Haunted

Haunted

The stars were twinkling in the sky tonight. They were a pale grey though, I thought, as I closed my book and lay it aside. They reminded me of your cold eyes. I knew you watched me all the time. Every night I felt your presence. Your cool breath on my neck, your soft whispers in my ear. And your touch. Fingertips grazing my skin, making me shudder in despair because I knew I couldn't stop them. I always gave in to them. You seemed to know everything about me, even though we had never spoken.

Long lost words whisper slowly to me

Still can't find what keeps me here

I wanted to confront you, ask you why you were performing this emotional torture on me. But I know you would answer in your usual lift of eyebrows and soft tone; 'Why Granger, does it upset you when I look at you?' I know I would blank out, remembering your breath on my lips, your hands trailing on my face. I would blush and turn away, only to amuse you more.

When all this time I've been so hollow inside

I know you're still there

I did realize no one had taken such an interest in me before. You had been the one who made me feel special. I had felt so alone before you, like an empty shell, a hollow tree caught in a gale. It pounded all life out of me; I had felt unimportant and common. But now.... when you smiled and I turned away, I smiled secretly too. But in these long winter nights, sitting alone in my dormitory, waiting for the second war, I knew you were haunting me. And I wanted you to.

Watching Me

Wanting Me

I can feel you pull me down

Feeling You

Loving You

I won't let you pull me down.

I have thought of nothing but you ever since. You are weakening me. I can feel my heart rate slowing, by breathing painful. These dreams I have of you will never be real. I need to let go. Or else I will put myself in danger.

I will find you. I will tell you my feelings. I may never have the chance to. The second war is upon us, looming in front of us like a giant shadow of darkness and destruction. I know you will fight for us, but I still fear these dreams may be the only memories we share together. And it can't possibly end like that, it can't. We need so, so many more memories together. I need not reality or truth. I just need you more than anything. And I'm going to find you, tonight.

I'm too late. The castle has been broken into, Death Eaters are spilling our blood. We are fighting bravely, I see your face in the distance, as I fire spells at the hooded figure in front of me. Your opponent shouts in victory- you fall slowly to the floor. I scream. I scream and scream until I can't see where I'm going. All I know is that I'm pushing and running through the mass of people dying and killing, pushing my way towards you, sobbing. My friends call after me, but I don't care. I will find you, I will.

Hunting you I can smell you- alive

Your heart pounding in my head

You are breathing as I kneel next to you. I shout killing curses over my back, I kill your opponent and many others as well. Your steely grey eyes look at me in surprise, as if you are not sure who is standing sobbing over you. Oh, if only you knew how much pain I went through to tell you, Draco. But I had no time. I called for help, you were taken away. Even though I may have saved you, I still was hollow.

That night when you were recovering, when the entire wizarding world was trying to heal, I looked at the stars outside. I dreamed of you once more.

Watching me

Wanting me

I can feel you pull me down

Saving me

Raping me

Watching me

You were well again. I breathed life once more. My memories became fresh once more. You can't imagine how thankful I was for that.

One night, a summer night unlike this one, you stood in front of the lake, watching the reflection of the moon. I saw you from the doors, and I went back outside to talk to you. I had to end the artificial bliss and I had to make it real. I was silent as I came closer. I stood by you, then looked up into your face. Your eyes bored into mine. For one moment, I knew I was the happiest person on earth. But then it all changed in the next moment, it changed even as I looked into your eyes. Your expression carried no trace of passion, understanding. They showed hatred and greed, a hungry way of looking at me. I should have ran then.

I was transfixed. Only as you gripped my wrists did I try to pull away, but halfheartedly. You hadn't thought I was special. You hadn't filled the emptiness in my heart. You had taken advantage of my hope, my belief in you. You had haunted me in my dreams every night, you had watched me all the time, I had saved your life, you had saved my soul. But it was all a lie.

You pulled me away into a dark corner, tying me. But you hadn't needed to. I was already tied in my mind, the ropes being your unspoken words, the only struggle I gave was physical. Emotionally? Well, you had destroyed it all before. What was the difference if you destroyed my body, after you had already violated my heart?

My body would heal, all the evidence would fade away. But I know that moment would always stay in my mind. In a dark corner of it, never being let into the light, never disclosed to anyone except myself, every second, reminding myself of the pain.

I had believed in you. You had been a ray of hope into my darkened existence. The trust I had felt for you was unbearable. So was my sacrifice.

Watching me

Ohh

Wanting me

Ohh

I can feel you pull me down

But as time passed, I did realize. That your actions had made me stronger. I would not fall for you ever again.

Feeling you

Ohh

Loving You

Ohh

I still had those dreams. Guiltily. But they helped heal the wounds, they helped make me forget. I know I will never be able to completely. But now I know you. I will never give my soul to anyone again.

But I will fall in love. You have not broken me that far.

I won't let you pull me down.