Through a Child's Eyes

Author's Note: I am unabashedly a Sirius/Remus shipper. *g* Don't be surprised if their relationship is taken for granted in this story.

Through a Child's Eyes

by Ever A Mystery

Sirius held Remus' hand tightly as they walked through St. Mungo's off-white corridors, led by Dr. Francesca Morrow. The lighting in the place was kept purposely muted; otherwise, it might upset the asylum's more excitable patients. To Sirius, the place was still tangibly depressing, and he could understand why Remus hadn't wanted to come here. But this was a necessary visit as far as Sirius was concerned, and he wasn't letting Remus avoid it any longer. The world had become too dangerous since Voldemort and his followers had gained so much power. If Remus didn't do this now, there might not be another chance.

"This is his room," Dr. Morrow said quietly. "As I've said before, he poses no danger, but it is still necessary that I supervise your visit." She took a wand from the pocket of her robes and tapped the door twice. There was the sound of a lock being opened.

Sirius nodded once. "Let's go." He reached for the doorknob then, but Remus placed his hand over Sirius' own before he could turn it.

"I've changed my mind, Sirius," Remus said in a world-weary voice. "I just can't go in there."

Sirius said, "Remus, we went over this. We agreed that you have to do this."

"But I want to remember him as he was," Remus insisted, his amber eyes pleading with Sirius' storm-gray ones. "I don't think I could bear to see him this way." Normally, that look could have gotten him anything he wanted. But Sirius wouldn't back down this time, not for something so important.

Sirius put his arm around Remus and told him, gently but firmly, "Moony, you have to go see him. He's your own twin brother. I know it's hard for you, but you've already come this far. You can't just leave him when you're right outside the door."

"It may be good for him," Dr. Morrow agreed, adjusting her glasses. "He speaks about you often, Remus, and if my understanding is correct... he has no other family left."

Remus didn't answer right away. Then he said, "Sirius, you go in first. I just need a little time."

Sirius looked at Dr. Morrow, questioning. She nodded her approval.

"Just remember," Dr. Morrow reminded him, "whatever he says, please play along. He isn't prepared to leave the world he's created for himself, and every attempt to draw him out has only made things worse."

"All right." Sirius opened the door -- slowly -- (he'd been told that Remus' brother was skittish) and stepped inside the small, padded room. He saw a young man sitting on the floor. His knees were drawn up, and he rested his head on top of them.

"Romulus?" Sirius said quietly. The young man raised his head.

When Sirius saw Romulus' face, he had to do a double take. Save for having shorter hair, paler skin, and bangs that weren't as tidy, Romulus looked exactly like Remus. Same slightly turned-up nose. Same boyish face. Same dark-hazel eyes. No, when Sirius looked a bit closer, those eyes weren't quite the same. They didn't belong to a man who was twenty years old. Romulus had the eyes of a child, and a very young, frightened child at that.

Romulus gasped when his gaze met Sirius'.

"Did the bad man send you?" Romulus whispered. He pulled his knees closer to his body. Even his voice was child-like. "I don't know you, and the bad man is after me. He's always, always after me, and he sends people to get me sometimes."

Sirius frowned and scratched his head. "I don't even know who the 'bad man' is."

"He's bad and very, very scary." Romulus closed his eyes and rocked a bit on the floor. "I remember how he kept me in a little, little room, and he came and he took blood from me, and he made me drink potions and did things to me, did lots of bad things. And he hurt me a lot. The bad man tries to trick me sometimes. Sometimes he tries to get me when I sleep so I fool him by not sleeping. It's hard for him to get me that way. Very, very hard."

Sirius felt foolish then for not having seen it right away. "Of course," he said to himself. "Who else would it be?" Romulus must have meant Voldemort, the man who had put him in this state many years ago.

Remus had told Sirius the story before. When he and Romulus were only seven years old, Romulus had disappeared while they were playing hide-and-seek. No one saw him again for almost two years. Then, in the middle of the night, he was left unconscious on the Lupin family's porch. He was found covered with bruises and sores and wearing only a thin, gray shirt. The family doctor had said that Romulus probably hadn't eaten in weeks.

"When he revived," Remus had said, "he was catatonic. He didn't speak, could barely move.... He was in a sort of waking coma, and my parents couldn't care for him. So they sent him to St. Mungo's for treatment, and eventually, he started speaking again. But from what I understand of it... the doctors don't think he'll ever be normal. He simply can't function in the real world." And that wasn't all.

Over the course of his therapy, the doctors had also figured out who'd taken Romulus and why. Apparently, it was Voldemort. He had needed a test subject for his experiments, and some of the formulas he wished to use required the blood of a very young child.

And now, Sirius thought, this is all that's left of him. Still but a child, frozen in time.

"The bad man didn't send me," Sirius said quietly. "I'm a friend. I know your brother Remus."

Romulus laughed delightedly. "Remus? You know Remus? Are you from his world, too?"

"His... world?"

Romulus nodded and explained, "He's very important there. That's why he doesn't come to see me." He closed his eyes and gave a blissful little sigh. "Everybody's happy there, and it's really, really pretty. Remus makes sure they're all happy, and the streets are all gold and the sun always shines." He stood up and placed his hand over the empty space to his left. "But he still thinks of me," he said. "He sent me this owl for a present, and I named it after him. He sent it to me for becoming Minister of Magic; he was really proud of me."

It took Sirius a moment to respond. The words kept getting caught in his throat. "I'm... sure he was," he faltered. What else could he say?

"And he sent me this, too," Romulus said, picking up something small that only he could see. "It's a bottled rainbow. They only have them on Aldebaran. He sent it to me when I made the English quidditch team." He laughed. "When he has time, he watches me. He can see me in a magic pool in the castle, and he says he watches me. He's very, very proud of me, but we're both very, very busy." He set his rainbow aside, looking a little bit sad. "But we both have so much to do... so he doesn't come to see me. But his people need him more, so I understand."

Sirius Black couldn't remember the last time he had cried. Right then, though, it took all of his power to hold back his tears. His heart was breaking for this man, this child in a grown man's body, and he wanted more than anything to hold him for awhile.

"Do you know my parents?" Romulus asked. "Are they on Aldebaran, too?"

Sirius paled a bit and gave Dr. Morrow a questioning look.

"He doesn't know," she confirmed. "He doesn't understand."

"...I see." Sirius and the doctor both knew that Romulus and Remus' parents had been killed by Voldemort about three years ago. They had left all their money to Remus, who then gave the funds to the hospital to make sure they would continue to care for his brother. He'd known that, likelier than not, Romulus would be there for the rest of his life.

"Are they happy?" Romulus asked. "Are they on Aldebaran, too?"

"They're... they're very happy," Sirius told him, not quite meeting Romulus' eyes, "but they're... they're in a different world."

"Oh." Romulus was quiet for awhile. "When will I see them again?" he asked eagerly. "I haven't seen my Mum and Dad in a long, long time."

"It... may be awhile. They're quite far away."

"Well, I'm just glad they're happy. They should be happy."

Sirius ran his hand through his hair. "Look, ah, would it be all right if I left for a moment? I have a surprise for you."

Romulus said, "Okay," and smiled at his invisible owl, reaching through the bars of its cage with his index finger.

Sirius quickly left the room while Dr. Morrow remained inside. Remus was still waiting in the hall.

"Remus," Sirius urged, shaking him gently by the shoulders, "you have to go in and see him now. Do you know where he thinks you are? Do you know why he thinks you don't visit?"

Remus looked away in shame. "You're crying, Sirius," he said somberly. "I rarely see you cry."

Sirius blinked and put his fingers just below his right eye. Sure enough, they came away wet.

"I'll go in to see him now, but please, you must go with me."

Sirius held Remus' hand and opened the door again. Then, they both went inside. The instant Romulus set eyes on his brother, he gasped, clamped his hands over his mouth and laughed like a happy toddler who had just been given a new stuffed toy.

"Hi, Romulus," Remus said with a forced smile. "It's me. It's Remus."

Romulus ran up to him and clung to him like he would never let go. Remus hugged him back and smoothed his tousled hair. "You're here," Romulus said breathlessly, "you're really, really here! You came all the way from Aldebaran, just like I always wished you would!"

Sirius knew that Remus was trying to keep it together for Romulus' sake, but he realized it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy for Sirius, either, seeing how this young man's life had been stolen by Voldemort's evil, and Romulus wasn't his twin brother. He placed his hand on Remus' shoulder and gave him a small, supportive squeeze. "It'll be all right, Moony," he whispered. "I'm proud of you, you know."

Romulus talked animatedly about his life as the Minister of Magic and as seeker for the English quidditch team. "I'm busy," he said, "just like you, Remus. I always have so much to do. Did you see me when I won the game for us last week? I said I won for you."

"Of... of course I did," Remus said, still smiling, even though his eyes were shining with tears. "You were quite wonderful in that game."

"Oh, and here's the owl you gave me for becoming Minister of Magic! See, I named him after you!" Romulus laughed. "He really, really likes you. He sounds happy that you're here."

Sirius tried not to hear the rest, the bits of truth and fantasy, shards of a past best left to nightmares and a present that was nothing more than a dream. He tried not to show his grief over what this man might have been if only....

But he noticed that, as time went on, Remus seemed to grow more comfortable with Romulus' delusions. The forced smiles turned into real, sunny laughter; the tension left his shoulders and, gradually, his stance became more relaxed. If Sirius didn't know better, he might have thought that Remus believed what his brother was saying, and that Remus could actually see his brother's bottled rainbow.

"I should thank you," Remus said as they left, "for finally making me visit him. I was actually glad to see him this way."

Sirius made a face and said, "That may be going too far."

"I don't think it is." Remus turned quiet and thoughtful. "Where Romulus lives," he explained, "he's made all his dreams come true. In his world, there isn't a war going on, and all of his loved ones are happy and safe." Remus averted his gaze. "I don't even know if I would want to take that away from him and give him what we live with instead." And when Sirius thought about it, Remus had a point.

Sirius held Remus close and kissed him on the forehead. "You," he said, "are one of a kind."

And they went home where, just for awhile, they might live in a similar world. A world where they thought of only each other, governed by their love.

The End.