Bellatrix Lestrange and the House Warming Party Gone Wrong

Bellatrix Lestrange had just finished setting out the sushi when the doorbell rang. The Dark Lord shouted down, "Bellatrix, get the fucking door!"

Bellatrix cringed and shouted, "Yes, master!" She was regretting organizing this damn party for him more and more every second.

The first of the guests had arrived for Voldemort's house-warming costume party. It was Lucius Malfoy, who had bribed his way out of Azkaban yet again, and Narcissa. They were both dressed as French maids with extremely short skirts. "Well, don't you both look spiffy?"

"At least I can pull off a skirt," sniffed Lucius as he pranced through the doorway.

"You can pull one off, but the real question is, can you wear one?" sneered Bellatrix.

Soon the party was full of characters, from Glenda the Good Witch to Harry Potter, who was accidentally Avada Kedavra'd by Voldie, but, as he said, "It was just Pettigrew, he was only a stupid little shit with a silver hand."

Voldemort opened up the karaoke with "Dancing Queen", and did an encore of "Mmbop".

Who knows what happened after that, but Bellatrix woke up the next morning covered in Sashimi and orange vomit. Crabbe was on the karaoke stage singing a duet of "Killing Me Softly" with Goyle while Malfoy was dancing to the music on the bar in his wife's heals while Narcissa was passed out on the... chandelier? Satan knows how she got up there, but nobody cares, do they? Hell no, bunch of careless, shit-faced Death Eaters.

There was someone passed out on top of her (Bellatrix), as well. Not her husband, that's for damn sure. He was... where was he, anyway? Who cares? Not Bellatrix. She shifted to see, and... HOLY LIVING DEAD!!! It was the Dark Lord. Passed out. ON. TOP. OF. HER. Bellatrix's life-long dream had finally happened. She was trapped under a drunken Voldemort. No, wait. Her life goal was to rule the world in fluffy pink bunny slippers. Shit.

She began remembering parts of the previous night.

~WHOOSH! (flashback)~

Bellatrix was dancing with Voldemort and he was drinking his seventeenth bourbon when the door burst open and in walked Harry Potter. Seeing as another death eater had come as Harry Potter already, Voldie thought nothing of it. Until Harry came over and hugged him from behind, saying, "I love you, Uncle Voldie!" (Author strong believer in the theory that Lily's daddy was Tom Marvolo Evans and fathered the illegitimate Tom Marvolo Riddle who took his mother's last name and Voldemort is thusly Harry's uncle.)

Everyone knows that the only way to kill Voldemort is to love him openly and show him. Since he was so evil, he was terminally allergic to love and therefore collapsed on her, dead. She hit her head on the hard marble floor and passed out, and seeing as all the Death Eaters were either stoned or drunk off their asses, they didn't notice, and if they did, they didn't care.

~WHOOSH! (end flashback)~

And so there she was when her skull, cracked from the fall on the hard floor when Voldemort fell on her and died, finally stopped bleeding and she died in a pool of her own vomit, blood, and fecal matter, under the Dark Lord. Narcissa then woke up, shouted, "SHUT THE HELL UP!" at Crabbe and Goyle, and went back to sleep. On the chandelier. Without questioning just why she was on the chandelier, only knowing that she had to get a chandelier like it because it was so comfortable.

~THE END~