The Talisman of Monguk

Chapter 17: Noble Savage

On the evening of the next full moon, Lupin led Angela up the stairs of the house on Grimmauld Place. He stopped before a room on an upper floor of the mansion. He opened the door and walked inside.

The room was devoid of furnishings, except for a large carpet that covered the floor and a small pile of tattered blankets in the corner. The room had several windows. There were no curtains or window coverings of any kind. Although the windowpanes were dirty, the twilight sky was visible through them. A chill from the February night settled over the room. Lupin walked across the carpet, sending little clouds of dust into the air as he stepped. Using his wand, he lit a fire in the small fireplace to warm himself. He turned to Angela. His hand caressed her cheek.

"You'd better go now," he said quietly. "You'll be safe outside the door."

She gave him a longing look, turned, and walked out onto the landing. He closed the door behind her. From outside, she could hear him utter "Colloportus!" The door locked securely.

She knelt down outside the door and peered through the keyhole. She watched as Lupin gathered the blankets around him. He sat down near the fire and waited, calm and still. His face was expressionless.

Angela knelt there for some time. Her knees ached from the hard wooden floor. She shifted to find a more comfortable position. Still, she waited. After a while, she stood up to stretch her legs and knelt back down. She peered back through the keyhole and then she saw it.

The full moon shone brilliantly through the window. Its light flooded the room and illuminated the seated form of Lupin. As she watched, his body suddenly became rigid. He screamed with pain and the transformation began. His body elongated. Hair sprouted on his face and hands. Where Lupin had been sitting just moments ago, an enormous snarling beast now stood. It was a large wolf with a gray coat and an elongated snout. The beast had sharp teeth and a wild look about its face. It growled menacingly and howled at the moon. She was terrified, but could not look away.

As she knelt riveted to the spot, the pain in her legs grew unbearable. Her skirt rustled as she shifted her weight and settled back down. The wolf pricked up its ears, listening. Then it turned and looked toward the door, directly at her. Horrified, she gasped involuntarily and scuttled backwards away from the door. She could hear its padded feet as it walked across the floor in her direction. She scrambled to her feet and flattened herself against the wall next to the doorway out of sight. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest. She held her breath and waited, listening. She could hear the wolf brush against the door. Then she heard it pad back across the room. She let out her breath and sank to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably out of pity and fear. Eventually, she recovered herself and her sobs dissipated. She sat very still, rehearsing in her mind the events that she had just witnessed.

The only sounds that she heard from the room now were the crackling of the fire. Slowly, she crawled back to the doorway and peered through the keyhole. The wolf was curled up on the pile of blankets in front of the fire. Unlike the wild creature that she had first seen, the wolf now appeared calm and tame. When it heard her at the door, it raised its head and looked in her direction. She could see its glowing amber eyes looking back at her with a mournful expression. She stared at the wolf's face, hoping for a glimpse of Lupin within its eyes. She then knew what she would do.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

When the full moon had waned, Angela returned to headquarters at Grimmauld Place to see Lupin. When he met her at the door, she noticed immediately that he didn't look well. He was drawn and tired. An impenetrable sadness hung over him.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"We need to talk," Lupin replied. "In here."

He ushered her into the drawing room and closed the door behind them. Angela sat down on the sofa, looking concerned. Lupin remained standing, with a pained expression on his face. He leaned on the back of a nearby chair for support. His eyes glanced over at her and then looked down at the carpet. He began haltingly.

"I...I was foolish to think...to hope...that this could work," he said. "That it would be different this time. Your reaction outside the door, I should have expected that. Clearly, it's impossible for us to marry. I release you from your promise."

"But I don't wish to be released," Angela replied.

He looked at her in disbelief, startled by her response. "But why?" he asked. "Why would you marry a werewolf?"

"When I look at you, I see the man that I love," she answered, searching his blue-gray eyes with her own. "Just because you turn into a werewolf once a month, doesn't change the way I feel about you. The werewolf is part of you, yes, but it isn't who you really are. I can't deny that I wasn't frightened, but neither will I abandon you because of it."

He stood before her. His face reflected his astonishment and doubt.

"There is only one reason that I would not enter into this marriage," she insisted. "If you say that you do not love me, then and only then, I will take back my pledge."

He leaned more heavily against the back of the chair. He dropped his head, now staring down at the thread-bare cushions.

"I do love you. I adore you," Lupin whispered. Then he looked directly at her with an expression of self-reproach. "That is why I cannot let you do this. The thought that I could harm you haunts me. If we marry, I fear for your safety. What would happen if I should bite you? I could never live with myself after that," he chided.

"But we could take precautions," she pleaded. She stood up and reached for him. "I could make the Wolfsbane Potion for you. We could make arrangements for my safety."

"But what if we forget, even once?" Lupin replied, running his hand through his hair and pacing the floor. He turned and faced her. "And you know how the wizard community feels about werewolves. If you should marry me, they will treat you the same way. You will become an outcast."

"I don't care," she answered, shaking her head.

His hands gripped her shoulders. He stared at her with steely resolve. Her own arms now hung limply at her sides. She gave him a pleading look, her eyes dewy.

"You say that now, but you have no idea what it's like to be shunned," he insisted. "And I could put you in danger at work. You could be fired or worse. Boggs has already tried to attack you twice. How could I subject you to that?"

She stared up at him through tear-filled eyes, speechless. The determined expression on his face softened with compassion.

"And you know that I cannot support you," he said. "Not now. Not yet. Would you accept a life of poverty to be with me? I will not permit it."

A tear rolled down his face. He released her and looked away. His hand wiped his cheek and then ran through his sandy hair. He sighed. The whole room was weighed down with force of it.

Tears flooded down Angela's cheeks. She sniffled and tried to suppress her sobs. Numbly, she stood watching him, unable to argue back.

"I never should have started this," he continued, his voice full of remorse. "I cannot forgive myself for misleading you to believe that we had a future. My only defense is that I dared to hope it myself. Forgive me."

Angela approached him. She placed her right hand gently on his shoulder.

"There is nothing to forgive," she replied. "Should I forgive you for loving me? Then you must forgive me for loving you."

He turned to her. He took both her hands in his. He gazed at her tear-stained face and smiled wanly.

"I couldn't help myself," he said. "When Sirius died, I thought that I'd never know such friendship again. Then I met you and I could not believe my luck. Imagine my joy, when you returned, not just my friendship, but my love as well. I have loved you since our first dueling lesson, when you ducked every spell." He swallowed hard. Then he spoke in barely more than a whisper, as if he had exhausted all the strength that he had left. "I will miss our dueling lessons, but I will miss your company most of all."

"No!" she sobbed, shaking her head, not wanting to accept it.

Angela threw her arms around him. Lupin clutched her tightly, burying his face in her hair. She wept in his arms.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Angela sat at the kitchen table of her mother's house, sobbing into her hands. Her mother and brother Paul sat on either side of her, trying to console her. A pile of crumpled handkerchiefs and an untouched cup of cold tea sat on the table in front of her.

"I should kill him for this," growled Paul, slamming his fist on the table.

"You'll do no such thing," chided Mrs. Hawkins, shooting him a look of disapproval. "What exactly do you hope to accomplish by that?"

"It would make me feel better," Paul hissed. "And it would make him pay for hurting Angela. He is a werewolf, after all. I knew there was something funny about him."

"You leave him alone," Angela demanded, glaring at her brother through tear-filled eyes. "Don't you dare lay a finger on him. He's suffered enough. I will not permit you to speak of him that way."

"There now, dear," Mrs. Hawkins replied, putting her arm around Angela. "Getting angry with your brother doesn't solve anything either." She turned to Paul and scolded, "Paul, you owe your sister an apology. Remus is an honorable man. I saw that in his eyes when I first met him. I've seen nothing since to convince me otherwise. He's been honest with your sister."

"But he hurt her, Mum," Paul protested, slamming his fist on the table again. "And I won't stand for it."

"Yes, well, that's a risk that we all take when we fall in love," Mrs. Hawkins said. "And you never know how things will work out. They may work out yet."

"Do you think so?" Angela asked, looking at her mother hopefully.

"Well, he does love you. And you obviously love him. Yes, I have to believe that there's some hope for you both."

"Mum," Angela said. "Can I ask you a question about Dad?"

"Of course, dear. Anything."

"How did you know that he was the one?"

Mrs. Hawkins laughed. "I knew it from the first time that I laid eyes on him," she replied, smiling at the memory. "He was all cocky and self-assured and so handsome. He tried so hard to impress me that he made a right fool of himself, he did. But I loved him all the same." She patted her heart. "You feel it in deep inside yourself. People will tell you to listen to your heart, but that's not exactly right. It's more like an inner voice, a kind of certainty. You don't know why or how you know it, but when it's right, you just know."

"Like me and Nymphadora Tonks," Paul blurted out, nodding in agreement. "I've been chasing her for almost six months now, but she won't give me the time of day. But I know that she's the one for me."

Angela's eyes opened wide. "Paul, you never told me that you fancied Tonks."

"You never asked," he replied with a self-confident smirk. "So how do you know Nymphadora?"

"She's in the Order of the Phoenix," replied Angela.

"Why didn't anyone tell me that Nymphadora was in the Order?" Paul complained. "I would have joined months ago."

"You might have better luck with her, if you call her Tonks," Angela suggested. "She hates being called Nymphadora."

"Why?" Paul inquired. "Nymphadora is a wonderful name. It means 'gift of the Nymphs' and she certainly is a gift. I just wish that she'd give herself to me."

Paul sighed. He placed his elbow on the table and rested his cheek in his hand, a faraway look in his eye. Neither Angela nor Mrs. Hawkins could suppress their sniggers.

"Go ahead, laugh all you like," Paul replied with annoyance. "But, mark my words, I will win her over in the end. You'll see."

Paul stood up, kicking the chair out from under him. Then he stormed out of the room and slammed the kitchen door in his wake.

"Oh, he's just like his father, that one," Mrs. Hawkins remarked, still chuckling. "He does have the right idea though. Optimism and sheer persistence do go a long way. You could benefit from a little of that, dear. And you have one advantage that he doesn't. Deep down, both you and Remus want this to work."

"Thanks, Mum," Angela replied wanly.

"That's better. Chin up. No more tears," Mrs. Hawkins replied, giving Angela a reassuring smile. "Now, let's put our heads together. Maybe we can think of a few things to put this relationship right."

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