A Slight Case of Stubbornness

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When I first vowed to introduce the internet to Hogwarts, I had no illusions that it would be an easy job. If Granger, who alright, is rather smart, so vehemently called it impossible, it couldn't be easy. Yet, with my superior blood and brain, I felt sure I could handle it.

It turned out to be a lot harder than I could ever have imagined.

First on the list, I had to find out what an 'internet' was. You may think this is an easy thing to do, what with all the muggle-borns infesting our school. It was not. Malfoys do not walk up to random students to ask what the internet is. It's just not done - and I'm reasonably sure there's a rule against it somewhere in the Malfoy Code of Behavior. I did not take Muggle Studies, and everyone in Slytherin had wizard parents.

This left me in rather a sticky situation, for how could I bring this thing to work at Hogwarts if I didn't know what it was? So I had to resort to drastic measures - actually touching the muggle books in the library.

Why there are non-wizard books in the library I have never figured out, but at that occasion, I was very grateful for their existence. I remember walking around the isles for HOURS, and I found everything from epic love poetry to something called science fiction. But there was no internet. So I had to ask the librarian for help - something I'm sure no one has done, at least not in this century. Really, the woman just flirts around the library and screams when you bring in food or raise your voice just one little bit louder than allowed. Rather a waste of time, if you ask me.

So anyway, I went up to her, and with the Best Malfoy Manners asked her where I could find a book about the internet. The response?

"HOGWARTS STUDENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CYBER MR. MALFOY." Then, "OUT, OUT, OUT!!!"

Really! To think that I would stoop to the level of that crass act

It became clear to me that I would have to ask a fellow student - but, with my brilliance, it occurred to me that I didn't necessarily have to ask a muggle-born. All I needed was someone who took Muggle Studies, and was good at it. This eliminated anyone from my house, Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor. Which left me with Ravenclaw.

It wasn't so hard at that point, really. I went to the house elves and had them give me two enormous cookies, which I then offered to Crabbe and Goyle on the condition that they discover the location of the Ravenclaw common room.

Padma Patil was the first to come out, and since she was carrying a book I deemed her intelligent enough. I stepped out of my hiding place, impressively cloaked in shadows, and said, "Hey you, Patil".

Very deeply and mysteriously, I might add. Her reaction was satisfactory - the book she was holding slipped out of her fingers, and I smirked as she bent to pick it up.

"W-What do you want, Malfoy?"

I could tell her speech was hindered by her reaction the the gorgeousness that was me, but I didn't comment. Instead, I said, "I want you to tell me what the internet is. Now."

She had straightened up and was glaring at me - of course, because all Slytherins are evil and stuff like that, and no one can just answer a simple question! Gorgeousness can only get you so far, you know.

"Why would I do that," she said, and moved to walk away.

I have to admit I panicked - this was my one and only change to finally prove that I was smarter than Granger, after all! So I steeled my voice, and sounding calm and collected, said, "Because if you don't, I'll tell everyone you were snogging Ernie McMillan behind Greenhouse 3 last month". A handy piece of information that I knew, once again, thanks to Crabbe and Goyle. Really, I'd have to spend so much time sneaking around picking up gossip if it wasn't for them.

Needless to say, she started talking. All about the World Wide Web and how you could go to these 'website' thingies and find any piece of information you wanted, how it was like all the books in the world on one little screen and how great it would be if you could install it on computers at Hogwarts. And computers were these pieces of metal and other stuff through which you could watch the internet.

And then I understood. When I brought the internet to Hogwarts, I wouldn't just be proving how much better than Granger I was. I would be making a milestone in history. I, Draco Malfoy, would be put in the history books as the one who revolutionized the wizarding world.

What can I say, it sounded rather nice.

Shit, is it that late already? Okay, I'll stop. No it's NOT your turn yet! I haven't even gotten to the best part yet, you're barely even in it now. Come on Harry, give me two more days. Just two, and then you can have your turn. Okay? Okay. Mph.

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