Overly Lit

"Hey Harry, Hermione, I've got a great idea!" cried Ron as he hurried into the Gryffindor common room. Harry and Hermione looked up from their homework. Their faces were aglow from the nearby candle.

"What?" Harry asked, putting down his quill.

"Let's sneak into Hogsmeade... We can go to the Hog's Head and taste Firewhiskey!" cried Ron, eagerly.

Harry's emerald green eyes widened like saucers behind his glasses. "Are you sure?" he asked, incredulously.

"You two, aren't you forgetting? Ron, you're a prefect!" Hermione hissed.

Ron ignored her. "We've got two others who'd like to come as well, Kate Mason and Liz Banners. They're fellow Gryffindors!" said Ron, grinning happily.

"When do you want to go?" Harry asked, eagerly.

"Now! They're waiting outside in the corridor, we can use the Marauder's Map and the Invisibility cloak," Ron replied enthusiastically.

"Ron. The cloak can only hide three people...not five," Harry reminded him.

"That's fine... I don't how they managed it, but Kate and Liz have their own," Ron gushed.

"Wow," Harry breathed as he stood up.

"Hermione, are you coming?" Ron asked, looking at her.

Hermione sighed, with a look of defeat. "Yes, but if we get caught..."

"Great... Come on!" interrupted Harry, and then grabbed Hermione's hand and pulled her to her feet. Harry dashed into the boys' dorm to retrieve the Marauder's Map and Cloak. They left the common room and met up with two girls. Ron introduced them to Harry and Hermione. Liz had shoulder length blond hair and blue eyes, and Kate had shoulder length dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Once everyone was well acquainted, Ron, Harry and Hermione threw the cloaks over themselves. Shortly after, Kate and Liz threw their cloak on as well Harry pulled out the map. The whole detailed drawing of Hogwarts appeared as soon as Harry tapped the map with his wand and muttered, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Little dots formed, showing where the teachers were and other students. "Snape's in his office," Harry said. "Let's go. Kate, Liz, just follow us."

They all trooped to the statue of the humped back one-eyed witch. Harry had no idea if Kate and Liz were behind him. "Liz? Kate?" he whispered.

"We're here," Kate whispered back.

He tapped the witch's hump with his wand, and whispered, "Dissendium!" The hump opened up to reveal a large hole. He, Ron and Hermione slipped in through the opening. Once he was sure Kate and Liz was inside he pulled the cloak off of himself, Ron and Hermione. Kate and Liz did the same. "Ok. We've got a bit of a climb. This will lead us right into Honeydukes' basement," Harry said.

So, they began climbing. After a long walk they hit the trap door below Honeydukes and carefully pushed it open. The basement was dark and quiet then; they climbed out and up the stairs. Honeydukes was quiet for this time of the evening, so there were only a few people in the normally busy shop. No one paid any attention to the five of them as they sneaked out and into the streets of Hogsmeade.

They walked to the Hog's Head, and once they reached the threshold they entered. It was as dusty as usual; the bartender was wiping glasses with the same dirty cloth. Ron was trembling with excitement. "Alright. I'll get the drinks," Ron said, eagerly. "You four grab some seats."

Hermione, Harry, Liz and Kate found a table and sat down at it. "We could get into so much trouble," Hermione muttered.

"A little adventure never hurt anyone," Harry grinned.

"Knowing the three of us," Hermione sighed, raising an eyebrow at him, "I'm surprised we haven't come across any poisonous gases?"

"Give Ron about five minutes...you'll find what you're looking for," Harry muttered. Hermione looked at him bewildered.

Ron came back with five bottles of a reddish liquid. He plopped one down in front of each of them, and then sat down beside Liz. He popped open the top and looked around at each of them. Suddenly, a raspberry sounding noise erupted from behind Ron. Immediately, his ears and face flushed pink.

"Told ya," Harry muttered out of the corner of his mouth to Hermione.

Hermione snorted and tried to make it sound like a cough. No one seemed to pay any attention to it and they all opened their bottles. "Cheers," Ron said, as he took a swig from the bottle. They all followed his lead, and took a drink from their own bottles.

"This tastes wonderful!" Liz cried as she began drinking more.

About an hour, and four bottles later, all five of them were drunk. Hermione looked around near her. "Oh no! I've losht my piggy wiggie!" she cried unhappily

Ron's forehead was resting against the edge of the table he looked up, swaying slightly. "What'sh that now? You've losht your wiggie?" Ron asked. Hermione nodded and hiccupped.

"I shink we should get back to Hogwartsh," Kate suggested, putting her bottle on the table with a clunk.

"Hey! Maybe that'sh where your piggy went? The name of the shchool shays 'Hogwartsh'!" Harry said, grinning goofily.

The five of them stood up, swaying a bit and left the Hog's Head. Hermione began singing as they made their way back to Honeydukes.

"Can shomeone please help me find my piggy wiggie? Oh please, oh please!

He's losht and I don't know where he went!"

As passers-by walked past them, Hermione would ask them if they'd seen her piggy wiggie. They looked at her like she was a four-headed Hippogriff, and quickly ran in the opposite direction.

Ron had another attack of gas, which caused some of the passers-by to run screaming down the rest of the street. Ron looked after them. "Wonder what'sh wrong with them?" asked, teetering slightly on his feet.

"I don't know?" Liz said with a perplexed look on her face, then her eyes crossed They made their way back into Honeydukes and back into Hogwarts. They emerged from behind the witch, singing loudly. "Give me a home, where the buffalo roam, and the deer and antelope play."

Professor Snape had been walking down the corridor when he came across the five of them. "What are you five doing? It's late and you're supposed to be in bed," he sneered.

Hermione eagerly stepped forward. "We went looking for my piggy wiggie! He's losht you shee."

Professor Snape's lip twitched. "I see... I want the five of you in my office right now!" he snapped, leering at them malevolently.

"Are you going to help me find him?" Hermione asked hopefully, swaying on her feet.

Snape's eyes narrowed. "You're all drunk! I suspect you five snuck out of Hogwarts. It's against the rules you know," He smirked.

"Give me a home, where the buffalo roam and the deer and antelope play!" Ron, Kate and Liz sang enthusiastically.

"My office...NOW!" Professor Snape barked.

They began trooping after him. "Okay...okay...don't get your underwear in a bunch cause it'll cause a wedgie, and then someone's going to have to pull it out," Kate muttered.

Professor Snape turned around to glare at them, but they looked back innocently.

They all continued to head to his office swaying and giggling, as they went. Once inside his office, the five of them sat in front of his desk. "I am calling Professor Dumbledore. You shall definitely be expelled for this," he said, with a touch of joy in his voice.

"Expel? I just did that already," Ron confessed looking confused, and another bout of gas erupted. "Whoops...sorry...just now I did." Ron blushed.

Professor Snape's lip curled, and he looked disgusted. Meanwhile, Kate and Liz were still singing, "Give me a home..." happily. "Can you two please be quiet?" Professor Snape asked, in a dangerously quiet tone. They carried on singing, oblivious to Snape's request. "QUIET!" he barked. Liz and Kate fell silent as they jumped. "Remain here. I am going to fetch the headmaster," he growled as he stood up and left the office.

Liz stood up and began twirling around the office humming what now sounded like "Twinkle, Twinkle little star." Hermione felt tears forming in her bleary eyes. "I hope he finds Mr. Piggy wiggie?" she sobbed noisily.

"I'm sure he will... He's good," Harry said, reassuringly, though swaying on his seat.

A short while later, Professor Snape and Professor Dumbledore arrived back at Snape's office. Ron had gotten up and was looking at something slimy in one of the jars. "Put that down," Professor Snape snapped.

Ron gave him a surprised look. "What? I didn't do anything," he said, innocently.

"Put that jar down," Professor Snape repeated, narrowing his eyes at Ron. Ron put it down in a flash and sat down again. Professor Snape sat down behind his desk and folded his hands on top of the desk. Professor Dumbledore stood by the doorway. "These five snuck out of Hogwarts and they are drunk," he said to the headmaster.

"How do you know they snuck out?" Professor Dumbledore asked.

"Because the only place to get liquor of any sort is Hogsmeade and these five smell like they've been drinking whiskey," Professor Snape replied.

Professor Dumbledore took a step closer to Harry and inhaled. "Ah, yes...so they do," he said, his lip twitching.

"Professor... My piggy wiggie's missing!" said Hermione, to Professor Dumbledore.

"Ah, and Miss Granger seems to be missing something very important," Professor Snape said smirking.

Professor Dumbledore was having a hard time keeping a straight face. "Really? Where did you last see him?"

"In the Hog's Head," Hermione replied.

"You see... They did sneak out!" Professor Snape snapped.

Professor Dumbledore raised a hand to silence him. "Has anyone else lost anything?" Dumbledore asked, looking around at the others.

"Nope," said Liz.

"No," Kate replied.

Harry and Ron shook their heads.

Ron had another bout of gas, this time stronger and louder. "And Mr. Weasley has bodily functions that seem to be malfunctioning," Professor Snape replied sneering.

Ron blushed, having lost control in front of two teachers, one the headmaster. Professor Dumbledore felt a smile forming. "Well, perhaps it was whatever they drank. Which would be...?" he asked, looking at Harry.

"Firewhiskey! That stuff's great!" Harry cried, grinning. He then let out a loud belch. "Pardon me," he apologized giggling.

"I think a little nap might do them some good," Dumbledore suggested, smiling. "Please, come with me to the hospital wing." The five of them stood up and they began following Professor Dumbledore down the corridor, leaving an angry Snape behind in his office.

"I see the door!" Harry cried eagerly as he began running toward a door.

"No! Harry! That's...." Professor Dumbledore went to say, but Harry hit a blank wall and then fell backward.

"I'm okay!" he called nonchalantly. Professor Dumbledore helped Harry to his feet and they continued to the hospital wing. Once inside the hospital wing, Dumbledore explained to Madam Pomfrey just to let them sleep it off. So, they got into five separate beds and soon dozed off.

In the morning, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Liz and Kate awoke.

"Oh! My head!" Ron moaned.

"My head too!" Hermione groaned.

Kate and Liz had woken up also. Their heads felt like a firecracker had gone off in it.

"What happened? I remember going into Hogsmeade, and the Hog's Head, but the rest is a blank," Harry asked, shutting his eyes.

"I think we got drunk," came Hermione's reply. "I hope none of us did anything embarrassing."

Madam Pomfrey came in. "Oh good. The five of you are awake," she said, smiling.

"Were we drunk?" Harry asked, sitting up on the cot.

"Yes. Miss Granger kept asking for her 'piggy wiggie'," Madam Pomfrey said, fighting a grin.

Hermione moaned. "That's so embarrassing! I can't believe I did that!"

"Have you really something by that name?" Ron asked, incredulously.

Hermione shook her head. "Absolutely not! I just can't believe I would talk like that!"

"Yeah, well we were all lit," Harry muttered.

"The headmaster has told me you five are allowed to leave. Just promise him you'll never touch that FireWhiskey again," Madam Pomfrey said, firmly.

"Oh definitely! I don't want that stuff again!" Hermione said, fervently.

"Me neither," came Liz and Kate's reply at the same time.

"No way," said Harry firmly.

"Nope," Ron agreed.

"Okay then. Off you go," said Madam Pomfrey stiffly.

Ron, Harry, Hermione, Kate and Liz carefully climbed off the cots and began slowly walking out of the hospital wing, and realizing that they were ravenous and it was breakfast time, they headed down to the Great Hall. Luckily, none of the other students had heard what happened, except somehow, Draco Malfoy knew. "Look... It's the drunken Potty!" Malfoy jeered as he, Crabbe and Goyle approached them when they stepped into the Hall.

"Look! It's a girl!" Liz shot back at Malfoy.

Malfoy smirked at her.

"Shut up Malfoy," Ron snarled.

"Is it true that you were so drunk, you ran into a wall?" Malfoy asked Harry.

"Is it true that you like to try on your mother's bra and underwear?" Harry shot back at him. "Like this."

With a wave of Harry's wand, a pair of leopard print woman's bra and underwear appeared on Malfoy over his robe.

Liz, Kate, Hermione and Ron exploded with laughter. Most of the Great Hall had looked up and were now watching. Laughter began to slowly ripple across like a wave.

Malfoy's face was red. "You'll pay for that, Potter!" he growled.

"What are you going to do? Put me in a nightdress?" Harry challenged.

Malfoy waved his wand, and pointed it at Harry. And sure enough, a flower print nightdress appeared on Harry. Harry waved his wand and added a pair of pantyhose and a garter on Malfoy. Malfoy retaliated by having a matching flower print nightcap on Harry.

Finally, the teachers broke it apart and the clothing disappeared off Malfoy and Harry. Professor McGonagall gave them both two weeks of detention, for the Firewhiskey and for the 'duel'. But the laughter inside the Great Hall was still ringing, dying down when the teachers threw the few students a firm look.

"Well, it could've been worse," Harry, muttered to Hermione.

"How?" she asked, fighting the urge to laugh herself.

"He could've asked me if I drank out of the toilet."

"Gross, Harry...just gross."