Going Under

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

50 thousand tears I've cried

Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you

Virginia Weasley-Potter, as she had been for nearly five years, looked around her bedroom and groaned. It was a mess. Just like the rest of her house. Harry had been drinking last night. He had taken to it about half a year ago. At first she supposed it was to escape all the memories of the war and everyone who had died. Still, there were so many, safer, ways to do that. But now he simply drank to get drunk. And it was scary when he was drunk. Just last night he had broken a crystal griffin sculpture with ruby eyes that she had bought him for an anniversary present. But that could be fixed with a simple 'Reparo'. Harry wasn't that simple however.

And you still won't hear me

Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once

In something of a stupor, Virginia moved form room to room, casting 'Reparo' and 'Scourgify' wherever they were needed. There was almost a robotic repetitiveness with which she cast the spells. It had become so common that they would be needed. As long as Harry drank, she would need those two spells. After they were cast, she would be able to put on a happy face, show off a clean house and a sober Harry, and convince everyone that they were doing okay. It would be disastrous if the Daily Prophet ever showed up while he was drunk, clamoring for an interview. She couldn't risk the secret getting out. It would make Harry look terrible, but her as well. She would be seen as the wife who didn't love him enough. The one who deserted him and allowed him to slowly kill himself with alcohol. But, in reality, it was quite the opposite.

Harry had been cheating on her for some time. Virginia was almost positive of it. He would be gone for long periods of time [once it was for almost ten days] and would come back without an explanation and smelling of some exotic perfume and alcohol. She often cried herself to sleep because of this. There was one smell that especially sent her over the edge. It was the scent of lavender mixed with jasmine. She recognized it as the scent worn by her former best friend, Luna Lovegood. The two girls had been friends at Hogwarts, but had fallen out of touch and not talked in several years. But now it seemed as if Luna had found her way back into Virginia's life. A much more painful way, but a way in nevertheless.

Not tormented daily defeated by you

Just when I'd thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again

Once the house was presentable again, Virginia sat down in her living room and began to cry silently as she stared at the plush red carpet. Their house was beautiful, to be sure, but it was also proof that the outside was not always a reflection of the inside. If an outsider spent a day in their house when Harry was drunk, they would be shocked and appalled by the change in their "hero". Virginia looked around, and her eyes rested on a large photo taken on their wedding day. Almost five years ago. They both looked so young and so alive with happiness. She had still been known as "Ginny" then and not Virginia. How had it all happened? How had she become such a dead shell of a person? Harry had been so kind and so caring. He had become a cold, distant alcoholic. It was almost as if they were roommates who occasionally shared a bed, not husband and wife.

It all came back to Voldemort. He had been the one to kill all those innocent people. He had personally murdered Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore as well as Remus Lupin, Alastor Moody and Nymphadora Tonks. It had taken every last ounce of strength and every bit of resolve that Harry possessed to defeat him. He was never the same afterwards. He had witnessed so much death and pain. She should have expected a change, but nothing she couldn't help him with. Nothing that would eventually bring ruin to her marriage.

Virginia often found herself envying Hermione, just as she had at school. At school, she had envied her amazing brain and ability to always get a good night's sleep. Now she envied her marriage. Hermione and Percy had married not long after she had graduated and couldn't be happier. Of course, many thought she and Harry were as happy as could be. Just let them visit after Harry had been drinking. Then they would know the truth.

I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

Virginia sank back into the soft cushions of the couch and sighed, her hands over her face. How had she let herself become like this? It seemed as if only yesterday she was saying, "I do" to who she thought was the man of her dreams. She had been happy then. Positively radiant were the words her mother had used. Her eyes rested again on the wedding photo. A tear slipped down her face as she reflected on the past five years of her life. She had vowed to stay with Harry for better or worse, and right now, they were living the worse.

It was as if he was denying her freedom. As if his alcoholism was keeping her from fully living her life. She was always afraid of what would happen next. Would he drink tonight? Or would he simply want to make love? Virginia scoffed. What they did couldn't be called making love. Maybe it could have during the first six months of their marriage but ever since the battle, they had simply had sex. There were some who would say they were the same thing, but she knew that was a lie. She never felt disgusting after making love. She could remember feeling like the most beautiful and important woman on the planet after they made love. Now she simply felt like another mistress. Only she wore a wedding ring.

Virginia looked down at her wedding ring. She removed it slowly and turned it around in her fingers. A pure gold band, with three rubies and two diamonds set into it. Beautiful, "just like you" Harry had said when he slipped it on her hand. The circular shape of the ring was supposed to represent the strength of their bond and how it could never be broken. It was almost disgusting how many times it truly had been broken. Just like her heart. Yes, it was melodramatic, but it was true. Each time Harry came home smelling of Luna's perfume, or got so drunk she was in fear for her life, it was as if someone was ripping her heart to shreds and leaving her to bleed to death. It was complete and utter destruction.

I've got to break through

I'm going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

The door swung open. Virginia stood, and slipped her ring back on her finger. She caught a quick glimpse of herself in a nearby mirror and decided she looked fine. She could pass for happy, even. After all, she was married to Harry Potter. Why shouldn't she be happy?

She often wondered why she always went to meet him at the door. It wasn't as if the world would end if she didn't one day. She supposed it was simply force of habit. It had become habit during the war, when she never knew if he would be coming home at the end of the day. When she had been happy to see him return alive.

She smiled at him as she entered the foyer. He wordlessly drew her to him and kissed her. Yes, there it was. Luna's perfume. Virginia admitted it smelled very nice, but it was disgusting nevertheless. As long as it was the evidence of an affair, she would hate both the perfume and its wearer. As they stood together, locked at the lips, she began to notice almost a persuading nature to the kiss. Harry wanted something. With any luck, it wouldn't be sex.

She pulled away quietly and looked him in the eyes. His usually bright green eyes were dull with passion. And she was almost positive the passion was not due to their kiss.

"What is it, Harry?" she asked calmly.

"Why don't we have children yet, Gin?"

Virginia blinked. The question was unexpected, but at the same time she had been wondering when he would catch on.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, I would as a matter of fact."

She took a deep breath.

"I have been taking contraceptive potions for close to a year now. It's no problem of yours, trust me."

"Why?" There was almost something resentful in his voice.

"It's because of your drinking, Harry."

"What the hell? What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has everything to do with it. I simply refuse to bring a child into this home when their life will be at risk on almost a daily basis."

"I would never hurt our children."

"You say that now, when you're sober. But we both know you're not thinking when you're drunk. You become a monster, and it frightens me. I don't want our child to have to suffer through that."

"I haven't had a drink all day! Ask- ask anyone!"

"Prove it to me, Harry. I'll believe it when you prove it."

There was no one who could prove it. Then an idea came to her. She didn't know any of Harry's worked friends. But she did know Luna.

"Of course, I could always ask Luna, couldn't I?"

His eyes widened at the sound her name.

"How do you know about that?"

"Harry, you come home at least twice a week reeking of her perfume. Trust me, she puts too much on as it is. I tried to talk to her the other day in Diagon Alley and she made some snide comment about 'your man'. Do you honestly think I believe you're on business trips for ten days when you come back with a tan and smelling like Tequila? I'm not as naive as you might think."

So I don't know what's real and what's not

Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore

"You always were a smart girl," Harry seemed to sense he had been found out. But he didn't appear the least bit sorry.

"No I'm not," Virginia paused. She wasn't sure where this was all coming from, "if I was any smarter, I wouldn't have sat on my ass for the past five years and let you treat me like crap. We're through Harry, goodbye."

She pulled off her wedding ring and placed it in his outstretched hand. He was outwardly accepting her leaving, but yet seemed as if he might have tried to call her back, tried to convince her he would stop, break it off with Luna and never touch alcohol again. But, in her heart, Virginia knew he would never do that. Alcohol had a firm grip on him. Rarely did it relinquish its hold on its victims. She paused, her hand on the polished brass doorknob.

"I hope you and Luna are happy together. Tell the Daily Prophet whatever you like."

He nodded. His hand was still outstretched, her ring sitting simply on his palm. He wanted to try and pull her back, she could tell, but he knew she had inherited Ron's stubbornness. He slowly closed his hand and looked down at the hardwood floor of the foyer.

"Goodbye...Ginny," he choked out.

"Goodbye Harry," the calmness of her answer almost surprised her. Inside, she was having a tremendous battle of the wills. Her heart was telling her to go back. That he really would reform. Meanwhile, her brain was screaming that it would only put her in more danger.

For once, her brain beat out her heart and she walked into the pouring rain. It was a cold November day but that really didn't matter to her. She took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of rainwater and grass. There was something wonderful about being outside. Her skin began to tingle and she started to feel almost giddy. A genuine smile graced Ginny's face for the first time in almost four years. She was free.

I'm dying again

I'm going under

Drowning in you

Ginny took off through the pouring rain until she came to a park about three blocks away from her old home. She had often visited this park after Harry had been drinking. It was a large park and sitting in an unoccupied section virtually guaranteed privacy. Now, however, the park seemed more friendly and inviting. Even in the pouring rain, she wanted to be here. Ginny walked down a long, twisting path and picked out a bench. She sat down and leaned back, not caring she would probably be soaked through when she finally found somewhere to stay. She smiled at the grass, the trees, and the cobblestone path. Everything looked so beautiful now. She watched a leaf skitter across the path and began to giggle.

Again, the tingly, giddy sensation returned. She hadn't truly laughed or giggled for almost four years. It felt wonderful, as she sat there in the rain, laughing fit to burst. A passerby hurried through the park on his way home and slowed as he saw the young woman laughing her ass off on a park bench in the rain.

"Crazy broad," he muttered, and continued on his way, eager to get home and out of the rain.

"Have a pleasant day!" she called after him, still giggling almost uncontrollably.

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through

So go on and scream

After a few more minutes, Ginny took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself. If she continued in this manner, she would start believe she was insane. Her giggles finally subsided and the euphoric feeling of freedom began ebbing away. Reality was setting in.

In leaving Harry, Ginny had not only walked out on a bad relationship, but also on a warm home and a comfortable amount of money. Checking her watch, she discovered she had been homeless for nearly two hours. Where could she go?

Her first thought was the Burrow. But that thought was dashed as instantly as it came up. No longer was her home the happy, caring place it had once been. After her father was killed in the war, it was as if her mother had lost the will to go on. Bill did his best, living with her, along with his wife Fleur. Charlie was also in frequently. They were giving it their all, but both knew their mother would never be the same again. Her next idea was Number 12 Grimmauld Place. But again, it was too depressing and sad there. Remus Lupin had been killed as had Moody and Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore. Her mood was too good right now to visit a house once inhabited by so many dead witches and wizards.

A grin not unlike her brothers Fed and George split Ginny's face. She knew where she could go, and maybe even stay. She would not be rejected there and perhaps she would be able to find further solace for her problems. He had always been there for her before. Why should now be any different?

Scream at me I'm so far away

I won't be broken again

I've got to breathe I can't keep going under

Ginny approached the fancy mansion in Wiltshire with a slight feeling of foreboding in her stomach. She'd heard multiple yells of 'Blood traitor!' and 'You're not welcome here!'. Disconcerting though they were, she knew he didn't feel that way. And if he did, then their entire friendship ever since her sixth year had been a lie.

She climbed the steps and grasped the heavy gold knocker in the shape of a serpent. How appropriate. He had been in Slytherin, as had all of his family, and the Dark Lord many of his friends had served. When he had announced his 'switching sides' publicly, his so-called friends had made life hell for him. That was what had brought them together. She had found him one night in the Astronomy Tower, they had talked, and become friends. They never dated, though now there was nothing stopping her.

Ginny knocked on the door several times. She took a deep breath and did her best to calm herself down. It was going to be okay. She realized she was still grinning, and most look extremely stupid as he opened the door.

"Gin-what's going on?" he looked utterly bewildered. Over his shoulder, she could see other Slytherins like him. They were those who had switched sides and lived to tell about it. She had become friends with a good number of them through him. It was all the more reassuring. She was among friends, she was going to be fine.

Suddenly, acting on a moment's impulse, she took both his hands in hers and looked up into his silver gray eyes.

"I'm free."

*~*Fin.*~*