My Only Love

Alone

Sinking slower and slower into this darkness

I'm too scared to fight it anymore

Too hurt to even try anymore

I just can't find the strength to resist this

To revive my old self out again to stop my tears

And end the lust for you I still have

Falling faster and faster into numbness

I'm too scared, too weak to object

I need help, I can't do this alone

But every time I look around me

I'm alone, surrounded by darkness

While everyone else that comes near me

Seems to not even bother to care

Crying tear after tear until I'm all out

Forced to be silent with this pain

No one cares, why doesn't anyone care?

Am I invisible to them? Am I no one?

Maybe I'm just doomed forever

Cursed to always be alone with this misery

Yeah...that's me

Chapter Two

~ * Alone

"I'm fine," were words Hermione Granger uttered several times a day after her break up with Viktor Krum. Everyone found out sooner or later, especially after the Daily Prophet did an article about it in the Gossip Section the very next day. Everyone seemed to be concerned with the fact that she seemed to be taking it a bit too well, but no one really went further than asking her if she was all right; except Harry and Ron, they above everyone else, were the most concerned for her.

Harry would go out of his way to constantly ask her if she was okay, or if there was something she wanted to talk about. He seemed determined to make sure she was getting over Viktor; he really was sensitive about the whole matter.

Ron had decided that using the very little money he had left to buy Hermione small presents would do the trick. He would also volunteer to go get her things like books from the library or muffins from the Great Hall; he too seemed determined to help Hermione get over Krum.

Hermione appreciated them both trying to help her feel better, but it just didn't. No matter how many times Harry asked her if she was okay or no matter how many times Ron volunteered to get things for her out of courtesy, the pain she was feeling didn't want to go away.

A month passed before Hermione started to feel slightly comfortable with hanging around both Harry and Ron. She was getting better at pretending everything was okay; she could even smile now. Smile until the moment she was alone, then the tears would roll out again.

"Why do we have to have so much homework?" Harry asked, frustrated, but keen to bring up a subject that the old Hermione loved to talk about; he was hoping to bring out the old Hermione by asking a Ron-ish type of question; it didn't work.

"Because, mate, the professors get joy out of seeing us hurriedly scribbling away for endless hours," Ron said, shrugging, "you have to remember they have no lives, so this is their only form of enjoyment." He looked over at Hermione, who was quietly scribbling on the parchment of her Charms essay. "It's all right, Hermione," he said to her, "stop thinking about Krum already. He was a git that I feel like blasting with as many Stinging Spells as I can manage. He's a bastard, Hermione, you just should get over him."

Hermione almost instantly felt tears rise in her eyes. She bowed her head slightly so her bangs could hide this as she quickly began collecting her books. She stood up, blinking quickly to prevent the tears from spilling. She started walking away immediately, not knowing why she was heading toward the Portrait Hole.

"Ron!" Harry exclaimed angrily, "Can you stop bringing up Krum? She really liked Krum, and for her to have to know that you were right about him cheating on her is something she's going to have a really hard time to overcome. You're not helping at all, in fact your making it way worse bringing him up like that."

"I'm sorry...I don't mean to," Ron apologized guiltily, "I'm not saying it to hurt her...I was trying to help her. And remember no one believed me in the first place."

"Yeah, well, I wonder why," Harry snarled over his shoulder as he stood up to follow Hermione out the Portrait Hole, although she was already gone.

He walked down the castle hallways, descending staircases every so often, looking for Hermione. Then he thought to himself where would someone go if they wanted to be alone? He grinned at his own ingenuity, and headed straight for ground level floor. When he was on ground level, he pushed the oak doors open, and started across the grassy lawns. He knew whenever he wanted to be alone he would run off across the lake near the edge of the Forbidden Forest to think there.

He was right; sitting against a huge tree twice as wide as she was, Hermione was crying into her knees that she was hugging to her chest. Harry frowned deeply at the sight as he silently approached; he didn't want to alarm her. Gently he knelt down next to her, and put a hand to her shoulder to let her know he was there.

She looked up from her knees, and to her right where Harry was kneeling. She had already guessed whom it was, but that didn't take away her shame of being found this way. Her hands wiped away her tears, and she refused to look him in those gentle emerald eyes.

"Hermione," Harry said softly, "don't try to tell me your okay, because your not."

She didn't say anything, but stare off into the distance, still feeling ashamed. She wasn't going to give in that easily; she wasn't going to let him in, and tell him what happened, because that would make it even more real. Hermione let her legs drop lower, and instead she crossed her arms as if she were holding books in her arms.

"I'm fine," she said.

She already knew that this was probably frustrating for everyone that had to be around her, but she couldn't help not being so sensitive. She despised the way she always cried at any real mention of Viktor; she hated the way he seemed to haunt her with his infidelity; she hated the way she still dreamt about him at night; she hated how she missed his touch.

Harry nodded his head in disagreement, looking at her in sympathy; she hated that stare. She knew he was seeing right through her, and into what was really going on with those amazing emerald eyes. She also knew he probably wasn't going to leave until she admitted that she really wasn't fine.

"Please, Hermione," Harry pleaded, "We both know that's a lie. I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything, Hermione. Anything." He gave her a reassuring grin along with that comment, and his wonderfully wonderful eyes.

Hermione looked into them for a brief moment, searching them for help; could telling Harry how she was feeling, and what had really happened help her heal? She looked away, and down at her hands, afraid to tell him; she didn't want to bother him with her pain.

"I..." she began, feeling yet another bothersome load of tears emerging. "I..." she repeated, hopeful to actually finish her sentence this time. She just couldn't say it; instead she broke down into an uncontrollable sob. She was grateful when Harry put his arms around her to console her; she even cried into his shoulder.

Crying in his arms was very helpful for her; it also kept the shivers she usually got when she cried, away. For about three or more minutes she did nothing, but cry into him. He held her tight, tighter than Viktor had on her final date with him when she had thrown herself into his arms. When she finally realized that maybe Harry could help her heal this hurt, she pulled away from him, again drying her tears quickly.

Harry was still watching her closely, never taking his eyes off of her; he wasn't sure if she was finally going to tell him what was going on or if she was again going to pretend that everything in the world was absolutely, positively, utterly perfect.

"I was so excited," she said very surprisingly as if someone had asked her to tell her heartbreaking tale. She gave Harry a quick glance, before she looked back down at the forest ground. "I was so excited about our date," she repeated with a snivel, "I wanted to see him again so badly...I couldn't stop the way I was feeling about him. But - but, things didn't go like I th-thought they would."

Harry patted her shoulder in reassurance that he was still listening, and still wanted her to continue; she smiled a small smile.

"He - he didn't seem as happy to see me as I was happy to see him," she continued, "but still I was so happy...I just wanted to be a-around him. But - but, he said he had to cut our date short, be-because he needed his rest for his game." At this she let out another snivel, closing her eyes this time.

Harry waited patiently for her to continue. He knew this wasn't easy at all for her, especially it being the first time she had said this aloud to anyone since her breakup with him over a month ago; he continued to watch her closely.

"But - but he lied," she whispered, her eyes flashing with pain, "He was meeting another wo-woman...an older woman...a prettier, more experienced woman." At this she started crying again, starting to tremble as she buried her face in her hands.

Harry honestly didn't know what to say; he still stared at her, but now feeling horrible for her, feeling as if he wanted to go pound Krum's face in. He pulled her into his arms to hold her close to him again, to make sure she stopped shaking.

"He was an idiot," Harry whispered into her ear, "he didn't deserve you. Ron was right about that."

She looked up from where her head was buried into his chest, and looked into his eyes. "No, Harry, I'm the idiot, I'm the one that didn't deserve him...I was the one that drove him into the arms of another woman...I wasn't good enough for him; he deserved someone prettier...someone more mature...someone that's not me..."

Harry did something Hermione wasn't expecting; with both thumbs he cleared away the tears that were falling from her eyes. He now had one hand on the side of her cheek. They were both staring into each other's eyes, both waiting for the other to speak.

"Your wrong," he told her finally, "wrong. Krum was a horny jerk that couldn't and didn't appreciate you for whom you really are. You...you deserve more than what Krum gave you, Hermione, so much more. Don't ever let that arse hole get you to believe those things about you, because they're not true, Hermione. Not at all, are they."

It seemed like there was anticipation building up between them as they stared so closely into each other's eyes; they were almost close enough for their noses to be touching. Hermione couldn't explain what was happening, but it seemed her pain was melting away, being replaced by an unknown, new feeling.

Someone watching by afar could probably predict just what this anticipation was building between them, and what they were about to do, but to Harry and Hermione, the next upcoming seconds seemed totally unpredictable. So slowly a snail could move faster than them, they inched closer to each other to kiss; both of their minds had gone completely blank.

They're lips touched each other for about two seconds, when Hermione finally realized what was happening, and pulled away. She stood up quickly, blushing more than she had ever done so before. For about the zillionth time in the past month, her eyes were glazing with tears.

"I'm sorry, Harry," she apologized sadly, "I can't do this. I just can't. I - you're wrong, Harry! I don't deserve more, okay? Viktor gave me too much...I didn't even deserve one kiss with him...one date with him. Just, don't lie to me. I'm probably going to be alone...forever! Just - just leave me alone!"

She turned away, and dashed as quickly as she could away from the scene, hoping to finally get Harry to not want to be concerned for her. She couldn't explain exactly what had happened, and what these new feelings stirring up in her were, but she knew that them kissing was a huge mistake; she prayed no one had seen so that Cho would never find out.

Harry watched her dash away, just as confused as Hermione was about what had just happened. He didn't move for minutes, because he didn't think he could; he felt frozen. What he did know was that he was feeling something new, something he hadn't expected. All he could think about was Hermione; how beautiful she was, how soft her cheek felt, how much he wanted her to be happy, how he wanted her...wait, what? He did know one thing for certain, however; the kiss that he and Hermione were about to share was a mistake, and he was glad that Hermione had pulled away. He hoped no one had seen, so that Cho would never find out.

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