Collateral Damage

Remus stood up straighter, and looked the headmaster in the eye, stoned-faced. This was the mission that he had been waiting to go on and now he finally had his chance to help.

"When do I leave?"

"In three days. I think that should be enough time for you to get all of your information together before you go. You will be Apparating to a rural location in northern France and you will be working with some werewolves as an emissary. The key is to find out what their contact with Voldemort is, and what he is offering." Dumbledore looked at Remus seriously.

"Yes, sir." Remus raised his chin after he spoke, determined to succeed. Yet, there was this small nagging feeling, tugging at him at the corner of his mind. It was something that made him not want to go; he couldn't put his finger on it - all he knew was that he was not happy about it.

After he had told Remus, Dumbledore sensed something amiss from the look on Remus' face.

"Are you prepared to handle this mission? I know you have been working on the maps for quite some time, but if you feel that it is too soon for you to go back into the field then by all means, take some more time. However I ask you to not take too long, as it is of grave importance that the packs are brought onto our side."

Remus' back stiffened; whatever this feeling was, it wasn't about to stop him from going on this mission. He burned with shame with the thought that Dumbledore did not think he was strong enough to handle this mission.

"No, sir. I will be ready to go in two weeks, have no fear."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "I have no doubt that you will be ready, even if there is the possibility that you may be less eager to go."

"I have been preparing for this mission for months, I am ready."

"I know you are, Remus, I know." With those final words Dumbledore walked away from the very confused man towards his office. Remus watched Dumbledore leave. He tiled his head slightly and furrowed his brows. He was puzzled about what Dumbledore told him. How did Dumbledore know that there was a lingering resigned feeling? Remus shook his head. It must be Legilimency. The one thing that puzzled Remus was that Dumbledore seemed to know why Remus was reluctant to leave, which was an idea that he himself had not been able to uncover yet.

When Remus headed back to headquarters, his path took him past the Hospital Wing. Briefly looking inside he saw that much of the commotion had died down. Not only was Harry asleep, and Hermione was asleep in a chair sitting next to Ron. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were talking in hushed tones in the darkness. Remus paused only for a moment, and continued onwards to his room.

As he readied himself for bed, absentmindedly removing his well-worn navy robes, his mind was replaying the discussion that he had with Dumbledore only moments before. Those thoughts then turned to the plans that he had made for the upcoming mission. This mission had been in the works for months now, it was critical that it did not end up a complete mess like Hagrid's envoy to the Giants, and like the Berkley fiasco. As he pulled a faded burgundy nightshirt over his head, Remus started making a mental checklist of the tasks that were before him. Since he was trying to reach out to the packs, he had to go alone; if he went with other werewolves or people, they would interpret the act as a hostile action. While it helped him infiltrate the packs and try to win them to this side, it also made him extremely vulnerable to the whim of the leaders. Remus frowned as he pulled back the covers and got into bed. If the pack didn't like what he was saying, they could easily have him killed, and with no one there to back him up, he would be as good as dead. Dead. Remus, sitting up in bed, ran his hands through his hair and down over his face. Death was a prospect in this day and age that Remus had come to accept; especially after his friends had passed, he had accepted that if he had to die to help win for our side then it must be done. And yet, despite his resignation to accept his fate, even if it required his death, this nagging feeling still didn't pass. Lying down in bed, he tried to shrug the feeling off, he figured that it was nerves; he had seen far too much action to be nervous for his own safety. He just accepted that maybe this feeling was the result of exhaustion. His head hit the pillow and sleep came to him quickly.

In Claire's small quarters, she had prepared herself for bed, changing into her light blue cotton nightgown, plaiting her hair in a long braid, and turning down her plum and ivory patchwork covers. All these motions were very robotic, as her mind was racing, trying to process everything that had happened. She knew it was far too early for her to sleep; the sun had only set within the last hour, but she knew she had to at least try, for she didn't know if she would be needed in the Hospital Wing during the night. She walked around her bed, and pulled the plum hangings closest to the door shut, climbed into her bed, reached over and closed the other set of hangings. As she reached, pain shot threw her abdomen and chest. Her breath caught in her throat and she just let the hangings stay half open. It wasn't worth the pain to stick to her routine. As she lay in bed, she stared up at her canopy and thought of the events today. The emotions that she felt in her chest didn't allow her to relax. It felt as if a heavy weight were pressing down on her. She sighed and gingerly turned on to her side. The words that Remus left her with rang in her head. She knew he was right; after seeing what happened between Hermione and Ron today just made them painfully aware of what they already knew. Whether he was right or not did not make it easier for her to accept, but it made her resigned to the fact that this is what they had to do. She closed her eyes and tried to let sleep overtake her.

The next few days passed without event. After remaining unconscious for another two days Ron woke up only to be promptly squished by his mother's tight embrace. Harry was removed from the Hospital Wing to only become more withdrawn from his friends. He blamed Ron's injuries on himself, and felt that he should stay way from his friends to ensure their safety. Remus understood where his pain was coming from and tried to speak to the young man, but found that his words went in one ear and out the other. Remus voiced his concern to the Headmaster, who took it upon himself to help. Remus saw from Harry's actions the pain you can cause by withdrawing yourself from the people that you care about.

Using Harry's example as a counterexample, Remus decided that maybe he should extend his hand again to Claire; they could at the very least allow their friendship to continue, not necessarily to become romantically involved. It was a result of that conclusion that made Remus decided to approach Claire one sunny afternoon after term had ended. She was in the storehouse for the Hospital Wing; taking an inventory of the potions that needed restocking. As Remus came up behind her he started to feel nervous. His palms became warm, and he could feel a blush creeping up his neck. This was the first real conversation that they had had since the attack in Hogsmeade. As he walked up to her he grew concerned that she might think he was playing some sort of game with her by wanting to be apart and now together. He was tempted to turn back or to just inquire about a potion; but as she turned her head to the side and he saw the wisps of hair escaping from her braid, and brushing the skin on the back of her neck; he knew that he wanted more than anything to be able to be close to her, at least under the guise of friendship, for now. As he drew closer, he saw her reach to pick up a small vial that appeared to be almost empty. She was about to catch hold of the vial when she stopped, grimaced, and grabbed her side as if there was a stitch in it. Quickly, Remus walked over to where she stood and put his hand on her shoulder as he reached up and procured the vial for her. She turned to him at his touch, and smiled at him when he handed the vial to her. Remus quickly looked away when he caught himself looking at her a little too long.

"Your side still bothers you?" he asked, concerned. He gave her his hand as she stepped down from the stool.

"Yes, but only when I extend too much. I'll be better soon. Thank you." Claire looked up at Remus and smiled as she let go of his hand. Remus smiled back at her and looked down, awkwardly.

"You'll have to take care of yourself, Claire. I'm not going to be around to help pick up vials from shelves; I don't want to get any messages from Dumbledore saying you've re-injured yourself," Remus said, half-joking. He laughed softly, but the sound was hollow to his ears.

"Not going to be here?" Claire said absent-mindedly as she re-labeled a potion. "Where are you going to be?" She placed the potion on the table and looked up at him.

Remus sighed, leaned against the table, picked up one of the potion vials and rolled it in his hands. "I don't know the exact location; but it's the mission involving the werewolves."

Claire took the vial out of his hands, placed it on the table, and turned to face Remus. "When are you going?"

"In about a week," he said as he cautiously glanced at her through the strands of his hair that fell in front of his eyes.

"Oh, that's soon," Claire said, as her face fell she looked away. "You've been preparing for this mission for a while; and with the last attack it only makes sense that you have to go."

Remus stopped leaning, turned, and faced Claire. "The Order needs this bit of spying; and I have to redeem myself after the mess at the Berkley manor."

Claire raised her eyes to meet Remus'. "You know that wasn't your fault." She reached out and placed her hand in his.

"I know, but I just felt responsible," Remus said, looking at her small hand in his.

"Well, there's no need to feel that way, no one blames you," Claire said, patting his hand with her other hand.

"I know, I know," Remus sighed.

Remus let go of her hand, and turned away from her. He ran one of his hands over the old wood of the table; his fingers absent-mindedly playing over the cracks in the wood. Claire walked over to Remus and took his hand in her hands, again. He looked up at her and found her looking at him with a pleading look.

"You have to stop blaming yourself for this. We all knew what the risks were when we agreed to help stop Voldemort."

Remus looked into her pleading eyes and smiled reluctantly, slight wrinkles formed at the corners of his eyes.

"You're right; I have to let this go. It will only hold me back."

Claire smiled broadly. "Good! Now, if you could be helpful enough to put this vial back up on the shelf; I have to give this list of potions to Poppy." With that, Claire turned quickly and left to find the healer, her light green robes swaying as she walked. Remus was left staring after her; his mood had improved immensely from its state before their conversation. Watching her leave the room, Remus knew what he would miss the most while he was away. He realized what Dumbledore was hinting at; he felt foolish for not seeing it all along.