orange vomit. Harry pulled out a Polaroid® camera and took a picture to show Ron and Hermione later. He was glad that all the Death Eaters were too shit-faced to notice him or the two people unconscious on the floor. He kicked both of them each in turn and walked back out.

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"Harry, where's your scar?"

Ron was gaping at Harry, his eyes wide.

"On my forehead, moron," replied Harry. He placed his hand on his forehead to feel his scar. But there was no scar.