The Pensieve of Severus Snape

Episode 1: The Dreams

Severus's mind was stuck somewhere between lucidity and the dream. Something was chasing him again; something always seemed to be. He'd even seen the thing once, although he had not waited around long before turning to start running once more. It took the form of a giant dog with jet-black fir and hateful eyes. The two of them were always running in a field of tall grass that reached his knees, prickling the bare skin under his robes. He was almost there, although he had no idea what or where there was. It was just a feeling inside of his chest, tightening, and urging him further. He approached a small hill and then tripped, hitting the hard ground whilst the long grass poked at his face. He woke with a start.

It was thundering outside loudly, the sound piercing the monotony of rain falling on the roof above him. The room he was lying in was cold and he had inched the covers of a shabby, holey blanket up over his head. Cold sweat covered his body, it had apparently soaked through his bedclothes and he was shivering. With his left hand he pulled the covers off to get fresh air and it was then that he realized something was wrong. A drop of water landed on his nose, another on his temple and then he heard them hit the shabby woolen blanket.

Sitting up, he reached under his pillow for his father's old wand. He pointed it into the room and muttered Lumos. The room lit up dimly. He pointed the wand at the roof and saw the gathered water dripping down onto him below. Reparo, he muttered softly and watched in a sleepy stupor as the wood mended itself, closing off a large gap filled with water.

He threw off the soaked covers and climbed out of bed, flinching slightly as the cold floor beneath his feet penetrated through thin socks and sent another pang of shivering through his body. What was the drying spell again? His father had taught him that so long ago and now he couldn't remember.

He set the wand back on the bed, letting its end still light up the dank room, casting eerie shadows from the blankets on the walls. The room itself was sparsely decorated. Two old, weary looking chests flanked a dilapidated door that led into the sitting room, where Severus knew his father would be sleeping in a high wing backed chair. There was dirt everywhere, on the floor, on the walls, on the furniture. It was impossible to keep out of the shack, even with Scouring Charms. There were holes in the walls, leaks in the windows, and as Severus had come to realize yet again, in the roof as well.

One thin hand ran through his dank hair, squeezing water from the ends. Some of the water hit the floor but more of it hit his thin, worn-through socks. Evanesco? No, that couldn't be it. He pondered simply changing clothes but his father would wonder why he had and upon learning that Severus couldn't remember the drying spell, he would be furious. It was always in Severus's best interest to avoid angering Severus Snape Senior.

Severus picked up the wand again, gripped it in his right hand and closed his eyes. Think. The Drought Charm. Severus pointed at the bed and whispered the words to the incantation. He saw several streams of green light flow from the wand and when he reached down to the bed he found the blankets and mattress dry. He pointed the wand at his own clothes and muttered the incantation again, feeling them become stiff and instantly warmer against his body. He climbed back into bed, put the wand beneath his pillow and fell asleep quickly.

* * *

He was back in the field running, dodging rocks, feeling the hard earth beneath the thin soles of his shoes. There was a house up ahead, a house that Severus knew well. He knew he was welcome there, and a lovely house it was. He ran for it, listening closely for the approaching dog that always seemed to run faster than he could. He tripped within yards of the marble threshold and woke again. This time he heard pounding on the front door. It must have been so loud to wake his father, for he heard hushed cursing and the shuffling of feet from the next room.

Severus crept stealthily out of bed and put his ear to the door, wondering to himself if it was the owner of the tiny shack he lived in. Had someone found out he'd used his father's wand?

"What are you doing here!" his fathered cried.

"I've come to see him. Please let me in, I'm soaked and terribly cold," came a woman's pleading voice that sounded oddly familiar to Severus.

"You've no business being here. Now go!"

The door slammed shut but the knocking came again. The heavy oak front door creaked as it opened once more.

"I said go - away!"

Severus wanted to find out who the woman was, she obviously was hear to see him, but his father would be furious with him for interrupting.

"I've every right to see him! He's my son too!"

This was his mother? For a moment his head spun. Surely Severus Senior could forgive him just this once if he disobeyed. It was purely a natural curiosity, after all. He reached for the rusty doorknob, turning it as quietly as he could, but knowing it would creak with old age. He pulled the door open slightly to peer out.

His father had the front door opened wide and when a flash of lightning struck the grassy grounds in the distance, it lit up the entire field. He could see the Manor beyond and the silhouette of the woman on the threshold. She apparently had seen him too, for she gasped and covered her mouth with a single black-gloved hand. Even at this distance, Severus could see she was near tears. The rest of her was tall, lanky, with Severus's high forehead, and the posture he recognized as his own. In the other hand she was clutching a letter of some sort.

She rushed inside the shack towards him, holding the letter out for him to take.

"This is yours, my son," she whispered breathlessly as she shoved it into his hands. Hers were delicate and she didn't let him go, pulling his own to her lips and kissing his cold skin. Her lips were chapped and dry.

"He's no longer your son, you filthy.."

"He has my blood you cretin! How can you let him live this way? In this.... shack?" she squealed while surveying the room. She then returned her gaze to his. "He's frightfully cold and obviously filthy!"

"Are you criticizing my kindness?" came a silky voice from the front door. Severus looked up from his mother's eyes to see a man in a black cloak standing on the dirt threshold. His blond hair was shining brilliantly in the light from the field beyond as more lightning struck the ground. Severus always thought he looked like a king.

"You call this kindness? Allowing a child to live in such conditions?"

"Where else would you have us go after you've so thoroughly ruined my family?" the elder Snape spat at the woman. He rushed forward, grabbed her arm and ripped her away from Severus. With a rough push, he threw her out of the house, allowing her to land in the mud puddle outside. She whimpered, rose to her feet and looked one last time at him; he could see the pain in her eyes and the fear on her face. A loud pop echoed through the nighttime air and she disappeared. Something heavy landed in his stomach.

"Thank you, sir," his father uttered. "I hope she did not disturb you."

"Not at all. The House Elves alerted me that she had arrived on the grounds. I came out with the hope of assisting you."

"And you have, and I thank you. As does Severus, right son?"

He felt his head nod appreciatively and the blond haired man smiled at him, although it looked forced.

"I take it that is your letter from Hogwarts?" he asked kindly.

Severus looked at the letter for the first time and saw the red wax Hogwarts seal on the back of the envelope. On the front was printed neatly:

Severus Snape, Jr.
Little shack, Malfoy Estate
Wiltshire, England.


"Yes sir, it is."

"Well done then. We all have high hopes for you. Good night." The man then turned and walked back towards the large Manor across the field. His wand was pointed upwards creating a shield against the rain.

His father closed the door and turned to look at him. Severus was sure he would punish him again; perhaps make him clean the shack, or sleep out in the rain. Instead he merely muttered, "go back to bed. We will go to Diagon Alley in the morning to get your school things."

Severus never did fall asleep again that night, though. He read the letter over and over again by the light of his father's old wand, trying not to get overly excited about Hogwarts. But he couldn't help being excited at the thought of leaving here and going off to make friends like normal children did. Perhaps he would even have a bed that wasn't rained on constantly. The Malfoy children often complained about Hogwarts, how awful it had been with all the Muggleborns everywhere. But they talked also of feasts, parties, and Quidditch. Severus was dying to experience these things. He couldn't restrain the small, hopeful, smile that crossed his face and lasted well into the next morning.